Penny's misery was almost as acute as her humiliation when she was forced from bed on Friday morning. She looked in the mirror at her puffy face and tossed her hair into an uncharacteristic messy bun because she lacked the energy to brush her hair. Then she splashed cold water on her face and called it good, joining Harry at Gryffindor table.

"There you are! Why weren't you at astronomy last night?" Harry demanded.

"What happened to your face?" Ron said, scrutinizing Penny's appearance.

"Ron!" Hermione scolded before giving Penny a sympathetic look.

"I got drunk on firewhisky with Draco last night, ended up in Snape's office," Penny groaned, as a wave of nausea rolled over her when the smell of sausage hit her.

"Malfoy!" "Snape!" "Drunk!" they all exclaimed at the same moment, making it impossible for Penny to discern who said what.

"A little quieter for my head!" Penny hissed, clutching the side of it.

"Did Snape expel you?" Harry said, reaching over and rubbing her head gently.

"No, but he said I have to suffer through my hangover without any remedies or he intends to punish me," Penny replied, bitterly.

"As you should! You broke so many school rules and missed class, what were you thinking, Penny!" Hermione said, disapprovingly.

"That's unlucky for you, Bill told me firewhisky gives the worst hangovers," Ron said, matter-of-factly. "Whatever you do, stay away from anything greasy, this one time Bill was eating bacon after a particularly wild night and spewed chunks all across the table. Mum was so angry."

"Really Ron, we're eating!" said Hermione.

"Just take something and pretend you're miserable," Harry said to Penny.

"He'll know, he always knows." Penny said, feeling fearful of the wrath of her professor.

They finished their breakfast and made their way to History of Magic where Penny promptly laid her head down, uncertain if she would be able to move it again.

"How about I take notes today," Harry said, reaching for her notebook and giving her a pitying look.

Seeing as Penny gave him her notes every other day of his education, Penny could not help but roll her eyes at the angelic twinkle in his eyes, as though he believed himself the nicest brother of all the land. Hermione glanced disapprovingly at Penny while Ron and Seamus began their typical shenanigans, which Penny realized were highly amusing and helped to distract her from her pain.

Thankfully, by the time her lesson with Flitwick came around, Penny was able to pretend to be capable, though was still suffering from an awful headache. Flitwick was ecstatic with her attempts at the summoning charm, which sent him down memory lane about Penny's mother, Lily, and how skilled she was at charms, and how charming he found her.

Lunch came in a blur and Penny attempted to try and stomach a small salad, a mistake that sent her running for the girls lavatory to spew. She felt better when she finished, rinsed her mouth the best she could and then realized she would be late for potions. Sprinting at top speed, she skidded to a halt before the door, clutching the door frame as her world spun dangerously.

"Take your seat, Ms. Potter," Snape's velvety voice said from behind her.

Penny pretended not to notice him and marched forward, her world tipping sideways and sending her stumbling. Snape caught her before she hit the bookcase, smirked down at her, and then pushed her aside to continue on his way to the front of the class.

Immediately, Penny noted Malfoy's absence, of course he wasn't going to show up after being a giant snitch. But she scowled nevertheless. Afraid she would not make it all the way to her normal spot, Penny made a b-line for the open space beside Neville, stumbling as she went.

"You okay, Penny?"

"Hi Neville, I've been better," Penny admitted, pulling her things out.

"I never got the chance to say, but I'm glad you're back, Hogwarts wasn't the same without you," Neville said kindly.

Penny turned to him and fixed him with her green eyes, causing the boy to turn red. She smiled, unable to come up with the words to thank him, so instead she hit him in the shoulder and grinned awkwardly before feeling really lame and retreating to the cupboard of ingredients.

Everything sat in their usual places, but today Penny found herself extra sensitive to their textures and smells, that made her dry heave when she went to pour some fairy eggs onto her cutting board. A few people looked back at her, curiously as Penny tried to pull herself together.

"Does there seem to be a problem, Ms. Potter?" Snape's cool voice asked.

"Yes, I think I might vomit" Penny said, fumbling with the lid and holding back more heaves.

"While I am pleased you were wise enough to heed my warning; if you puke in my store cupboard, you will be spending your lunch hour cleaning it," he smirked, eyeing her with evident satisfaction.

