Justin

My phone beeped, making me jump. There was a text message from Nikki. She was working on an Eyes Only story and needed me ASAP. Yeah, not going to happen. I would have to be able to move and think before dealing with work.

Jhondie and I weren't talking. Just thinking about what was going on and how we were going to deal with it. Not very well at the moment, to be honest. I wanted her to know that I was okay, but I wouldn't say it. It was too close to being a lie.

The phone beeped again. "Go ahead and answer her," Jhondie said. "You're not going to get any peace until you do."

I had no intention of leaving her alone, but Ashley charged into the bathroom. Guess she had talked to Kayla and Katrina downstairs. She picked up the test stick and stared at it for a minute. "Good thing you didn't go with a form-fitting wedding dress."

Jhondie smiled a little. I smiled a little. My phone beeped again. Jhondie looked over at me. "It's just going to get worse." She squeezed my hand. "I'm okay, promise." I think what she meant was that she wanted to talk to her mother in private. I couldn't help but hold out a little hope that her mom would tell her that the sticks would also show up positive if you ate some weird food combination or something.

I went downstairs and called Nikki back. She immediately started talking, and I knew the story she was referring to, but I couldn't follow what she was saying. She finally stopped. "Justin, what's the two most important points I've given?" I could hear the irritation. To her nothing was more important than the story. But not to me. Couldn't be to me anymore. I was going to have to make sure everything was back burner because there was going to be other stuff.

"Jhondie's pregnant," I answered.

I heard a gasp on the other end. "Oh my God, no wonder you weren't paying attention! Okay, free pass this time. Congratulations! When is she due?"

A headache was already forming under my right temple. "Nikki…I really can't talk right now, okay?"

"Are you okay about this?" she asked, much more subdued. Too many people saying 'okay'. It wasn't okay. None of us were okay. And nobody was going to admit to that either.

"I will be."

"Justin…"

"I got to go," I said, breaking in before she could give any constructive advice.

"Fine," she said petulantly. "Can you at least bring me the disks on the Dunning story today?"

"Sure. Bye," I said, hanging up. I had planned on bringing them to her earlier. The disks were already in one of the special compartments in my car.

I went to go back upstairs as Jhondie was coming down. "Nikki needs the disks?" she asked.

"She can wait."

Jhondie shook her head. "Go ahead and get them to her. I…I really need to let this soak in a little before I can talk about it, you know?"

I was ashamed at the rush of relief I felt. I really didn't want to talk right now. My head was still in a whirl. Instead I pulled her close and held her for a long minute.

"I love you," she whispered.

"Love you too," I said, giving her a kiss. "I won't be long."

She smiled a little. "See you at home."

Maybe I shouldn't have left. No, I know I shouldn't have left. It was selfish. I should have stayed and maybe we could have worked things out a little more. Maybe things would have turned out differently. But I left. I needed to think on my own for a little while. Try to figure out what this was going to be like.

I dropped off the disks and ignored Nikki's questions. I know she was mad, but I couldn't stop thinking about what was going to happen. Midnight feedings. PTA meetings. Little league and soccer. Birthday parties and ice cream in the ceiling fan. We'd need a bigger place. Shots and lost teeth. Santa and the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy, oh my.

I wound up in front of my dad's house. The twins were still at soccer practice. Dad wasn't doing the carpool this week. Carpools. First day of school. Bus schedules and home room and parent night and lectures on good grades. Oh God, what if we had to teach this kid not to jump off the top of the monkey bars in front of other people?

I went inside the house, still in a daze. This was not happening. Could not be happening. Maybe the test was bad or something. But Jhondie had been experiencing other symptoms and she said she believed it. I had to accept it. Christ, now what?

It's not that I didn't ever want a family. But I wasn't ready. Our lives just weren't set up to have a kid. What if I needed to take off for a couple of days to Seattle to work with the boss on something? Logan was a pretty tolerant guy, but I doubt he would like to do a hack with a baby crying in the background. And Jhondie was about to start the four most intense years of education that anyone could do. How was she supposed to do dissections of a cadaver while she was eight months along?

