Hey all! I'm back and glad to be back! I had a very nice vacation and time relaxing enjoying kayaking and a little traveling, but I am very happy to be back and updating, especially as we finish up OotP here in one or two more chapters eeee!
The 6th book is my favorite so I'm looking forward to starting it. It's hard to believe what this little project has turned into, but it keeps my happy ❤️
Hope you are all having a fun summer! I love drinking iced coffee and going for long evening walks 😊 I was also born in the summer so its my favorite season!
When Penny returned to classes the following day, it was to a great sense of detachment. Everything moved around her, but none of it felt real, except for the endless anticipation that at any moment the door to her classrooms would swing open and the magical law enforcement would enter and escort her to Azkaban, or worse, her closet in the department of mysteries. But though she spent an obscene amount of time glancing back at the door, they never showed up, and all her obvious paranoia accomplished was making Harry Ron and Hermione suspicious, leading them to corner her and harass her about what was wrong.
The answer to their question was a reality Penny could not even begin to put to words, all she could do was stare at her hands, convinced Umbridge's blood still lingered there in some crevice she had not yet noticed, and lie about being fine. Being more attuned to her than she cared to acknowledge, they did not believe her, but let it be for the time being; Penny escaping to the bathroom for the umpteenth time to scrub her hands raw. Despite checking and double checking for any remnants of her sins, her fastidious Potions Master had not left a single trace of the evening's events, a fact that both bothered her and put her turmoil at ease, although it could not erase it in its entirety.
Having skipped dinner, Penny went to bed early, wanting to avoid Harry after his occlumency lesson with Snape, knowing full well he would corner her and attempt to get to the bottom of her odd behavior. In her bed, Penny stared up at the ceiling, a single urge obsessing her every thought: she wanted to talk to Sirius. It was a desire that was impossible to fulfill due to Umbridge's takeover at Hogwarts. Penny hadn't been able to speak to Sirius or Remus for that matter, for the three months since she'd returned to Hogwarts, a fact that not only angered her but made her feel very alone as she tried to figure out how she felt about the entire situation.
In the isolation of her thoughts, a single fear berated her conscience, a fear she dared not share even with Snape. While she knew he'd done all he could to put her mind at ease, and Penny appreciated him dearly for that, he could not remove this thought from her heart, this nagging feeling that her parents would be disappointed in her if they knew what she'd succumbed to. Penny knew merely bringing up the topic of James would result in a very unproductive conversation, and that Snape would have his own reasons for justifying her behavior, after all he had to live with himself and all he'd done, making him the very wrong person to discuss these feelings. The only person at this point who Penny would trust to tell her the truth and to know what her parents would have thought was the person who knew them best, Sirius. She could not and would not listen to another soul on the matter. Unfortunately, for obvious reasons, Penny could not put any of this in a letter, much less try to send it to Sirius for fear of the Ministry finding out, so she wracked her brain for another way, any other way to speak to Sirius.
Bolting upright, Penny realized there was a way to do precisely this sitting in Harry's trunk. Remembering how Harry had told her it'd been a two way mirror Sirius had given to him so suspiciously the day they'd returned to Hogwarts, Penny flung her legs over the side of the bed and raced for the door. When she made it to Harry's dormitory, she found it empty. Crossing the room in a few strides, Penny rummaged through Harry's things, finding the mirror tucked neatly at the bottom. Looking into it at her own reflection, Penny wondered vaguely what she was supposed to do with it.
"Sirius?" she said tentatively. A moment's silence ensued, so Penny tried again. "I need to speak with you, Sirius, please, it's important."
A pair of gray eyes and an unshaven face appeared.
"Harry?"
"Sirius!"
"Penny? What're you doing with Harry's mirror? What's wrong, what's happened?"
"Er, nothing happened, well, not to us anyway, I was just hoping to speak with you."
"About what?" he said gruffly, still looking mildly alarmed.
"Well now that you ask, it's much harder doing this into a mirror," Penny said, glancing around the room nervously. "I wish you were here, Sirius," she sighed, slumping onto the floor.
Sirius considered her in the mirror for a moment.
"Listen, if you don't tell Moony, then I can be."
"But won't he notice if you're missing?" Penny said, her heart speeding up at the idea.
"It's the full moon."
"Oh!" Penny said, feeling slightly guilty that she had the luxury to forget that while Remus suffered. "But Umbridge, surely you can't get into Hogwarts."
