Chapter 21

Everyone had already headed off to bed, but Clay could not get himself off the chair of the long burnt-out fire. He was having an internal struggle and was not able to escape. Having Liz home meant the world to him, but he could not do anything about it except welcome her home with open arms. There was no tearful reunion, no welcome home kiss with all the passion he felt every day.

He could not help himself but glance at her door, watching. As he slowly drank his beer, his mind started to wander, and no matter how much effort he put into his thoughts, he always made it back to her and watched her bunk room. He sat there for a moment, having an internal war inside his head as he could not help but fixate on the thought of having her home and wanting her in his arms. He knew there was a line he would need to cross if he ever wanted to move things further along with Liz, as he knew she would never step across that line. And this was where his internal debate came in full force; he could not compromise her and make things difficult for her with a relationship as she worked her ass off to get her and gain her respect. She was the first female SEAL and took guts and strength as she faced more hurdles than any male SEAL and had to prove herself time and time again to be where she is and still has to deal with a few ego-filled males ranking above her. All Clay could think about was being with her in every way, but he could not risk her and the team. If a relationship arises, they would be public within the team, and their motives and actions could be questioned. He knew the team would always support them, but if things ever went south, there could be a risk in the dynamic or their judgement could be compromised or questioned. As much as he wanted to ignore every red flag his decisions could bring and be with Liz, he always fought against himself and put her and her reputation and respect first. She was more critical of himself and his wants. His needs are more like it at this point. He craved her and needed her presence, and having her around was not enough anymore. He needed her in his arms, as he got a taste when they fell asleep together a few days ago as he held her after her nightmare. And now he was addicted.

And now his body was on autopilot, wanting to curb the craving, and soon he found himself face to face with her door and one hand hanging in the air begging to knock. He cursed his lack of willpower to give in to his cravings as he stared at his hand, ready to knock. But just as he was about to make contact with the door, he heard a soft whimper followed by a cry, and soon his hand found itself on the doorknob turning.

The sight that he saw once the door cracked open broke his heart. He winced as his eyes wandered along her bed, watching her toss around and flail up her arms as the cries got louder. At this motion, Clay was instantly in the door and making it to her bedside in three giant steps reaching out to sush her. As he bent down, her adjoining room burst open, and Trent barreled in. When someone was injured, he was always on high alert and hardly slept as he was keyed into any movement or sound from his team.

"What happened? She needs to stay still!" He whispered shouted.

"I have no idea; it must be a nightmare. I heard her and came in." Clay grimaced as he reached for her right arm to try and steady her.

Trent went around to the left side of her bed to try and grab her casted arm that was trying to claw its way out of the blankets. At the contact, Liz instantly froze up in her sleep, and they could see her eyes flutter as she was stuck within the state of her nightmare and trying to make it back to consciousness.

"Liz, hey, you're ok. I need you to calm down and stay still for me." Trent cooed as he went to try and gently shake her left shoulder. Trying to limit any jostling toward her ribs. "Liz, are you with me?"

Within seconds her eyes shot open, and she winced as her body woke up and realized the pain her movements caused. Clay was sitting on the side of her bed, holding her right hand and rubbing her with his thumb as his other hand went up to touch the side of her cheek and coax her back to reality, calming down from the high of her nightmare.

"Hey, darlin', you're ok. Focus on me." Clay whispered to her as he watched her chest rise and fall; as her breathing slowed down once, she locked her eyes with his. "You're ok; it was just a nightmare. I've got you."

"Liz, what hurts?" Trent called to her as he watched her eyes wince and well up with tears. After he waited for a response and got nothing, as she did not even register, he was in the room; as her sole focus was on Clay's baby blue eyes, he called out a little louder and gave her shoulder a slight squeeze, "Liz."

With that, her eyes focused on him, and she cocked her head to the side as if she was questioning why he was in her room. Still a bit fuzzy from her abrupt awakening, she managed to get out of mumbled reply, "Everything."

"Is it ok if I give you a quick examination to ensure you didn't do any more damage with your thrashing before I top you up on some pain meds? I should not have to look at the burn, but I should ensure you did not damage any more ribs or open your leg wounds up again. You tend to pop stitches." Trent asked as he shook his head with a small laugh at his last statement.

