Chapter Eleven

Trekking through the jungle Eko and Kate started to become discouraged. They hadn't been on Jack's trail for a long time now. "Oh God! Where is he?" Kate cried. "Calm down" Eko instructed. "Being stressed and sad won't help find him. It will only distract us. Stay alert and focused." "It is kind of hard to do" Kate said. " I said some things I regret before he left. I never told him how I really felt because at the time I was confused and afraid of them. Now he is gone and he might be dead and…" "Shut up!" Eko demanded softly so they were the only ones who could here but he said it in such a demanding voice she took notice and stopped immediately. "Excuse me…" Kate was about to teach Eko that no one talks to her that way when Eko interrupted again "Shh! We are being followed" Eko informed her. Kate with fear on her face nodded and understood. "Who is following us?" Kate whispered. "Do you know what shh means?" Eko whispered back. As they continued to trek through the jungle pretending what ever was out there did not exist Eko fired his gun into the clearance. Jack and then Mike came out of the woods screaming. "What the hell are you doing?" Jack yelled. Eko gave a smirk, "I just wanted to see who was following us," Eko laughed. "I know that was a blank shot so no one got hurt. I know what I was doing. I just wanted you to come out of hiding." Kate immediately hugged Jack in an emotional embrace and Jack did the same. Mike was glad to see Eko again. Although Eko hardly spoke to anyone let alone Mike on the trek back to the Fuselage survivors camp he always felt safer around Eko. Something about Eko was strangely comforting but unnerving at the same time. If you were against him you should be very afraid but if you were on his side you had nothing to worry about. Maybe it was his unquestionable faith and confidence that made his so comforting. Unlike Locke his faith was not fanaticism and troublesome at times. His faith seems more down to earth, more understandable and genuine. "Where were you guys?" Kate asked. "We were captured by the others. We will discuss it later. Right now all I want to do is get back home. I can not actually believe I am calling the camp on the beach home but for now it is." Eko hushed them again. 'We are being followed for real this time. We need to separate to confuse them and loose them. Mike and I will take a new route to camp and Jack and Kate should go back the way we came. Kate you remember what route we took right?" "I am a tracker. I am not the damsel in distress you all think I am. I promise." She said with a smile. At first Jack objected to splitting up "I don't think breaking up as soon as we finally found ourselves is a good idea. Staying as a group we will be stronger together." "Staying together and will all die together. We need to separate. Mike and myself can loose them and find our way back. Kate and I brought back weapons. I know how to track and get back to camp. Mike and myself can take care of us. Kate knows how to track and get back to camp too and the two of you can take care of yourselves." After listening to reasoning Jack agreed. Kate already had a gun and so did Eko. They told each other goodbye and wished each other good luck and a safe trip back to camp like it was a possibility they wouldn't see each other again. Then Mike and Eko started going in a different direction and Jack and Kate continued to go in the direction they were going.

As Jack and Kate went on their way there they had awkward silence. Each had so much to say to each other yet they were both still afraid to let it out. So of course they distracted each other with the weather and other small talk. When that had finally reached its expiration date they moved to how the camp was holding up without Jack and Mike's and Jack's encounter with the others. "So I bet you guys celebrated me being gone. No one to tell you all what to do and how to do it. It's like your folks going on vacation and using the fact that they are away to have a party at their house. You guys get to do what you want when you want without doctor giggles breathing down your neck. I bet everyone doesn't even want me back," Jack said with a smirk. Kate did not smile back. "It was hell while you were gone Jack. What were you thinking going off alone? You are the only doctor. Things at camp are horrible without you. Aaron is sick again. Bernard is not feeling up to par. Sawyers infection is not doing well. I am really concerned about him. Sun is having problems with the baby and Jin is freaking out about it. The camp is anarchy without you. You were always there to lead and to help people and to give advice and I…" Kate Stopped herself. "What about yours and Mike's encounter with the others?" Kate said.

