Disclaimer: I do not own Sly Cooper or any of its characters. Sly Cooper is owned by Sucker Punch, Sony, and Sanzaru Games.
I recently got into the Sly Cooper franchise and decided to write my own fanfiction of his life after escaping Ancient Egypt. Hope you enjoy it. Rate and review.
Author's note: Sorry it took longer to post this. I've been busy with work, my second job, and my family. I'll try to speed things up, but each episode/chapter requires time and care. I haven't written anything in years, so I'm rusty.
Sly Cooper: Thief of the Family - Episode 3
October 3, 2021
It was 8:30 on a Sunday. The girls, Carmen and Sylvia, had already brushed their teeth and bathed. Now the family was watching Martian Hero: Wrath of Vlekton. It was a Halloween special for the series, where an alien named Vlekton would terrorize the martian colony of Santaria. He was dark green with red eyes, the head of an alligator, neck of a snake, claws of a raptor, and sixteen tentacles for legs. He was 3 meters tall. The hero, Antonio Johnston -- a yellow fox, was knocked back against the wall as he watched in terror of Vlekton getting closer.
"I like my meat a little tender," said Vlekton, who had a raspy voice. I'll swallow you whole. Then your precious Santarian friends."
Sylvia whimpered at the sight of her hero being cornered by the vicious villain on the TV, hugging her mother tightly. Carmelita placed her hand on her head for comfort. Carmen was still watching, more intrigued than scared. Sly just kept eating his popcorn.
Antonio grabbed a drinking bag of milk from his pocket pouch, spraying it on the monster to blind him to make his escape. However, Vlekton had a more violent reaction to the milk touching his body. Some of it got in his mouth, causing him to choke to death. That's when the hero realized that Vlekton was lactose intolerant, and decided to force a slice of cheese down his throat, ending him once and for all.
"Okay, it's safe to look now." Carmelita said to her daughter. Sylvia turned and saw the alien die, his body melting. A few minutes later, Antonio was given a medal for defending the citizens of Santaria and defeating the monster Vlekton. After the episode ended, Sly and Carmelita brought the twins to their bedroom to tuck them in and kiss them goodnight.
Sly and Carmelita entered the master bedroom, when she grabbed a box with a 10 carat diamond necklace. "I found this in your drawer," said Carmelita. "Anything I should know?"
Story paused (Carmen and Sylvia's voice)
Sylvia: Ooooohh!
Carmen: Dad's in trouble again!
Sylvia: He stole the necklace. Think he has to sleep on the couch again?
Carmen: Nope. He's going to jail.
Story continues
"Better question," said Sly. "Why were you in my drawer? I do the laundry, not you."
"Just keeping an eye on you, Ringtail. Now how'd you get it?" Carmelita placed her free hand on her hip.
Sly sighed, grabbing the receipt from his nightstand and the note from his recent bounty. She grabbed the papers, causing her eyes to widen and her cheeks turn red. The reality of her not trusting her husband sank in. However, she set her guilt aside to ask one last question. "Why did you buy it?"
Sly crossed his arms. "For your birthday."
Story paused
Carmen: Wait! Now mom's in trouble?
Sylvia: That's a first.
Story continues
" Dios mío, la cagué a lo grande!" Carmelita said.
"Yes, you did." Sly said. "Eight years of Marriage, and you don't trust me?"
"You faked amnesia for that long, Ringtail."
"True, but this is different. Do I need to remind you how and why I learned my lesson?"
"Did you forget about your 'souvenirs'?"
Sly sighed. "Is that why you don't trust me?"
Tears began to swell in her eyes. "I just don't want this family to fall apart. If you backslide or relapse, I'll have to do my job, and I don't want the girls to go through that."
Sly pulled her into a hug. "Would you like to see my souvenirs?" Carmelita nodded. Sly grabbed a footlocker from under the floorboard of the closet. He opened it, and all Carmelita could see were coffee mugs, pens, and other knick knacks. "That's what you've been taking?" Sly nodded. "It keeps the itch away. I know you said you'll 'scratch it with a chainsaw,' but maybe now you'll reconsider."
"If it keeps from tearing our family apart, then I don't care." Carmelita said. "I'm sorry, Sly. I'll make it up to you."
"How's that?" Sly smirked with a raised eyebrow.
