Hello my lovelies! I had a really nice weekend NAPPPING, AHHH. It was some serious bliss. I only have three weeks of my class and then I'm FREEE TO WRITE EVERYDAY. You don't even know how excited I am.
This chapter is a day late because it runs long and I needed some extra time editing. I wanted the dynamics to be right so I spent extra time on it. I hope you enjoy it, I know I enjoyed writing it. ;)
As always, thanks for being the best community ever, you guys make me excited to share this story!
Lupin's strong arms pinned Penny to the table as she shrieked in agony, feeling every jagged edge of the knife rip mercilessly through her tender flesh.
"Apply pressure to the wound," Snape demanded as he pulled out his wand and began sliding it along the blood-slick metal.
"Sirius, hold her. I'm sorry, Penny, you won't like this very much," Lupin said, moving to her side and gathering the clean dish rags Mrs. Weasley had laid beside Penny.
Breathing heavily, Penny locked eyes with Mrs. Weasley, she was shaking from head to foot, her face pale and streaked with tears. She looked terrified, and that unsettled Penny. Mrs. Weasley was always the person who had a reassuring word, who could mend anything; if looking at Penny made her appear this scared, how bad did off did that mean Penny was? She could not wonder for long because Sirius stepped up behind her and took her hands in his own and pinned them near him, just above her head. While Lupin pressed his full body weight against her wound, sending so much pain through Penny that she thought she might pass out.
"Hurry up, snake, that wound needs closing, now " growled Sirius.
"If you had any intelligence, Black, you would have realized that is a magical wound and the only way to close it is to determine what Carrow cursed this blade with," Snape sneered.
"Please get off!" Penny begged, thrashing against Sirius.
"Can't we try something ?" pressed Lupin, looking agitated.
"Amycus has a particular taste for torment, I would not be surprised if normal healing spells caused more harm than good. Snape said, staring thoughtfully at the knife before his dark eyes flashed to Penny.
"I don't care what you do, just get off! You don't understand-" Penny said, choking suddenly on blood that surged up her throat.
She turned her head to the side in an attempt to let it exit, but it still suffocated her. Mrs. Weasley was at her side, wiping the blood from Penny's mouth in an instant, openly sobbing now.
"Get off her, Lupin," Snape hissed, pushing him aside and looking at the blood soaked cloth he'd been pressing against Penny's wound. "It seems Amycus considered even muggle methods of healing."
"What are you saying, snake, that we just let Penny bleed out? Was that your plan all along, pretending to help so no one would see you for the child-murdering bastard you are?" Sirius said, freeing Penny's hands and making for Snape.
"It-wasn't-his-fault" Penny coughed, more blood pooling into her mouth. "Snape dropped me on the doorstep, but I grabbed his arm-when he apparated. . .please, Mrs. Weasley," Penny said, desperately.
"Penny dear, you can explain it all once we have you mended, just don't worry about that right now," Mrs. Weasley said tenderly.
"Oh yes, how familiar, Black pretending he isn't responsible for anything," Snape spat, raising his wand at Sirius, who also had his wand out.
"For merlin's sake can you two ever grow up," snapped Lupin, sounding uncharacteristically angry. "Look at her! No, really look at her," he went on, his voice booming with such authority that it sent a shiver up Penny's spine. "If you two can't get it together I'm taking her to Saint Mungo's, so decide now."
Everyone remained frozen, as though suspended in time. Hatred so thick it was palpable. Still, neither moved. It was Penny who finally spoke, her vision blotchy before her eyes and the fear in her chest being replaced with that awful feeling of her heart trying its best to beat, but lacking the fluid to do so. The room of people no longer mattered to Penny, in this moment all she wished for was a mother-a mother she'd never known, so she reached for the closest thing, for Mrs. Weasley's hand, searching for the warm comfort that had always been so foreign to her.
"D-do you think my mum-is she waiting for me?" Penny asked, reaching for Mrs. Weasley's hand, and angered to find she could not feel it, could not partake in its warmth or comfort.
"You're not going anywhere, Penny, don't think like that-" choked out Mrs. Weasley.
