In Which There Are Far Too Many Characters

"It's been doing it for hours," said Phelix.

"What has?" said Malea.

"The HAIR."

Trevor's hair grew really long. Then it all disappeared. He didn't say anything.

Meanwhile, Clap was somewhere dark and ominous. She opened the door of the cage and stood back.

"Now live!" she cried dramatically, "Live and thrive!"

The watermelon yoghurt was loose on the ship.

"Really?"

"Yes!" said Arthur, "It wasn't even cheese at all! And I had eaten half of it!"

"How horrible!" said Fenchurch. She was sitting on Arthur's lap.

"Do you know what?" said Arthur.

"What?"

"You are altogether the most wonderful person I have ever known."

"Well, the same to you, then."

With a 'POOF', Fenchurch conveniently disappeared.

"Oh bugger," said Arthur.

"The…hair," said Phelix and was promptly eaten by the watermelon yoghurt.

"How did that work out?" said Malea. The yoghurt looked at her threateningly and she ran away.

"So what you're saying is that there's a horrible watermelon yoghurt loose on the ship," said Zaphod.

"That eats people," said Hilary.

"Right," said Zaphod, "And you are here why?"

"Does it matter!" said Hilary, "All of your lives are in peril!"

"Phelix was just eaten by a watermelon yoghurt!" said Malea frantically.

"Do I know you?" said Hilary. Malea looked at Hilary. She was very tall with glasses and brown hair.

"I don't think so."

"Oh well."

"We must hunt it down and kill it!" cried Joseph enthusiastically. He was extremely skinny and also sported glasses.

"It's a yoghurt," Hilary pointed out.

"When did you get here?" said Malea to Joseph. He ignored her to answer Hilary.

"We'll eat it, then."

"You can't EAT it," said Hilary, "It's too ravenous."

"Look, it's pretty easy," said Zaphod. "We take an antimatter gun from Clap, blast that thing to mustard, and still have time to go adventuring or something."

"Since when will Clap let you steal things from her?" said Malea.

"Shut up and go away," said Zaphod.

"Dung Brians," said Malea rudely.

"No Way," said Zaphod, "If my name was Brian, I would still be devastatingly cool."

"Yeah, whatever," said Malea, "I was tired of being sensible anyways. Where's Andema when you need her?"

Andema, in fact, was with Phonebooth. She had explained to Phonebooth that most of the deadliest Jubanese insults translated into harmless English phrases. They were both having an enormous amount of fun taunting Phred who had no idea what was going on and was beginning to sprout spikes.

"I would like those socks in a bigger size, please," said Andema. Phonebooth gasped, then laughed.

"I don't understand!" said Phred frantically, "Could you speak in English? Or at least Scordanian?"

"I must say, your hat looks quite nice," said Phonebooth, grinning, "Where did you get it?"

"I'm not wearing a hat!" said Phred, exasperated. Both Andema and Phonebooth burst into laughter.

The watermelon yoghurt came up and ate him.

"Oh bother," said Andema.

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready," said Zaphod.

"Phonebooth's hiding in her room and won't come out because a watermelon yoghurt ate Phred," panted Andema, running into the room.

"Noooooo!" cried Malea dramatically.

"I thought you said it couldn't be eaten," said Joseph.

"You ate our private joke!" said Hilary, glaring at Arthur.

THE END

Trevor is a kid at my school. Same goes for Hilary and Joseph but THEY are my friends. They invented the watermelon yoghurt and may lay all claim to it. I also think it's sort of funny that Arthur indirectly ate two people. I got rid of the Rebel Scientists because it's hard enough writing with just the characters I have. However, they will show up in another, completely different story.

Next, Arthur and Fenchurch bit. I got rid of Fenchurch because sensible people just aren't that interesting to write, for me. I tried really hard to make their conversation a bit of a parody of the way they talk to each other throughout the fourth book. Also, I always thought Arthur was just a little bit too casual about Fenchurch's disappearance in the fifth. So that's here too.

Oh, might as well take this opportunity to say that Douglas Adams still owns the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Jeez, you know already. But I have to do a disclaimer every so often or people will become suspicious.

Oooooh, it's a conspiracy…