It didn't matter, I guessed. The deed was done and it wasn't like we could do anything about it. Considering what the child's mother was, there was no way we could risk adoption. And the alternative was reprehensible to both me and Jhondie. No, we were going to have and raise this kid, preparedness be damned.

I was scared. I admit that. I didn't know about babies and kids. What do you do with them? What if there was a problem? What if there wasn't? I didn't know the first thing about diapers or bottles. Yeah, I had fed and played with the twins when they were babies, but I never had any real responsibility for them when they were that young. It was more like since I couldn't have a puppy, I got a baby brother and sister to play with.

Dad was in the kitchen making dinner. I walked in and sat down on the stool at the island. Dad paused and looked at me curiously. I didn't normally just show up out the blue. "Something wrong, son?"

I sat there for a minute thinking. I wanted to tell him that everything was suddenly horribly wrong, but I thought about him. And my mother. And what they were like. And something seemed to…loosen is the only word I can think of. It was like an old rusty bolt that finally gave and turned letting relief spill out. I did so know how to be a father. I had been taught by example how to be a good father from the time I was born. Even now that I was on my own, I still was being shown how to be a dad that loved his kids and was a part of their lives. I had been shown by example how to love my child's mother and to work with her to raise a family.

Jhondie was going to have my child. Our child. Our family. I wanted her to be with me forever. She had already promised she would. This baby was unexpected, but it was still ours. And if I didn't know how to do something, then hell, I had a great person that I could ask questions and get answers from.

"Son?" Dad was still waiting for me to say something.

A smile broke out over my face. I couldn't help it thinking about the baby. We were going to be okay. We'd learn as we went along and it would be okay. Jhondie was worried that the first nine years of her life would make her a bad mother, but she had also learned by example from her mother and father how to be a good parent. Besides, if Alicia wasn't worried about Manticore tainting her parenting skills, then Jhondie had no worries.

"Dad," I said, smiling wider, "I'm going to be a dad."

Jhondie

The moment Justin left, I almost called him to come back and stay with me. It was selfish, but I wanted him there until he wasn't scared anymore and we could do this together.

Kayla crept back into the living room. "See," she said in a small voice. "He said he'd be alright."

"I know," I replied. "It was the first time he's ever lied to me."

I ran back upstairs, not wanting to cry in front of anyone. God help me, if Katrina made one suggestive comment about how she could take my mind off of things, chances were she was toast. I just needed to be alone and try to figure out what I should do. My old bedroom had been turned into an office, but the window was still unblocked. I crawled out and sat on the gable, looking at the options.

How could I make Justin raise a child he didn't want? But there was no way I could get rid of it. I was perfectly healthy and had completely consented to the act that made this baby. To some women, it wouldn't matter, but to me, under these circumstances abortion was flat out murder. Giving it away meant it would have to go to an X-5 because we were the only ones that could handle it if it took on some of my traits. But there was no way I was going to foster my problem onto someone else.

And besides, I wanted it. Don't ask when that started. I just knew. I sat there and as crazy as it sounds, I wanted this baby.

The window opened and Mom made her way out with me. It took her a minute to maneuver in her heels and skirt into a sitting position. Mom sighed. "There's something I'm going to tell you that I never want to hear repeated," she said. "I never thought I would tell you or Kayla, but you need to hear it now."

Have to admit, I was a lot intrigued, especially when Mom shut the window. Normally when she had something to say, she would just say it. Secrets weren't her style. She shifted position and took a deep breath.

"You know I met your father when I was a sophomore in college. He was getting ready to graduate and go to medical school," she said.

"I know," I replied. "You met at a party at your sorority. You met, dated, your parents disapproved because he wasn't rich, but you married him anyway while he was in medical school because you didn't need him to be a rich doctor to love him."

She nodded. "All true. Except for one minor detail." I looked at her questioningly. She smiled and continued, "I wanted to marry Jack because I loved him. But we got married when we did because I was pregnant with Katherine."