"Not Hogwarts, but if you're up for a midnight jaunt," he grinned.
"The shrieking shack?" she said, uncertain why she was whispering when she was alone in the dormitory.
"If you can get the marauders map and the invisibility cloak for safe measure, watch it for the next hour and I'll meet you at the opening to the whomping willow," he said as he rummaged through something before him.
"I want to, but is this a good idea, what if you get caught?" Penny said, feeling slightly ashamed for even bringing up the idea.
"Do you want to do as you're told, kid, or live your life? Personally, I'm ready to live mine. I've spent far too much of it locked up.."
Mouth open in protest, Penny stopped, remembering her father and in his sadness, telling Penny to remind Sirius to enjoy his life, and so she swallowed her argument and grinned back at him. "Alright, I'll wait until I see your name on the map and head out."
Sirius disappearing from the mirror, Penny returned it to its place and pulled out the map and cloak, making her way back to her room, closing the hangings around her so Hermione would not strike up another conversation about OWL study habits. With the light of her wand, Penny watched the map for the better part of two hours before a small dot labeled Sirius Black appeared.
Walking as quietly and quickly as she could so no one would stop to chat, Penny pretended to be headed for the girls bathrooms for a shower, but stopped half-way up the third floor, where, behind a gargoyle she pulled the cloak over her and made for the grounds, reaching them just as the sun had set over the horizon. There was a stillness to the air that seemed uncharacteristic for the time of year. Normally, the soon-to-be summer warmth breezed through the air, tickling her neck with the vibrance and joy that summer brought. But there was none of that, and in its place the quiet of a long, lonely winter. Feeling irrationally paranoid that someone was watching her even though she knew she was securely beneath the cloak, Penny sped up, finding the bear-like dog standing on the knot of the tree that made the branches stop thrashing, clearly having heard her footsteps though he could not see her.
Crouched in the tunnel, Penny threw off the cloak and tucked it into her school robes. The walk was long, Sirius panting happily as he trotted behind her. Toppling her way through the entrance, she clambered to her feet, finding Sirius in his human form looking around the room, nostalgia bright in his eyes. Moving toward the tattered, dusty sofa, he took a seat, looking more at home than Penny had ever seen him at Grimmauld Place.
"We might actually be insane," said Penny, the gravity of what she'd done right under Umbridge's nose finally hitting her.
"You really need to get out more, kid," Sirius replied with a pitying arch of his brow.
"Me?" she snorted. "Maybe being cooped up too long has just made you reckless," she argued. Penny began dusting herself off for no reason because once she proceeded to take the seat beside Sirius, she was again coated in dust.
"Nah, I was reckless long before this, just ask Moony. Used to drive him crazy when I had my motorbike."
"A motorbike? Was it magical, like Hagrid's?"
"Hagrid's is mine. The ole triumph, my beauty. I gave her to him the night your parents passed, knew I'd have no use for it in Azkaban."
"I never knew . ." Penny said, the mention of her parents reminding her of why she'd asked him to come all this way.
The melancholy in her voice must have given away her turmoil because he glanced sideways at her, a glance she tried and failed to avoid.
"Before we get to whatever's on your mind, I brought something to celebrate."
"Celebrate what?" she said, perplexed.
In her curiosity she looked at him and found him standing, a bottle of champagne in his hands whose cork burst into the air as he pried it from the bottle. Before Penny could so much as blink, Sirius was already pouring champagne over her head causing her to splutter as the sweet liquid found its way into her gaping mouth. "You are finally taking living up to the marauders legacy seriously," he answered with a bark of laughter before taking a large swig of the champagne. When he was finished he offered her the bottle and sat back down, slapping her back on the back approvingly.
"I have no idea what you mean, Sirius," Penny blinked as she tried to wipe the sticky liquid from her face with her sleeve.
"No use denying it, Moony knows your writing style, though he did suggest you weren't in it alone."
When Penny still did not respond because she was still utterly confused by the line of thought in this conversation, Sirius sighed in exasperation, "The Hogwarts Howler!"
"Ooh! But how did you. . .?"
"Mundungus, seems your work regularly finds its way to Hogsmeade," Sirius chuckled, his eyes glimmering with pride. "Moony tried his best to frown, but he's a terrible liar, he was greatly amused by it despite himself."
