Are We the Waiting?
ThislovehastakenitstollonmeShesaidGoodbyetoomanytimesbeforeAndherheartisbreakinginfrontofmeIhavenochoicecauseIwontsaygoodbyeanymore
Katsuya
I stood over the bridge in the heavy spring day. My head ached with sorrow and guilt. My love was pregnant. The worst part was it might not be my child. I couldn't be a father. I'm too weak. I'm not even a good boyfriend. How could I raise a child? What if I abused the child as well? I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for doing so.
I looked down at the water. Tears streamed down my face into the water. All my life, I had been tortured. Okichi haunted my sanity. I still hear her screams in my nightmares. I didn't know she was still alive. I didn't know she was still alive! Is this her way of punishing me for taking her life? Coming back into the form of Sakura-chan to make me despise and beat her without mercy? Making me have this endless hunger for bedding different women every night only to have it worsen? Making me hit the bottle more and more each day? Bringing shame to Hidden Leaf village and Sakura-chan herself? Making me a threat to every person who crossed my path? Now, was she piling this burden of being an awful father to a child that might not be mine?
I closed my eyes and held my head down. I could hear Okichi laughing in my head wickedly. I only have myself to blame for driving Sakura-chan into the arms of another man. I would've done the same thing if I was in her position. If had been tortured so much, why am I putting Sakura-chan through the same thing? I'm even worried that I'll end up killing both her and her child one day.
The wind pasted over my head. Was this to be my fate? Causing pain and suffering to the people I love and care about? I can't bear looking into that child's face when they called me "daddy". It would just be a stab to my heart. All of this tore me up inside. Sakura-chan hates me in her heart of hearts and I can't blame her. Sakura-chan and Okichi were both just pretty faces there to harm me every single day I lived. Oh, Okichi! Have you not done enough to me? Haven't I suffered enough? I'm sorry for murdering you. Can you please forgive me now and let me have some to peace to my life? How much more suffering must I bear before I can redeem myself for all of the pain I've caused? Am I doomed to bring pain and suffering to the people close to me?
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