My eyebrows shot up. Okay, that was a part of the story I had never heard before. Good detail to know. Kind of relevant to boot. Mom gave me the half-smile of bittersweet memory. "Want to know what the man I loved said when I told him that I was carrying his child?" She paused. I couldn't move. "His exact words," she continued, "were 'oh, fuck, please tell me you're joking'."

My jaw dropped. That's not what Dad said. There was no way that the man who loved me and Kayla so much would have said that about finding out he was going to be a father. He loved us. Loved being a dad. He told me more than once that the feeling of accomplishment and success he had as a doctor was insignificant compared to the joy he had experienced as a father.

Mom seemed pleased at my reaction. I guess she wanted to surprise me, and she had pulled one out pretty hard. "But, but you married him!" I sputtered out. She nodded. "Why…how? Did he just get all guilty later?"

"I think if it had been guilt then we would have managed maybe two years married," Mom said. "I know for a fact that our marriage wouldn't have survived losing Katherine."

She took my hand. "I went back to my dorm after he said that and cried for two days straight. And then I realized something. I had suspected this for about a week. In my heart, I knew I was pregnant. So when the test was positive, I was upset and scared, but not shocked. Jack had just had a bomb dropped in his lap with absolutely zero warning and I was mad at him for being shocked about it."

"So you gave him some time and you two decided to get married?"

She snorted. "Hell no. I was the one carrying his child and he didn't call for two days. There was going to be some serious begging for forgiveness." I laughed. Okay, now that was my mother.

"So what happened?" I asked. "I kind of know the end of the story with you two getting married and being happy together."

"I wouldn't talk to him," she said. "He called and I refused to answer and my roommate was trying to do messages and his roommate was trying to talk to me and it devolved from there." She smiled. "But Jack knew me. And he knew there was one thing that I hadn't done and I was terrified to do. I had to tell my parents."

"He went with you?"

She shook her head. "He went without me. I was home from school and I knew I had to tell them, but I was scared of what they would say and that they were going to try and force me to give up the baby. And then the doorbell rang and there was your father. He marched in there and announced that I was pregnant with his child. He didn't give a damn about their opinion of him, but he was going to marry me and we were going to raise our child together and if they didn't like it, then too damn bad."

"My mother started wailing, saying I had ruined my life and how could I do this to the family. My father started yelling at me, telling me he wasn't going to allow this to happen. I was crying, not knowing what to say because this was exactly how I knew they were going to respond when they found out. And then Jack was right beside me with his arm around my shoulder."

"'That's enough!'" he yelled at them both. And for once, both my parents shut up at the same time. 'I don't care who you are,' Jack said, 'but you will not speak to my wife like that, ever again.'"

"Go Dad," I muttered.

Mom smiled. "That was the first time in my life that someone had stood up to my parents to defend me. Everyone else would nod and agree and try to do whatever it took to make me fit the mold of how my parents thought I should turn out. Jack and I left the house and we talked for a long time. He apologized a million times and said that he was just scared. It wasn't going to be easy, but he wanted me and our child. We had talked before about getting married, but it had been pretty general and not until I had graduated college. But we decided to go ahead and get married a few weeks later. And the rest you know."

I thought about that for a long minute. I hadn't known for sure that I was pregnant, but yeah, I suspected. And it's not like this was trapping Justin into a marriage he didn't want. I mean, the wedding invitations were already at the printers. This wasn't going to be a financial hardship. It was just…timing.

If I was scared, then I knew Justin had to be, despite what he said. This was big. Huge. And I wasn't sure if I could deal with it. So that's what it had to be like for him. But I had something he didn't. I knew that there was this small life inside of me. It was growing and I was holding and protecting it. It was part of me and part of Justin and already I loved it for just being that. Justin didn't have that. He couldn't feel it, couldn't love it for just being there. It would take time for the shock to fade and then maybe, maybe he could love our child then.

And if not, I would sic my big brother on him.