"Well, the kids are asleep, so tonight I'll do that thing that --"
Before Carmelita could finish, she and Sly could hear Sylvia crying. She knocked on the door to the master bedroom. "Mommy, Daddy." The little one cried. Sly opened the door as his daughter glomped on him. "What is it, sweetie?" Sly asked.
"I had a nightmare," said Sylvia.
"Was it the alien from TV," asked Carmelita.I
Sylvia nodded. "Can I sleep with you?"
"Of course, angel." Sly said.
"Hey," said Carmen as she walked out of her room. "I wanna sleep with you too."
"Did you have a nightmare too?" Carmelita asked.
"No, but her crying woke me up."
Story paused
Sylvia: Why do we have to share everything? We're even sharing this episode!
Carmen: Because Mommy says we have to share.
Sylvia: Just because we're twins, doesn't mean I have to share everything with you.
Carmen: Well, you can leave and I can take over this story.
Sylvia: No, YOU leave!
Carmen: Make me!
Sylvia: You make me !
Carmen: Look, let's just continue the story. We don't want mom sending us to our room before this is over.
Sylvia: *sigh* Fine!
Story continues
"Alright," said Sly, smiling. "Let's all sleep together tonight." They got together on the bed, Sly - Sylvia - Carmen - Carmelita. They slept peacefully that night, especially Sylvia. Sly's alarm went off on his phone, waking him at 4:30 am. He walked in the master bathroom to shower, which helped him wake up. Before he could start scrubbing, Carmelita entered to offer him company.
Story paused
Carmen: Are they gonna start kissing in the bathroom? Weird!
Sylvia: I remember hearing them kiss so hard one night, they were moaning. I think they were wrestling too.
Carmen: Let's get to daddy making breakfast.
Sylvia: You read my mind.
Story continues
After Sly's "shower" with Carmelita, he began wiping the house down while she started breakfast. She made him some coffee and chai tea for herself. She also prepared lunches for the family, including for Sly's time at the school. They each got a tuna sandwich, granny smith apple, fruit punch, and two string cheeses. Since the incident last Sunday, Sly and the gang took turns volunteering at the twins' classes for safety. Carmelita had to yell at them to let him bring his cane.
The family had an omelet, toast and a grapefruit before starting their day. This time, Carmelita dropped them off at the school to make sure they made it there. The twins shared the same classes: reading, writing, history (Carmen's favorite), computer science (both their favorite), physical education (Sylvia's favorite), science, and drama. After lunch, the children went to recess.
Sylvia climbed on the monkey bars to walk on top of it, imitating her dad. Carmen, being the rules-girl, just watched. She tried to protest, but Sylvia didn't listen. Mrs. Marsh had to tell her to get down and put her in time out for a few minutes. Sly, however, was proud that her training was working.
After recess, Sly escorted the twins to the bathroom and waited outside. After the twins finished their business, they heard a strange laughter. After a second time, they looked in the sink. It was like a clown's laugh. "Come down here, girls," said the voice. "I've got balloons and goodies!"
Sly heard a loud scream from the bathroom. Without hesitation, he rushed in to find a greyhound with spiky, green hair in a green clown costume with yellow pom poms, holding purple balloons. "What the? Who are you?!" Sly asked the clown.
"I am Nicky Greyhound the Clown, and I'm here to take your daughters to the circus!"
"He came from the sink, Daddy!" Sylvia said.
Sly got his cane ready. "Well, I'm sending him back!"
The raccoon charged the clown, but he easily knocked him out with his unnatural strength. The last thing Sly could see was the clown slowly approaching the twins. After an hour, he woke up, wondering what happened. After a minute, he remembered, and immediately called Carmelita.
Carmen: And we thought Daddy getting in trouble was funny.
Sylvia: I know. Now it's sad and scary.
Carmen: I wonder how they'll get us out of this.
Sylvia: Let's hope they fight each other less and the scary clown guy more.
Sly Cooper and the Gang in:
After School Fright
Carmelita walked out of the interrogation room to grab her chai tea. She has been talking to the timberwolf who tried to kidnap her kids for a week for several hours a day. All she could get from him was that his name is Jacob Wulfe, he was a hitman and military veteran, and that he was hired by a "middle man." No one in Interpol could get any other information out of him. She figured he was more afraid of his boss than he was of them.