"S-she was brave, braver than me, wasn't she," Penny asked the room. "He'd already killed-she must have known-how'd she do it?I feel so afraid, I don't want to feel like this anymore."
Lupin returned to Penny, looking down on her with his warm brown eyes that were full of such fierce conviction.
"Lily was unafraid because she was fighting for what she loved, she fought to give you life. I won't let her sacrifice be in vain, I promise you Penny. Don't be afraid, think of the things you love and hang onto them."
"I-I love you. . .all of you," Penny wheezed, clutching at her stomach as though she could hold herself together.
Ignoring Sirius all together, Snape lowered his wand first, his eyes meeting Penny's as she coughed out another spurt of blood. "Give me three words to describe your pain, concise words, and in order of most prominent," he said, stepping up beside Lupin.
By this point, Penny was finding it hard to find the energy to keep her eyes open. Biting back another wave of agony she said, "Burning, melting, cold."
Snape studied her for a fraction of a second before beckoning Lupin out of the way so he could better reach Penny. With a wave of his wand, a loud pop sounded through the room and a vial of emerald-colored liquid appeared in his hand. Yanking the stopper off with his teeth, he dumped the contents into Penny's open stomach before moving his wand up and down along her cut.
An odd tingling sensation oozed through her. She could feel the gelatinous-like liquid slide through every crevice within her stomach. It would have been a disturbing sensation if the ooze did not relieve the pain of every surface it touched. It felt as though it was magnetized, sucking a thousand tiny shards of class from Penny's inside and engulfing them in itself. The relief felt almost indecent as it sent waves of bliss through her every cell, causing her to gasp.
It wasn't until Penny noticed four pairs of eyes on her that she felt embarrassed by the noise, but she'd honestly felt nothing better than freedom from that pain. Snape's eyes were probing, his hand sliding over her closed wound. Penny snatched his hand away in a sluggish motion, unable to handle the amount of electricity flinging from his fingers into her already irritated skin.
"It's sensitive," she said, avoiding his eyes.
He seemed to accept this answer, but did not pull his hand from hers, instead he left it resting within hers.
"The curse will remain until I can figure out how to break it, but if you continue to take this, it should stay closed," Snape said, his thin face paler than usual. "I advise you also drink what's left," he went on, reaching for Penny's head to help her into a sitting position.
Snape tucked his hand beneath her and very gently pulled her upward, pausing when she yelped in pain. Clutching the front of his robes, Penny opened her mouth and drank what was left, nearly gagging on the mixture.
"Dittany? But I thought you said normal healing methods would not work?" Lupin said, also examining Penny's abdomen. Unlike Snape's hand, Penny could still barely sense Lupin's touch.
"I have recently been working on a variation of dittany that does not work by forcing the wound back together, rather its properties pull out that which is causing the wound. It seems to be a mechanic Amycus did not account for. However, I have not tested it extensively, and am certain the wound will only remain closed for as long as the dittany is in the cells."
Lupin stared at Snape, he looked thoughtful and wary at the same time. He did not seem to like what Snape was saying, but made no protest.
"I still can't feel anything," Penny said, unable to tolerate anymore dittany.
"She needs blood," Lupin said, turning to Mrs. Weasley.
"I know the method-but-but I've never done it," Mrs. Weasley said, straightening her apron.
"What is your blood type, Potter?" Snape said, laying Penny back down.
"O+."
"I'm a B," said Lupin.
"A," Sirius added, still staring daggers at Snape.
"I-I'll go see what everyone upstairs is" Mrs. Weasley stammered, rushing from the room.
"Give me your arm, Potter," Snape said, reaching for a chair.
"You're not touching her," Sirius said, his voice low and threatening as he made for Snape, yet again.
"Or what," Snape said in a bored voice.
"Or I'll make that nose of yours uglier than it already is. You have some explaining to do," Sirius said, stepping into Snape's bubble.
Snape appeared unperturbed, but Penny saw the way his hand twitched and the vein in his neck throbbed.
"And do you intend to explain the idiocy that led you to taking her to London when you knew the Dark Lord had expressed interest in her?" Snape replied in a velvety voice.
