A/N: Wow! So many wonderful reviews already! Thanks to everyone who's reading! I really appreciate it!

WARNING: Sesshoumaru starts hearing voices in this chapter. If you don't like the story after this, then you should quit reading after this chapter, because this is really sort of where it starts to develop. I won't be mad if you don't like me for this part-I almost decided against posting this story because of it, but I figured at least somebody out there would like it, so I posted. Well, tell me what you think!

Disclaimer: Don't own the songs, Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha, or any of their companions, enemies, etc. I do own the voice inside Sesshoumaru's head, the squirrel and four birds present in the background of this scene, and a single leaf from a tree in that forest.

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

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Chapter 3-Voices (Disturbed)

I can hear the voice but I don't want to listen...

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"Lord Sesshoumaru..." Rin began hesitantly, looking at the ground for a few seconds. Sesshoumaru glanced at her briefly, waiting for her question.

"What made you happy yesterday?" she asked quietly.

Sesshoumaru stiffened slightly and looked at her for a second, then turned to look forward as he kept walking.

"I was remembering something, that's all," he answered in a cool, emotionless tone.

"Why aren't you ever happy anymore, Lord Sesshoumaru?" Rin asked. As soon as she said it, she gasped and clamped her hand over her mouth. "Oh, I'm sorry, Lord Sesshoumaru! I didn't mean to ask that! Honest!"

Sesshoumaru only blinked and remained quiet, continuing as if nothing had happened. He tried not to think about it too much, but there was just no way around it.

I should be perfectly happy right now...I have wealth, status, freedom to do anything I want, power to defeat anyone that I fight...what keeps me from being content? he wondered silently. What possible cause could there be for all this foolish emotion? Is there something missing?

"Umf!" Rin muffled a surprised sound as she ran right into Sesshoumaru. He had stopped, absorbed by his own thoughts, and she had collided with his leg. She took a few steps back hastily as he turned to look at her calmly, as if he had expected her to walk right into him all along. She apologized quickly, but he seemed not to even notice as he turned and began walking once again.

"Clumsy child," Jaken muttered under his breath.

"I'm not the only one," Rin crossed her arms and glared at the imp for a few seconds. "You've run into him far more often than I have."

Jaken had nothing to say to that, so he shut his mouth and gave up on it.

"Stay here," Sesshoumaru ordered suddenly as he took off. Jaken and Rin blinked at the suddenness of the action, while Ah-Un settled down for a nap.

"Where do you think he's going, Master Jaken?" Rin asked, turning to look at the imp questioningly.

"I don't know," Jaken sighed and shook his head. "Lord Sesshoumaru always has something to do, it seems..."

Sesshoumaru sped through the forest, leaping easily around the trees and avoiding the treacherous ground that was littered with roots and branches and rocks that would be easy to trip over. He had heard something, felt something, scented something...he didn't know which of his senses had detected it, but there was something he sensed, and it made him a bit uneasy. Not afraid, of course-he had long outgrown almost all forms of fear-but possibly bordering on nervous.

"So, Lord Sesshoumaru, it's you," a voice greeted faintly. Sesshoumaru stopped and looked around, wondering who had spoken. He frowned and scanned the area with his keen eyes, trying to pick out any hidden demons or sorcerers. He tried to catch a scent, but there was no unusual creature lurking about-a few stray birds, a squirrel, and the regular scents of trees and such...

"Who are you?" he demanded sharply, still looking around. He moved his hand to rest on the hilt of Toukijin, preparing to use it if necessary.

"Well, I suppose you wouldn't believe me if I said I was your own mind," the voice chuckled again. "I guess I'm not really your mind, per say-just a strange little part of it-"

"I refuse to believe that I've lost that much of my sanity," Sesshoumaru snapped angrily.

"That much of your sanity, Lord Sesshoumaru? So you admit that you've lost some, just not enough for you to believe this? Hmm, interesting statement."

Sesshoumaru growled softly, angrily cursing inside his own head for allowing himself to make such a mistake.

"My, what a vocabulary," the voice whispered.

"I wasn't talking to-" Sesshoumaru stopped as his mouth snapped shut with an audible click of teeth. I hadn't spoken any of that out loud...

"No, you certainly didn't," the voice answered his silent confusion.

Sesshoumaru cursed silently again, unsure what to think and getting rather frustrated.

"Don't use such language, Sesshoumaru, it's unfit for your status."

Sesshoumaru stiffened at that statement. That's what Father always said...exactly what Father always said...

"Who are you?" Sesshoumaru whispered, clutching the sword so tightly that his knuckles were white. His eyes widened almost imperceptibly as he looked about frantically, trying to place the source of the voice so that he could rid himself of it. But he could sense nothing...

"I already told you who I am," the voice replied. "Or do you want something more specific? I can tell you exactly what I am, but you may not wish to know."

"TELL ME WHO YOU ARE!" Sesshoumaru shrieked angrily, drawing his sword and growling. He was getting anxious, nervous, and even...frightened? No, that wasn't quite it-he felt...threatened, and his first instinct was to strike back at whatever posed to attack him, whether physically or mentally.