"I'm not," Penny mumbled, jamming the eggs back onto the shelf and resting her head in her hand for a moment. She'd developed a cold sweat from the effort of not puking and was afraid the next ingredient would trigger her response again.

"That's because you've expected indulgence at every turn, it's about time you experience what reality is," Snape grinned, horribly.

"Reality? You mean like Draco's reality where he wasn't punished or expected to come to class? As his head of house I'm sure you'd know a thing or two about indulgences," Penny snapped, reaching for her next ingredients.

"Is that jealousy I detect? Suddenly regret being sorted into Gryffindor like every sorry fool before you?"

"The only regret I have is aiming away from you when I threw up last night," Penny said, wryly, grabbing her ingredients and moving past him.

"You are free to try again tonight and see how it works out for you," Snape said in such a low tone, only Penny could hear him.

If possible, her stomach felt even sicker at the thought of the prolonged torment tonight's lesson would bring. She had no idea how he intended to teach her, but she knew his methods would not be enjoyable. The flicker of twisted excitement in his eyes told her so.

After an hour of true agony, Penny found herself very impressed with her jawbind potion.

"Look, sir, a potion that could keep even your mouth shut," Penny smirked as Snape made his rounds.

While the Gryffindors laughed openly, Neville looked away, clearly terrified when Snape stopped, his eyes narrowing on Penny's face.

"Is that supposed to be clever, Potter? If so, I'd reconsider your aspirations," Snape said, tersely.

"Oh? But you were my only aspiration, being the dark, brooding, master-mind, potions master you are, but maybe you are right, I should aspire to something less volatile ," Penny mused, eyeing her potions master with an air of mock consideration.

"Ms. Potter, you aspirations change with every shiny, new boy-toy that pays you enough attention, perhaps a little volatility might keep you interested for a change," Snape said cooly, looking down his hooked nose at her.

Penny gaped at the man, he had truly silenced her and she found herself thoroughly impressed by it. Her mouth hung open stupidly because her brain was unable to form a response. The Slytherins however, were able to form a response, and snickered heartily. But Penny did not care, because she wondered if this was how Snape felt when he made that stupid face and floundered for words when they fought. Was he too, impressed with her in those moments? The thought intrigued her, she liked being impressive. She did not imagine Snape being impressed or intrigued by anything, or that he even experienced emotions more generally. But if he did, she now needed to prod him and make note of the peculiar ways he expressed those severely repressed emotions of his, and bask in the power of being the one to produce them.

The corners of Snape's lips twitched as wrote down their marks on his clipboard, moving on before Penny's brain could catch up. Penny and Neville packed up and made their way to the door, but Penny stopped, she felt like something was tugging on her, so she turned and stared down the walkway between their tables. A couple of students walked past her, but they appeared to be moving in slow motion.

Her eyes found him with no effort. He was leaning against his desk, arms folded, watching the students leave with his usual sneer. Penny froze, a loud whirring noise pressing against her ears. Distantly, she was aware of her classmates' chatter, but she could not focus on them. Instead she felt a pull that was reminiscent of the veil in the Department of Mysteries. His dark eyes finally noticed her, his brows furrowing as he gazed back at her. His arms slackened slightly and he seemed to move slightly in her direction but came to an abrupt stop. And then everything around them shifted. They were no longer in their potions classroom, instead, they were standing in a vast open, sandy plane. The distance between them felt infinite but like she could reach out and grab him at the same time. Behind Snape was a blue light that expanded behind him, reaching into the darkness above him. It illuminated him and extended over the vast sky, spiraling towards Penny, but she did not know how or where the band of light connected to her, it was almost as if it were a part of her.

It was beautiful, the tranquility of it, the feeling of closeness to Snape, as though he resided inside of her even though vast emptiness seemed to separate them. The tranquility however, was broken when doors began forming, one on top of the other, banging into violent existence behind Snape. Penny reached her hand forward, worried Snape would be pulled into one of the doors, but before she could reach him, everything shifted and the blue light was gone, leaving them standing in a cylindrical white room, with doors lining every inch of the walls. The ceiling felt low, but the room vast, a combination that was suffocating.

