1a. Dedalus returns home

DOCUMENT 01:DEDALUS' DIARY_PAGE1

Jul 9th

I feel emptied.

I came home today, Ma hugged me at the front door, Aenius and Briggs did the same. They all put their brightest smile on their face.

I don't know how to feel. I think I never will.

Just glad I don't see them anymore.

The Capitol people, I mean. The other tributes – I still see them at night.

I see Floriana screaming and crying her eyes out on the train.

I see the boy from 6 trying to escape through the bars and injuring his arm.

I see him being beaten up for it, by Peackeepers.

I see the tear the girl from 3 sheds after I slashed her throat with my knife.

I see Ribb, that damn fool's cadaverous skin and those red pustules on her arms.

I see her trying to lift her hand towards mine.

Then I open my eyes and I don't see her anymore.

But enough with the nightmares – at least for now. I am home now, and I became their murderer to be here.

Tomorrow there will be a feast at the town hall. Floriana's parents will be there, too. That doesn't bother me, though. I didn't know her until a week ago, and we didn't talk much on the days after our arrival in thw Capitol, so.

Ma says I should bring them a gift. Like a bouquet or something appropriate. But is there even anything appropriate about this, right now? She died so I could live, and she didn't choose this.

Let's be clear, I don't feel guilty. I did what I had to do.

But still, I imagine her swollen eyes and I feel like a part of me has been stolen, thorn apart, burnt down and spit on. I wonder if she would have felt the same.

People here in 2 say I've made them proud. 2 was the one that triumphed, they tell me, and that has happened just thanks to me. I am their victor, the mayor declares on a stage in the reaping square, where the district's population had gathered to celebrate me.

Even Ma is proud.

As we get back home from the celebrations in the reaping square, Ma takes me to the kitchen.

She brings me a glass of water, and then starts to tell me stuff. She tells me that after I was reaped, Aenius became captain of our school's football team. She tells me that she got the promotion at work she had been waiting for forever. She tells me that we will soon be moving to what she calls "Victors' Village".

A pause.

She says that I was destined to be the victor.

I ask her what she means, but she just giggles and tells me that I don't have to worry about it.

I ask her if Pa is involved in this, but she replies that Pa has always been watching me.

Ma then walks away from the kitchen. After that, I remain in the kitchen until late evening, and then I went to my room, where I find this dirty notebook. I decide to write things on it.

I don't know if I am a victor or not.

And I will probably never know.

[End of DOCUMENT 01]