RE-TEST
"Alright, class," All Might said cheerfully. "It is time to test yo-"
The moment the forbidden word left his lips, Class 1-A scrambled for cover. Mineta leapt into the air vent in the ceiling, Iida ran straight through a concrete wall, and Sero turned himself into a duct tape mummy. Only Izuku seemed unperturbed by the preternatural silence hanging over the classroom.
"Oh," All Might said, his voice haunted and defeated like a man before the noose. "I said the word, didn't I?"
Nezu's maniacal cackling sounded over the intercom. All Might hid behind Izuku as the door opened.
"My my, why all the fuss?" Nezu asked. His face was unnaturally still, and his eyes loomed large on his face. "It's just one little test. Just a bit of scientific advancement, how bad could it be?"
"Please, no," All Might whimpered. "Not the rubber bands. Not again."
"Oh, fret not! I already got all the data I needed from that. No… this time, we'll be using… peanut butter."
"No! Not the peanut butter!"
Nezu swung his gaze around the room. "And don't think I've forgotten about the rest of you. There'll be plenty of tests to go around!"
The classmates in hiding all bolted for it, but mechanical arms sprouted from desks, ceiling tiles, and Todoroki's bento box, grabbing everyone and forcing them back into their seats.
"Now, for our first test! Consumption limit! How much can you eat?"
Everyone stared horrified as thick hoses curled down from the ceilings, dripping a viscous peanut slurry. Izuku grabbed them all and stuck them in his mouth.
"Perfect. My batteries were running low on charge, and peanut oil provides optimal energy conversion. Commence refueling please."
Nezu blinked. "You take all the fun out of it."
Everyone stared dumbfounded as Nezu left the room. Yaoyorozu ran in, holding a teapot.
"I have the - wait, where did he go?"
"I think Midoriya broke him," All Might said numbly.
"To be fair," Sero added, "He breaks lots of things. Especially bones. Like my arm last week."
"I had improperly calibrated the sensors on my elbows and have already made amends for the error."
"It still freaking hurt!"
"Recovery Girl fixed it immediately."
"And that hurt even worse!"
"Guys, can we talk about that?" Kaminari asked. "Izuku just made Nezu walk away. Like… how?"
"Don't question it," Tokoyami warned him. "Down that path leads only madness."
"Come on, shouldn't we, like, test it o-"
The moment the word left his lips, a mechanical arm grabbed him and dragged him out the doorway. No one stirred as Kaminari begged and pleaded, kicking all the while, before the door slammed behind him.
With his mouth full of hoses, Izuku asked, "Does this mean I don't get the peanut butter?"
On cue, the hoses all hummed. Izuku shook and trembled as entire swimming pools of peanut butter pumped into him. After a minute, Izuku made a dinging noise, and his chest opened up.
"I made peanut butter cookies."
500
Mmm… cookies…
In other news, expect Marine Bears, Rayleigh torturing his students, and more innuendo than you can shake a baby at because Hatsume practically writes them herself! Izuku & Mei's Excellent Adventure returns tomorrow.