To Penny's horror, there was blood, so much blood pooling beneath Snape's feet, but he seemed not to notice it. It was coming from the doors behind him, but it was impossible to tell from which. Penny felt the sudden need to pull him away from the doors, something about the blood wasn't right, it was trying to consume Snape, take him with it back to wherever it had come, somewhere Penny wasn't allowed.

She stepped forward, ready to fling herself at him when the world responded, violently returning them to the potions classroom where she stumbled upon the impact. Penny blinked several times, her hand still reaching for Snape, who looked unnerved. He eyed her intently, but said nothing. Slowly, and feeling very dazed, Penny brought her hand to her face to examine it. Why was she so desperate to reach for him, to pull him back? It was like a suffocating fear was swelling in Penny's chest, making her unable to feel anything but an impending doom.

Snape crossed the room in two strides and reached for her hand, lowering it, his agitated eyes fixed on her face, as though searching for something. Penny clung to the cool fingers, not fully seeing the man before her. He obliged her without protest as the minutes ticked by and silence reverberated off the walls. That was, until Penny became aware of how heavily she was breathing and that hot tears were rolling down her cheeks.

It confused and frightened her because she did not know why she was crying, or why she felt so afraid. She'd seen glimpses of something-was it blood, so much blood? And those dark eyes in a pool of it, but they'd seemed distant, as though unable to glitter with the light they now held. But the recollection was fading, like sand in an hourglass, pouring out of Penny's mind until she was left with only bewilderment.

"Sorry, " Penny said, wiping the tears from her face awkwardly.

"You don't know what you're reaching for, if you did you'd think better of it," Snape finally said, his voice as rigid as his body.

"I don't understand-"

"And you never will, you can never know," Snape said, his voice suddenly hard and his eyes cold.

And then, without warning he pulled his hand from hers and whisked out of the room without another word, leaving Penny feeling worse than she had all day.

On her way to the stairs leading to the Gryffindor common room, a hand clasped her shoulder. Cedric's smiling face looked down at her, irritating Penny. She did not feel like dealing with the handsome boy at this moment.

"Penny, I haven't seen you since quidditch, I kinda thought you'd want to talk," Cedric said, with a nervous smile.

"Talk about what?" Penny replied, not bothering with pretenses.

"Us. . ." Cedric faltered

"Who's us? Three's a crowd Cedric, I'm not interested in whatever this game is you're playing. I've always liked you, but maybe I didn't actually know you."

"Penny you've got it all wrong," Cedric protested.

"How is stumbling on you and Cho kissing getting it all wrong?" Penny snapped.

"I didn't-"

"Don't deny it, Cedric. At the very least, I deserve your honesty. Even if she kissed you, the issue remains, figure out what you want. I know I don't want any part of this if you're just going to lead us both on," Penny finished, her tone hard.

Cedric made no reply so Penny pushed past him and made for the double doors without looking back. Cedric didn't stop her, but Penny did not have the space in her heart to feel the sting of it. She merely moved forward, taking the steps two at a time until someone grabbed her around her waist and stopped her in her tracks.

Startled, Penny's head snapped angrily in the direction of her attacker only to find Lupin's warm brown eyes looking back at her.

"Sorry Penny, I didn't mean to startle you, but I couldn't resist," Lupin said with an apologetic smile.

Penny's arms wrapped their way around his neck and pulled him close to her, breathing in the smell and warmth of him. She'd felt on the verge of falling apart, but his arms would not let her.

"Are you alright?" he asked, sounding slightly worried as he rubbed the back of her head.

"I wasn't, but I am now," Penny whispered, clinging to him for a moment longer.

"How about we find somewhere private to chat, hmm?" he said, looking down on her.

His hand in hers, Penny nodded and followed after him.

"Firewhisky?" he exclaimed ten minutes later when they'd found an empty class room on the third floor. He tried his best to look stern but ended up looking more amused than anything as he took in her hungover appearance before him.

"Just don't tell Sirius, I swear I've learned my lesson," Penny said in a pleading tone.

"I'm sorry Penny, I couldn't deny Sirius the pride of knowing what a little rebel you've become," Lupin grinned.

"It turns out being a rebel is too painful, so I'll be returning to my old life," Penny scowled.

"I'm surprised you even tried it out, was there a particular reason?" Lupin asked, eyeing Penny as though she were hiding something from him.