"And where exactly was it that you took her? Funny how you have yet to say where you were when she got that wound," retorted Sirius, ignoring Snape's question.
"I brought her here," Snape said through gritted.
"After what? Letting your little Death Eater pals have their way with her? I knew you were not to be trusted, but now everyone else will know it."
"You seem to be forgetting how it was me your boyfriend called when you disappeared with the girl, so whom do you suppose they believe the untrustworthy one to be? You put your desperate need to feel relevant before these paternal duties you pretend to have. You know what I think, I think she was just an excuse."
"Severus I called you because-" interjected Lupin, but Sirius cut him off with a furious look. "You called Snivellus?" he demanded.
"Of course I did. He is the only one that can track-"
"She's my goddaughter! Since when do I need your permission to take her out?" Sirius said, rounding angrily on Lupin.
"Since you have proven to be incapable of any forethought," sneered Snape.
Their voices were growing louder, hurting Penny's already aching head further. She could feel the tension building, saw how they were spiraling closer to a fist fight, but she did not know how to make them listen or understand and she was not at all sure she had the energy to stop them.
"I won't apologize for doing it. Voldemort-after everything she's been through, I do not understand how you could not consider what would have happened to her. Be angry with me, but I'd do anything for her and I won't sit around and watch her suffer any more," said Lupin.
"Don't lecture me like I don't know what hell is. Some things are more important, you can't keep her locked in a cage, she's James's daughter!" Sirius yelled, his hands balled into fists.
"How special, you wish to reunite her with that fool-of-a-father by sending her to an early death, do you?" hissed Snape. "But I suppose it matters little to you if she's gone, you'll still have another one for your entertainment."
A loud crack resounded off the high ceiling as furniture was tossed aside. Sirius had lobbed the chair that separated him and Snape in order to grab Snape by the front of his robes, his wand firmly pressed against Snape's abdomen. Snape meanwhile had his own wand pressed against Sirius's chest, his breathing shallow and his eyes like slits.
Lupin was between them, trying to push them apart, but both Sirius and Snape ignored him.
"What's the matter, Black, afraid of a fair fight? How uncharacteristic of you to attack someone when their back isn't turned," Snape said, his voice laced with venom.
Sirius flushed with anger, his wand-hand shaking with rage when he spoke. "Says the one who hides behind his master like a sniveling coward, but you always did like having bigger friends than you, didn't you, snake?"
It was Snape's turn to flush, his lips becoming nothing more than a thin line on his face.
At this point, Penny knew she could not let the fight go on any further. If they got into a duel, there would be no coming back from it and Penny was afraid it would result in Snape not coming back. So, she mustered all the strength she had and sat up, the world spinning dangerously.
"You're acting like school children," Lupin said in exasperation, as Sirius began trying to push him out of the way so he could get a clear shot.
"Stop. . ." Penny panted, barely audible. But no one heard her. Pushing herself to the edge of the table, she tried to stand, her legs wobbling unsteadily, but they did not give out.
"Shut up," she tried again, still to no avail.
"I wonder how it is you came to the conclusion I am a coward when it is you that has been hiding in this house all summer allowing other people to care for the girl while you sit on your hands. But I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by Potter's abysmal choice in a guardian," Snape pressed.
"And what's it to you? You're just her professor, a bit strange, wouldn't you agree, how much of an interest you seem to have in her. Care to share what a grown man and bachelor gets from the company of a 14 year old girl?" Sirius asked, his voice so harsh and ruthless that it even cut at Penny.
His words did not feel very fair to her. Why couldn't she be friends with Snape? It was not unusual for students to be inspired by their teachers, nor did it seem strange to Penny that she would seek out his company while at Hogwarts. Sirius's words seemed to be insinuating more to Penny, or suggesting that Snape could not possibly also like her company simply because she was younger. His words also ignored the glaring rebuttal to his argument: Remus Lupin. He also spent much time with Penny, and that was only after they met at Hogwarts. He'd never made himself known to her before that year, best friends with James or not. Either way, the words sent a surge of anger through Penny that gave her the energy to push forward. Full of frustration, Penny let out a yell, not realizing she was releasing a huge force of magic at the same time.
