AN: Description of Grimmauld place is all JKR! I also decided to mimic a chapter title from her as well.
One of my readers on A03 expressed concern about Harry not writing to Penny during her stay, especially since they are twins. I think it's important to remember that during OotP Harry is in a bad place and using anger to cope with his stress. Penny is also coping badly and turning to denial and avoidance, it's a bit of a bad combo for them. But, personally, I think Penny is in the wrong. She ran away with Snape (who Harry hates and believes is a death Eater). It's a hard situation though, because Harry saw Cedric die, and certainly feels guilt about asking him to take the cup with him, and Penny knows Cedric's last moments are in Harry's head, so she's a bit afraid. I hope this chapter clears some of this up, but let it be known that the Snape issue will not die between these two!
WARNING: Themes of depression and suicide mentioned. If you are suicidal and don't know what to do, please reach out to me, I have been in that place-you are not alone!
Life with Snape had evolved into a comfortable habit, a too comfortable habit. It was so easy for Penny to forget herself that the guilt began to ooze through the cracks of her denial. As the days progressed, though she felt more herself, she could not stop thinking about her family-particularly Harry. He had not written to her, though she could not fault him because she had been too chicken to write to him as well. Anytime she tried, the words she tried to put onto paper felt so lame-inadequate even. How was she even supposed to begin to explain herself, she'd literally run away from her twin and been living with the person he loathed only second to Malfoy.
The stupidity and reality of the situation quickly spiraled out of control, with the anxiety of facing Harry being so great, that she avoided it completely, which only served to make the anxiety worse. Writing a letter would have been the easiest way to rectify the situation, but instead of doing that, Penny laid, despondent, on the sofa in the upstairs sitting room, obsessing over Harry.
Though she'd been in the Department of Mysteries for quite a while and Penny and Harry had been avoiding each other since the end of term, Penny still could not get used to the absence of Harry's mind. It made life disturbingly quiet and lonely. Out of habit, she often reached out with her mind searching for him. Most of the time, she was met with silence, but when Snape happened to be present, he'd give her a severe look, as though expecting her to explode at any moment. Hoping, desperately, she didn't share too much, she'd pretend not to have noticed and quickly shut it again. He never said anything, but she could tell he'd watch her out of the corner of his eye for the next hour or so.
On this particular afternoon, Snape was absent, likely in the basement of his. Even pondering what was hidden in there could not distract Penny from her misery, but the fireplace glowing green could. She bolted upright, expecting someone to pass through, but was relieved when something fluttered out, falling silently to the ground. Penny waited, listening for footsteps. When she heard none, she got up like the nosy person she was and picked up the note. Conveniently, it was not enclosed in an envelope, leaving the pretty green scrawl naked for Penny's prying eyes.
Severus-
Don't let the other day's unfortunate events keep you from attending Midsommer. The Dark Lord would be most displeased if you were not in attendance. I can assure you the offerings this year are quite delicious, you may even find one you want to keep. Find a sitter for the orphan and don't be late. 7pm at the manor.
Lucius.
Penny scanned the letter several times, trying to discern what he was referring to. Offerings sounded like a ritual sacrifice which held up with every stupid muggle horror movie she'd ever seen about Midsommer. It would not surprise Penny to find Voldemort held festivals and sacrifices for himself, but trying to imagine Snape in a Death Eater's mask, partaking in such activities sickened her. However, she did not have much time to linger on it, the creaking of the secret passageway sending her into a panic. She definitely did not want Snape to know she'd read the note, so she tossed it back onto the floor, ran as silently as she could to her room and plopped herself on her bed.
She rolled onto her side, facing away from the door, hoping Snape would believe she were asleep if he happened to look. Her heart racing, Penny worked on trying to take several, slow, deep breaths to calm herself while Snape's footsteps reached the landing. They disappeared for several minutes, Penny assuming he must have entered the sitting room, but returned, padding softly in her direction.
"Get up, Potter."
"I don't want to," Penny replied, mentally kicking herself for jumping as soon as his cold voice met her ears.
"Too bad. We are leaving."
"To go where?" Penny said, sitting up to fix him with a suspicious stare.
"To see your dear godfather," Snape said with a sneer.
"You're kicking me out!"
