A/N: Okay, so my updates are slowing down. There's a reason for this. It's simple... ... ... I want them to. Every other day, maybe every two days right now, I'm going to update this fic. I want to keep the suspense up, and work out a few little details in my last two or three chapters. I currently have about twenty-seven chapters finished, and about thirty total when I'm done. So anyways, the updates will be coming every other day or every two days. I know that people like regualr updates, but I don't want the story to be over with too quickly.

Thanks for all the reviews everyone! I have 60 right now! Yay! That makes me so happy! Thank you thank you thank you!

kk, here we go again-

Reminder-... /-/-/-/memory;... +-+-+-+past, not a memory;... /-/-+memory and past;... #(anything after)special pov

Disclaimer: I don't own Inu&co. I won Juzume, that's it, and she isn't in this chapter, so don't sue me. I don't own the songs either.

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Chapter 19-Forest (System of A Down)

Why can't you see that you are my child?

Sesshoumaru awoke with a start, nearly jumping three feet into the air. He was panting roughly, his breath coming in jagged gasps as he forced air into his burning lungs. His eyes were narrowed to a needlepoint, so narrow that he couldn't focus on anything, so narrow that the black of his eyes looked like a tiny speck in a vast canvas of golden and amber hues...

"Master Jaken, he woke up," Rin announced quietly, nudging the sleeping imp on his shoulder. Jaken blinked drowsily before her words registered in his mind. He jumped up with a start, then looked over at Sesshoumaru in concern. It had been nearly two full days since Sesshoumaru had awoken, and the girl and the imp had been worried. Jaken frowned uncomfortably as he realized that Sesshoumaru must have had a horrible nightmare. He was panting for breath, his eyes unfocused and seeming almost glazed over...

"Rin, be careful," Jaken whispered as he saw the girl edge closer to Sesshoumaru. "If he's still asleep..."

Rin looked back at the imp and hesitated, then looked over at Sesshoumaru. She took in a deep breath and moved forward cautiously, reaching out her hand tentatively. She drew closer to him, but when she was only a few feet away, he growled angrily. She stopped and backed up a step, and his growling ebbed away. She took a step forward again, and he started once more. She sighed and gave up on it; he wasn't awake yet-at least, not awake enough to realize who she was.

"Master Jaken, how much longer will it be until he wakes up?" Rin pouted unhappily as she plopped down beside the imp with a heavy sigh.

"I'm not quite sure, Rin," Jaken said.

Sesshoumaru vaguely heard them, somehow registered that his name had been spoken and that they seemed to be worried, and his mind slowly began clearing the heavy fog that shrouded his thoughts. He shook his head violently, hoping to shake away the lightheadedness. He blinked a few times, letting his eyes adjust to the bright sun. He carefully took a few long, deep breaths before finally looking over at Rin and Jaken.

Meanwhile, the two had noticed his sudden actions and were looking at him as well, their worry written all over their features. Sesshoumaru knew that they were worried about him for some reason, though he didn't know exactly why. He tilted his head slightly sideways in thought, and Rin noticed his contemplative expression.

"Lord Sesshoumaru, you must have been tired," Rin began carefully, hesitant to bring up anything that might have been uncomfortable for him. She knew he'd had nightmares-and for Sesshoumaru to react in such a way to the nightmares, they must have been horrible.

"Why do you say that?" Sesshoumaru asked, the hairs on the back of his neck bristling.

"You were asleep for a while," Rin responded noncommittally, shifting her gaze to a flower that suddenly seemed much more interesting than the present conversation.

"How long was I asleep?" Sesshoumaru asked, knowing that she was being evasive.

"Almost two days," she replied quietly.

Sesshoumaru remained silent after that, leaning back slowly to look up at the branches of the tree. He pondered carefully, trying to decide what he was supposed to think about this. He idly wondered if Inuyasha had ever experienced anything of the sort; perhaps it was a dog-demon thing?

"You think an awful lot about your brother, for one hates him so," the voice said mockingly. "Of course, you know better, don't you?" it chuckled before fading away again. Sesshoumaru frowned and said nothing.

I know better? What's that supposed to mean?

"Let's make a deal," the voice appeared again, quietly enticing him. He inclined his head as if listening, and the voice seemed to know that, because it spoke again.

"You don't have to tell anyone about any of this-of course, it would help. Yes, I said you should talk to Rin and Jaken. It's always nice to talk. But no, you're not like that. So don't talk, if it suits you. But you at least need some time alone. At least do that. Take a week or so to rest in the forest-old Bokuseno wouldn't mind lending his shade. You graced his branches often enough as a pup-I'm sure he wouldn't mind a visit. I won't bother you if you choose one or the other-not for a long while, at least. But don't take that too close to heart-your memories are still going to come. I'm not the one that's bringing them-no, that's all you."

"So you admit that you're not really me?" Sesshoumaru picked up the subtle hint.