Grinning, Penny took a drink of the champagne, feeling a warmth swell outward from her chest. Sirius' mood was contagious and it was quickly making Penny forget the things weighing her down as she began to tell Sirius in detail how the Hogwarts Howler and Peregrine came into being, Sirius chuckling approvingly when she announced the Weasley's were her partners in crime.
"I know that Harry and Remus would yell at us, but I'm glad you came, Sirius," Penny said, twirling the bottle in her hand as she thought about the young marauders, sitting on this very couch many years before she'd been born.
"Don't worry about them, some things are more important. We can't let this war stop us from living. It may go on for years, but not everything we hold dear will, and sometimes we don't get another chance," said Sirius, reaching for the bottle, his eyes distant, seeing something beyond the cobwebs, something lost to the past and alive only in his memories.
Watching him filled Penny with a deep regret and a suffocating sadness. Sirius still existed in a world where he was bound by his guilt because he did not know what Penny knew, and it was Penny who was cruelly keeping it from him. Sure, Remus had made the request and Penny tried to understand why, but looking at Sirius and finally noticing the divide between them, she found it unbearable, especially sitting in this place that was filled with memories of James.
"Sirius," Penny said tentatively.
"Hmm?" he said, his eyes re-focusing on the present again and turning toward her.
"There's something I've been wanting to tell you, but Remus asked me not to. I'm sorry for keeping it from you."
"What're you talking about Pen, what would Remus want you to keep from me?"
Taking a deep breath, Penny began to explain the events from her day out with Remus. From James' dreams and cryptic message to the Martikov family and the way Penny had arrived at the bridge. She choked up for a moment when she got to the part where James appeared, her eyes filling with tears at the memory of him, that beautiful boy with his messy black hair. Sirius waited, a hand grasping her shoulder reassuringly as word-for-word Penny recounted everything that had rolled off those marvelous lips of James.
"James. . ." Sirius said quietly, almost disbelievingly before Penny had reached her goodbye with her father.
"I know how it sounds, but I swear I'm not crazy, Sirius. It was really him, I couldn't have imagined any part of him. If you don't believe me just ask Remus and Dumbledore—"
At this Sirius' face darkened and his lips curled ever-so-slightly, but when his gray eyes found Penny, he quickly softened, running his hand through his long back hair.
"How'd he look?"
"Tall, handsome—perfect," Penny blurted out.
"So exactly as he did in life," Sirius said with a small smile.
"So—you believe me?" Penny whispered.
"'Course I do. Nothing could ever stop James from doing whatever he'd set his mind to, I should have known even the grave couldn't keep him. But this explains a lot about his behavior back then."
"So you're not mad at me?"
"Why would I be mad at you?"
"For not telling you sooner," Penny said, looking down at her feet.
"Nah, by the sounds of it it wasn't up to you. But I am curious whether Remus disclosed why he wanted you to keep this between you two," said Sirius, the faintest edge to his voice.
Conflicted, Penny fiddled with her fingers. She suddenly felt stupid for mentioning Remus and Dumbledore, she did not want to be the reason they got into a fight, but now that she was here she couldn't rightly lie to Sirius.
"I think he was afraid. . ."
"Of?" pressed Sirius.
"That you'd go and maybe not come back?"
"Right, well that was a conversation he should have had with me and not asked you to be the gatekeeper."
"It wasn't like that—" Penny tried to protest, but Sirius put up his hand to stop her.
"I'm not making accusations, and I'm sorry if it sounds like I am. Obviously Remus and I will have a conversation later, but I don't want this moment to be about that. Bloody hell, Pen, James—" Sirius said, getting to his feet and pacing in a circle before he turned back to her and broke into laughter. "Wish I could have been there with you, have a few things to say to him, starting with telling him he's a git for not telling me."
"He asked about you," Penny said, feeling relieved now that the conversation had steered away from his anger.
"You didn't tell him the truth, did you," Sirius frowned.
"I told him he couldn't haven't chosen better hands to leave us in."
"I don't know if I should condone lying to your father or not."
"That wasn't a lie!" Penny said, incredulously. "But I told him you miss him and take special care to pass down the familial proclivity for mischief."
"Good girl," he said with an amused shake of his head.
"H-he asked me to pass a message onto you," Penny started, almost afraid to continue.
"Yeah?" Sirius said, eyes bright.
"He's happy, Sirius, him and mum both. They don't have any regrets, and he doesn't want you to either. He also said you better not join him until you've lived the life you both swore to have."