"I don't know, yeah. . .maybe? There's this boy. . "

"Cedric Diggory?" Lupin said, sitting himself on the ledge of the window.

"How'd you know!" Penny asked, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"If you're thinking it was Harry, he didn't mention it." Lupin said, patting the empty space beside him.

Penny took his invitation without hesitation.

"Then how?"

"An old man's hunch," he said wisely, but when he saw Penny would not accept this answer, he went on, "I was a young man myself once, I saw the way you looked at each other. You were bound to stop being in denial at some point," he said, cooly, his long hair shining prettily in the sunlight breaking through the clouds.

"How am I the last to realize!" Penny raged quietly, rubbing her temples in irritation.

"You've got too much going on in that lovely head of yours for such trivial things as a school boy crushes," Lupin chuckled.

"It's been a right pain, and Professor Snape's been a psycho since he found Cedric trying to kiss me at the Yule Ball. It all started so simple; a first kiss sounded quite nice," Penny said, miserably.

"First kisses are quite nice, I'm sorry you were denied yours," Lupin said quietly, kissing the top of her head gently.

"If you don't mind me asking, when was yours and with who?" Penny asked, feeling curious.

"Well I can't rightly deny you after you've shared with me, but no telling," said Lupin, scratching his head nervously.

"I'd never!"

"It was in my 4th year at Hogwarts and it was with Sirius. Truthfully, I'd fancied him for a long time before he'd noticed," Lupin said, sheepishly.

"Sirius! I didn't know he was attracted to anything but himself," Penny mused, eyeing Lupin with fascination. There were so many questions she wanted to ask.

"He isn't, with exception for your dad, but James only ever had eyes for Lily. Needless to say, it never worked out between us, and I found myself happily dating a Ravenclaw girl a few months later."

"A love triangle! I'm shocked. Imagine if Sirius had won over my dad, I might not exist," Penny said, eyes wide at her narrow miss of nonexistence.

"I"d rather not contemplate such a gloomy existence. I much prefer this one," he said warmly. "Now tell me, what seems to be upsetting you if the Diggory boy had wanted to kiss you?" Lupin pressed.

Penny sighed, learning more about Lupin sounded much more exciting, but she obliged him.

"Professor Snape felt the need to point out the fact Cedric had taken Cho to the ball and then gave me detention on Christmas, and well, if possible it all just got worse." Penny sighed, laying her head on Lupin's shoulder.

"Sadly, sometimes Professor Snape has a problem seeing past his own feelings."

"It's probably for the best, it seems like Cedric doesn't know which one of us he actually likes."

"So, that's why you were drinking?"

"I'm not sure. I mean I definitely felt something for Cedric, and every time I saw him with Cho, it made me sick. But there's just been so much other stuff going on, I haven't really been thinking about it," Penny admitted.

"Would you like to talk about it?" Lupin asked, his voice soft and inviting.

Feeling sure he'd think she was silly by the end of it, Penny plunged into the fight she'd had with Snape and what Professor Dumbledore had told her about the relationship between someone with expression and their coordinate. And then, rather awkwardly, admitted that hers was Snape. Lupin listened to her, turning so their legs spread out side by side, allowing them to face each other.

"Professor Snape? You're certain?" Lupin said, the lines of his pretty face becoming more prominent.

"I've never been more certain of anything in my life, to tell you the truth," Penny replied with a frown.

"What did Professor Snape say when you talked about it?" Lupin asked, running his fingers over his five o'clock shadow.

"Err, I didn't exactly discuss it with him," Penny said to her shoes.

"And how's that worked out for you?" Lupin asked with a knowing arch of his brow.

"Don't give me that look. It's Professor Snape! Do you think he's capable of talking about. . . anything ! What was I supposed to say-oh by the way I feel this weird vibration every time you touch my hand, it means fate has connected us forever," said Penny, sardonically.

"Quite the pair you make," Lupin noted, his mouth twitching in amusement.

"I'm nothing like him!"

"Yes, by the sounds of it you never run away from your problems, deflect emotional intimacy with snark or choose drinking instead of communicating. Clearly the issue here is Professor Snape's communication style," Lupin quipped.

"Funny," Penny said, darkly. "It's not like taking to you, I love talking to you, everything you say makes my world brighter, it feels easy and natural to have these conversations with you."

