AN: Alright, first of all, I haven't said this in a while, but for the record... I don't own Merlin.

And secondly, THIS... was extremely hard to write. You really have no idea... and I'm not sure I like how it turned out entirely. But I promised to update regularly, and so it is 2AM, I finally forced myself to finish it, and I offer it up to you as the week's update!

Enjoy! And thank you so, so much for your reviews, follows, and faves!

Cheers!

Sandyy

Freya regarded the pages of the book propped atop her knees with a slight frown.

"It's blank." She turned puzzled amber eyes on Merlin. His grin widened.

"Exactly. Watch." He slipped the book from her hands and flipped it open again, and he watched her awe-struck expression as the words spread across the page. "It's easy to hide things like this, if you know how." Freya paused with her hand extended towards it and glanced at him.

"Can I…?"

"Yeah, it won't disappear. Just has to be me who opens it," he said, passing the book into Freya's hands. "It's not much… might be the last magic book left in the country for all I know. But I can show you how to do a bunch of the spells. Some of them I think would be useful in teaching you to control it. And," He pulled out his phone while Freya turned over the pages of the book and searched a little travel application with a map. "We shouldn't have any trouble getting out of the country." Merlin tapped the little digital map on his mobile emphatically. "As soon as your final exams end, we can go. It'll look like we're off on holiday. We can get to Sweden easily. They're already putting their amnesty laws through. Uther and his government have good relations with Denmark right now, so we can get a flight to Copenhagen, and Denmark doesn't restrict sailing off the coast. We'll take a ferry straight across to Helsingborg." Freya's eyes dropped to the book again.

"It's not that simple."

"Why not?" he asked. Freya shook her head.

"Merlin, I told you." She pulled her knees up to her chest. "I'm dangerous. It doesn't matter where I go, I can never stay long. If I'm near people… I hurt them. I'm cursed." Merlin let his phone fall into the grass and shifted closer to Freya.

"It's not a curse."

"Not for you," she murmured. Merlin lifted his shoulders.

"I though it was… once. When I was younger, I used to lose control and do strange things too." He smiled slightly. "I once brought down a tree by accident. It fell on someone's car. Will—my best friend in school… he knew about my magic. He laughed about that for weeks. Never let me forget about it. " Freya smiled slightly, and Merlin was a touch reluctant to press on. "I also threw someone—like you did with Halig. It was a similar situation—a kid at my school. He was hurting me. I was afraid, and it happened in self defense. He was hurt badly enough… he didn't remember what had happened for a week before the incident. I've had magic since I was too little to remember. But my mum was always there to help—to teach me to hide it when I was too small to know better. When yours started appearing, you were older. You were alone. You'd grown up believing it was evil, and you had no one to tell you differently. Of course you're afraid." Merlin cupped his hands together facing up and created a little flame, this time breaking it into half a dozen tiny ones and letting them dance over his palms. "I was afraid of it too at first. I thought some day I'd slip up front of someone else… I'd be killed. And it just happened sometimes, when I was startled or afraid. My mother always told me it was a gift—that I'd find ways to use it well. And when it grew too difficult for me to control, she sent me out here—to Camelot where my uncle lives. So he could help me." He grinned as the dancing flames caught Freya's eye. He used to play games with the fire like this, when he and Hunith were alone in the apartment. They would light several candles, and he would make letters and shapes with the tiny flames for her. It had been years since he'd done that—since he had anyone who watched and smiled. "The problem is," he continued, "That you view magic as a curse… and that you're afraid of it. The truth is, it's part of you. That's why it reacts to protect you when someone threatens. You have to accept it and learn to manage it, like you do your body and your emotions. It's difficult, but you can do it."

"Your magic is different from mine," Freya said softly, still watching the flames dance before her. Merlin dropped his hands and let the lights vanish, and he leaned forward to look her in the eye.

"The only difference between your magic and mine is what you believe about it," he insisted. "You're a beautiful person. Your magic is beautiful too. You just have to make it your own." Freya clasped her hands in front of her knees.

"I wish I could believe that about myself," she said.

"I'll keep telling you until you do." Merlin slipped an arm around her back, and she leaned against him. "You haven't had any trouble—police or Patroni or anything?" She shook her head.

