Breaking the Broken

Four

Truth, Bitter Truth

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And I show you my sins; show me all your scars

As we settle in, it's written in the stars

Your watery eyes got me, send me floating

And my weak heart is swimming with devotion

Barry Kristen – 'Ordinary Life'

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Why is this bedroom so cold?

Turn away on your side

Is my timing that flawed?

Our respect runs so dry

Yet there's still this appeal

That we've kept all our lives

……

You cry out in your sleep

All my feelings exposed

And there's a taste in my mouth

As desperation takes hold

Fall Out Boy – 'Love Will Tear Us Apart'

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The water had been running for a very long time, and apparently it was very hot. That was all Sebastian could really tell, judging by the steam wafting from underneath the bathroom door, heating the entire hotel room. Sighing and loosening his tie, he wondered how much longer he was going to have to wait for human interaction. After leaving his supposed 'place of rest', Kathryn had insisted he drive out to some random location. She hadn't told him where they were going, only where to go. He normally would've refused, or at least demanded an explanation, but he knew he owed her. In fact, Sebastian Valmont had a feeling that he'd be paying off this debt to his stepsister for a while to come.

That's how Sebastian found himself in a five-star luxury hotel, far from home. The fact that the suite had only one large, comfy king sized bed was sheer luck. The fact that Kathryn had been in the bathroom for an eternity was a different story entirely. The first thing she did when they arrived was drop her bags and announce that she was going to take a shower.

"It's been far too long since I've had a good shower," she stated firmly, and rejected his request for company with a tiny smile. Her words arrived at his ears with a pang of guilt at his heart, and the look in her eyes told him that that was completely intentional. Whether they discussed it or not, it was essentially Sebastian's fault that Kathryn had spent all that time in the clinic. He could argue many different ways, but it all came down to it being his words that landed her in so much trouble.

Guilt was not something that Sebastian was familiar with. Or any Valmont, for that matter. He came from a long line of men who did what they pleased and screwed who they liked, fuck the consequences. Some might consider them psychopaths, and honestly Sebastian himself didn't think the description was far off. However, the gorgeous blonde male seemed to be breaking out of the mold, because upon seeing Kathryn again and hearing tidbits about her life in rehab awakened feelings in him that he didn't quite recognize. Writing them off as guilt, he let his head fall back against the headboard and let his eyes fall closed.

Annette was a bet. Honestly, completely, truly. Sure, she had been amusing to him for some time, but he found Blaine amusing too, and that didn't mean he was in love with him. He found her fascinating, as he found most girls who refused to fall into his bed right away. There weren't many of them, so he had plenty of time to really get under their skin and make them believe whatever phony declarations of feelings he made. For a virgin, Annette was pretty easy. He smirked at the memory. They had known each other two weeks, maybe. Most things he knew about her came from her Seventeen article, and were quite frankly boring. Sebastian had thought that her honest, upfront, caring attitude would be a welcome change. He was disappointed. He realized, with a sick feeling in his stomach, that he had grown so accustomed to Kathryn's special brand of mind games that he had actually grown to like them, and without them, he was just uninterested. Damn.

The reason Annette had his prized possession in the first place all led back to Kathryn herself. After her spectacular display of her 'feelings' towards him in her infamous toy speech, he had left the room in a fit of rage. He had known full well that it was just an act of hers, designed to keep him at arm's length, but he was too riled up to care. She had turned this into a game, a contest, and it was time for him to one up her. In order to do that, Sebastian needed to win Annette back, and he would do it at all costs, just to spite his wicked stepsister. He knew he needed something big, something romantic. He needed to make his blonde conquest feel that she was so much more.

Giving her his journal had seemed brilliant at the time.

Of course, everything changed when Kathryn sent Ronald after him. They struggled for a while in the street. Actually, this struggle was more Ronald throwing punch after punch while he defended himself. Usually, Sebastian never let anyone be the more aggressive person in any situation, but it's a bit of a different situation when you deflowered the other person's girlfriend. Whoops.

Eventually, he couldn't let him take out his rage on him anymore. He had quite a bit of his own. So Sebastian swung back. And just when Sebastian thought that day couldn't get any worse, Annette appeared. For a split second, Sebastian was elated to see her, surprising even himself. However, that feeling vanished with the feeling of Ronald's fist to his jaw. Turning his attention back to the fight, he noticed only vaguely when Annette tried to interfere, flying into the middle of the road as a result.

Sebastian could pinpoint this as a moment that would change his life. Hesitating only slightly, he launched himself into harm's way, forcing Annette out of the oncoming taxi's path. He had no idea why she couldn't have just gotten the fuck up on her own and needed him, the bruised, battered and dazed one to save her, but it wasn't really a time for questions. All he knew was that she was too good, too pure to die at the hands of a fight she had no part in, a situation where she didn't belong, because of a boy she never should've gotten involved with. These thoughts were flying through his head as the yellow taxi hit him instead. But as he flew over the windshield, as he hit the road on the other side, suddenly his mind was filled with a very different image. One of a petite, tiny brunette with shocking green eyes and porcelain skin. Her as she smiled, as she scowled, as she smirked at him as she so often did.

Only dimly had he registered the two people that were actually at his side. Annette and Ronald were both knelt over him, the previous fight forgotten. Annette was pleading with him to just hold on, as Ronald reassured them that an ambulance was on the way. Sebastian was sure that this was the end.

"I love you," he had whispered. Annette had reciprocated. But the words he had struggled to get out weren't meant for her, but for a girl who had no chance to hear them.