Penny watched as his crooked smile faltered slightly, Sirius evidently processing the words, several tears sliding, unbeknownst to him, down his cheek. Surprising Penny, he turned and pulled her to her feet, grabbing the last of the champagne as he went.
"Sirius, what're you—" Penny said, stumbling from the force of his tug.
"This war and the ministry be damned, we're going to have it, Pen, everything we want, when we want, no matter what, for James," he said, holding the bottle up a moment before taking a long drink. Then he offered it to Penny who said, "For James" and drank what was left, unable to stop the goofy smile that remained plastered to her lips as Sirius threw the bottle, letting it shatter against the wall and proceeded to pull her into a tight hug, swaying back and forth as he sang some old tune Penny did not know.
Laughing jovially, Penny danced with Sirius until neither of them could stand very well anymore, and in their belly rolling laughter, fell to the couch, where, Sirius told Penny a slew of stories about the things he and the other marauders had gotten up to at Hogwarts, the pair of them splayed out together, Penny's head resting on Sirius' chest until the sun began to rise, it's rays breaking through the holes in the bordered up window, and Sirius announced it was time for Penny to return to Hogwarts before she was missed; but not before he placed both hands on her shoulders.
"I know I'm not as good as Moony about saying it often enough, but I'm proud of you, kid."
Wrapping her arms around Sirius, she hugged him tightly, his words reminding her of that deep sense of contentment that James' presence induced. "I'm going to ask Hagrid for the Triumph back, fix her up a bit so she's ready for us to take her for a spin this summer," he said in her ear.
"Only if I get to drive," she said with a hint of mischief in her voice.
"We'll see," he said with an eye roll, pushing her toward the door and entering the tunnel behind her as the bear-like dog.
When they made it out of the willow the sun was grazing the top of the forest, casting an ethereal orangish glow over the grounds, Penny's breath catching in her chest as she stood a moment to take it all in; Sirius breaking the peace when he bound out into the freedom of it, stopping momentarily to plant a wet kiss on her face and Penny giving him a pat in return.
"Enjoy the walk home, Sirius. Be safe," she said, reaching for the invisibility cloak and tossing it over herself.
She paused, watching the black dog run toward the magical boundary of Hogwarts where he would likely aparate away, chasing birds and howling as he went, Penny smiling at the contagious happiness he emitted. Sirius Black, padfoot, one of the marauders—no matter where he went, Penny couldn't help but feel part of him would always linger here at Hogwarts, probably because the school never did let go of the extraordinary things that came from it. Her heart feeling lighter than it had, Penny took her time walking back to the castle, determined to study hard for her OWL's to make her godfather proud, and also so she'd have something to use to force him to teach her to drive his motorbike.
Being unable to get any sleep before classes, Penny made it through the day a delirious mess, thankful no one seemed to have noticed her absence the previous night. It wasn't until the start of the Easter holiday that Penny realized Harry hadn't accosted her and seemed preoccupied with something that was bothering him. She finally got the chance to ask him what was up after sneaking into his dormitory to return the cloak and map, Harry entering as she was making her leave.
"What're you doing?" he said suspiciously.
"Looking for you," she only half-lied.
"Why?"
"Because you're avoiding me."
"No I'm not! You've been avoiding me."
"Alright, we've been avoiding each other," Penny conceded, plopping backward onto Harry's bed to indicate she did not intend to leave until they both confessed.
"Something happened with Snape during my last Occlumency lesson and now he won't give me anymore," he said reluctantly when it became apparent that Penny would not share unless he did first.
Sitting back up, she fixed Harry with her green eyes, him shifting uncomfortably until he finally opted to just tell her what had happened. Utterly stupefied, Penny listened to how Harry had entered the pensive that contained memories Snape clearly did not want Harry privy to, and described a warm summer's day during OWLs where her father—her beloved James—and Sirius proceeded to torment and bully Snape. With great attentiveness, she took in every detail Harry described, and from time-to-time dove into his mind's eye to see for herself.
By the time he finished recanting, Penny's stomach was in a tight knot and her brain aching.
"Snape was right, dad was every bit as arrogant as he told me," Harry said miserably.
"What?" Penny said incredulously. "Where do you get that!"
"Did you not listen to a thing I just told you?"
"I heard you describe how Snape fired the first shot, sure dad and Sirius weren't exactly angels themselves, but well, they were 15."
"I'm 15!"
"Yeah, well we can't all be Saint Harry," she said sardonically.