"Is that what I said?"
"Yes-basically," Penny said, crossing her arms.
"Take up your abandonment issues with Black, I have neither the time nor patience," Snape said, making to leave.
"Where are you going, why can't I stay here?" Penny called after him.
"There is something that requires my attention for an extended period of time and you have proven you are not to be trusted alone." he said, lazily.
Penny was quietly thankful he hadn't turned around, because if he had Penny was certain he would have read the unease on her face and likely discerned she'd read the note. What would Severus Snape be doing after he left Penny? It was a thought that quickly fell to the back of her mind when the fact she would be facing Sirius and Harry's displeasure made its way to the forefront of her mind.
Dragging her feet, Penny followed Snape down his sidewalk, running square into him when he'd turned to face her.
"Stop sulking, you wouldn't want to give the half-breed the impression you prefer my company," Snape said, grabbing Penny by the upper arm
"No one would prefer you," Penny grumbled.
"Indubitably," Snape said with an eye roll before he turned on his heel.
He was evidently unimpressed by her snark, because when he landed, he let her arm go, allowing her to crash into the hard cement from the impact. Apparition was a form of transportation she did not think she'd ever get used to.
"That's petty, you know that right?"
"My mistake, I should have realized you'd be incapable of handling even the most basic of motor functions," he said in a velvety voice.
Penny got up and dusted herself off, looking beyond Snape. They stood in a neighborhood that was probably as suspect as Snape's, the grimy fronts of the surrounding houses were not welcoming; some of them had broken windows, glimmering dully in the afternoon sun, paint was peeling from many of the doors, and heaps of rubbish lay outside several sets of front steps.
"I thought Sirius was loaded," Penny mused out loud.
"Read," Snape commanded, shoving a small note into her hand. She looked down at the curly, looping letters that seemed oddly familiar, reading 12 Grimauld place .
Seemingly satisfied, Snape walked toward the houses, Penny trailing after him. She looked to the left where number 11 was located, but to the right of it was not 12, and instead she found 13. Snape did not seem perturbed by this fact, continuing on his way. Penny was about to ask when number 11 and 13 appeared to be moving away from each other, as though something were shoving them out of the way. By the time they made it to the steps, number 12 had appeared.
Snape rang the doorbell and then looked down his hooked hose on her.
"I'll be back Saturday," he said.
"When's that?" Penny asked, shifting nervously.
"What?"
"I haven't known the days of the week for like 2 weeks now, when's Saturday?"
"In two days. Now goodbye ,Potter," Snape replied, sounding slightly impatient.
"Wait!" Penny said, trying to reach for Snape, but he'd made it past her and down the stairs before he turned back to her, surprising Penny, who'd fully expected him to ignore her completely. His dark eyes surveyed her lingering when they met the green ones looking back at him. Regret and repulsion shone from them, making Penny want to stop him, to pull him back. She took a step forward, "Do you have to go," she said. For a moment he looked tortured by the words, but then the lock clicked from behind Penny and he turned on his heel and was gone.
"Bye then," Penny whispered just as the door opened and she was dragged inside to be held at arm's length.
Looking up, Penny met the warm smile of Mrs. Weasley, which quickly became a frown of concern as her eyes scrutinized Penny's appearance, a bizarre wailing echoing through the house.
"Penny dear, you're so thin, hasn't Severus been feeding you?" Mrs. Weasley said, hugging Penny and trying to sound good natured, but Penny could hear the tinge of displeasure.
"Heh," was all Penny could manage as she looked around trying to find the source of the noise.
"Don't worry, dear, that's just Mrs. Black. Come, I'll show you to the kitchen."
They walked down the hallway that Penny might have once called a grand entryway, leading to a staircase which also appeared grand, if it had not been so grimy and laced with cobwebs. The place looked as though it had not been inhabited in over a decade. Half-way down the hall the screaming stopped abruptly and Lupin poked his head out of a dark room to their right.
"Thank you Remus," Mrs. Weasley whispered.
He nodded and turned to Penny, who stopped dead in her tracks. Her heart did a few flip flops as his brown eyes met hers and studied her. He did not bridge the distance like he normally did, instead he stood, almost tentatively.
"May I have a moment with Penny?" he asked Mrs. Weasley.
