"Uh Sir…I...uh...I mean…uh…Ma'm…er…Major? Um your hus…Uh I mean…Lt. Col. Penobscott is here to see you."
The smile disappeared off my face. My heart dropped into my stomach and I felt like throwing up. Radar scurried off quickly. I started shaking. I couldn't help it, I was terrified. Not really of what he would do, I was safe enough here. But rather I was afraid of what he would say. Thank God Hawkeye was there. He had heard what Radar said and he leaned over to help me stand up.
"Margaret," He said seriously, "…do you have the divorce papers in you tent?" I nodded. "Well let's go get them." He took hold of my elbow and walked with me to my tent. After retrieving the papers he led me to Col Potter's office. I stopped at the door and he turned and looked at me.
"Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere." He smiled reassuringly.
"What if he won't sign them?" I had just voiced my deepest fear. My eyes pleaded with Hawkeye to understand, to help me.
"Don't worry, he will." I followed him inside, still not sure of how he could be so confident. But I had to trust someone because I was in this way over my head.
"Margaret! Baby, I've missed you!" Donald rushed to me and wrapped his arms around me, kissing me fiercely. "I was in the area and I thought I'd drop by to see you!" I tried my hardest to pull back and he looked down at me with a frown. "What's wrong angel?" I looked away; I had no idea what to say. I looked over at Pierce, silently begging him to help me. He walked over and politely, but firmly, pushed Donald away from me.
"Hey! What's going on here?" Donald demanded. I could see he was getting angry. "Margaret, what's with this guy?" I looked at the floor. I knew I had to say something but I didn't know what. I cleared my throat nervously.
"Donald, last week in Seoul..." He started looking at Pierce uneasily. "…I told you I wanted a divorce. I still do." A cloud of anger swept over his face. He was digging his nails into his palms, trying to restrain himself. He shot an angry glance at Hawkeye. "Uh oh," I thought, I knew what he must have been thinking. Before I could do anything I saw him take a wild swing at Pierce. I screamed as Hawkeye reeled backwards falling into the filing cabinets. He quickly jumped up and managed to deliver two heavy blows to Donald's abdomen; twisting his arm behind his back and pushing him up against the desk.
"I wouldn't try anything." Hawkeye said harshly. "If you move an inch, your arm will break." Turning his head toward me he said, "Margaret, could you bring the papers over here please." I couldn't move. I was standing there with my mouth hanging open. I had never seen Pierce act like this toward anyone…with the exception of maybe Frank. Even with him Hawkeye had never acted this harsh.
"Margaret," His voice brought me back into the present, "Margaret…the papers." I quickly walked over and placed them on the desk in front of Donald, then hurriedly retreating into the background.
"Sign if you will sir." Hawkeye hissed. Donald managed to sign the papers with his free hand. Hawkeye released his grip and escorted Donald outside. Alone, I walked over to the desk and picked up the papers. I sat down heavily in the nearest chair. It was all over. I wasn't sure how I felt; relieved, certainly. But I also felt ashamed. My first marriage had lasted only three months. I started to cry. I couldn't help it! Damn it, what was happening to me? Major Houlihan, the head nurse at a MASH unit, sitting alone in an office crying. Was I really that weak? I wrapped my arms around myself and slid onto the floor, curling up into a ball. What had I done with my life? Everything I had ever done I now regretted immensely. Everything I thought I was, everything I wanted to achieve meant nothing to me anymore. What was I going to do? Never in my life had I hated the army so much. My entire life I had strove to please others; to get promoted just once more. I didn't care about any of that, I never did. I had done it all to please my father. Where was he now? I had no idea. I was completely alone. I heard Pierce enter the room. I tried to stop crying and straighten up. He walked towards me and sat down, comfortingly putting his arm around me. I stared at the floor avoiding looking him in the eyes.
"I'm sorry Margaret." He said it so sincerely. Maybe I wasn't alone after all. I leaned into his arms and let the tears come. I cried for several minutes and then looked up into his face.
"Thank you."
"For what Major?" He smiled slightly and it sent chills down my spine. I nervously started playing with his dog tags.
"For being my friend; for being the only one that cares." He smiled again and slowly shook his head.
"Margaret, there are plenty of people who would love to kill you;" I looked up at him curiously, wondering where he was going with this, "But there are even more people that would kill for you."
I tried to smile, but as I looked up at him my eyes filled, tears spilling onto my cheeks. He raised his hand and wiped them away.
"No more tears Major, he isn't worth it." I shook my head. I knew why I was crying and it had nothing to do with Donald. I placed my hand on his shoulder and leaned closer to him. Impulsively I raised my head and zeroed in on his lips. The moment my lips touched his, tears welled up in my eyes again. I had longed for this, sometimes without knowing it. I enjoyed his company immensely despite his crude humor. He was the only true friend I had and I realized at that moment that I loved him. I wasn't sure when my feelings had changed from disdain to love. There had been no fireworks, my heart never jumped when I saw him. I had been in love before and it was always so obvious to me. This time it was different; the love came softly.
I began to wrap my arms around his neck but he pushed me back. I looked up and he looked back at me questioningly. I tried to read his expression to see if there was any way he could possibly feel the same way about me. I saw nothing but confusion and shock. As if he could read my mind he shook his head.
"You're upset Margaret. Come on, I'll help you to your tent." He stood up and offered his hand.
Embarrassed I struggled to my feet, ignoring his offer of assistance. "Oh God," I thought, "Get me out of here!" I attempted to brush past Hawkeye, but he caught my hand and pulled me over to him.
"Come on Margaret, you know you would have regretted it in the morning." My face must have turned a million shades of red, from both humiliation and anger. I couldn't believe he was treating me like this. He was acting like the only reason I kissed him was because I was lonely. Oh. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course that's what he thought. How could he think otherwise? Damn, I could act like such an idiot at times! I hung my head and stared at my boots. Could I risk telling him how I felt? I needed to tell him, I ached to have him hold me. Not in the way he had been, in that comforting embrace of a friend; but with the tenderness of a couple who loved each other.
"I love you." I whispered it so quietly I wasn't sure if he heard me. He sighed. Well, I guess he did hear me.
"Margaret…" He paused, searching for words. "…Margaret you've just been through a very big ordeal and you're tired, why don't you get some sleep."
So that was it. That was his response to my feelings. I should have known better. My life was hell and I deserved it. Why should things change now?
I turned and quickly exited the room. Tears stung in my eyes as the wind whipped around my face. I saw Kellye walk out of the mess tent. She called to me and I ignored her as I began to sprint across the compound. My skirt twisted around my legs and I fell, a rock tearing a gash in my leg. I staggered to my feet and opened the door to my tent. Once in the safety of my cot I curled into a fetal position and I once again began to cry. Oh God, what was I going to do?