"Haha, real funny. How can you defend them? You who has always insisted Snape isn't a greasy git and spends more time with him than any other person in this castle!"
"He called mum a mudblood!" Penny argued back, feeling oddly defensive.
"That doesn't pardon dad!" Harry said, his features adorably disgruntled.
Both huffing, they stared at each other, Penny feeling very much like she wanted to yell and argue but Harry had made a good point, one she couldn't overlook.
"Fine. But if you think that's enough to damn dad and Sirius then I suppose you'll never be able to look at me again when I tell you what I've done."
"It's irritating when you do that."
"Do what?"
"Make excuses for being closed off."
"Yeah, well, it's annoying when you go and decide to be so mature and wise for your age," she pouted, flopping backward onto the bed.
A moment later the mattress sunk beside her, Harry's bespectacled face looking down at her.
"I know who you are, even if you doubt yourself sometimes."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm your twin, what do you think?"
"Alright, I stabbed Umbridge," Penny said matter-of-factly.
"What? Is this some kind of joke—"
"No, actually. The old hag made me go to her office the other night to mutilate me to get more of whatever that substance is that they keep milling from me. . .and then Snape showed up and I kinda lost it, so I stabbed her."
"And she didn't arrest you?" Harry said, mouth agape.
"Oh, no. Snape cleaned it up and wiped her memory."
A long silence followed, Harry's wide eyes like windows, exposing to Penny the various furiously working gears in his head trying to process her words and determine if she were telling the truth. Brushing softly against her mind, Penny not bothering to hide the events from him, he looked at the memories that were so loathsome to her.
"Snape showered with you! " Harry said, sounding thoroughly scandalized as though that were the most shocking portion of her entire story.
"We were fully clothed!"
"He's our professor! No doubt he helped you clean up the crime scene so he could take advantage of you!"
"How did we go from you defending him to you accusing him of trying to molest me?" Penny said rather impatiently.
"It's not right, Penny. You can't argue it's not normal, the amount of interest he has in you."
"Of course it's not normal, you dunce. We're basically stuck together forever because the universe decided," Penny all but yelled.
"Still, teachers aren't supposed to like their students."
"Is that so? Does that include Lupin?"
"That's totally different!" Harry said lamely.
"Yeah, because you're not prejudiced against him," Penny grumbled. "Anyway, I just told you I stabbed our headmistress—stabbed—and this is what you want to argue about. A lot of help you are," Penny sulked, flicking Harry on his cute button nose.
Taking off his glasses so he could wipe them clean, Harry sighed in annoyance, placing them back on his nose and surveying her with eyes that were identical to her own and shown with concern. He did not speak at first, Penny reluctantly thankful he was considering his words before he spoke them. "I mean, I'd probably stab her too if I got a chance," Harry shrugged.
"Can you just say what you're really thinking," Penny said, convinced he was lying to her. There was no way her brother had ever wanted to stab anyone.
"I am! She's tortured you, Penny. Gave you to Yaxley. She's evil. You didn't break, you did what anyone would do—" he began, his features that were so much like James', bright with that fierce loyalty of his.
With a heavy sigh she reached up and yanked Harry down, strangling him with her hold around his neck.
"Thanks, Harry."
"Yeah, anytime," he said, prying himself free of her hold. "But if you think we're done talking about Snape taking you into the shower—"
"Oh shut up, Harry," Penny groaned, rolling over to bury her head beneath his pillow to escape the tirade that would follow. Unfortunately for Penny he was not easily deterred and tattled on her to Hermione and Ron, which meant the Easter holiday was filled with Hermione's incessant tutting and worrying as she went through all the horrifically poor outcomes for Penny that could occur because of the situation. Though, mercifully, the severity of the crime Penny had committed seemed to outweigh Snape's shower, so she did not mention that. However, Ron could not contain his disgust at the thought of being in a shower with Snape and asked Penny repeatedly if anything more had happened and if she wanted to talk about it (to his mom, not him, of course), a habit that irritated Penny so greatly that she took to avoiding the common room and spending most of her time smoking too much and staring out windows in random corridors and being oddly entranced by what went on in the grounds below..