"She needs to eat," she replied, with pursed lips, giving Penny another disapproving once over.
"I promise to personally escort her to the table when I'm done," Lupin said with a good natured smile.
Mrs. Weasley agreed, leaving Penny shifting awkwardly in place.
"Come on, we don't want to wake her," he whispered, pulling Penny toward a door across the way and pushing her in.
Penny stumbled through the door, hitting her head on the crossbar in the middle of what she assumed was a closet. Lupin crammed in beside her, shut the door quietly, encasing them in darkness.
Rubbing her sore head, Penny's breathing quickened from the warm body pressed into hers.
"Are you afraid?" Lupin asked after several moments.
"N-no," Penny stuttered.
"Your heart beat doesn't lie, Penny."
"You can hear it?" Penny said, feeling suddenly much more self-conscious.
"Part of being a werewolf."
"Oh. . .I'm just nervous."
"Nervous?" Lupin repeated, sounding suddenly amused.
Penny was annoyingly aware of Lupin's hot breath on her face and though she couldn't see him, she felt the intensity with which he looked down at her through the blanket of darkness.
"Shut up," Penny mumbled, suddenly thankful for the darkness.
"I wish I could see those red cheeks of yours," he said, a calloused hand caressing them.
"Of course you do," Penny sighed, leaning forward and resting her forehead on his firm chest.
"I've missed this," Lupin said into her hair.
"Me too," Penny admitted, pushing her right hand into his pocket and clutching it .
They stood like this in the dark closet, Penny listening to his soft breathing, wishing greatly she would not have to let go.
"You have to go talk to him," Lupin said, finally pulling away from Penny.
"Is he mad at me?"
"That's not the point, he needs you," Lupin said, and Penny could hear the paternal reproach in his voice.
"I know you're right-"
"Good, now get going," he said, opening the door and pushing her out.
Penny stumbled into the hall, Lupin following after and pointing her toward the large staircase.
Grumbling, Penny made her way up the stairs. She stopped on the first landing and tried several doors that led to dark rooms. Her third try, she found a large room full of antique furniture that had several redheads sitting on them.
Every face turned to Penny, fixing her with a confused look, as though they did not know who she was. Then understanding registered on their faces and they all looked at Harry, who met Penny's gaze with a furious expression.
"We should go help your mum with dinner," Hermione said nervously, grabbing Ron's arm.
"Why? She said we could take a break," said Ron, bewildered.
"Let's go" Ginny growled, pushing him. "And you two," she continued to Fred and George.
"Nah, rather stay for the show," Fred grinned.
"No, you stay, I'll go," Harry said, crossing the room and pushing past Penny.
Penny meanwhile just stood there stupidly, staring at the place Harry had been.
"Penny, one mate to another, expect yelling," Ron said.
"Ron!" Hermione said, slapping his back reproachfully.
"Make sure to yell back, the little punk needs a taste of his own medicine," George winked.
With a shake of her head, Penny returned to the stairs and made her way upward, following the stirring of Harry's mind. It was defiantly closed to her, but he could not hide from her. She pushed the bedroom door open and found him laying on his bed. Shutting the door, she walked slowly across the room and sat on the edge of the bed.
"What do you want?"
"To talk," Penny frowned.
"You weren't bothered to try talking for the last two months, why start now," Harry said, turning resolutely away from her.
"Listen Harry, I won't try to make excuses, I ran away, I know I did. Sometimes I wonder why the sorting hat put me into Gryffindor, especially when I look at you. Courage comes so naturally to you."
"You forgot the part where you ran away to a Death Eater," Harry pointed out.
"He's not a Death Eater-"
"Yes he is!"
"He's Dumbledore's spy," Penny said, rubbing the bridge of her nose in an attempt to calm herself.
"We have no proof that he's changed!" Harry said, sitting upright to fix her with his furious green eyes.
"Dumbledore believes him! And even if you do, I do not pretend to know more than Dumbledore."
"This isn't about Dumbledore, we both know you don't care what his opinion is. You want Snape to be who you blindly pretend he is."
"So what if I do!" Penny said, getting to her feet, chest heaving. "Have you ever stopped to think what it feels like-" Penny went on, trying stupidly to gesture to something she did not know how to gesture to.
