BATMAN

"This is where I watched my parents die, Robin."

Izuku Midoriya stood stoically behind Batman as the rain poured down around them. He put a hand on the caped crusader's shoulder and said, "I am detecting anomalous brain activity. Would you like me to remove the malignant tumor growing in your prefrontal cortex?"

"If only it were so simple," Batman said with a voice that sounded like Christian Bale gargling marbles. "It's tempting to see crime as a cancer and carve it out of the city. Every time you think you've found the last of it, turns out a cell slipped past your knife and set up elsewhere, or an entirely new tumor sprouts up."

"Sounds like you are in need of chemotherapy. Have you tried ingesting sub-lethal amounts of a hazardous chemical?"

"People have tried turning this city around the right way," Batman mused, "But every time, they end up murdered in their homes, or driven insane by the hopelessness of it all. This city deserves a real hero, but I'm the one they need."

"Understood. Administering treatment."

"Wait, what?"

Batman went limp as Izuku stuck a needle into his neck. Then Izuku sliced open his head, poked around his brain, and extracted a shriveled lump. Once Izuku stitched Bruce Wayne's head back together, the man's eyes fluttered open.

"What… just happened?"

"I got rid of the cancer just like you asked."

"Cancer?" Batman stared dumbly at the pulsating flesh in Izuku's fingers. "It was a metaphor for crime in the city."

"Oh. I can get rid of that too if you want."

"I… no, it… feels so clear now." His voice sounded smoother as Bruce Wayne looked down at his armored suit and belt of weapons. "What have I been doing with myself? With my life? I could have done so much more, so much actual good, and instead, I've spent my time beating up thugs in back alleys! How did I ever think that was a good idea?"

"You stopped them from hurting people."

"But I never addressed the root cause," Bruce countered. "Poverty, lack of education, the housing crisis and lack of proper mental care. I could fix all that in a week! In fact…" Bruce Wayne tore off the cape and cowl. "I'll get started right now!"

The Joker popped out from behind a dumpster. "Hey Bats! Fancy meeting you here! Ah, doesn't it bring back wonderful memories?"

"Yeah, great seeing you, Joker," Bruce Wayne said distractedly. "Sorry, I'm late for a board meeting. You can keep these."

The Joker looked down in shock at Batman's cowl as Bruce Wayne sprinted for the nearest cab.

"Now what am I supposed to do?" the Joker asked. He looked at Izuku and grinned. "You want to know how I got these scars?"

"From cancer treatment."

Joker's face turned even whiter from shock. "How do you know?"

A small plasma cutter lit up at Izuku's fingertip. "Who do you think performed your surgery?"

The Joker howled with laughter.

500

Dun dun dun! If the MHA universe is running out of eligible heroes, why not try a different universe? I don't think I'll do too many of these before returning to the 'plot', but doing a Batman one was too good to resist.