CAVEMAN

Bakugo stood on a box of soap in front of the school, shouting into a megaphone. "We don't need machines! They make us weak, soft, and vulnerable to robot uprisings!"

"Isn't that megaphone a machine?" Kaminari pointed out.

Bakugo exploded the megaphone and shouted. "See! I'm louder than ever without some stupid device distorting my voice! Now you hear the real me!"

Jirou smirked and said, "I think that soapbox was made by machines too."

Katsuki stomped the box into splinters. Amidst its splintery ruins, Bakugo said, "And I stand taller on my own feet than on the shoulders of machines!"

"Speak for yourself," Mineta said from atop his platform shoes. He smirked down on Bakugo until he kicked the platform shoes out from under him.

"Ow… if you're against machines so much, don't you know your clothes are made by them too?"

Five different people tried to clamp their hands over Mineta's mouth, but the damage was done. Bakugo cast a betrayed look at his shirt before bodily ripping it off his chest.

"So that's how they've been tracking me! They put microchips in the cotton!"

Next to him, Kirishima ripped off his own shirt and flexed his muscles. "Woo! Suns out, guns out!"

"Yep, you did it," Jirou said hastily. "You've liberated yourself from the machine menace. Congratulations, Bakugo."

"I'm not leaving the job half-done." Bakugo flexed, and his pants burst apart.

"We need Aizawa, now."

"You can't stop me! Never!"

Bakugo reached down. Jirou looked away, while Mina took out her camera. Then Bakugo ripped off his socks and shoes.

"There! True freedom!"

"Aww!" Mina said. "I thought you were going to go all the way."

Bakugo snorted. "Underwear doesn't count."

"But-"

"Underwear. Doesn't. Count."

Once Jirou dared to peek back, she asked, "Isn't this place made by machines as well? The lawn's mowed by them, the trees are trimmed with electric saws, and the buildings…"

"What? Cementoss makes them."

"But what makes the cement?"

Bakugo's eyes widened in realization. "To the bat cave!"

"Didn't Batman make that with technology?"

"Not the Bat Cave! The bat cave!"

At Bakugo's new home, Jirou pinched her nose. "Ah. That bat cave."

"Yep! Made by bats, for bats! And now…" Bakugo slathered charcoal all over himself and said in a gravelly voice, "I am the night."

"You're definitely something…" Jirou muttered.

"Reject society, return to monke," Kaminari chimed in.

"Hey, write that down! We might try to break our meme record."

Bakugo took out his phone. Everyone gave him a look of disbelief, until Jirou broke the silence. "Isn't that a machine?"

"Ssh… I'm enlightening all my followers. Gotta get this tweet out about homeopathic living."

"And what happens when your phone runs out of charge?"

Bakugo paused. He scrubbed off the charcoal, put on a new set of clothes, and went back to U.A.

"You win this time, robots," Bakugo grumbled under his breath. "But the minute I figure out how to access the internet without you, you're history!"

500

Made it to Friday before I realized I had done exactly zero of these this week. Whoops! Will post another tomorrow, and we'll be back on our regular schedule, presuming my brain doesn't derp out again.