"Will you shut up!" burst from her mouth along with a massive gust of wind that sent anything within the ten foot radius swirling to the floor. The wind smashed into the three men before Penny, nearly knocking them over but they caught themselves, their shocked faces turning on Penny, who was clinging to the stove to stay upright, her chest heaving.
"I'm not dead you morons, I can hear every stupid thing coming from your mouths," she fumed, teetering unsteadily.
Lupin rushed over to reach for her arm, but Penny refused it with a shake of her head (that she regretted very much.)
"I honestly shouldn't be amazed anymore at your absolute incapability to consider I might be capable of making my own decisions and even be accountable for them. I don't need you three pointing fingers like I wasn't there-like I'm some idiot who just goes along with whatever you tell me to do." Penny went on, pushing past Lupin, testing her limits.
She turned on Sirius first, who was watching her, a look of guilt on his face. "I told you, he brought me here and it was me who got pissed off and grabbed his arm while he was apparating. The situation I got into tonight was entirely my fault. Even still, he put himself at great risk to help me. He's just like you, you're both always there when I need you, but-"Penny pressed, turning to look into the dark eyes that were distant, hidden behind the many layers of his facade, "you were a total tool in London. Why does it never cross your mind to just talk to me instead of treating me like an idiot who could not possibly understand what's going on? You treat me like a child and then berate me for being one, so which Penny do you want me to be? Because you seem to forget that last year when I was at the Ministry at the mercy of Yaxley, every night, I figured it out; when the Bulgarian idiots attacked me all year, I also figured it out, and last night in that awful place, I managed. You asked me to trust you, yet, when have you ever tried trusting me?" Penny said, watching Snape struggle to keep his composure, but he made no response. So Penny turned on Lupin.
"And don't think I forgot about you. Just because he doesn't show it the same way as you, it doesn't mean Sirius doesn't love me and wouldn't do anything for me. I get that you were upset with our choice, but you don't get to call Snape anytime you don't want to confront something yourself," Penny finished, looking between them all.
As they stood in silence, Penny feeling horribly close to passing out, she noted how all their eyes flicked downwards, away from her face. Trying hard to pretend she hadn't noticed, to Penny's horror, she realized Snape had torn off her shirt when he took the knife from her abdomen and she was now standing before the three of them in nothing more than her bra and skirt. She could feel the blush rising in her cheeks, betraying her humiliation. But she did not know which way was the best to proceed. Turning in shame would only heighten her embarrassment, while the unacknowledged elephant in the room was growing steadily more awkward.
Mercifully, Sirius walked toward her, tugging his shirt over his head. He stopped beside her, a small grin on his handsome features and began pulling his oversized graphic-t shirt over Penny's head, dressing her as though she were a toddler. Then he picked her up and laid her back on the table.
"I love you, kid," Sirius said, giving her forehead a prickly kiss.
Taking a seat on the opposite side of Sirius, Snape turned to Penny, "Your arm," he said, trying hard not to look at Sirius.
"Why?" Penny said, eyeing him suspiciously.
With an exasperated sigh he replied, "I am also O+, so give me your arm, now."
"I'm sorry for making an old man's mistake and assuming my judgement was better than yours or Sirius's. I should have realized your leaving was important to the both of you. In my defense, I am a selfish man and want nothing more to see that beautiful smile of yours for the rest of my life," Lupin said softly, sitting down just behind her head and rubbing it gently as Snape began connecting his arm to hers.
"You are much too handsome to be considered old. I'd love nothing more than spending forever laughing with you," Penny smiled, noting how Snape's hand went suddenly rigid and his features sour. She refrained from snorting with laughter though because he was pressing a needle against the vein in the crook of her elbow and she would not put it past him to miss just to punish her.
Lupin gave her a wink, glancing at Snape as well and grinning. Meanwhile, Sirius moved to the kitchen door as a frantic Mrs. Weasley, followed by the entire household tried to push into the room, all of them demanding to see Penny and know how she was doing.