Her iPhone began to ring, which played the theme for Bad Boys. She pulled it from her belt and saw that Sly was calling her. His caller photo showed the married couple and their daughters on the couch. She answered the phone and said "I'm at work, Sly."
"It's the girls," said Sly. "They've been kidnapped!"
"WHAT?!" Carmelita shouted. "YOU HAD ONE JOB, COOPER!"
"I tried to save them! He knocked me out!"
"YOU CAN TAKE ON A BULLDOG ON STEROIDS, PENDEJO! HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?!"
"I don't know," Sly said. "Look, he's some kind of greyhound clown with super strength. The girls said he came from the sink."
Carmelita's eyes widened. "Wait! That sounds like . . . Nicky Greyhound! What's he doing in Paris?"
"You know him?!"
"I've heard of him. He's wanted for several counts of child murder in the Northeastern United States."
"Oh hell! Do you know where he might take them?"
"You said he came from the sink, right?" Carmelita asked. "Check the sewers beneath the school. I'll meet you there."
"Don't have to tell me twice, hon."
"And Sly." Carmelita said. "Be careful. He has the unique ability to use your fears against you."
"Understood." Sly said before hanging up.
Carmelita informed her superiors of her situation and left the headquarters. As she drove to the school, she began cursing to herself. "¡Ese hijo de puta! ¡Si ese payaso les ha hecho algo a mis niñas, le cortaré los testículos, los haré dorarlos y los colgaré en mi pared! ¡Lo desollaré, lo convertiré en una piel, cortaré el resto de él en pedazos pequeños y se los daré de comer a los caimanes!"
Story paused
Sylvia: What does that mean?
Carmen: I don't know. I'll look it up on my phone. *searching*
Sylvia: What does it say?
Carmen: *groans* It's a child block!
Sylvia: Grownups never let us have any fun!
Story continues
Meanwhile, Sly found his way in the sewer system underneath the school. He got out his binocucom to reach Bentley. "Sly?" The turtle asked. "What's going on?"
"The twins have been kidnapped by some clown named Nicky Greyhound," said Sly. "I need you to guide me in the sewers underneath the school."
"The girls have been kidnapped?! Nicky Greyhound?!" Bentley asked in shock and concern. "I'll get right on it."
Sly began moving forward into the sewers. He turned on the flashlight on his iPhone to light his way. It wasn't the first time he went into a sewer system, but this time there was something different about where he was. Not only was it darker, he had to encounter a greyhound with powers.
"Sly," said Bentley. "You won't believe this!"
"What?" The raccoon replied.
"Ricky Greyhound the Clown was a guy who did terribly as a circus clown. He ended up homeless and disappeared for years until resurfacing in the Northeast U.S. Somehow he's gotten special abilities. He's not only super strong, he can cast illusions that are almost real!"
"Almost real?"
"He can project what you fear most and use it against you. Unfortunately, the illusions can also kill you."
"I see," said Sly. "What about the schematics?"
"These caverns are vast. I can send you the map on your phone in case you get lost, but be careful. This guy is responsible for thousands of kids missing."
"Anyone who messes with my kids will go missing." Sly replied.
Meanwhile:
After a few hours, Carmen and Sylvia woke up in what appeared to be a prison cage. They looked around to see where they'd been taken. It was dark, smelly, and filthy. Nothing but bricks and pipes. "Where are we," asked Sylvia.
"I think we're in a sewer."
"Eww!"
"I know," said Carmen, who tried to open the cage door. "And we're trapped."
Back to Sly:
As he explored the tunnels, he kept glancing behind his back for safety. All of a sudden, he heard something coming from the next right turn. It sounded familiar. "Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you!" Sly peered his head through the tunnel to see something that shook him to the core. "Happy birthday, Sylvester! Happy birthday to you!" It was him, at eight years old. His younger self was sitting at the head of the table in front of a light blue cake and eight candles. His father stood at his right side and his mother at his right. The young Sly blew out the candles as his parents cheered.
"Son," said Connor. "I've been waiting 'til this day to finally pass on this book to you. It has been in my family for generations."
"It has everything you'll need to become a master thief," said Christiana. "Just like your father, and every Cooper before him."
"Wow," said young Sly. "Thanks dad!" He grabbed the book as if it were a brand new toy.