"The others still have Walt. I went into the jungle to clear my head and take care of a few things and then I was captured by them," Jack said. "What did you learn about them Jack?" Kate asked barely above a whisper paying attention closely. "I didn't learn much about them that we didn't already know. It just reinforced a few things I have been saying in how to deal with them that not everyone agrees with me on. The others are very dangerous Kate and they are not on our side. They are watching us Kate and picking us off one by one and if we don't do something soon about it we are in deep trouble. Things are going to get hairy again and I am going to have to know that you are going to have my back again like I asked you to do with Locke. A war is coming Kate. I don't like the idea of it either but we have no choice. You and everyone else at camp are either with me or against me when we get back to camp. There is no in-between to hide behind Kate. I am preparing for the war. I rather have you with me than against me. What do you say?"

"Well I was supposed to be having your back with Locke and you excluded me. If you want me to have your back you are going to have to learn to trust me Jack. Otherwise what's the point? I know you feel as if you have to protect me but I can take care of myself and you know that. If you trust me and let me in than I will have your back one hundred percent. But if you do what you did with me like the Henry situation than I can not have your back."

Jack understood this. "I am sorry about Henry. I didn't know all the facts about him and dint want the camp to panic before I got all I needed to know from him. We still did not know if he was a survivor or an other and before everyone else had their two cents about the situation myself, Locke, and Sayid had to make sure we could get all we needed from him. I should have told you and I am sorry for that. I promise I will inform you what is happening as soon as I get it next time. It is not that I don't trust you Kate. It is that I worry about you. You are important to me and don't want you hurt. Too many people in my life are gone and I don't want you to be one of them."

"What about Ana? How come she knew and I didn't? I am just as much if not more able to handle myself than her." Kate said. "I did not invite Ana into the whole Henry situation. Locke did behind my back. He thought her interrogation skills she had, as a cop would come in handy. Then through Sayid, Charlie got wind of it. If it were up to me only myself, Sayid, and Locke would have known about it. Looking back I would have wanted you in on it too. We are a team Kate. We need each other more than anything right now.

Kate smiled at this as she continued to trek through the jungle with Jack. It was day out but it was so dark because of the rain you could never tell. Jack paused for a second "Kate, f you want me to trust you than you are going to have to open up to me too. You still wont let me in. You still don't trust me enough to tell me about your past. I told you that everyone has a clean slate here and the past is over. I like the qualities that have made you who you are today and I am willing to accept anything that you have done. My life has not been perfect either."

'Can you Jack? Can you really accept all my flaws? I don't think you can. You expect so much from everybody else on the island and everything is black and white for you. Nothing is gray. It is either it is right or it is wrong. Nothing is in between and my entire life has been stuck in the in between, gray area's. Can you honestly accept that?" Kate asked examining his reaction very closely.

"I am not perfect Kate and I don't expect you to be either. My past is not that pretty either. I act the reason I do because of my past. I see potential in you Kate that no else even you see. I challenge you to live a better life. And I love when you challenge me to be better to, to not be hard on myself. To let loose and love what short time here on earth we have left."

'So I am not the only one holding secrets to my past?" Kate said with a smile.

At this time they became very tired and decided to stop and rest and put up a tent. It was getting dark out and deciding to continue while they were still tired and it being pitch black out was non -sense. They set up camp together and gave each other those yearning eyes that they normally do while flirting over how to set up the tents. Kate opened up her backpack and took out Jack's poncho. "I thought you might need this." Kate said with her always infectious and sweet laugh that always put a smile on Jack's face. Jack smiled from ear to ear. 'How were you able to tear this away from Sawyer?" Jack asked. "I stole it from his stash" Kate laughed. "Ah, my little criminal is not that bad after all." They both laughed uncontrollably.

As they sat there the rain suddenly stopped. For the first time in many days the rain was gone. Jungle noises started to return. As Jack and Kate continued to joke and relax Kate interrupted it all and started to kiss Jack. Jack kissed her back and they kissed passionately. When they finally came back up for air Kate said her lips still moist from the kiss "I never regretted kissing you." Jack went in again and this time he went in again longer. It became extremely hot and before they knew it they were ripping each other's clothes off in the heat of passion. It was a result of bottling up their true feelings for each other for so long that at this point how they felt could only be represented physically. Words were not enough. Jack ripped off Kate's wet shirt that stuck to her body taking out sever of her buttons in the process leaving Kate only in a bra. Kate jumped on Jack's shoulders, wrapping her legs around his waist as they continued to make out. Jack walked them over into the tent.