"To spend so much time with a murdering git? I have, actually," Harry said, also getting to his feet.
"To be tied to someone without any say in the matter-to learn after four years that every decision you made was likely the product of your magic pulling you closer to something-that it will only ever grow more compelling," Penny yelled in frustration. "I have to believe-Harry."
"No you don't. You trap yourself by saying that. But there is always another option," Harry yelled, equally as angry as Penny now.
"I don't want another option! Can you try to get it through your head that just because you hate Snape, does not mean everyone does!"
"He's a Death Eater, Penny! You know, followers of Voldemort? Voldemort, the reason Cedric is dead?" Harry said, scathingly.
"Snape wasn't there," Penny said, her voice suddenly quiet.
"Probably because he was uncertain if Voldemort would take him back. But if he hadn't been a coward looking out for his own neck I have no doubt he'd have filled one of those empty space, killed Cedric if Voldemort had asked him."
Silence reverberated off the walls, Penny's insides constricting as though a claw inside her was gathering them up and squeezing them. She could see and feel Harry's regret, but her blind rage would not acknowledge it. She dove at Harry, pile driving him backwards. He hit the night stand behind him and they both tumbled to the floor. A large lamp fell after them, landing on Penny's head and breaking into several sharp pieces.
Penny did not know what she intended to do, but the physical exertion of wrestling with Harry dulled her mind and gave her a sense of relief from the pain welling in her chest.
"Stop, you're bleeding, Penny," Harry panted, trying to push her off of him. Penny grabbed his scrawny wrists, pulled his hair, and tried to pin him to the floor, but Harry found his leverage, resigning to give up on trying not to hurt Penny. With a great heave, he rolled her over, the sound of crunching glass meeting Penny's ears. He pinned her hands to the floor, breathing hard and looking down at her.
Biting her lips against the pain of the glass pressing into her arms, Penny writhed beneath him, but he would not budge.
"I didn't mean to. . .I'm sorry. I shouldn't have brought Cedric into this," Harry said, shaking his head apologetically. His black hair ruffled revealing that lightning bolt scar of his-the scar that marked him as forever different-as forever linked to Voldemort.
Penny stopped struggling, tears welling in her eyes. Harry let out a sigh and released her hands, allowing her to extend one and touch his scar.
"It hurts so much, Harry. Sometimes I feel like I can't breath, that I'll never be free of it. . .that -it'd be better to die," Penny said, quietly.
"Don't say that, Penny. Don't ever say that. You think bravery is about heroic actions, it's not, it's about picking yourself up even when it feels hopeless and trying again. I thought I was going to die that night, that I'd be left in that graveyard with Ce-him.". He pulled Penny into a sitting position, dusting the glass from her. "I don't know why I didn't tell you, maybe I was afraid, afraid it'd only make your grieving worse, or that you'd wish he'd come back from that graveyard instead of me; but, when my wand connected with Voldemort, echoes of the last people his wand killed came out. I saw mum and dad, they spoke to me. And Cedric. . ." Harry started, trailing off.
"But people can't come back from the dead," Penny said, wiping her cheeks, heart thumping erratically in her chest.
"Yeah, that's what Dumbledore said. They were an echo of their previous selves. But I believe the real Cedric would have said the same. He asked me to bring his body back for his parents, and then. . .he asked me to tell you that if you love him, then to live, to dream, and to maybe name a pet after him," Harry said, watching Penny with fearful eyes.
Penny blinked, absorbing Harry's words, her brows furrowing, and then she burst into a fit of tears and laughter both at the same time. Her head fell into Harry's chest and she let the virulent emotions free from her. Harry knocked at the door in the back of her mind and stepped through tentatively when it opened to him. He was confused, afraid even, uncertain if he'd done the right thing or not. But then understanding engulfed him as he experienced the deep sadness coupled with relief. Cedric's last words were the life line she needed to cling to to pull herself from the depths of her sadness.
After several minutes, Harry got up and pulled Penny up with him.
"If we don't get someone to look at these, you may bleed out," he said with a frown.
It was only at these words that Penny noticed the mess of blood that had pooled around her and was sticking to her hair. Head cuts always bled a lot, but that did not make it any less gruesome-looking of a scene. Hand in hand, Harry led Penny to the kitchen in the basement, swinging the door open.
