Now I'm here. With
all these people but still alone.
I am trying to concentrate but
can't. Can't think. Can't wait. But I have to.
Have to wait
for their attack, for a difference or maybe just for a
sign.
Something that wakes me up, destroys my dream that I can't
stop dreaming. Something that takes me away from my thoughts that I
can't think.
My hand feels the cold, touches the hard bricks,
and fails to move every time I try.
What am I doing here? Why
can't this be over in a couple seconds? But even that would be too
long. I shouldn't be here. Shouldn't see the thousand ways of
death. But what can I do? Can't run. Can't move.
Everything
has changed…
No leaves falling down on my head while I'm
trying to catch the wind in the trees.
No sweet water, no word in
my ear.
Too silent. Too silent for me!
I'm looking straight
forward. Staring at the enemy. Waiting for the call that breaks this
unbelievable moment. You strong creatures, all of you, all thousands
of you, take me! Take my soul and let me leave this place! Destroy
this strange moment, this experience that can be found in so many of
my memories.
All of you, help me, help this one man. This helpless
elf, your enemy.
I'm praying, looking
up, up to the sky, searching for heaven between the clouds. But the
gods of my dreams won't look down to me. They must have seen the
mistakes that I have made in my past and in the present.
My mind
is like an open book. Not just open for the gods above but for the
enemy.
I'm fighting for all these people behind me. All the men and women. The children in the caves. This moment will be over, I have to remind myself, and I will be free. Free from my thoughts and ready for what I have to do.
It is hard to listen to
the voice inside of me. My body wants to ignore it, but my mind tells
me to listen. All these things in my head! They are driving me crazy!
Like a trick!
I am lost. Lost in this darkness. In these moments,
these seconds of silence. Can't see, can't hear, can't
feel.
"Give me a sign!" my inner voice is screaming out,
yelling at the gods hiding behind the clouds. Playing Hide and Seek
with me. And the sign came…
Just a few drops. But then I find myself in the worst storm of my life. It is the storm in which the gods show me what is happening in my head. All these thoughts. One drop of rain on my body for each one of them.
It
feels like my soul breaks into am million pieces. Into a million
raindrops. The end of my life? How many men will fail? Will lose
their lives with one cut of the enemy's sword?
Gods in Heaven!
Let this be the shortest night of all!
I'm turning around,
looking into their faces. This can't be it. I thought I was the
only one but I can see the same fear in all of their faces. Not only
me. All of these men are afraid of the dark. I can see their fear.
Elves and human, fighting side by side until the sunrise will wake
them up.
The running water washes this image out of my mind.
I'm fighting for all of these people. I can not die! I won't! I will fight! Fight for all of them, for all who are full of fear, for their wives and children, for the sun that rises after the rain!
I have to stop crying. Not even the Gods can help me any more.
And suddenly, the silence dies. A drum.
This night is the
beginning. Not for me, for all these people who are fighting right
now. But I won't die until my last friend has past away. I will
stand until the sun rises. Together as one. We will bury the dead and
celebrate the victory.
They are coming.
But I will stand.
I
will stand until I die.
