Okay, the disclaimer you'v all been waitig for.

I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING FROM SOUTH OF NOWHERE! I ONLY OWN THE PLOT AND ANY CHARACTERS I'VE MADE UP!

It's been about one month since Ashley has re-entered my life. It's killing me in every way possible. Just having her around me again was breaking down the walls I had built over my heart. I hadn't even hardly been talking to her. Just a few conversations here and there about some band or something at work, nothing worth remembering. But I remembered every little detail of every interaction I had with Ashley; it made me so very mad at myself.

She left me. She pushed me away. And it made so pissed off that I found myself wanting to be near her. I just wanted to forgive her. I wanted to tell her it was okay. All I wanted to do was hold her in my arms and feel the wonderful sensations of being close to Ashley. A whole big part of me wanted to just start fresh. And that's what made the remaining part of me so damn pissed off!

She's the one who broke us apart. She was the one who was scared. I hated her for it. After everything we had been through there was a part of her that still couldn't trust me. So she pushed me out of her life, claiming it was for my best interest! I wanted to try. I wanted to wait out the storm until she could completely have faith in me . . . But she let go . . .

I have the right to hate her! I should hate her! I should be disgusted by the sight of her! ... But I can't help it.I can't help the butterflies that still plague my stomach when she's near. I can't help how my heart swells whenever she smiles. I can't help the urge to just kiss her for just being her wonderful self. And I cannot help the desire I feel for her when I stare into her gorgeous eyes.

It's all so damn confusing! I hate her! ... I do . . . At least, I think I do . . . Oh, I don't know anymore! The emotions she's causing me are so conflicting and confusing! I just wish I could choose one and stick to it.

I sat alone in my apartment bed room on my bed. I was supposed to be studying for a huge test I had in the morning, but all I could do was think about Ashley. Ashley's smile, Ashley's hair. How her body was so perfect and seemed to call to me to touch it. How she made me feel so comfortable and happy by just standing next to me. Everything was about Ashley!

I sighed in frustration as I threw my notebook I had been "studying" from onto the hard wooden floor. I pulled my legs up to my chest and held them there. I rested my head on top of my legs as I tried to just stop thinking about Ashley.

I tried, and tried, and tried! It just seemed that the more I tried to not think about her, the more I thought about her. So I tried thinking about her, because maybe then I'd stop once I had my fill. THAT JUST MADE IT A MILLION TIMES WORSE! Now I had tons of memories flashing before my eyes. It just wouldn't stop!

I yelled in frustration as I laid down on my bed. I was supposed to despise her and hate every thought that pops into my head about her! But all I could do was think about how much I loved and missed her.

"AHHHHHHHH!" I screamed at my white painted ceiling, letting out a tiny milligram of frustration.

"What's the matter?" My room mate, Laura, asked as she opened the door to my room and walked in.

"Nothing" I said in an over exaggerated voice.

"Uh-huh" Laura said as she put her arms across her chest and leaned against the door way, looking at me with doubtful eyes.

Laura could read me like a book. Even if I had said nothing subtly and really seemed fine she would be able to tell. See, Laura wasn't just my room mate, she was my cousin. We had always been close. She's the daughter of my dad's brother and my dad and his family are really close. And considering we both grew up in Ohio, we saw each other almost every day. We were still close after I moved out to LA. We talked to each other almost every day, by either phone or computer. I had always wanted to go to Penn State and so had she. So I moved in with her after being accepted into Penn State.

But the thing was, she knew everything about Ashley and me. I even told her every little interaction we had at work. She knew I was still in love with Ashley and could tell it was bothering me. She just seemed to be waiting patiently for me to let it all out.

"You know, you're a horrible liar" Laura continued as she walked into my room and sat down on my bed.

I sat up Indian style on the bed a faced her. She copied me and just smiled, anticipating the moment I would open my mouth.

"I know" I said, still hesitating to talk about anything Ashley related. We sat in silence for a few minutes before Laura grew inpatient.

"Are you gonna tell me or I'm I gonna have to beat it out of you?" She asked as she lightly laughed.

"It makes me so angry at myself," I began, getting Laura's complete attention, "I should despise her . . . I just can't . . . I mean, I'm completely enraged by what she did but . . . I'm not even remotely angry at her."

"It's easy to forgive someone you love" Laura said as she smiled at me in an almost sympathetic way. "Especially when you love someone so much like you love Ashley. I don't even have to see you two together to know how much you love her. Because the way you talk about her . . . when you say her name . . . you can just tell how much you care for her Spencer."

"I don't want to care about her" I said in a pained voice. "I mean . . . she meant so much to me. I gave her my heart, and she let it shatter into a million pieces. Why can't I just hate her?" I asked myself more than Laura as I felt tears threaten to spill from my eyes.

"Because you want to love her more than you want to hate her" Laura said plainly. "There may be a part of you that wants to hate her Spence, but there's an even bigger part of you that just wants to love her. That bigger part of you, even that small par of you that wants to hate her, will always be in love with her. When you gave her your heart Spencer, you didn't want it back. You never expected to get it back. And when she tried to give it back you pushed her hands away, and that's when it fell to the floor and shattered into a million tiny pieces."

I smiled at her. She was right. I knew all of this, but for some reason hearing it from Laura's mouth reassured me it was right.

"So if she's willing to try to pick up every single tiny piece and put your heart back together, don't push her away. The love you and Ashley have for each other is so rare to experience. Don't ever push something like that out of your life."

"How is it you can see all of this so clearly and I can't?" I asked her with a warm smile on my face, the tears that I had been holding in my eyes slowly falling.

"If you would just sit back and watch things sometimes you would know" Laura said with a cocky smile plastered on her face.