It was during one of these window watching episodes late on the last evening of her holiday that she noticed a tall figure leave the grounds and walk briskly toward Hogsmeade. It did not take long for Penny to discern it was Snape, her heart thumping belligerently when she recognized his head of black hair. She hadn't seen him since the night in his quarters because when she'd fallen asleep he'd somehow managed to return her to Gryffindor tower and she woke in her own bed, Snape nowhere to be found at any of the meals that day. Penny had debated whether she should go looking for him or not, but found herself unable to face the man, afraid of what she might find in those features.
Watching him walk, Penny couldn't help but feel he was agitated and thought his shoulders seemed stiffer than usual. But why would he be heading to Hogsmeade at this time? It was an answer that perplexed her and compelled her to watch him until he disappeared into the distance and the grounds became dark. Resigning herself from this stalker behavior and knowing curfew would be upon her soon, Penny made for the astronomy tower, wanting a cigarette, or three, before returning to the common room.
The night air was warm, but the breeze cool, Penny closing her eyes and letting her mind wander far from her current thoughts, far from the stress of her impending OWLs, far from trying to recognize herself in the mirror.
Something had changed, she was sure of it, but she did not know what. Perhaps it was her paranoia, like Harry had suggested when Penny admitted these feelings to him. She wanted to believe him, to believe Snape, that it could all be forgotten, but she couldn't because every cell in her body remembered the feeling of piercing Umbridge's flesh, the jubilation and relief that followed. These truths, they disgusted and disturbed her, but they were still her truths.
Resigning herself to follow Sirius' advice to let a cigarette take the edge off, she lit one up, smiling as she thought of Sirius frolicking through the very grounds that sat so far below her. Perhaps she shouldn't have chickened out and just told him about Umbridge. But after the discussion they'd had and how happy he'd been recounting memories with her about James, Penny just couldn't bring herself to derail the conversation with such a gloomy confession. But at the same time, she desired his pardon because in her mind, his was as good as James'. At least there was still the summer to speak with him about it. Hopefully she and Harry would not be forced to linger long at the Dursley's and they could go and spend the summer with Sirius.
For the first time, Penny felt excited about what the summer would bring. The idea of sitting with Sirius and working on his motorbike, sneaking it out for a joy-ride, it sounded like the best summer she would ever have. Perhaps it was a pipe-dream, but it was her and Sirius' and part of Penny felt certain Sirius had reached a turning point because of James' words. There was so much for them to do and learn together, and this summer would be the springing board. Not to mention Sirius' laid back nature would be very welcome as she waited anxiously for her test results. Yes, Penny thought, this summer would be a memorable one.
Thinking she ought to make it back to the common room so as not to give Umbridge an excuse to accost her again, Penny put out her cigarette and made for the door, pulling it open and striding through still lost in thought about Sirius. Unfortunately, only a couple of steps in she collided with something hard, nearly knocking her backward. Confused and mildly alarmed, she did a double-take as a claw-like hand grasped her wrist to keep her upright.
"Do you ever watch where you're going," he snapped.
"It's a little bit hard to see you there when you wear all black and it's dark up here," Penny scowled.
"I don't want your excuse, Potter," said Snape, pushing her back onto the tower, evidently intent to continue on to his destination and take her with him.
"Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed? Or does someone just need a little TLC?"
"What I need—"
"Never-mind, you smell like a cheap prostitute gave you some TLC full of STD's," Penny choked, a wave of some very overpowering perfume hitting her like a punch to the face.
Snape stopped, his mouth opening and closing several times in indignation, and even in the dim light Penny could still see his usually sallow skin become a harsh shade of puce.
"No way, is that what you were doing at Hogsmeade?" laughed Penny.
"Whatever I was doing is of no concern to you, Potter. Though am I curious as to why you seem to have taken up stalking my coming and going," he said cooly.
"Stalking is a bit of a stretch, I saw you from the window."
"I'm sure."
"Listen, you can do what you want, fiancé, but maybe just shower off when you're finished," Penny said derisively as she turned and reached in her pocket, feeling a very pressing urge for another cigarette. However, before it reached her mouth, long cold fingers had snatched it from her, Penny finding him bending into his hand and lighting it before she could even protest. Over the glowing embers his eyes found hers, a distinct look of amused satisfaction on his face.
"Bit rude to put my cigarette between the lips you just used to cheat on me with," said Penny, snatching it back and making a spectacle of wiping his germs from it.
"Sorry to disappoint you, Potter, but I have no intention of sacrificing the little happiness in my life to be trapped in a marriage with you, so I'd hardly call it cheating," Snape said with an eye roll.
