A History of Romance

Year 5: Sweet Seduction; Part One

It had become a normality to see Sirius Black moping around, these days. No matter the level of stupidity in James various attempts to cheer him up, it was in vain. But, of course, Remus Lupin was none the wiser; whenever he walked by, Sirius was the picture of cheerfulness.

"Something's got to be done," James declared one day in their dormitory, looking around at Sirius and Peter.

Peter gave James his full attention at once, but Sirius just sighed and looked out the window.

"Hello, Sirius? I'm talking to you!"

Sirius glanced over. "What!"

"I have a solution to your problem!" James said proudly.

"I don't have a problem, James."

"Listen, Sirius … you can't flirt! I mean, at all! And how is Moony supposed to know you like him if you don't flirt?"

Sirius blinked. "I can so flirt. And anyway, I don't like Moony like that."

James reached under his bed and pulled out a book. "Yeah right, uh-huh. Well, look at what I found! Pick-Up Lines for Dummies! Mind, you it's only for laughs."

Sirius lunged at him. "This is brilliant! Does it work?"

Sirius flipped through it, expecting something magical and wondrous to happen.

"Sirius, it's only for laughs, okay?" James cautioned, remembering the whole song fiasco.

"Yes, yes, I know. Even so …" Sirius said and looked at James, eyes wide and that mad, malicious glint in his eye.

"Sirius?"

"I'm going to go find Moony!" Sirius declared and began marching out.

James sighed and shook his head. "Shouldn't have showed him anything. Sirius! We've got Potions next!"

Sirius stopped marching and sighed sullenly. "I forgot. But, oh well, we'll see him there anyway!"

James glanced helplessly at Peter and shook his head. "Dear Merlin, what have I done?"

"No, no, no!" Professor Slughorn cried, as he did many times while inspecting Remus' and Peter's potions. "You always do that, both of you boys-- always putting the one crucial ingredient in the wrong place. Just look at this Inflating Formula! It's as thin as water! This can't continue."

James, who was but a table away and paired up with Sirius, jumped to their rescue. "Professor, I do think I have an idea in regards to Moony and Peter's lack of … enthusiasm in Potions. You really should switch them with another pair. In fact, I would gladly pair up with Peter, and I'm sure Sirius would gladly pair up with Moony."

Slughorn's eyes lit up. "You're brilliant, Mr. Potter. Take five points to Gryffindor. But, I must say, you and Mr. Black are a brilliant pair, although you sometimes blow holes in the classroom, that is to be expected! No worries."

Slughorn chuckled merrily while James' face fell. "But-" he tried feebly.

"Alrighty, then, Pettigrew and this here boy will switch with Severus and Rosier."

Peter's face blanched as Evan Rosier snatched his bag, from which he hadn't bothered to take anything out (Severus did all the work, after all) and slouched over to Peter's table. Remus scrambled to get his things together and hurried over to Snape.

Sirius, meanwhile, was glaring daggers at James. "Great job, James! Wonderful! Moony's stuck with the slime ball, thank you!"

James rolled his eyes, angry as well that his plan had backfired. "Shut up, Sirius, you don't like him, remember?"

Sirius was forced to grumble in silence, and got back at James by simply sitting back, shooting glances in Moony and Snape's direction, and making James do all the work. He saw Remus struggling by himself for half the period, craning his neck to see the board from all the way in the back of the classroom. In the end, Snape shoved him aside and finished the potion by himself.

Sirius turned back to James. "I have half a mind to go over and shove my foot up Snivellus' slimy arse!"

James raised an eyebrow. "So go! I'll cover for you."

Sirius shrugged. "The other half of me says … you, know, it's not my problem."

James' mouth dropped open. "Merlin's beard, he's your … crush, love, "the one," isn't he? Go on and kick Snivellus' arse!"

Sirius shrugged again. "I don't want to … you know, if word gets out that I'm … you know."

James' eyes widened. "You're worrying about people finding out you're que-"

"SHH!" Sirius interrupted impatiently. "Yes, James, I am!"

James rolled his eyes at the ceiling. "Sirius … you know what? Just … whatever! I can't even talk to you right now!"

Sirius crossed his arms and looked back at Moony and Snape.

'I'll go to him when the bell rings.'

But, all was not to be as Sirius planned. At the bell, when Sirius looked around, Remus had already gone.

"You think he went to lunch without us?" Sirius asked James once they were outside.

"I saw him," Peter said. "He was walking with Snape, er, Snivellus."