Several hours later they rested in each other's arms. Kate lying next to his chest wrapped around his arms. She found herself a little nook where she felt so comfortable that she thought she would never move from there ever. She took his hand around her shoulder and kissed his hands lightly as they decided to sleep out side the tent and star gaze. Kate's beautiful auburn hair was messy and Jack thought she looked so naturally beautiful at that moment he was in aw. Her skin was so smooth to the touch. He loved every freckle on her body. Her hazel eyes were staring into his. The smooth of her back drove him wild as he kissed all up and down it ever so softly that it sent chills up her back but good ones this time. They started talking about the stars and how they lit up the sky. Kate asked him how he knew so much about the stars and Jack said he took so many science classes before med school he had to learn a few things about the stars. They both for the first time in their lives and on the island were at peace and comfortable. They lied there for a few hours awake but quiet because they for the first time did not have to say a word to each other because they felt so comfortable that they did not have to.

Finally though Jack broke the silence. He knew still if Kate was going to fully open up to him he would have to first and he would have to share some skeletons in his closet too. He knew he was not going to learn everything about her tonight and it would take time to open up but he did not care. He did not want to learn everything about her in one night and he didn't want her to learn everything about him in one night either. Part of the best parts of their relationship was the slow discovery of each other and learning new things about each other and he did not want mess with that.

" I was not always good as I lead people to believe Kate. When I was younger I was different. Later I had to change. I was always a smart kid and my family and I always knew it, I just never tried. I always got teased and beat up for doing what was right and trying as hard as I could at everything so around ten or eleven years old I quit being responsible and decided I was going to waste my life. I accepted being average and told myself if I always stayed average I would have no problems. I hid behind meritocracy to blend in to the crowd. I wanted to be just like everyone else. I never told you or anyone else this before but I had a younger brother before. His name was Adam. He was my best friend. We would argue all the time but deep down we loved each other. He was smart too and didn't care what anyone else thought of him. He wanted to follow in my father's footsteps as a doctor and I could not wait to get as far from that reality as I possibly could. One night my brother and me got in a fight over something I can't till this day even remember. It was so petty and so trivial. My parent's grounded us and did not allow me to go to a pool party with my friends that night. I called my brother a nerd and told him he did not have any friends because of how he was. I told him that was the reason he was never invited to any parties. Later that night I snuck out from my window and went to that party. I was sixteen at the time and my brother was fourteen. It was Kevin Passernik's party who was the most popular kid at school. His parents were on vacation and there was going to be plenty of hot popular girls there and an ample supply of free alcohol there with no supervision. I was stoked. When I got there my best friend Brian met me there and he had brought over there two of the most popular, hottest girls there, Cindy Chester and her best friend Jessica Faircloth. I was immature and it was one of my first experiences with alcohol. I was really nervous around the girls. I drank and it calmed me down. I became smoother and more confident the more I drank. We all got pretty tanked. My brother pretty upset with what I told him earlier crashed the party. I didn't care. I was too drunk and too into the girls I was talking to, to care. He was obnoxiously drunk and I was so embarrassed. I decided to take the girls to the pool house so we could have some private time to ourselves and our raging teenage hormones could go at it. As things became hot and heavy Brian barged in and yelled that my brother was lying in the bottom of the pool unconscious and no one could go deep enough into the pool and lift up his body to reach him. Apparently Adam had dived off the high diving board drunk to impress everybody and never got back up."

"I immediately told Brian to call 911 and ran to the pool. I dived in and tried to reach him. I grabbed him but couldn't lift him up without loosing air. I kept trying to go down and up trying to save him. I finally came up one last time for and then went down to save him. This time I did not care if I drowned myself this time I was going to save him. I went down and deep and finally grabbed his body and although I felt as if my lungs were about to explode I was going to get him to the top. I was determined to get him to the top. I was so determined that I finally did. Others helped grab his body from the pool and I immediately as soon as I caught my breath began to do CPR on him. He was unconscious. His lips were dark blue almost purple as I tried to pump air into them. He was not breathing. I kept pounding on his chest knowing full well he was dead but I was unwilling to accept it.Other people at the party told me to stop until the ambulance got there but I was unable to listen. Finally the ambulance came, which seemed like it took forever and they had to rip me from my brother.