"Oh, Harry dear can you-" Mrs. Weasley said absentmindedly before setting eyes on Penny. The plates in her hand crashed to the floor and shattered, garnering the attention of those that sat at the large table sitting in the middle of the large kitchen.
"You alright Molly?" asked Sirius, getting to his feet and striding over, Lupin hot on his tail.
"Penny!" Mrs. Weasley gasped, pulling Penny to a chair and forcing her into it to get a look at her.
"We got into a fight, it was my fault," Penny said quickly to Sirius before Harry could say anything.
Sirius looked between the pair of them and then broke into a bark of laughter, slapping Harry on the back, moving to do the same to Penny but seemed to think better of it.
"You can finish what you were doing, Molly, I'll tend to Penny," Lupin said, placing a hand on Mrs. Weasley's shoulder.
She looked conflicted for a moment, but agreed, returning to the items boiling over on the stove.
"Reminds you of James, eh?" Sirius said to Lupin.
Lupin gave a reluctant grin as he kneeled before Penny and turned her arm over to look at. "I recall James taking a few black eyes from you, yes," he said.
"It wasn't like that!" Harry said, defensively.
"Sure it wasn't," said Sirius.
"I tackled him into a lamp that landed on my head," said Penny.
"Makes sense. There's no way you could lose this badly to Harry," Sirius mused out loud.
"Hey!" said Harry, rounding on Sirius.
Lupin shook his head with a smile, turning his brown eyes on Penny after he'd cleaned up her arm. "This wasn't what I meant when I sent you upstairs," he said, only so she could hear, getting up to take a look at the gash in the back of her head.
Penny winced as he touched the tender spot. "You can blame yourself for giving zero input into addressing the situation."
"Learning does not occur when someone tells you what to do," Lupin said in his annoyingly wise way.
"Well then, today I learned to choose a better angle when I tackle someone."
"Dinner!" Mrs. Weasley called before Lupin could make his response, but she could see him resisting the urge to laugh.
Penny was quickly mended and cleaned before anyone else arrived in the kitchen to ask questions. It was a bit disorientating, the noise level, for Penny when everyone sat down. Life with Snape was a quiet if not silent affair, while life at Grimmauld place was decidedly full of life and chatter. Penny enjoyed it and laughed often at Fred and George, but she found she could not wholly take part when she did not know where she fit in. Sirius sat beside Harry and Lupin, laughing about some old story regarding James. Fred and George entertained ( and annoyed) Ginny, Hermione and Ron. Mr. Weasley was in a deep conversation with Bill, which Mrs. Weasley popped into now and again, while Penny sat at the end of the table, feeling like the odd man, and horribly full because Mrs. Weasley kept adding more food to her plate.
The festivities went on for quite some time before Mrs. Weasley decided they needed to head to bed. Penny was to sleep with Ginny and Hermione. Wanting to avoid discussing any uncomfortable topics, Penny locked herself in the bathroom, taking a deep breath and sliding down against the back of the door. She pulled her knees to her chest and cradled her head.
The emptiness in her chest expanded, reaching its way through her, trying to claw its way out of her. Thoughts of Cedric were spiraling dangerously through her head, Penny trying to imagine him telling her to name her pet after him.
"You idiot," she grumbled into her hand.
When she could endure the memory of his soft kisses on her mouth, not a moment longer, her thoughts wandered to Snape. Where was he and what was he up to for this Midsommer festival? Penny wondered if he thought of her and whether or not he missed their quiet evenings arguing as much as she did. A part of her told her she was an idiot, but another part liked the idea of him feeling as much of an outcast among the Death Eaters as she did at Grimmauld Place.
When she felt she could linger no longer, she checked her reflection, slapped her cheeks a few times and then made for her room. To her relief, Hermione and Ginny were already breathing rhythmically when Penny sat on her bed. She laid, staring up at the darkness, telling herself it was okay to sleep, but her body agreed to no such thing. Her mind lingered on Snape and Lucius's letter. She scowled thinking of it, what had he meant offerings? It sounded like a sacrifice or an orgy. Oddly, Penny couldn't decide which she disliked more, Snape murdering, or partaking in group sex. She'd never imagined Snape's sexuality before-he'd always been the lone potions master. The thought of him settling down with someone upset Penny for reasons she did not understand. It was always supposed to just be the two of them-wasn't it?
