Ford Searches For the Hippo of Light

Arthur ran as fast as he could toward one of the rooms on the ship. Horrible screams echoed over what Arthur called the PA system, although he was sure it was something that was much more devastatingly technological. Arthur never asked how it worked because the last time he had asked Ford about the technology in the ship, he had been given an answer in which the only words he understood were 'the' and 'and'.

The reason for this, although Arthur didn't know, was that Ford didn't know how the ship worked either and had just been making up a bunch of important-sounding words.

Arthur ran. He looked briefly to the side and noticed that Trillian was running with him, a look of worry on her face.

"Aaaagh… OhGod. Nyuuuurgh!" went the PA system.

"Where's it coming from?" Arthur said frantically.

"This room here," said Trillian, trying to open the door, "I traced it." Arthur stopped running and realized belatedly that he had been running for an entirely different reason; he had been trying to get away. Whatever it was that was making whoever it was scream, he didn't want to meet it. The screams sounded genuinely terrified. There was nothing he could do about it now, though. Zaphod had arrived.

"Hey," said Zaphod cheerfully, "Who do you think's in there?"

"Aaaahhh! Help! Gggggh…" went the PA system.

"It's obviously Ford," said Trillian, fiddling with the lock. She took a hairpin out of her hair and quickly replaced it with another one from her pocket. Then she stuck the other one into the lock and jiggled it around.

"Wasn't that rather irrelevant?" said Arthur.

"Shh," said Trillian. Arthur shut his mouth and waited a few seconds before stating the more worrying thing on his mind.

"What do you think's in there with him?" he said, trying to disguise his look of terror and failing badly.

"Who knows?" said Zaphod, "Probably something really dangerous."

Trillian continued to fiddle with the lock, which abruptly made a clicking noise. She turned the knob and opened the door. Arthur lunged backwards, while at the same time, Zaphod bounded forwards into the room.

"Hello Zaphod," said Ford. Arthur walked hesitantly in, after Trillian. Ford was standing in the middle of the room, holding something that looked somewhat like a microphone would look if someone made it devastatingly technological. He was grinning slightly.

"Why were you making noises like you were in pain?" Trillian said, annoyed.

"I thought it would be the easiest way to get you all to come here," said Ford. He gestured towards a girl that they hadn't noticed until Ford gestured towards her.

"This is Andema Butor, my new girlfriend."

"You had an old one?" asked Arthur.

"Yes," said Ford, glaring at him, "Her name was Malea Botor. I shall miss her."

"Why, what happened to her?" said Trillian rather sarcastically.

"She was eaten by a Gvengabeast in Trio on a vacation, I'll have you know."

"When were you on vacation?" said Arthur. Ford glared at him.

"I was just telling Ford that the job he's trying to get is ridiculous, yet hilarious at the same time," said Andema, "It was rather difficult over the wild screaming, but I managed."

"I'm becoming a professional eat-man," said Ford.

"A what?" said Arthur.

"Someone who eats for people who can't," explained Ford, "I've been practicing."

"Hey, that's a real cushy job," said Zaphod, "I think you've got the gut for it."

"Ow," said Andema. Trillian shrugged.

"Well, you did eat my entire makeup set, which, by the way, you are paying for." Andema placed a hand on her face and snickered into it.

"But to get the necessary qualifications," said Ford, "I need to search out the Hippo of Light. Then eat it." Andema found this amusing as well. She was wearing brown pants and a white shirt. She also had a laser gun.

"That's so outdated," said Zaphod.

"I know," said Andema, "But fashionable."

"No, not really," said Zaphod.

"Oh," said Andema, "It matches my eyes and hair?"

"The gun's grey," pointed out Arthur, "and your eyes and hair are brown."

"Details," said Andema lightly.

"Now, what about this Hippo of Light?" Arthur said.

"Forget it," said Ford, "I didn't want to eat it anyways."

THE END

Well, if that bit with Andema wasn't blatant exposition, I don't know what is.

I apologise to the Queen of the Amazons for having such a funny name.

I also take this opportunity to write the disclaimer that I am pretty sure I haven't written yet. None of these characters belong to me. Andema would be offended if I said she belonged to me, but I will say that I introduced her into this fandom. Everyone but Andema belongs to Douglas Adams.

Who, by the way, lives in my basement along with Johnny Depp, Sirius Black and Vlad from Carpe Jugulum.

They all play poker for kittens.

Form your own opinions on this.

A written response is expected.