"Yeah? Intending to kill the Dark Lord before then are you?" Penny challenged with an arch of her brow.
It was Snape's turn to scowl, but he did not respond, rather turned his palm over, demanding the cigarette.
"Something else is bothering you," said Penny, scrutinizing Snape more closely as she dangled it before him.
Taking the cigarette with his right hand and pressing his left palm to her forehead he pushed her away, closing his eyes and taking several more drags. Pulling his hand away from her face, she said, "Maybe you shouldn't be so cheap and pay for the more expensive hooker if this one isn't doing it for you," as she turned it over to examine it as though she was going to read his future. Even in his annoyance the tension abated from his hand at her touch, Penny tracing the couple of lines she could see on his palm.
"If you do not shut up, Potter, I will give you detention for every weekend until your OWLs."
"Do you want to talk about it?" she said, ignoring his threat and looking up at him.
Apparently he received what Penny believed to be a genuine gesture of care for his well being as sarcasm, his lip curling in response.
"Don't pretend like that arrogant brat didn't take great pleasure in—" he suddenly fumed.
"Well if that isn't the most ridiculous reaction to someone expressing emotional support, but if you need to get something off your chest, please do," Penny said darkly.
"Don't play coy with me, I know better than to believe Potter would refuse a chance to poison you against me!"
"I'm Potter too, but I assume you mean Harry," Penny said, not caring that the mention of his name sent the vein throbbing in Snape's neck. "Before I address that, it's generally helpful in a conversation to give context so the other person can figure out what the hell you're talking about, but nonetheless, I assume you are referring to that memory where you called my mum a mudblood. I'll have you know Harry actually defended you—"
"Oh yes, of course he made me out to be the villain, skimming over the fact that Potter and Black came at me!" Snape spat with such vehemence she thought his eyes might bulge right out of his head.
"Is this about Harry, or are you actually worried I'd think differently of you because of it?" Penny blinked, flabbergasted by the raging man before her. "Because if so, you're an idiot, I've already told you Harry and I are able to share thoughts and I saw the memory for myself, so whatever spin you think Harry put on it is completely off the mark. But for clarification and time's sake I won't make you suffer and tell you I thought you were a bit of a dick, but you ended up becoming a Death Eater so that wasn't entirely surprising. As for my dad and Sirius, they were pricks, but like you, they grew out of it. Oh—I also kinda feel like I'd have totally asked you out back then. I mean you're still a handsome man, but a young angsty Snape, that made me weak in the knees," she said, thinking back to skinny, young Snape and that adorable scowl of his.
The sneer becoming more pronounced as the seconds wore on, he stared at her, the alarm bells in Penny's head telling her she should probably not be in reaching distance, lest he strangle her. "Do you think you're funny, Potter? Mocking me like that good-for-nothing father of yours!"
Ignoring the warning signs and letting her anger get the best of her, she stepped into his bubble and took back the cigarette that had been wasting away between his fingers, set her jaw and took a drag, her eyes not leaving his until her lungs demanded release and she turned to her right and blew out the smoke before looking back.
"You're supposed to be an accomplished legilimens and you still can't tell when I'm telling the truth? That's embarrassing. Bested by a Potter brat. Or maybe it's just blatant denial because you can't be sulky if you wake up and realize that my feelings for you aren't so easily swayed. For merlin's sake, what do I have to do to make you believe it doesn't matter, I know you, Severus Snape. Wasn't it enough that—" Penny said, her left hand subconsciously reaching for her chest where the mark he'd been forced to give her resided, a permanent reminder of what they had embarked on together.
Looking very much like he wanted to scream at her, his jaw clenched, his eyes followed her hand, seeing through her nervous habit before she even realized she'd exposed herself. Penny blushing in annoyance as she resisted the urge to return her hand to her side in embarrassment. The lines on his face softened, his mouth betraying his regret. "I-" he started, struggling to control his cadence. He waited another moment, the berating he so obviously wanted to give to her finally fizzling out in his chest and continued. "I would not use legilimency on you without your consent," he said stiffly, his face paling.
"Well I give my consent now," Penny said, having no such restraint as he and wanting very much to fight with him after he'd been so rude to her.
Black eyes flitted away from hers in an obvious rejection of her invitation, giving Penny an odd sense of smug satisfaction. It was not often that Severus Snape was the one to look away and concede to her, except he had no intention of conceding and rather surprised her by reaching for the hand on her chest. "Your word suffices," he said, brushing her hand aside, his other hand following after the first and unbuttoning the top button of her blouse. He paused, black eyes glancing back at green before he proceeded to the second and third, exposing just the top of her mark.