"I should have." Merlin only caught the words because her head was rested so close to his ear He frowned. "It's still my fault that he's dead. You never did that with your magic."

"No, but no one ever tried to take from me what he wanted from you." Merlin's voice hardened. "Don't think I don't know what he was trying to do." As if he hadn't seen the lust in the sick man's eyes. He gritted his teeth angrily. Halig was gone. He shouldn't still have a hold over Freya, but she couldn't seem to let this go. "Come on. What do you think?" he asked after a minute of silence. "Sweden. I can get the money for a couple of tickets by tomorrow, and we'll be out of this country by the end of the month."

"Merlin…" Freya tilted her head back to look at him. "What about your friend?"

"Arthur? Oh, he's fine now. He's coming home this afternoon. I'll have to go soon to get a few things sorted and help bring him back."

"He's better now?" The small smile playing across her face reached her eyes this time. Merlin nodded.

"Yep. And bored out of his mind in his hospital room. He's been terrible company since he woke up."

"Merlin, you can't blame him for that!" Freya chided, laughing. Merlin grinned, and she gave him a shove but turned to lean her head against his shoulder again. "I'm glad he's alright. I like him. He talked to me a couple times in one of my classes. He's very kind… I wouldn't have thought Uther Pendragon's son would be at all like he is."

"No one does," Merlin agreed, looking at her from the corner of his eye. She'd mentioned a class she shared with Arthur before. And he was fairly sure he knew which one. He could hardly forget about it after Arthur had worried over it so much when he was sick. "That's Professor Sellers' class, right?" he said thoughtfully. She looked away at the mention. Merlin tilted his head down to look at her again. "That's the one on the recent civil war, right?" he probed, puzzled by her reaction. "I thought that class would be a bunch of anti-magic propaganda."

"Not really. Sellers addressed it very factually," said Freya.

"You mean he didn't demonize us?" Merlin smiled. "I wonder if Uther knew his son was taking a neutral class about magic."

"I'm sure Arthur wouldn't tell him about it," Freya mused. "I think he must've liked that class. He's one of Sellers' favorite students—always stopped after class to ask questions."

"Hmm." Merlin pursed his lips. Arthur had certainly kept all this information to himself. He turned to look at her again. "You never answered my question."

"What?" She blinked at him, and he huffed at her expression of feigned ignorance.

"You know what I mean. Sweden." Freya lowered her eyes.

"I don't want you to leave everything here just for me," she said.

"Hey." Merlin drew back to look at her. "We've been over that. This is what I want to do. That's not the question anymore. The question is, do you want to go?"

"I don't think it matters. What I want never happens," she murmured.

"It does today," Merlin insisted. "So… what do you say?" She looked down at her hands clasped tightly together, and nodded. The smile returned to Merlin's face."Then that's what we'll do." Merlin stretched out on the grass and tugged gently at her sleeve. She smiled and laid back beside him, with Merlin's book resting over her chest, one finger tucked between two pages as if she was marking her spot. There was a subdued expression in her eyes that worried Merlin a little. She was guarded and still unhappy. Perhaps, Merlin reflected, the guilt would fade with time. She would understand what had happened better as she learned to control her magic. He didn't know how to help her right now. Outside a tiny laugh or fleeting smile Merlin could coax from her, she'd been quiet and withdrawn the last couple of days. So he did the only thing he could do for her and drew her close, enjoying the peace of the morning in quiet companionship. At least now everything seemed to be falling into place. He would have a chance to talk with Morgana later—tell her about his magic, before he and Freya left the country. Arthur was getting back on his feet now. He was being released from the hospital this afternoon, while Freya would be at work. He would be fine. For now, he had only half an hour with Freya. But this was temporary. He didn't know how they would start again, but he knew they would find a way. The only thing that remained was to sort out travel plans and tickets. Then he would have all the time in the world to help her… and they would be somewhere safe. Somewhere that perhaps they could one day practice their magic freely.

Arthur leaned against the car to rest for a moment. It had taken an eternity for the hospital to release him—almost until 4PM—and he felt a little drained from the poking, prodding, and countless assessments they'd done before finally letting him leave with his father, Leon, and Merlin hovering about him at every step.