Liz nodded and turned her head back towards Clay. Her eyes were scared, but not from Trent's words; it was more personal. Clay managed to pick up her uncertainty but could not place the root it came from.

"I'll give you guys some privacy. I'm just going to grab a quick shower." And with that, he was heading towards his bunk to grab his things before he snuck into her shower while he waited. He was not ready to leave and go to bed, but he knew he was not wanted in the room, with Liz about to be examined by Trent and exposed and in pain. She needed privacy, and he needed a moment to clear his head. He was on the verge of breaking, pulling her into his arms, and needing to kiss her. But he could not risk her career or reputation or put her in an uncomfortable situation. As much as he needed her and was having a more challenging time holding back, especially since he almost lost her, he needed to figure his shit out fast.

As Clay finished his shower, he sat in the bathroom, waiting and trying to hear voices to know if it was clear for him to come out. With one large breath, he reached for the door, opened it slowly, and stopped short in his tracks as he let out his breath and froze. As he strained his ear against the door, he heard shuffling and the soft closing of the bunk door, signalling Trent's departure and his clear sign to head out and check on his best friend.

The sight in front of him was pure beauty, which knocked the wind right out of him. Directly before his eyes stood Liz in her underwear and a sports bra. Her raw and natural beauty was displayed, and he could not concentrate. All he could do was gaze upon her, and his eyes travelled up and down her body in adoration. He struggled to breathe and form words, so all he managed was a small clearing of his throat.

"Crap, sorry, I didn't know you were done." Liz froze as she was slowly making her way to her dresser, about to grab some new clothes as she had to remove hers for Trent to get a clear picture of her hip and leg wounds. "Please turn around. I don't want anyone to see me like this." She begged as she lowered her eyes and tried to continue to her dresser but was delayed in her movements from the pain.

Clay snapped back into reality as her words hit him like a brick. She wanted no one to see her like this? All he could think of was why? She was the vision of a strong, beautiful woman everyone thrived on being with or being. He took a few long fast steps towards her and braced her by grabbing her right arm and gently resting his hand under her left upper arm, avoiding the cast.

She stopped in her tracks and froze as she inhaled with a wince. This time the wince was not from the pain her whole body felt but from Clay's touch. She craved his touch but was embarrassed and uncomfortable to be touched by him in this state. She looked down, not meeting his gaze as she could not bring herself to expose her emotions to his eyes in this vulnerable state. All she could think of was how ugly she was and that Clay could not see her like this. She was weak and did not want the pity his eyes would bear into her soul once he saw her in this new light. Weak and ugly and never worth his time.

"Hey, look at me." Clay softly whispered as he dipped his head to try to meet her eyes and lift her gaze. He begged once she would not meet his eyes. "Please."

With that, her heart crumbled, hearing the pleading and vulnerability in his voice. She had no time to think or react to him and slowly lifted her gaze to meet his, preparing for the pitty that would be swirling in his eyes. As she stared into the blue eyes she loved, she couldn't help but furrow her brows at what she saw. There was no pity, no thoughts of weakness. What she saw was adoration, love even.

"Please don't ever tell me to turn around and not look at you. You are the most beautiful, strong woman I have ever seen. And your body shows this." Clay told her as he leaned in slowly and took a step towards her to hold her closer.

"I don't want you, of all people, to see me like this. All my scars and wounds are so ugly, and I can't bear to see pity or disgust from you." Liz whispered as her eyes slightly welled up with tears.

"Hey, hey. I would never look at you with pity. You will never receive that look from anyone in this world. You are strong, and no one will ever think anything less of you. Those scars and wounds you find so ugly, I find so sexy. They are your warrior wounds and display as medals of honour for your strength. Don't you ever call them ugly. They make you beautiful and should never be hidden out of embarrassment." Clay told her as his voice slightly took on a hint of anger. Why would she ever talk about herself that way? Who hurt her this bad that she thought she had to hide any aspect of herself?