I rid with them in the ambulance as they hooked him up to this life support machine and all I could do was sit there and watch. When we got to the hospital I had to wait in the waiting room for what seemed like an eternity. I sat there thinking of all the mean things I told him before the party and how much I regretted them and did not mean a word of them. Time kept ticking away and I felt soulless. Then out of nowhere I heard wails of crying from my mother and my dad in my face pulling me out of the waiting room chair and demanding where he was. I said they took him to the ER. My father ran into the ER telling them he was a doctor himself and he demanded that he be allowed to treat his son. My mom was left behind with me left a mess like we all were. The doctors in the ER argued with my father that he was not his patient and my father said he did not care because the patient was not their son. A doctor who recognized my father and was good friends with him told him to let him through. They let him through. My father worked on him all night long. Until all the doctors and nurses left my dad alone in the ER room with him cradling my brother with tears in his eyes. Never did I see him so out of it. I hugged my mother as we were both in uncontrollable tears and at that moment all we had was each other. It became morning and all the doctors told my father they had to remove my brother's body. My mother came into to console my father but he pushed her away. Enraged he demanded that she take me home and make sure I did not leave until he got home."

My mother took a cab home and left the car to my dad. She was too emotional to drive home anyways. My mother and I stayed home for three days with complete silence until my father came home. It was so silent in the house you could hear a pen drop. When my father did come home in the middle of the night he slammed the car door shut as I heard him drive up the drive way. He came in drunk as hell. I mean you could smell the liquor and cigar smoke from the bars all the way up n my room. "Where the hell is he Margaret?" he barked at my mother. My mother told him he was plastered and to come back when he was sober. He did not care. He kept demanding to know where I was. She kept pleading with him to leave me alone until he got tired of her not telling him where I was and barged into my room. I stood up shocked as I saw him with booze and anger in his eyes as he unfastened his belt and beat me with it. I was terrified and wanted him to stop but I also had this strange and sick feeling of relief every time he would whip me with his belt. It was like a release for him and me as he wailed at me with no mercy. I wanted him to beat me to death. I wanted it all to be over. I deserved it. Finally I heard my mother come in and literally rip him off me. As she did I will never forget the words he told me, "You will never be like your brother. You will never be as good as he was or as smart. I am ashamed of you. You will never add up to what he was, what he could have been. You stole him from me and I will never forgive you for that. You are nothing to me Jack." Although he said this drunk and out of rage and grief I knew it was still the truth. If he was not drunk and mourning my brother so freshly I know he would never say it to my face but it was what he felt in his heart. So that is one of my deepest, darkest secrets Kate. I am not perfect. I just pretend to be. I try to live up to my brother's legacy and my father's impossible standards and the pressure I put on myself to atone for my sins. You are not the only one with a screwed up past." He said this with tears streaming down his face and Kate with tears in hers too. She touched his face softly and whipped the tears from his check and in a soft and genuine voice looked into his eyes and said she was sorry. Jack said it was his fault and his past and she had nothing to be sorry for and she said back neither did he.

Kate finally opened up about some of her past. She told him about her great childhood with Sam her adoptive father and how when Wayne entered her life t all changed. She told him about the physical abuse she witnessed her mother go through and all the nights she had to take care of a drunk Wayne and stay with her mom. She told him how he killed Wayne and why. She said about how before she left her mother was dying of cancer and wouldn't forgive her. She told him about Tom but didn't use his name so Jack did not recognize whom she was talking about. She said a few things about life on the run but still left plenty to be a mystery to share on another day. For the both of them it was such a release. It was like these ghosts that had been haunting them for so long had been released and were not holding them prisoner anymore or at least most of them anyway. They held on to each other tight and slept together in each other's arms.

Later that night they headed back to camp where they met Mike and Eko there. Jack immediately got to work helping everyone with their problems, from the mothers to be and their children to Hurley and the pantry to even Sawyer and his injury. A new day started and was about to begin. It was a fresh new start. It was also time to confront the others and get Walt back. It was time to prepare for a war.