"I am you, in way-all of your pain and sorrow, the guilt and suffering in your mind that you've kept locked away for so very long...I am your every sorrow or regret or fear or longing, everything that you despise and hate, everything that you wish would just go away and leave you in peace. I am the shattered mirror in the perfect room of a perfect castle-the deep, secret, hidden part of yourself that nobody ever sees, yet I distort all perceptions and thoughts into something more twisted and cruel and heartbreaking than it appears to be. And you-you know all of this, you realize when your views are being warped and changed-yet you refuse to change them, because you refuse to hope for anything. Your hopes have been destroyed in the past, so you do not hope anymore. And that is where I came from, that is how I was born. I am you, Sesshoumaru-the broken, weak, childish, helpless part of you-the part that needs comfort and love and gentleness, the part that yearns for the caring and understanding of another."

"No you're not," Sesshoumaru whispered, taken aback by all of it. "No, that's impossible. I have no regrets, no sorrows, no fears...I feel none of it," he lied.

"You're only denying the truth. It's inevitable to have pain in life, Sesshoumaru-you cannot say that your life is perfect, that you've never felt remorseful or hateful or sad. You cannot escape that fact."

Sesshoumaru remained where he was, shocked and overwhelmed. He had always suppressed his feelings, had always managed to push them aside and force them to leave him alone, but this was different-he was being confronted with all of his emotions at once, all of his sorrow, all of his rage, all of his pain-all put on display in front of him, like some grotesque museum of horrendous memories. Scenes from his life flashed so quickly before his eyes that he became dizzy after only a few seconds, and he felt himself start to tremble and shiver with the pictures that flowed through his mind. He tried to stand, but after a few minutes, it was too much. He slowly sat down on the ground, gritting his teeth to keep from screaming in protest-though he knew not what he would say if he were to shout, for he had no real response to all of it.

"You believe what you see, Lord Sesshoumaru-and you must believe that I am really you. I know all of it-every last piece and part, every last vestige of your psyche, every trace of every emotion you hold. You've become far too troubled lately, great Lord."

Sesshoumaru leaned backwards wearily against a tree trunk, his head swimming with every memory of everything that he had ever experienced. He felt himself grow weaker, his body beginning to shake unsteadily. He reached up one hand to brush his bangs out of his eyes, feeling that he had risen in temperature as he realized that his forehead was warmer. I must be coming down with a fever...this is all just a hallucination...

"You aren't hallucinating, Sesshoumaru. You're remembering," the voice whispered softly. "Your recollections are coming forth because you are no longer strong enough to hold them at bay. You've shoved them aside and kept it all bottled up, only to have the feelings grow upon themselves, feasting from your own detachment of the realities of life. You cannot run from yourself for so long, you cannot hide from the past. You cannot ignore the agony that dwells inside you and expect it to go away-you wish that it never happened, but you are incapable of changing it. Memories do not fade so easily, especially not when they hurt so deeply."

"Leave me," Sesshoumaru whispered weakly. "Just leave me..."

"You tremble, Lord Sesshoumaru..." the voice said with pity. "You cannot contain your true feelings like this. You must face your past before you can truly be done with it."

"I SAID LEAVE!" Sesshoumaru screamed, shutting his eyes tightly as he shook his head violently. "Go away and never come back! Let me keep my disillusions, if that is truly what they are-don't give me all of this and expect me to take it in stride-don't make me remember..." his words trailed off as he struggled with a new wave of memories, trying to block them from entering his thoughts.

"I cannot go. You need to deal with your past, Sesshoumaru. You need to feel everything, experience everything, truly deal with it before you can move on. You have had enough time to live in your dreamland, creating a false sense of contentment, disguising your own emotions with fleeting views and carefully controlled objectives. You have reached your limit-and you can no longer turn to your old tactics. Your pain refuses to be held back any longer-you'll just have to handle it. You must face the consequences of your own insurrections..."

As the voice faded away, Sesshoumaru felt a new surge of regret that threatened to engulf him completely. Old memories that he had thought long buried were rising from their graves, coalescing in front of him like so much steam slowly forming into living and breathing creatures. Nightmarish scenes of terror and bloodshed played before his eyes, horrendous battles fought with the ferocity and vigor of bestial animals. Remembrances of chilly nights spent alone touched his visions, the cold bite of the frosty air making his skin tingle. Days spent wondering about his father, sleepless times spent pacing about, restless times fraught with grief and worry and fear...all of it came back to him in a rush, blocking out all other senses, rendering him nearly helpless as it became impossible for him to hear or smell or see anything but his own unfortunate misgivings and guilt-ridden sorrows that pierced through his heart, shattering his soul into hundreds of pieces and leaving him confused, breathless, and finally...afraid.

And for the first time in a long while, for the first time since he was a mere bungling toddler, Sesshoumaru could no longer control himself. He curled up into a ball and began to cry, wishing it would all just stop, that it would all go away and let him forget...

"Are you breathing?" the echoes of a thousand voices crowded in his mind, menacing and pitying, warning and enticing all at the same time, proving to be far too much to bear for the demon as he slipped into a swirling black mist that pulled him into unconsciousness.

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Okay, now that everyone hates me for making Sesshoumaru have a mental breakdown, please review! I accept any criticism, comments, etc etc etc...well what are you waiting for? Please review! I'll see if I can send you an e-mail cookie:)