DOCUMENTARY

"And here, we have the Yaoyorozu in its native habitat," Nezu said in a posh British accent. "Amassing a collection of valuables, as such specimens are wont to do."

On screen, accompanying his voice-over, Yaoyorozu fanned herself with a bundle of peacock feathers, sipping Gold Tips Imperial on a bed of unopened PS5s.

"Of course," Nezu continued as he sipped his own tea, "Such displays of material wealth often draw envious specimens."

Kaminari prostrated himself before the thrones of PS5's. "Please, give me just one! I'll pay a kidney for it!"

"I have no use for your plebian kidneys. Now begone, before I have my butler run you over like the papparazi."

"And we see that the Kaminari specimen has been thoroughly rebuffed. Now, let's check in on another of comparable status."

Todoroki strung together two newspaper clippings on his corkboard, connecting a political ad to lift the ban on marijuana with a program listing for nature documentaries.

"The Todoroki specimen is fond of contriving intricate and detailed conspiracies around the most mundane of topics. My personal favorite is the idea that Bakugo is secretly a robot and using his anti-machine ideology to mask his true identity."

Todoroki looked at the camera and said, "It all makes perfect sense when you think about it. A machine could replicate his Quirk by making nitroglycerin out of all the spicy food he eats."

"A fascinating theory," Nezu agreed. "Speaking of Bakugo, we can currently find the specimen in its native habitat, out in the wild, stalking its natural prey."

Bakugo snatched a pigeon out of the air with his teeth and ripped it apart. "I know there's cameras in there somewhere!" he shouted as he flung bits of bird everywhere. "You can't fool me!"

"I've put a few actual drones in to mess with him. Sadly, he hasn't found any yet. Now, why don't we see what becomes of those poor birds?"

In the kitchen, Sato put the plucked, de-boned birds into a pie. Half the class gathered around him to admire the aroma.

"Never one to waste good food, the Sato specimen prides itself in attracting mates with the quality of his cooking. He finds far more success than the laughable attempts by a different specimen."

Purple pixels filled the screen. Nezu flipped to the next channel, saying, "Oh my, can't show that to the public. Now, of course, the specimen you've all been waiting for, Izu-"

Present Mic walked in. "Hey Nezu, have you…" He sniffed. "Nezu, what's that smell?"

"Why, you must be referring to my brand new tea. I imported it from Colorado. I heard it was the dankest stuff around, which I believe is how the kids refer to high quality."

"Are you high?"

"I am forty feet off the ground, which is quite high for a rodent."

"Eh, screw it." Present Mic took a long gulp of tea and settled into a chair. "Whoa. That's good stuff."

"Isn't it? Now, we have the Midoriya specimen…"

420

I'd make this the 420th drabble, but I don't have that kind of patience.