"Mom?" Adult Sly asked, watching with wide eyes. "Dad?"
"I can't wait to be just like you, Dad!"
Connor chuckled. "Easy, son. It'll take time and commitment, but you'll be a great master thief, someday."
Young Sly hugged his father. "I love you, Dad."
"I love you too son."
"Don't I get a hug?" Christiana asked.
Before young Sly could hug his mother, they heard the front door break down. Connor looked to see who it was. It was the Fiendish Five. "Chrissy," said Connor. "Hide!" So she did, taking her son with her.
The adult Sly tried to help, but felt a glass between him and his soon-to-be late parents and his younger self. He kept banging on the glass, screaming as he tried to break in. He tried using his cane, but it wouldn't budge. All he could do was watch as the five villains rushed his father. Connor tried to reach for his cane, but he got thrown into the master bedroom by Muggshot. As Sly watched the five walk into the room, all he could hear was the agonizing screams of his mother, who watched her husband get murdered before her very eyes. "DAD! MOM!" He kept hearing his mother scream until she was silenced by the villains.
Story paused
Carmen: *sobs* Poor dad!
Sylvia: *whimpers* Grandma! Grandpa!
Carmen: I wish we could help!
Sylvia: I wish we could hug Daddy!
Story continues
"Didn't you say there was a son?" Raleigh asked.
"Lemme get a hold of the rugrat," said Mz Ruby. "I'm starvin'!"
"No," said Clockwerk. "The Cooper line is already finished!"
"But it remains as long as the brat is still alive!" Muggshot said.
"Killing the son of Cooper would be too easy. Without the Cooper book, he is worthless!"
"I agree," said Panda King. "The Thievius Raccoonus is the very foundation of the Cooper line. Without it, it will fall apart. Besides, there's no honor in murdering a defenseless child."
"Coming from the guy who destroys villages with fireworks!" Mz Ruby said.
"I agree," said Raleigh.
"It isn't enough to kill the child. I must prove that without the book, the Cooper line is nothing."
"Hmm," said Raleigh. "Very well, then. If the son of Cooper does come back for revenge, he shall suffer a humiliating defeat."
"Can we at least split the book five ways?" Mz Ruby asked.
"Agreed. Now that Connor Cooper is gone, the information from the book is ours."
Sly stopped banging on the glass. He had to take a minute to remember why he was in the sewers, as well as why he had to see what he saw. He took a deep breath to calm himself before turning away to pursue his daughters. Before he could completely turn around, he flinched at the sound of his father beating on the glass between them. "Coward," the reanimated corpse of his father shouted. "You should've stood up to them! Like a man!"
Sly was shocked by this, but quickly regained composure. "You're not my dad. He gave his life for me. FYI I avenged my parents death, so cut the crap and give me back my daughters!"
Connor's corpse began to laugh, his voice changing back to Nicky's. "Very clever, Cooper."
"Where are they?!"
"Right this way." Connor/Nicky said with a smirk before he, as well as the inside of Sly's old house, began to fade away. The glass disappeared, which almost made him stumble. Without hesitation, he ran down the tunnel before him.
With Bentley
All the turtle could do was wait until his raccoon companion had found either the twins or the clown. After hearing what Sly witnessed, he felt rather sorry for him. He was only able to hear what Sly said, as only the retired thief could see and hear the illusion. In his years of knowing him, he'd never seen him so distressed or show as much emotion as he did with the clown.
Bentley's phone rang, the ringtone being the theme to Game Theory. He picked it up and saw a picture of Carmelita holding her shock pistol. "Carmelita," he answered.
"How's Sly doing?"
"To be honest, I've never seen him this emotional before. He normally plays it cool."
"Did he find the girls?"
"No, but I think Nicky Greyhound made him relive the death of his parents."
"Dios mío . Is he in the sewers under the school?"
"Yes, but how'd you know?"
"Only place that payaso would take them. I'm on my way."
"Alright, Carmelita, but be careful. Who knows what tricks are up his sleeve."
"Well, my boot is about to go up his culo ." She hung up.
With the twins
Carmen kept shaking the cage door, trying to break free. Sylvia looked around on the floor and found a thin piece of metal. She picked it up and placed a hand on her sister's shoulder, turning her around. "I think I can get us out," said Sylvia. After her sister moved out of the way, she began to pick the lock. It took a few minutes, but she finally got the door open. "So, you know how to pick locks," asked Carmen.