"She's fine, Molly. I swear my life on it. No-Snape's got it. She needs rest. . .Alright, just Harry then," Penny could hear Sirius saying.
It was at this moment that Penny bolted upright, accidentally ripping the needle from her arm and sending Snape cursing at her.
"Harry!" Penny called, throwing her legs over the side of the table and leaping from the table. It was a stupid mistake and her legs buckled, sending her toppling to the floor. But a moment later Harry was pulling her into his arms and pressing his nose into her hair. They exchanged no words, the door between their minds swinging open, allowing Penny to find refuge in Harry's mind, where the exhaustion was replaced with sheer relief-relief that she was home.
"I thought-" Penny said, letting the guilt swim over her and squeezing him more tightly.
"Malfoy?" Harry muttered, sounding thoroughly surprised as he sifted through the night's events in her mind.
"Get up, Potter," Snape's furious voice intruded before Penny could respond.
"Which one?" she said, turning to look at the furious man.
"You! The other can go, " Snape said, giving Harry that look of loathing he saved just for him.
"Why does he have to go," Penny said, mutinously.
"Because in case you'd forgotten, you almost bled out not but fifteen minutes ago," Snape answered, his voice getting steadily lower as he watched Harry give Penny a kiss to the side of her head and help her to her feet.
"The more reason he should stay!" Penny said, feeling suddenly woozy and falling forward into Snape's waiting arms.
Without responding to Penny, Snape dragged her back to the table and forced her back down. Penny did little to stop him, finding immense relief in a lying position. Behind him she heard Lupin's voice.
"I think we should give them a little time, I'm sure it will take no more than a half-hour and then I promise you can both return to her side," he was saying, shuffling a protesting Sirius and Harry out of the room.
"Now's your chance to finish the job," Penny joked, trying to break the silence between her and her potions master.
Snape prodded the crook of her elbow with his needle, his eyes boring into her, conveying his displeasure at her remark.
"It's funny isn't it, how they assume you'd kill me so quickly. They really know nothing about you, do they?" Penny said, turning her head to the side to watch Snape prick himself next.
"What are you trying to get at, Potter?" Snape said, snappishly.
"That a lifetime of tormenting me is much more your style."
"Is it ," he said, stiffly.
"You don't agree?"
"Are you asking if I agree I'd prefer to torment you than kill you?" he clarified in a low shaking voice. "Tell me, Potter, in what manner am I to interpret that statement."
"It was a joke," Penny said, realizing exactly how defenseless her position was.
"Ahh yes, it's funny because I'm a Death Eater, is that it? But tell me, does the half-breed find it funny when you joke about him ripping you apart, or is it you only save those jokes for me?" Snape said, his voice cold and cutting.
"It-it wasn't meant like-I didn't-I wasn't thinking."
"Evidently, it seems to be a new habit of yours."
"That's not fair, I only grabbed onto you last night because-" Penny started, faltering under the burning gaze of Snape.
Looking at him, anger oozing from every inch of him, Penny felt suddenly silly. The man before her, well, he was the one she was always looking for lately. It felt like as the summer progressed, the more her life and thoughts became centered around him. She was dependent on Snape, and the more dependent she became the more the fear in her chest began to stir. Penny did not want him to go away, and yet he was always going.
"Don't be shy, Potter, let's hear your excuse."
"Did you ever stop to think how it feels!" Penny finally snapped.
"Being overindulged?" he asked with a sneer. "No, but I'm sure you're about to tell me how hard it is."
"I"m not over indulged, I just wanted you to stop walking out on me because you're afraid!" Penny said so loudly she was surprised everyone else did not return to see what was going on.
"And what is it that I am afraid of, since you seem to know everything."
"Caring about me," Penny said, defiantly.
"Naturally, my fears and life only revolve around you, an answer I should have expected."
"So you don't care then?" Penny asked, pushing herself into a sitting position.
"What?" Snape said, softly.
"Do you not care about me, Severus Snape? How about we set the record straight," Penny went on, turning herself so she was eye level with the man, his dark eyes widening as hers narrowed dangerously. "Tell me right now that you don't care about me and I'll leave you alone. You can go right now and I'll never darken your doorstep ever again, just say the words."
