Chapter 5

Charlie was much too everything to be driving. Too shocked. Too angry. Too confused. Too terrified. Even he knew that, and as much as he wanted to get away from Don as fast as possible, he forced himself to be still behind the wheel. He focused on breathing.

"You should lock your car doors." Don slid in the passenger seat and waited to see if Charlie would get out, but his brother didn't move. His hands were gripping the steering wheel.

"All right, Charlie. When I saw Agent Wilkerson on the ship, it didn't take me long to get the story. And as soon as I made her, WP was notified; they moved Amy ahead of schedule…but she's been in the program over three years, Charlie, and is at extremely high risk. She's been moved every few months over that time. She always knew that she couldn't be with you long. I'm not going to be sorry that I didn't — and I don't — want to see you put at risk for something you can't have anyway. Being with her would put a target on your back, and on Dad's back, on Larry's and Amita's…on all the people in your life."

He waited for some indication Charlie was hearing him, got none.

Don sat in silence for a moment, and then started again.

"When I turned the corner into digital forensics, and saw you on the floor, bleeding all over, unconscious…G-d, Charlie. Think about it. How would you have felt, if was me? You're not the only one still having nightmares. Then you won't wake up from surgery, and every time I look at you I see terror…you can't even come to the FBI office again until yesterday…" He steeled his voice, spoke louder than necessary. "I will not be sorry that I don't want to see you as somebody's target, again."

He lowered his voice again. "Not that I could have done anything about it, anyway. It was WP's call. I only knew 20 hours before you did, and I wasn't sure what she would do. She's testified in all the cases she's going to, she can't be forced to stay in the program. It's not unheard of for people to want out."

Charlie let go of the steering wheel, but still didn't say anything. His head was bent, and the long curls and the darkness blocked Don's view of his face.

Don just had one more thing to say.

"Do you think it would have been easier for her to just disappear, four months down the road?"

Charlie lifted his head, brought a hand to the corner of one eye.

"Wh…" He tried to speak, only got out a croak. He cleared his throat. "Why didn't she tell me? Ask me to go in Witness Protection with her, or something?"

Don sighed. "She's been living a long time with this. Knowing that literally dozens of powerful people, and all their connections, want her dead. They almost got her at the beginning…she's lost a lot. As great as it was on the ship, Charlie, as much as she wanted to…I'm not surprised she couldn't make herself totally trust someone in two days."

Charlie brushed at his eye again. Don's knew that the heart was only a muscle that pumped blood, but his own chest was heavy as he looked at him.

"I said I'm not sorry, but that's not entirely true."

Charlie finally looked at him.

"I am sorry that you have to go through this, I wish there was some way I could make it better. I'm still the guy who has a brother, the guy who sat up with that brother all night on a ship balcony, the guy who would do that a million more times…"

Charlie looked away, and they were silent again. Time dragged on. Finally, he spoke.

"If I'm angry at you, I don't have to feel anything else."

"Well if that helps, Buddy, be angry. I can take it. But I think all those other feelings are just going to be waiting for you when you're finished being angry with me."

Charlie lowered his head to the steering wheel, banged it once. "aaisme", he mumbled.

"What?"

Charlie raised his head again, but didn't look at Don. "I said, Amita kissed me."

"What? When?"

"This afternoon, she came to campus and found me in my office. She said it's over with Mark, because she wants to be with me. Then she kissed me."

Don knew his mouth was hanging open, and was glad the car was dark. Great. Charlie's life wasn't complicated enough already.

"What are…How…How do you feel about that?"

Charlie turned his head. "You're kidding, right? I'm not even sure what my own name is, anymore."

That sat in silence again, until Don saw Charlie shiver.

"Come back upstairs."

Charlie leaned forward and put the keys in the ignition. "I have to go back to Cal Sci. I never finished writing that final."

"It's late. Get some sleep first, go in the morning."

Charlie actually laughed, a short, bitter, snort of a laugh. "Sleep. Right." He started the car.

Don put his hand on the handle of the passenger door. "Charlie…", he began but his brother stopped him.

"I'm okay to drive, now. Don't worry."

Don opened the door to step out and Charlie looked at him in the dome light. "Don."

He leaned back in the door. "Yeah, Charlie?"

Charlie shrugged, offered a half smile. "Thanks. For coming after me."

Don smiled sadly back. "I always will, Buddy. I always will."