Trillian Finds a Blue Pointy Stick in Her Bedroom and Then Loses It

"Does anyone know where my blue pointy stick went?" asked Trillian over breakfast. She was only eating oatmeal, as bacon and eggs are bad for your cholesterol levels.

"What did it look like?" asked Arthur. Ford gave him a look that clearly meant 'Why must Earth-folk ask such pointless questions?'

"It was long, and pole like," said Trillian, daintily spooning up her breakfast, "and also pointy and blue."

"That was a redundant question," said Andema, chewing on a piece of bacon, "What ARE you eating, Ford?"

"The legs of a Proot gecko."

"Ugh," said Arthur, looking slightly ill, but still managing to finish his slice of toast, "Why do you want to eat those?"

"They're quite good, and besides, I'm becoming an eat-man."

"Weren't you not after not wanting to look for the Hippo of Light?" asked Arthur.

"Past plotlines have no significance to me," said Ford.

"Oh, right," said Arthur, sipping at his tea. Ford's arm shot out, semi-automatically, and knocked Arthur's tea onto the floor.

"Wha…?"

"Tea's illegal," said Ford, not even turning away from his scrambled eggs.

"Well, maybe I'm a rebel," said Arthur, pouring himself another cup.

"Suit yourself," said Ford, his voice muffled slightly by the large amount of egg and Proot gecko legs shoved into it.

"I will," said Arthur, and gulped down his tea. He instantly regretted it, as the tea was rather hot and it sort of burnt his mouth. Also, there was a siren noise, and a blond, adventure-type burst into the room. She had her hair up in a carefully messed bun and was wearing a very shiny badge that said she was part of the Galactic Police.

"All right, miscreant," she drawled, "Step away from the tea and no-one gets hurt."

"I told you," said Ford.

"Excuse me," said Andema politely. The woman's head snapped in her direction.

"What Is It?" she said, carefully enunciating every word.

"What exactly do you expect him to do with the tea?" Ford quietly backed out of the room and was annoyed that nobody noticed. He decided he would watch instead.

"What is he going to do with the TEA? Tea is a very dangerous substance. It tastes good and is therefore, bad. Now come along quietly, before I use this gun on you."

"There IS no gun," said Andema.

"Oh," said the woman, "That, is a very good point." She reached into one of the numerous holsters at her waist and quickly yanked out a gun to hold it dangerously straight out in front.

Ford decided that it would be a good time to take action, as Arthur had one arm curled protectively around the teapot and Trillian seemed to have left the room when nobody was watching. Plus, his girlfriend was leaning back with a look that he recognised as 'This is probably going to be amusing, so I'm not going to help'.

"Quick, Arthur! Make a run for it and I'll make a distraction!" Everyone turned to look at Ford.

"Well," said Arthur, "What's the distraction?"

"That was it," Ford said peevishly. The woman pulled out another gun and held it pointed at Ford.

"You! What's your name?"

"Strath Freeble," said Ford.

"His name is Ford Prefect," Arthur said helpfully, "And I'm Arthur Dent." Ford took of his satchel and whacked Arthur in the head with it.

"Oww…" Arthur said faintly, and collapsed, placing the teapot carefully on the table first. Ford, with a vicious glint in his eye, swung the satchel back onto his shoulder.

"Ford Prefect," said the woman, "You are charged with aiding and abetting. Arthur Dent, you are charged with possession of tea."

"Agh!" said Ford, charging forward with a chair he'd picked up. The woman looked mildly surprised, then shot him in the leg. Ford toppled forward, conveniently landing on the chair. Andema sprang to her feet, both of her laser guns trained on the other woman.

"Agh!" said Ford, for an entirely different reason. He clutched his leg.

"Put down your guns," said Andema, "These may be outdated, but they still work just fine."

"Miscreants," muttered the woman, dropping her guns.

"The other six on your belt too." The woman dropped them.

"Ow," said Ford, "What kind of gun did you shoot me with?"

"Laser," said the woman, glaring at Andema.

"Oh," said Ford, "That makes the melting sensation make sense." Arthur woke up, and noticed that there seemed to be a large number of guns on the ground beside him. With surprising agility, he was on his feet and running out of the way.

Trillian came in from wherever she had been the entire time. She picked up the guns and threw them into the corner.

"Also," said Andema, gesturing with her gun, "I'll need you to take the guns out of your boots, the knives out of your sleeves and the poison darts out of your hair."

"She's carrying all those?" said Arthur.

"She's very violent," said Ford, "She shot me in the leg." Suddenly, a device on the woman's arm beeped.

"Oh no!" she cried.

There was a pause.

"What was that about?" asked Ford.

"My crew left, because they think I'm dead! Now I'm stranded!" Ford thought this was rather convenient, but didn't say so.

"Why would they think you were dead?" Arthur asked.

"That is a very good QUESTION!" said the woman. She went into a corner, sat down, and sulked.

"Is anyone going to fuss over me?" Ford said plaintively.

"I just saved your life," said Andema.

"My leg hurts," said Ford pointedly. Zaphod walked into the room.

"Sorry I'm late for breakfast. It's just that I found a lifty blue pointy stick and I had to throw it out."

THE END

Yet again, this new woman belongs to herself mostly. I just introduced her.

Douglas Adams says hi and would like to tell you that he just won two tabbies and a brown, and also that he owns all of the characters you recognize, as well as the Heart of Gold.

He says I can keep some of the tea.

My friend Marion pointed out that I should have had Trillian lose her temper rather than the blue pointy stick.

Thank you Marion. Your requests will be processed in due time. Meanwhile:

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