He looked away from her to watch the clock hanging above the kitchen door tick. Penny waited, the anxiety in her chest building with each passing second. She did not know why she had said those words, but she greatly regretted them, feeling as though she did not actually want to know if they were true.
"I'm not going anywhere," he finally said. "But if you ever do anything so foolish as you did last night, I will put you in detention for the rest of your schooling career."
Penny blinked, her eyes sinking into the depths of the black wells looking back at her.
"You know, any normal person would have just said, 'I care about you,' 'you matter,' or lord forbid the 'L' word," Penny said, shaking her head in disbelief. "But no, what do I get from Severus Snape after nearly dying? I get the threat of detention. . .I don't know why I thought it'd be any different this time, but I guess if I want emotional intimacy I should know by now you are not the man, Lupin is, but never you."
"Because I do not coddle you like that half-breed, you completely disregard-" Snape said, his fury blasting her in the face and preventing him from finishing his thought.
"Oh, now you want to be mad do you? Sucks, doesn't it, when someone won't acknowledge your efforts," Penny replied, eyes flashing.
"I just told you!" Snape yelled, getting to his feet.
"Told me what! You're a Professor, you should know how constructing a sentence works, and that what you said in no way answers the question I asked!"
"So I'm to spell it out for you?"
"YES! For Melrins sake that was the point! You're so afraid to-" But Penny did not get to finish her sentence because Snape grabbed a hold of her shoulders and forced her backward, pinning her to the table and knocking the breath out of her. He held her firmly, hovering mere inches from her face, his breathing coming in ragged gasps, the hands clamped onto her shoulders, shaking.
"Of course I care about you, you stupid girl. Since the day you walked into my office with that damned paper in your hand-your chaos has infiltrated every crevice of my being, disrupting everything! You are infuriating, stubborn, annoying and insolent, and yet-tonight-I could not do it, I could not bring myself not to care-to let him harm you. I risked everything -if Amycus, if I-he will- Yes! I care about you, but I can never be anything other than this, and this-the Death Eater, will never go away!" Snape all but yelled, spraying Penny with spit with every syllable, his eyes bulging. He shook her several times, as though the motion would force the words he were saying deep into her heart.
Penny stared at the broken man before her, his walls had crumbled, his face contorted in agony. She felt how desperately he wanted her to hear him, how terrified he was she'd say the words of rejection he expected, how much he wished for something different. All these thoughts, they smashed into Penny like an incoherent wave that she was able to pick out pieces from. She could not catch most of it, but what she did catch reminded Penny of that lonely, dark place deep inside of him. Snape was so used to being alone, but he had not been alone for sometime. Was he afraid, like Penny-was he afraid she would leave?
Very slowly, like one would do when touching a strange animal, Penny reached for Snape's cheek and caressed it softly. He pressed his eyes firmly shut, his jaw clenching against her hand, but he did not pull away.
"I'm not afraid of you, you don't need to be anything else," she said quietly.
With a loud, startling yell of anguish, Snape released her shoulder and slammed his fist down on the table beside her before burying his face in her stomach much like a toddler might when they don't want others to know they're crying. For a moment, Penny was uncertain what she was to do, but her hands had a mind of their own and they found Snape's hair and began running through the strands of it.
To Penny, the moment they shared felt like a blissful eternity that it ended much too soon. There were so many things she wanted to say to him, apologies that should be made, but she could find no words. All she could do was savor the feeling of his silky hair between her fingers, until it wasn't there anymore.
He was standing, tugging the needle from his arm, his face blotchy but stony-his wall firmly in place. He held her gaze for all of a second before he swept from the room, leaving Penny, dazed, confused, and perfectly content.
MY POOR SNAPE BBE. I don't even know where that ending came from, but after working on this for a while, I realized this would be a huge moment for Snape. He has to go back to Lord Voldemort realizing he might be exposed. Not only that, he let his guard down for PENNNNY. I think he has a lot to work through, but I have hopeeeee, don't abandon her and make her cryy.
toodles mwha