"WHAT!" Sirius positively roared. "James, he's been kidnapped! Spread out and go find him!"

Sirius ran out madly in search of Remus. James sighed. "He's so stupid! Sirius, Moony hasn't been kidnapped! I think I know where he is!"

Sirius stopped in his tracks. "What? Where! Tell me!"

"Library"

Sirius nodded, the mad glint back in his eye and ran away again.

James ran a hand through his hair to muss it up, and managed to smile at some Third Year girls walking past him before glancing at Peter. "We'd better follow."

They found Sirius in the library peeking through the books in a shelf, spying on Remus and Snape.

"Well?" James whispered.

Sirius shook his head. "Just talking about Potions."

He looked in the small space between Encyclopedia Magika and Man's Best Friend, the Flobberworm and gasped. "He's … he's holding Moony's hand! He's touching Moony! He patted Moony's- that's it! I'm going to beat him to a pulp!"

Before James could grab the back of Sirius' robes, before Sirius could even make a move, Madam Pince had appeared before them.

"This is a library!" she shrieked. "No yelling! OUT!"

"Speak for yourself, woman!" Sirius yelled back, but stomped to the door.

James and Peter followed slowly, tired of his immaturity.

"Can you believe him! That Snivellus! And Moony lets him!"

James sighed for what seemed the thousandth time. "Sirius, first of all, let's go eat! Peter's going to faint any second now. Second, you better start catching Moony's eye, or it'll be too late."

Sirius opened his mouth to protest, but James overrode him. "Don't even try to deny it, Sirius!"

Peter chewed his fingernails nervously. "Guys … it smells like roast beef and mashed potatoes!"

"Okay, okay, Peter, let's go. C'mon Sirius … think about what I said."

The three boys walked towards the Great Hall, Sirius leading them, deep in thought.

Apparently, James' words penetrated Sirius' thick skull, and he decided to try and catch Moony's eye, other people be damned. Of course, Sirius being … Sirius, he went all out and put on his tightest jeans (with the peace sign stitched on the back pockets), unbuttoned half the buttons on his school shirt, put his tie on like a headband, and drank a bottle of Firewhisky for luck.

When Sirius came down to the Common Room to "seduce" Remus, who was not exactly in the moon and struggling with the Deflating Formula essay they had as homework, many a girl swooned and tried to catch his eye, and many a boy including James and Peter stuffed their fists into their mouths to not laugh outright.

Sirius strode over to Remus, grabbed the chair in front of him, and sat, leaning as far back on the chair's back legs as he could.

"Hey, Moony," he said.

"Hello," Remus responded, not bothering to look up from his work.

Sirius looked around and James gave him the thumbs up, so he took the plunge.

"Moony, you're like a dictionary, you know… you add meaning to my life."

"Why, that's nice of you to say Sirius. What's the reaction of frog spawn to crushed caterpillars?" Remus asked, absentmindedly flipping through One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi.

Sirius tried again. "You have a bandage Moony? 'Cause I just scraped my knee falling for you."

Remus frowned. "No bandage, no, sorry."

Sirius gritted his teeth. "Frog spawn and crushed caterpillars are what cause deflation, Moony."

"Oh, thanks!" Remus said cheerfully and scribbled furiously.

To all this, he still hadn't looked up and Sirius was beginning to lose confidence and patience.

"You dropped something."

Remus looked around him, then back at Sirius. "Did I?"

Sirius felt considerably more cheerful when his Moony looked up. "My jaw."

Remus blinked. "What?"

"Something's wrong with my eyes, Moony-- can't take them off you."

Remus frowned, looking over the boy in front of him. "Sirius?"

"Have you got a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes, Moony."

Sirius was on a roll now. 'Hah!' he though. 'Not getting away from me, now!'

"If I said you had a great body, would you hold it against me, Moony?"

"Sirius? What'd James give you to drink now?" Remus frowned over at James, who pretended he hadn't just been laughing his socks now, and was deep in a game of chess against a red-faced Peter.

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together."

Remus blinked rapidly. "Someone's done something to you, Sirius."

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" Sirius asked stupidly.

"Are you coming on to me?" Remus asked in disbelief. "You're drunk, Sirius!"

Remus gathered his things and walked towards the stairs to the boy's dormitory.

"You're forgetting something!" Sirius called.

"Did I really?"

"Me!" Sirius yelled, proudly, and stood up. He followed a very flustered Remus up the stairs.

"What do you prefer I call you, Remus or Moony?" Sirius asked trying to catch up.