"So… How did your finals go?" He caught Merlin's eye over the top of the car and mouthed 'one minute'. He didn't need his father interrupting this conversation. Merlin nodded and vanished round the corner.

"Don't even talk to me about finals, you lazy arse." Morgana's voice responded through the little earpiece. Arthur chuckled. "How are you feeling?" she added.

"Better," Arthur said. "They finally let me go back to the flat. Leon's being assigned to me again though… I guess he'll be checking in or something."

"Can't say that's entirely a bad idea. You attract more trouble than anyone else I know." There was a smile in Morgana's voice. It was good to hear. Arthur hadn't talked to her in so long, he almost ached to think of it.

"I try," he said tolerantly, smiling as well. "Morgana," he paused but pressed on hurriedly. If he didn't say it now, he was half afraid he never would. "Thanks… for coming to sit with me… and I'm sorry about the last semester. I know it's been a while since we talked last."

"You can say that again," Morgana replied. Arthur rolled his eyes a little.

"Alright, no need to rub it in. You won't get a second apology." A soft huff from the other end of the line, though she didn't say anything in reply. "Will I see you over the holidays?"

"I'm not staying in Camelot over the summer if that's what you mean," she said, her voice slightly edged. Arthur sighed. He knew better than to push Morgana. She was equally as stubborn as his father and would clam up in a second if he emphasized the matter. And perhaps she was right; keeping some distance between her and Uther might be wise.

"You should come and visit when you finish your exams," he suggested. "I know Merlin and Gwen would like to see you too."

"Arthur, you idiot. I've been up there to see them loads of times. You're the one who missed me."

"I know, I know," Arthur said. "I'll be there this time. I promise."

"Of course I'll come." she huffed.

"It was good to see you."

"I'd say the same, but honestly, you looked pretty terrible," returned Morgana's voice.

"Thanks," Arthur returned dryly.

"I'm glad you're alright." Arthur closed his eyes. It had been one hell of a weekend… And around the corner, several voices were gathering. He couldn't stay here much longer before people started fretting over him again. He straightened up.

"Yeah… me too. Look, I've got to go, but I'll call you back."

"Take care, Arthur," Morgana said.

"You too. Talk to you later." He ended the call and lingered before he stepped out from around the corner. Merlin was nowhere in sight, nor were Gwen and Leon, but Uther was standing in the doorway and glanced up from his mobile.

"Arthur." The last few days had left their mark on him, even through the politician's façade he always wore. Dark circles still showed beneath his eyes, and he wore a drawn, weary expression. It reminded Arthur each time he saw his father of just how grave things had been, and it made the hair on the back of his neck prickle uneasily. Everyone said he'd been very ill, but anything that could rattle his father was serious indeed. "I will speak with your instructors before I leave" Uther told him briskly. "Your exams will be rescheduled for next week, once you've had time to relax and recover." Arthur's eyes widened. His instructors…

"I already talked to Professor Sellers," he said quickly. Uther frowned at him, and he silently cursed his own stupidity. Of course he hadn't. He'd only just gotten out of the hospital. "I mean… asked Merlin to talk to him." Arthur clasped his wrist with his free hand and rubbed a thumb over the dark bruise that had formed there from the IV and studied his shoes. Uther had scarcely left his side over the last several days. He remembered his father at his bedside when he'd been scarcely conscious, and later walking beside him when he was moved out of the ICU into a regular room. Even then Uther had rarely left the hospital for more than half an hour. And yet, in repayment he was standing here before his father, protecting a man he knew to be a sorcerer. He cinched his grip tight around his wrist uncomfortably. "I can take care of the other classes too… You don't have to do that. You've wasted enough time on me anyways."

"It was not wasted. I would have taken whatever time necessary to see you safely through," Uther replied. Arthur shifted his feet.

"I know… but you had more important things to see to than me," he muttered.

"Nothing in this world is more important to me than you." Arthur opened his mouth, faltered, and looked up.

"Me…" He blinked in confusion. Uther knew better than anyone how easily his political image could be toppled—how hard he'd worked to get where he was today. The country, Uther's work to protect her; surely…"Your career—"

"Would mean nothing if I lost you," Uther cut through his words firmly, meeting Arthur's eyes levelly. "I would have given my life if I thought I could have saved you by it. My time is very little in comparison."The apartment door opened, and Arthur quickly looked away. Uther put a hand on Arthur's shoulder.