Breath caught in her chest, Penny closed her eyes as his soft finger touched her marred skin tracing it much in the same manner she had his palm. Despite herself and her desire to remain annoyed with him, her anger melted away beneath his touch, to be replaced with all the insecurities and anxieties that came with carrying the mark. No one had seen the mark since she'd left that cursed place, and part of Penny had resigned herself to it staying that way. It was hideous and betrayed her weakness, her lies, secrets she did not know how to confess to. The mark, it was the thing that made her different, stole from her those things that should have rightly been hers; a normal life; careless teenage years. Even in her resentment, she did not blame him but rather, understood his nature a little better. Those things he kept hidden, they were his burdens, things life, circumstance, and someone else had given to him and made him the creature that stood before her.
Though she saw through it, it wasn't until his finger started to trace the mark for a second time that she realized he saw through it too. He understood those things which she could not explain to others; looked upon her now as he always had, seeing not the sign of an inevitable future, but the need to continue to choose differently.
Severus Snape, Potions Master, one of Voldemort's Death Eaters—no matter what came next, Penny knew that there was nothing she could hide from him because he was a part of her now. Tied together by misfortune, destiny, and. . ."I would have thought you'd have learned by now that your tendency to remain silent accomplishes nothing, Potter" he chided, making Penny open her eyes and laugh quietly. Of course he couldn't stop himself from criticizing her.
"What would you have me say? I wish none of it had never happened? Would that ease your conscience? If I were ordinary and wanted ordinary things? No, I don't think you want to know the truth."
"What I want is irrelevant, Potter. But I would have thought you were clever enough to realize I am all too intimately familiar with what you are experiencing," he said, his right hand reaching for the buttons on his left sleeve. Rolling it up, he released his left arm and held it out to expose the mark on his forearm. "One does not simply fall into darkness. I took this mark with an all too eager heart. We are not the same."
"That's the problem," Penny said quietly. "There is no guarantee I'll make it out,"
"Then hold on and I'll pull you out," Snape said, his voice full of impatience as he grabbed her hand, holding it much more tightly in his than was necessary, shaking it slightly to pull her from her despair. "If you believe in anything, believe that I will hang on to you," he said through gritted teeth, the intensity of his statement startling Penny into silence.
He held her gaze fiercely for what felt like minutes, Penny swimming through a vast array of thoughts and finally settling on Sirius' reminder that sometimes moments do not come again, and so she resigned herself to accepting the comfort Snape offered her in this one. With a small smile, she nodded, Snape accepting this gesture and relaxing a bit as he leaned himself against the wall behind him, hand still holding hers. Penny flicked the dying butt from her finger and followed suit, her shoulder pressed against his upper arm and hand clasping his tightly back, she could not make him do all the work.
In the silence of their various waves of energy crashing and intermingling in the air before them,, they watched the moon trail across the sky, Penny pondering the idea that perhaps the universe, in this moment, existed just to be seen by their eyes, to explain to them what words alone could not express— though life is cruel, sometimes we are offered second chances, and if we commit ourselves to taking it, life gives to us that which we never knew we needed. Whatever lay ahead of Snape and she, they could not look back now.
In moral ambiguity and likely damnation, they had chosen their path, together.
"You have detention for the next month, Potter," Snape said when he finally pulled his hand from hers.
"For what! I have OWLs," Penny demanded, aghast and searching his face for a joke she did not find.
"Pushing Montague into that vanishing cabinet," Snape said lazily, making his way toward the stairs.
"You can't give me detention without even asking me what happened!" Penny raged.
"Montague's retelling was sufficient evidence" Snape replied snapping the door to the stairway shut in Penny's face.
Unbridled fury at the injustice of it boiling to the surface, Penny ripped the door open, finding Snape quite a ways down the stairway, so she stuck her head over the railing and yelled at him. "I curse you Severus Snape, may this stairwell lead you to a misery that plagues you for as long as my life suffers because these detentions made me fail my OWLs!"
"Goodnight, Potter."
Kicking the railing and only accomplishing hurting her own toe, she followed after him, cursing whoever had decided to tie her to this insufferably bipolar man. He could never just let them have a nice moment because then he might have to admit to himself that he liked them as well as she did.