With that, Clay closed the gap between them and hugged her as a tear slipped from her eye. He held her close as she sobbed into his chest and gripped his shirt. As she slowly calmed down, he lifted his head, and she slipped her head away from his chest and looked up at him. His head leaned in and held her cheek as he kissed her forehead and let his lips linger against her skin. Liz let out a slight hum as she leaned up into him.

"Please don't ever talk like that again," Clay whispered as he stepped back from her. "Now, let's get you into bed. Before you know it, Trent will be here with his morning check and not leave you alone for the day."

Liz let out a breathy laugh as she slowly realized how tired she was, and her pain was creeping back and taking over. "Will you stay with me?". Liz was not ready to be alone and let go of her grip on Clay. Being in his arms was her safe place; she needed that right now. She was shot at, attacked, strangled, stabbed, almost blown up and caught in a fire and now can't remember what happened. She was vulnerable and scared all the time; his arms were the only place she felt safe. As much as she started off fighting it, she kept digging herself deeper and deeper into the vat that was Clay, and she did not want to escape.

"Of course, darlin'. I will never leave you." Clay turned her around and helped her close the gap towards her bed from the few pain-filled steps she had managed before he stepped in.

She got settled under the bed and looked up at Clay as he now looked around, scoping out where he was going to sleep. Liz caught onto his eye movements and slowly shifted over and opened the flap of the blanket.

"Well? You can't leave a girl half naked in bed hanging." Liz laughed.

Clay snorted and let out a deep laugh as he heeled off his boots and went to grab the hem of his shift. As he was reaching out for the covers to slip in, Liz shook her head and looked at his jeans. If he was going to sleep, he would at least be comfy.

"Jeans too. No way I will be the only one in my underwear. Tit for tat there, Wonderboy."

Clay stopped his movements and lifted his eyebrow in question. "If you wanted me in my underwear, all you had to do was ask." He teased as he went for his belt and grinned at her. He caught her gaze down his torso and landed on his belt buckle. "Eyes up here, lil missy."

Liz huffed and tried to hide her face as she was embarrassed; she got caught gawking at her best friend. God, who was she kidding? He was not her best friend anymore; he meant so much more to her. And sleeping together in your underwear was a step past friendship.

Clay settled into the bed beside Liz and stayed apart a little awkwardly. They have cuddled in the past, in fact, it was just a few days ago, but it was not the same. He was comforting her after a nightmare, not being invited into her bed half-naked.

The words of Davis kept playing in her head "He will never make a move. He's too scared to ruin everything you have worked for. He respects you too much, although it breaks him inside to be without you." So with that, Liz decided it was time for her to step up she was now slightly under the effects of the painkillers Trent gave her just before he left. She turned over, leaned into him, and snuggled under his arm as she shifted for her injuries to sit comfortably to sleep. No matter how she shuffled around, she felt some form of discomfort. When she finally found something she could bear and ignored the pain, she heard Clay laugh. It was not his breathy laugh that he brought out when he thought something was funny, but the laughter and smile did not reach his eyes. This laugh that graced her ears was his genuine chest-rumbling laugh; he was truly happy.

"Comfortable?"

"Yeah." That was all she managed to get out as she snorted a bit and giggled. Clay's laugh was contagious, she had not heard this deep laugh for a long time, and it made her so happy. She pushed her discomfort aside as Clay let out a large sigh and rested his head on her head as she curled further into his neck. His happiness and comfort erased all her fears and pain. She had her drug and was sitting in her euphoria.

As they lay there cuddling with each other, his arm wrapped around her and the other one up and resting behind his head, Liz could feel his breath drop off and even into a slow, steady rhythm. She took her right arm, brought it up, and rested on Clay's chest as she dragged her fingers down and traced over his bullet scar and other older scars he had accumulated over the years of service.

"Medals of honour." She mumbled as she slowly dozed off. Clay's lips came down and rested again on her forehead.

Both of them relaxed into a much-needed sleep, finally realizing they were now past that awkward line they had put into place being best friends and Bravo's snipers. They passed that line with a leap and bound tonight, and there was no going back. Neither wanted to, but the thought of this action leading to a relationship was still a problem with being a SEAL on the same team. Was being on Bravo worth the possibility of a relationship? They could not return from this; what happened tonight changed their lives forever.