"Make sure you rest this week. I want you back in one piece when you finish those exams." Arthur nodded, lost for words.

"I think he'll make it," Leon observed from the doorway. "It seems Arthur has a vigilant guardian angel."

"Good. He seems to need one," Uther responded. Uther's hand left his son's shoulder, and Arthur glanced at him, a mixture of surprise and gratitude in his face. Uther's hand left his shoulder. "I'll see you in two weeks."

"Good to see you on your feet, Arthur," Leon added with a smile before he turned to follow Uther. He'd be back tomorrow, though Arthur didn't know what good a bodyguard would do him. He hadn't been attacked; he'd been sick. Arthur watched them go, leaning against the doorframe for support, until the sleek car pulled away and out of sight. It was only then that Merlin reappeared, still talking over his shoulder and apparently oblivious that there was anyone standing by the door.

"I don't know. I'm sorry, Gwen. There's something I really have to do—right now. Could you stay for a couple hours? Make sure—Arthur!" He broke off when he noticed the blond standing close on his left. He was clutching a piece of paper tightly in one hand. He shot Gwen a desperate look. Arthur sighed heavily, but Merlin clearly didn't even notice his expression. He stuffed the paper in his pocket. "Arthur… I have to go. I'll…" He darted a look at Gwen.

"I don't need a babysitter," Arthur said tetchily. Merlin's eyes flitted back to Arthur. Normally, he'd expect a quick-witted retort or at least a teasing grin, but Merlin merely shook his head distractedly, and Gwen offered the response instead.

"Good job I wasn't planning on babysitting you then," she said wryly.

"I'll be back… some time. I think. Just… be careful, okay? Get some rest." He didn't wait for an answer but set off down the street at a sprint and left Arthur standing by the open doorway with Gwen. He stared after Merlin's retreating figure. If truth be told, he was glad that most of the company was gone, but he wouldn't have minded Merlin being there.

"What… was that about?" he asked slowly. She shook her head and moved back so Arthur could come inside.

"A piece of paper he found tucked into his book. I guess it must've been a reminder—something important he forgot." Arthur shook his head. Merlin was a mystery—a closed book. He'd known his flatmate for close on five years now and still didn't understand half the things he did. He rested his hands on the windowsill and watched Merlin turn the corner, still running.

"He's been jumpier than a stray cat these last few days," Arthur commented.

"He's worried," Gwen pointed out.

"I know," Arthur muttered a bit crossly. "Everyone is worried. You're all treating me like I'll pass out if I walk down the block." Gwen's brows drew together.

"You shouldn't take it so poorly, Arthur. If we're all fussing over you, it's because we care. We thought you were going to die." Arthur shifted his feet. It wasn't as if he didn't already know that, but the reminder made him feel cold inside. The conflicting emotions he could read in Gwen's face spoke all too clearly of what they'd been through for him over the last few days. She was now avoiding his eyes altogether.

"Guinevere—"

"I'm sorry," she blurted out before he could get any further. "For what I said to you—about Morgana. I know you care about her, and I shouldn't have said anything." Arthur stared at her.

"No… You were right. Morgana's my sister. I should've at least talked to her—made sure she was alright," he said. "Don't ever apologize for speaking your mind. Not to me. You're always honest with me. I love that about you." And so many, many other things… Gwen suddenly acquired an interest in the carpet. Arthur hesitated, then he reached out and brushed his fingers over her jawline, the lightest touch, turning her eyes back on him. "You have nothing to apologize for," he told her. "I caused my fair share of hurt as well." Gwen's eyes met his. Arthur tilted his head down, his breath catching, and wondered… if he leaned down, just a touch…

He drew his hand back and let it drop to his side. What was he thinking? He didn't need to confuse things between them any worse than he already had. But Gwen didn't seem upset.

"We both did," she replied with a small smile, and to his surprise she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face against his shoulder. "I'm just glad you're alright," she murmured. Arthur closed his eyes, and he slipped his arms around her as well, allowing himself just for the second to press his cheek against her hair and hold her. He didn't know where he stood… whether she still felt about him as he did about her. But for now, she'd offered her forgiveness, and he had her friendship. And it was enough.