Lupin went very still and his gaze became more intense. He leaned forward and tucked a stray strand of hair behind Penny's ear and said, "You flatter me to speechlessness Penny. What have I done to deserve you?"

Penny couldn't help but smile at him, her heart bursting with the affection she wanted to smother him with.

"Even though I'd like to covetously keep you all to myself, I think it's important to find a way to talk about this with Professor Snape." Lupin went on, reclining against the wall behind him and gazing out at the darkening grounds beneath them.

This was not what Penny wanted to hear. Why couldn't Lupin be the one she was connected to, why had fate done this to her? Did she get no choice in the matter? Penny did not want to think about Snape, or to think about that feeling of dread. Why had he said those things and been so angry? What was it that she could she never know? Unfortunately, there was no convincing Snape if he'd set his mind against sharing. It's what made trying to talk to him so impossible, it made her feel sometimes that she was giving so much of herself and receiving nothing in return.

Lupin sat before her, it wasn't a moment she wanted to waste trying to figure the impossible man out. So she pushed away her confusion and squirmed across the ledge of the window and laid her head in Lupin's lap, looking at his well defined jawline. He looked down at her, his look of worry melting into a smile.

"You can't do things like that, it's not fair," he sighed.

"What things?" Penny asked, crinkling her brows.

"Things like laying here and making it impossible to care about anything else other than this moment."

"That doesn't sound so bad to me," Penny smirked.

"One of the perks of youth," Lupin said, sounding conflicted.

"You're so melodramatic sometimes," Penny said with an eye roll.

"You're calling me the melodramatic one?" he challenged.

"Yes, sometimes you can let it go and not feel so burdened by making the right choice. Your being here is all I've ever needed," Penny said, fiercely.

"When you say things like that, you make it even more difficult to share you," Lupin replied, his features suddenly dark. "But my conscience compels me, against my own desires, to encourage you to speak with Professor Snape, otherwise I fear your long-term happiness will suffer," he went on, turning back to the window again.

"If I agree to try, no promises on success, but try, can you stop being such a Debbie downer," said Penny, poking the man's cheek with her pointer finger. "Will that make you happy?"

"You always make me happy, but yes, I'd feel better if you tried," Lupin conceded, clasping her hand in his large one and pressing it against his cheek as he smiled warmly down at her.

After a moment, Penny broke the silence, "What brought you here?"

"Tonks asked me to bring your things and to see how you are. They wanted to come themselves, but were behind on work, so I am to report back in gruesome detail, how life at Hogwarts has been!"

"I totally forgot about my stuff"

Lupin pulled out his wand and the rucksack he'd left on the floor made its way and landed lightly on Penny's belly.

"Did Tonks mention the animals?" Penny asked, opening the bag to look inside.

It sent a strange chill down her spine as she recalled how she'd clung to this bag during her stay at the Ministry, how it'd been the only thing to make her feel connected to the outside world.

"They did. I brought several of them with me and left them with Hagrid, who was more than happy to accept the job of caring for them." Lupin said, reaching for the photo that slid out of the bag.

It was the one of him and his sunflower that Penny so dearly loved. She couldn't help but smile looking at it.

"You took this with you?" Lupin said, quietly.

"Professor Snape packed it for me, it normally sits on my bedside table."

Lupin's brows furrowed and his features became suddenly pained as he pushed the photo back into the bag.

"I'm glad he cares so much about your wellbeing," he said, distantly before forcing the smile back onto his face.

Penny was worried, but she didn't think it was a good idea to push the subject any further, and not to mention, she was a horrendously selfish person and just wanted to enjoy the time she had left with Lupin before she'd have to march her way back to the dungeons and face the surly potions master again.

"I'm glad I had your pretty face to look at whileI was stuck in that prison," Penny winked, in hopes of lightening the mood.

Lupin laughed, the smile finally reaching his eyes. "Don't make me blush, it'll ruin my facade."

"What facade?"

"The one that I use to pretend that I am not rendered completely helpless by your every word," he teased, ruffling her hair.

Even though Penny's life did not want to slow down; her list of worries was building; and nothing made sense, for the short time she laid in Lupin's lap, laughing with him, none of it mattered. The impending dread of a future she could not control would not reach her-until she walked through that door.