"Either," Remus said slowly, taking note of how distinctively Sirius' breath smelled of Firewhisky.

"Okay, see I needed a name to go with your face when I wank off."

James and Peter came up the stairs just in time to hear Sirius say that, and Remus turned about fifty shades of red.

"As for me," Sirius continued, his voice slurred as the Firewhisky took a stronger hold over his consciousness. "Sirius, Siri, love, it's all the same. Cry out whatever you want in bed."

Remus backed away and finally ran up the stairs, not believing what he'd just heard.

"Dunno what you're thinking of me right about now, but I do hope it's NC-17!"Sirius yelled as James held him back.

"What are you doing!" James yelled.

"I'm seducing him! Lemme go."

"You scared him off!" James yelled in disbelief.

"It's working, James. I know what 'm doing!" Sirius assured James and winked.

"Sirius, look at you! You're drunk!"

"And horny," he added, to the horror of two First Years coming up the stairs.

"Sirius! Just … go to bed! YOUR bed," James said exasperatedly.

Sirius trudged upstairs with Peter and groaned when he saw Remus' curtains were drawn.

"Moony! I know you're in there! Don't try and hide from me!"

Peter chewed his lower lip nervously. "Sirius, please, James said to-"

"Sod James!" Sirius announced and yanked away the hangings from around Remus' bed, where sure enough, Remus was lying, wide-awake.

"Moony! There you are!" Sirius said loudly and threw himself on the bed. "Your hair looks nice."

Remus sighed and sat up. "Sirius, I don't really think-"

"Know how it would look nicer?" Sirius asked, grinning stupidly. "In m' lap."

"Sirius, really! Please, go to sleep," Remus pleaded.

Sirius leaned over to him, dangerously close, his breath hot on Remus' face. "Gotta tire me out first, Moonsie."

Remus shoved him off. "Moonsie? Now I know you're utterly loaded!"

Sirius lay on the bed where Remus had pushed him; he looked a bit pale now and was sweating and panting.

Remus frowned and glanced at Peter, who inched forward cautiously.

"Something wrong?" he asked timidly.

"I dunno," Remus answered truthfully. "It might be a trick."

Without warning, Sirius ran to the bathroom. The two boys heard him heaving and running the water so no one else would hear. Remus bit his lip and walked into their bathroom.

"Sirius? God, I'm sorry for not believing you. Do you want some water?"

Sirius nodded feebly and stuck his head under the rushing cold water while Remus rushed to pour him a glass.

Sirius was sitting on the toilet seat when Remus came pale; he still looked pale and sick.

"Sirius, you shouldn't have drank Firewhisky," Remus said as he handed Sirius the glass of water.

"Moony, I … Merlin … Moony, I just want to sleep."

Remus nodded and helped Sirius up. "Hey, don't worry, I've got you. Go on, take another step."

Peter tried to help as much as he could, but Sirius ended up pushing him aside and clutching at Remus' shirt.

"Moony? Moony, moon, don't leave me. Moony-moon … yeah?"

Remus sighed and let Sirius pull him into James' bed, which was the closest.

"Moony, Moony, you want to know what I was doing? All this stupid stuff I'm doing-"

"You're being silly is all," Remus interrupted, and turned away uncomfortably.

Sirius laughed nervously as he noticed how Remus was feeling. "Yeah, you know me."

Remus sighed and turned over to face Sirius and found himself lying right up against the boy. His breathing picked up and he looked right into Sirius' cool, gray eyes.

Remus could only lie there, limp and helpless as Sirius parted his lips and licked his lips, slowly.

"Moony?" Sirius whispered and leaned closer, closer, until their noses were touching.

'Merlin, Merlin, he's going to kiss me!' Remus thought wildly.

At the last moment, Remus turned away and shut his eyes tightly. "G-good-night, Sirius," he managed to choke out.

He heard Sirius sigh and say. "Good-night to you, too … Moony."

Inside, Remus felt terrible, scared, and stupid.

'There, that was the chance I had so long been waiting for, but no! That was right stupid, indeed! Then again, I know Sirius and ... it's just a phase he's going through. He'll have no need of me soon enough.'

He fell into a fitful sleep, wondering what he should do about Sirius, and what James would say when he saw the two of them sleeping in his bed.

A/N: Wow, forgive me all of you for SUCH a late update, but life hasn't been kind with me. In any case, I will not bore you with excuses ... but there will be another late update while I try to piece together what little time I have for writing. Reviews will be f