The day grew dark unusually early bringing with it a front of dark storm clouds. By evening, the rain had begun to fall and pattered softly against the windows. The last patient had left fifteen minutes since, and Gaius was closing up the surgery when he heard a knock at his door. Gaius shook his head quietly. Hours were posted outside, but it didn't stop people from trying oftentimes.

"I'm sorry, but the surgery is closed," he said as he opened the door. The newcomer pushed his hood back, and one trembling hand brushed the strands of dark, wet hair from his face.

"Merlin?" Gaius gasped. He stepped back and pulled the door wide open. Merlin had to have come all the way from Oxford. Why he hadn't called in advance, though, Gaius didn't understand, and it worried him, as did Merlin's drawn and weary look. But the dark expression in his eyes concerned Gaius the most. He had the look of someone who'd been on his feet too long with far too little sleep. "What's wrong? Has anything happened to Arthur?" Gaius asked. Merlin shook his head mutely.

"I…" His voice didn't hold out. He dropped his gaze and twisted his hands in the end of the scarf, thin and faded from years of use. Gaius put a hand on his nephew's shoulder and ushered him inside.

"It's alright. Sit down. Take as much time as you need," he said, steering Merlin to a seat. Several days ago now, he'd been there in the hospital to calm a restless and agitated Merlin and help him work out how to get into the hallway where he could find Arthur's room. He'd left Uther with a harmless sleeping spell to let Merlin do his own work when he arrived. He hadn't spoken with his nephew since, both of them occupied with their respective work, in the clinic and in the classroom. And it seemed now that perhaps the strain had been more than Merlin was ready to cope with. Merlin sat down on the couch, and Gaius gently coaxed his dripping jacket off. "Can I get you anything?" he offered quietly. Merlin shook his head again.

"She's gone, Gaius," he said in a tight voice. Gaius stopped with the jacket over his arm. Merlin wasn't looking at him, and he carried on, his words half lost in the somewhat slurred ramble that came forth almost of its own accord "I looked everywhere. Her flat, at her work… Everything was turned over, like someone had been through looking before me… She… turned herself in."

"Merlin," Gaius left the jacket aside and sat down next to his nephew. "Who?"

"Freya… Gaius, she had magic." Merlin's voice broke. Gaius bowed his head. Oh Merlin… His nephew was huddled miserably in the middle of the couch, head in hands. Gaius put an arm around his shoulders. Why is it always you, my boy… Why can I never protect you? He rested a hand on the back of Merlin's head, smoothing the damp hair, and held him while his breath hitched unsteadily.

"I'm sorry, Merlin," he said softly. "I really am." Merlin drew back, shuddering, and Gaius stood up, squeezing his nephew's shoulder. He knew nothing of this Freya, although he knew all too well the pain of losing a dear friend, untried and unannounced. But now was no time to press for details. Merlin's eyes were dull from exhaustion, and he was afraid the young man would feel sick from the strain soon enough. He took Merlin's jacket with him into the main room and brought back a glass of water, but Merlin's head was resting against the arm of the couch when he returned, and his eyes were closed. His breath hitched unsteadily when Gaius returned. Gaius gently slipped Merlin's shoes off and shifted his feet onto the couch as well, and as he tucked a blanket around his nephew, a crumpled piece of paper on the ground caught his eye, stained with a spattering of water which smeared the ink on it. Gaius rested a hand briefly on his nephew's head with an aching heart, and offered Merlin the only comfort he could in the form of a quiet spell to help him sleep. And as he straightened up, leaving Merlin to rest, he tucked the note, folded over, beneath the edge of the glass, where Merlin would not miss it when he woke; a note which could only be one thing: the last words of a friend whom Merlin would never see again.

I wish there was something I could do to thank you for your kindness and all the time you spent with me. I know you wanted to help me, but I don't believe anyone can. I couldn't let you throw away all your friends and everything you had for me.

Please don't try to look for me. It will be easier this way. And don't feel any regret for my sake. You made me feel loved. That is more than anyone else could have done.

Good bye, Merlin.

AN: To Merlin, to hopeful readers, and especially to Freya... I'm sorry. :(