"Yeah," replied Sylvia. "Dad taught me."
"I'm telling mom."
"What?"
Carmen giggled. "Just kidding."
"Come on, sis. We have to get out of here."
"Not just yet," said a familiar raspy voice.
The twins looked in horror as they saw the same monster they saw on last night's episode of Martian Hero. Carmen was silent, but Sylvia was whimpering as they took a few steps back in the cage. Vlekton got closer to the girls, licking its lips. "I have other plans for you," said Vlekton.
Back with Sly
The raccoon kept running as he kept his eyes peeled for any possible entrances for other tunnels, or at least anything suspicious. After a few minutes, he stopped at a large cavern that seemed out of place for something underground. He saw the twins sitting on the concrete, crying their eyes out, until Sylvia turned her head towards her father. "Daddy," she shouted.
"Carmen. Sylvia. I'm so glad I found you!" Sly said, feeling relief that his daughters were still alive. He began walking towards the girls, until a familiar metal owl landed behind them. His eyes glowing yellow, and his wings spread apart. "I've been waiting for you, Sly Cooper!"
"Clockwerk," Sly shouted in shock and surprise. "You're dead!"
"Perfection cannot be killed."
"Help," said Carmen.
"Save us, Daddy!" Sylvia cried.
Clockwerk chuckled. "Yes, save them, Daddy."
"This isn't real." Sly said. "You're not Clockwerk!"
"I killed your worthless father and your pathetic mother. Now, you shall watch as I take your children, too. Thus, the Cooper line will end."
As the metal bird opened his beak to devour the children, Sly threw his cane at his mouth to keep it from shutting. He ran for the girls, grabbed the cane from Clockwerk's mouth, and beat him in the face as hard as he could. He seemed to incapacitate the metallic owl, then grabbed the twins to run out of the cavern. After he turned a few corners, he began to set them down, until he was horrified to see the girls as rotting corpses.
"Why didn't you save us, Daddy," the corpse of Sylvia asked.
"You should've let Mommy save us," shouted the corpse of Carmen.
Story paused
*Both Carmen and Sylvia scream*
Story continues
Back with the twins
Carmen and Sylvia slowly moved back into the cage, fearful of the alien monster. Vlekton was drooling all over the floor as he stood between the girls and freedom. "It's not safe to be running around the sewers," said Vlekton. "There could be monsters around here." The alien snickered at the comment he made, getting ready to close the cage door.
A half eaten piece of string cheese fell out of Sylvia's pocket. She remembered that Vlekton was severely lactose intolerant, so she picked it up, charged the monster, and forced it down his throat. He began to choke, as if a boulder got stuck in his windpipe. After a minute of suffocation, he fell hard on his side, dead. It didn't take long for the twins to run and escape.
Back wi Sly
Sly had dropped the illusion of the rotting corpses of his daughters, which caused his blood to boil with anger. However, he soon found Nicky coming from around the same corner he left, except he took up the form of Clockwerk with the clown's head. His laughter filled the tunnels. "What's wrong, Cooper," the monster asked with a smirk. "You look like you've seen a ghost." The raccoon rushed the fiend, giving a few hard swings to the face, causing him to fall down with a black eye.
"You wanna play rough, Cooper? We'll play rough. Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff . . ."
Sly noticed an orange diamond necklace glowing around Nicky's neck. He figured it might be the source of his powers, so he jumped, grabbed the gem, and gave a hard kick off from the bird/clown. Without a minute, the clown turned into a bum with tattered clown costume, his green hair with mange, and blots of dirt all over his body. Seeing the true appearance of the greyhound shocked the retired thief, but he moved forward and grabbed his shirt. "Where are they?!"
"Nicky don't know!" The bum said with fear and sadness in his eyes. "Nicky stopped knowing when Nicky lost his necklace!"
"Where'd you leave my girls?!" Sly threw the bum against the wall before he pressed the tip of his cane against his neck.
"Nicky didn't mean to!"
"Didn't mean to?" Sly asked sarcastically.