"Of course I'm you. I already told you that. But that doesn't mean that I'm not someone else, either. I'm a small little messenger sent from the nethers, not quite another realm but not quite this one either. Not heaven or hell or earth, but somewhere along when the sky meets the earth and the sea meets the depths of hell. I'm everywhere at once, yet never here. But I'm always present, and always absent."

"These riddles are becoming bothersome," Sesshoumaru sighed. "So you've been sent to me, for some purpose-who sent you?"

"Well, that would be telling, now wouldn't it?" the voice giggled slightly. "Just trust me as you would yourself-for without your guilt and regret, without your sadness and fear and pain, I cannot reach you, cannot touch you, cannot do or say anything to you. Once you conquer your past, you can be rid of me for good. And in the meantime, I cannot pose you any physical harm-which likewise means that you cannot destroy me with any physical means. You'll have to confront your own feelings before you can defeat me."

"Pest," Sesshoumaru snarled a bit angrily.

"Consider my suggestion," the voice whispered gently and echoed before evaporating like a fine mist.

Rin and Jaken were staring worriedly at Sesshoumaru, wondering why he was talking to himself yet again. They had not asked, but Sesshoumaru knew that they were concerned about his sanity. He wasn't sure that he himself was confident about his mental stability anymore, honestly.

"I'm going," he said after about ten minutes. "I'll be gone for a while. Stay here if you can. Should you be attacked by a demon that proves too powerful for you, then find an ally to assist you."

"Yes, my Lord!" Jaken nodded firmly. Sesshoumaru stood and began walking off, heading in the direction that he knew the old tree-demon was. It would take him about half the day to get there, and he had no idea how long he would stay.

"Well, you made a wise choice," the voice reappeared. "Going to Bokuseno's forest, eh?"

Sesshoumaru didn't answer. The voice seemed to sigh as it left, and as Sesshoumaru walked, he was assaulted by another memory. He stiffened and shut his eyes as he began to recall it.

Oh Kami, not this one...can't we just skip this memory? Please, don't make me remember this one...

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-+

"Sesshoumaru-kun..." Izayoi hesitantly approached him. He was sitting in his bedroom, his chest and right arm bandaged tightly to help his broken bones heal properly. He had just been in another rather violent fight with his father, and he had cracked four of his ribs and his arm.

"I need none of your sympathy, none of your services, none of your words, nor anything else that you presume to offer or provide. I also require no reprimands, lectures, or arguments. I've already been adequately supplied with those by my father, as you can plainly see. Your presence is not necessary," he said coolly.

"Sesshoumaru, please, just hear me out for a minute," Izayoi pleaded. Sesshoumaru glared at her coldly for a long two minutes, then inclined his head slightly, giving her leave to speak.

"Your father is troubled by the recent...dissension...between the two of you. And I know that you don't like me. But can't you be happy for your father? I know that you don't like me, but I will be gone in a passing moment of your lifetime. Your father does not wish for me to leave, and though I know that you despise me, I would be unable to abandon him unless he were willing to let me go. Can you not understand?" she asked gently.

Sesshoumaru's gaze hardened for a moment, calculating and intense. He finally softened his glare, turning his cold look into an almost sympathetic expression-which surprised Izayoi.

"My father is more stubborn than a jackass. He would never let anything go if he was determined enough to keep it. No, he was always fiercely possessive. But he failed once-he failed to save my mother, even though he had Tenseiga. He said that he could only save one of us-if not for Tenseiga, then both my mother and I would be dead now. He said he chose to save me, because she would have wanted it that way. I always found that hard to believe, but I suppose some things can't be changed. If he's in love with you, then I suppose there's nothing I can do but wait for you to die off. It's sad, really-he's trying to replace a void that he never should have had in the first place. He should have been able to save my mother. I never knew her," he said softly, turning to gaze out the window with an unreadable expression on his face. Izayoi felt a wave of suppressed sadness from him, though he certainly made no visible sign of such.

"Oh, Sesshoumaru-kun...you may not like me-you may go so far as to hate me, perhaps-but I cannot help but care for you. You are the son of the man that I love, and I cannot simply dote on him without caring for his family. Sesshoumaru-kun...why can't you see that you are my child?" she asked softly.

Sesshoumaru snapped his head around to gaze at her once more, and he stared at her for a very long while. He finally huffed and looked out the window again, making his reply unreadable. Izayoi sighed and walked out of the room, leaving him to his own thoughts once again.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-+

By the time Sesshoumaru had finished with his reverie, he was standing near Bokuseno's forest. He knew not how he had gotten there, because he didn't remember moving at all-but he had gotten there awfully fast. He must have flown, he realized, or perhaps transformed into a sphere of light. He shook his head and cleared his thoughts as best he could, then bravely entered the forest to seek Bokuseno.

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Yay! This is one of my longer chapters, though probably not the longest...

Anyways, please review! It makes me so very happy when people review! Anything accepted-suggestions, comments, questions, and even flames!