Had Snape felt the same way when Penny started dating Cedric? They'd fought more during that time than any other and there had been an uncomfortable distance between them. Was that the natural course of life? Would their relationship inevitably change? Penny did not want it to and could not imagine ever dating again-but Snape, surely he would want to settle down and have a family soon-where would that leave Penny?
When over an hour had passed, Penny got to her feet, unable to roll around restless in her bed a moment longer. The hallway was lit dimly, allowing Penny to find her way silently to the staircase and head to the top floor, where she knew Sirius's bedroom was located. Once there, his room was easy enough to identify, having a large placard that read "Sirius" hanging on it.
It was an odd choice for Penny, she and Sirius very rarely saw eye-to-eye, but her godfather never pressed her the way Lupin did. Penny was allowed to just exist in Sirius's presence, and right now that was all she craved, someone to lay beside.
A groggy-eyed, shirtless Sirius opened the door after a few quiet knocks.
"Kreacher-" he started, his eyes finding Penny.
"Sorry-did I wake you…" Penny said, feeling suddenly foolish.
"What's happened?" he said, his gravelly voice sounding immediately more awake.
"N-nothing! Penny said, hurriedly. "I just can't sleep,"
Sirius stared at her, his brows furrowed as though Penny were some alien and he was not sure how to respond to her.
"Do-do you want some warm milk?" he asked, sounding distinctly awkward.
Penny opened her mouth a few times but no noise came out. She felt her heart sink like a weight that she floundered against.
"I didn't think of that. I'll go do that, thanks," Penny mumbled, turning away from Sirius to make her escape, but something caught her wrist and tugged her backwards.
In an effortless motion, she was pulled across the threshold and into a warm, waiting chest, watching as the door shut before her.
"Don't go, Penny, there's room on the bed for a third,"Lupin's voice rumbled.
"A third?" Sirius said, confused. "What would James say if he knew we let Penny sleep with us right after we just finished-"
"After his daughter came to your door, clearly in need of support? Oh I don't know, Sirius, I'd imagine he'd have a thing or two to say to you for sending her away for milk," Lupin cut across him quickly, his voice full of scorn.
"She said she couldn't sleep, not that she was upset," said Sirius.
"And what did you suppose was keeping her awake?"
"Well, she didn't say," Sirius protested.
"It's okay, really. I can go," Penny said, making to reach for the door.
"You're not going anywhere," Lupin said, pulling her closer to his chest to more easily drag her with him to the bed.
"Remus! We haven't even cleaned up yet," Sirius growled, reaching for his wand and muttering scourgify.
Lupin ignored Sirius and picked up Penny, setting her in the middle of the bed before climbing in next to her. It was at this moment Penny realized she was laying between two half naked men, whom she'd barely avoided walking in on engaging in a very intimate activity. It briefly reminded her of what she'd seen Malfoy doing to Nott and sent a rush of heat to her face, which she quickly pushed away.
Sirius plopped down on Penny's other side, pulling the blanket over the three of them.
"What was keeping you awake?" Lupin's deep, tired voice asked Penny.
"Remus, she didn't come here to talk."
"You don't know that-"
"She had no clue you'd be here, she came here looking for me. The only reason she'd come looking for me would be to be left alone, so shut your trap," Sirius yawned.
"Penny, is that true?"
Penny felt caught between the two, uncertain how she was supposed to answer.
"I guess. . .I was afraid of having another nightmare," she admitted, somewhat apologetically.
"Alright, I'll watch over you until you fall asleep," Lupin whispered, wrapping his arm around Penny and tucking her against his body.
He conformed himself to her, allowing her every nook and cranny to be engulfed by his warmth, tucking his face into her hair. Spooning with Lupin was not how Penny imagined this exchange going, but his skin pressed against hers eased the tension in Penny's limbs, making her drowsy.
"Love you, kid," Sirius said, giving her a quick kiss to her forehead just before he rolled over.
YESSS I do ship Remus/Sirius. But I will follow cannon with Remus/Tonks later. :)