"Nicky only wanted to make kids laugh! But kids hate Nicky! Nicky's assistant took Nicky's wife! Nicky had to live on street! Mean kids attack Nicky while Nicky slept. Nicky didn't mean to kill mean boy! Boy was too mean to Nicky! Nicky hit mean boy in head with bottle! Nicky find necklace at museum! Nicky use necklace to get kids back for hurting poor Nicky! Nicky so sorry!" The bum began crying in a panic.
Before Sly could respond, his phone went off. It played the instrumental to "Smooth Criminal" by Michael Jackson. He grabbed it with his free hand, which showed a picture of Carmelita pretending to strangle him from behind while he was sitting. "I've got the clown," he answered. "And I've got the girls," she replied.
"Really? How?"
"They rescued themselves, apparently. Used the cheese from lunch to kill the monster from that Martian show last night."
Sly chuckled in relief. "That's my girls."
"And they 'picked' the lock of their cage. Know where they got that from?"
"Well, you see -- "
"We'll discuss it later, Ringtail. Just find your way back to us, and don't forget the payaso ."
"Yes, dear." Sly hung up.
He tied up Nicky, and had Bentley navigate him out of the sewers. After finding his way out, twins ran up to hug their father, then they kicked dirt at the bum, causing him to flinch. Carmelita picked him up by the collar of his costume, their snouts nearly touching. She pulled out an enhanced recording device, and held it next to his face. "Alright, cabron. Who sent you to attack my little girls?!"
"Dun' say a word, Mistuh Grayhound. Ya Know what'll happen if ya do." A modulated voice said through his ear piece.
Carmelita grabbed the earpiece. "Who is this?!" She asked, but there was no answer.
After a few minutes, the police arrived and arrested Nicky. Sly handed the necklace over as evidence, resisting the urge to keep it as a souvenir. He was able to swipe it from someone who stole it, at least. Also, he figured he was in enough trouble with his wife after teaching Sylvia how to pick a lock.
Hours later, the family went back home. The twins didn't feel like eating, so they brushed their teeth, not wanting to go to bed. "Can we sleep with you tonight," asked Carmen. The clown had them shook up earlier.
"Sure, girls." Carmelita said. "But first I need to speak to your father."
"Is dad in trouble?" Sylvia asked with a sad look on her face.
"Daddy tried his best." Carmen said, with a look that was equally sad.
"I just need to know how much he's been teaching you two."
"Look, I know how this is going to end," said Sly. "So, how about I make it up by sleeping in their room." He turned to the twins. "Girls, would you like Daddy to get the chair bed so he can sleep with you tonight?"
"Okay." Carmen smiled.
"I like it when you sleep in our room, daddy." Sylvia smiled.
Sly grabbed his pillow, blanket, and the chair bed. After setting it in the middle of the room, he gave them a kiss goodnight before lying in his "bed" to get some sleep. After a few minutes, Carmelita opened the door to set her own chair bed with her pillow and blanket. This caught Sly by surprise, especially when she went to cuddle with him. "Darn you, Cooper," she whispered. "No way am I sleeping alone tonight." He chuckled silently before giving her a peck on the lips and closing his eyes.
Carmen: I thought dad was in trouble. Why'd she sleep in our room when we all could use the big bed?
Sylvia: I guess it was our turn to let them sleep with us. And I think mommy decided she didn't want to be mad at daddy.
Carmen: Probably. I'm just glad we got through that. Also, you were pretty brave back there.
Sylvia: Thanks. Now I'm not scared of that Vlekton guy anymore.
Carmen: Yeah. As long as we have each other, I'm not scared of anything!
Sylvia: Me too! Except Mommy, when she's mad.
Carmen: Oh definitely! Even daddy is scared of her.
Sylvia: And he isn't scared of anything .
Carmen: He was scared of one thing earlier. Losing us.
Sylvia: But this time, we kicked butt!
Carmen: And it was all thanks to Daddy.
Sylvia: Mommy packed the lunch, though.
Carmen: True. I guess they both helped.
Sylvia: That's what mommies and daddies do.
Carmen: And ours is the best in the whole world.
Sylvia: Yeah!
Alright, that look longer than expected. Nicky Greyhound was based on Pennywise the Clown, him being homeless was inspired by The Life and Death of Freddy Krueger, his wife being taken was from Fresh Prince of Bel Air "Ib Clownius", and the photo of Carmelita pretending to strangle Sly is based on a real photo of me and my wife while she was pregnant lol Rate and Review.