As he lost consciousness, his last thought was of the brunette holding a champagne glass, her eyes full of ice. Her words echoed in his mind, and it would be these that he would remember when he woke up.

"Silly rabbit. My triumph isn't over her. It's over you."

Sebastian Valmont had always had a rather warped sense of humor. That was probably why he took so much pleasure in destroying insipid debutantes. It was also probably why he thought it would be really amusing to fake his death.

Groggily, his bright blue eyes opened. They were heavy with exhaustion and dim with confusion. The first thing he felt was an incredible amount of pain when he tried to move. He heard the beeping of about a thousand different machines in the background, but the voices in his head were more prominent as he tried to remember what had happened to him.

"I know how to alleviate menstrual cramps, thank you very much."

"She's daddy's little angel… a paradigm of chastity and virtue."

"You can put it anywhere."

"Happy hunting, Sebastian!"

"I wouldn't expect of man of your experience to respect my beliefs."

"Are you a lesbian? I didn't mean to offend you, I just picked up on a little bit of that lesbian vibe…"

"Because I'm the only person you can't have, and it kills you."

"I just think people shouldn't experience the act of love until they are in love."

"It's not about winning, Sebastian."

"Eat me, Sebastian. It's okay for guys like you and Court to fuck everybody but when I do it, I get dumped for innocent little twits like Cecile."

"This sure doesn't taste like iced tea…"

"It's okay you can laugh. I promise I won't tell anybody."

"You could be a model. It's too bad you're not sexy."

"Unfortunately, our Don Juan is moving with the speed of a Special Olympics hurdler."

"That's no way to go through life."

"Because I don't trust myself with you."

"She also told me that you fucked Cecile."

"I didn't know it was Asshole Day at the Valmont house!"

"In English, I'll fuck your brains out."

"E-mail is for geeks and pedophiles. Be romantic. Write her another letter."

"You're just a toy, Sebastian."

"I am lightened, can we drop this?"

"Why are you guys helping me?"

"This is what I like to call "quiet time". It's where we sit and reflect on the things we've just done."

"I hate it when things don't go my way. It makes me so horny."

"Cecile? …Stop crying…"

"My, what an adorable shirt you're wearing."

"God, are you a chump!"

"What shall we toast to?"

"Silly rabbit. My triumph isn't over her. It's over you."

"I love you too."

The memories swirled around in his mind. Flashes of color, and light and sound filled his head until they all became crystal clear. Now fully conscious, Sebastian groaned at the memories of this last summer. It had certainly been interesting, but judging by the amount of IVs poking into his muscular arm, it had hardly been worth it. Now, not only did he not have his journal, he was also in the midst of a war with Kathryn, and had a clingy girlfriend who was under the illusion that he was in love with her.

Sebastian was shocked at the sudden appearance of a doctor at his side. It seemed that he was conjured out of thin air. The man in the white coat began to babble on and on about how his waking up was such a miracle when Sebastian started to tune him out. That's when Valmont got his brilliant idea. What a way to one-up Kathryn, than to pretend to have not made it through. What a way to see if he really meant nothing to her. Surprised by his own genius, Sebastian instantly voiced his desire to be claimed deceased to the doctor, who was more than a little shocked and a lot more than a little hesitant. However, that incident only proved what Sebastian had always known: money can buy you anyone.

It was supposed to be a joke! Sebastian was supposed to be declared dead, but then show up later that week in Kathryn's room. Surprise! However, he had forgotten one key thing, and that was that he didn't have his journal.

His trick might've been a little amusing too, if it weren't for his revenge-hungry, Bible-thumping blonde girlfriend. The moment his friends and family had received the "bad news", Annette had flown out the door, to the nearest Kinko's, apparently. Not even a day later, his precious journal had been passed around the school like it was a fucking yearbook! And of course, it didn't stop there. It was all over the papers, in the news, and Kathryn Merteuil was officially destroyed.

Ha. Ha.

But once a copy of the journal reached him, Sebastian was shocked to realize that a few pages were missing. If he wasn't surprised enough that the 'good' and 'pure' and 'kind' Annette had done something this malicious, it certainly stunned him that she would tamper with his words. And which pages were missing? All the pages on his former conquests, Cecile, Kathryn, and the bet were there. However, significantly absent were the pages describing Annette's first time.

'That sneaky little bitch,' was Sebastian's first thought. That was before the reality crashed down that due to Annette and her handiwork. This prank had spun way out of proportion. He would not be able to go home. He would not be able to show up at Kathryn's. They lived together, they worked together, and now, he supposed, they went down together, because neither of them could show their faces in Manhattan society at the moment.

So he did the only thing that made sense. He left. He traveled the world and he sampled the countries, only to find that something inside of him just felt empty. No matter where he went or what (and who) he did, he was just bored. And that's when he came to his first, horrific realization that he missed Kathryn. Sebastian had never been one to deny himself anything, so when he heard that Kathryn was being released from the rehabilitation clinic she had been condemned to, he just had to see her. Upon laying eyes on the petite young woman, he realized that that empty place didn't feel quite so empty anymore.

"Yoo hoo? Anybody home in there, Valmont?" a mocking voice called through the large room. He opened his eyes and drank in the site of her. Kathryn, smirking, was perched on the edge of the bed in a champagne-colored negligee that emphasized some of her better features (in Sebastian's opinion, anyway). Good to know that some things will never change.

"Jesus. Your eyes have been closed like that for half an hour. I thought you died," she snapped, but her eyes widened as she reconsidered her words. There was a little fear in her eyes, and she hoped that he couldn't see it, and yet she knew he could. He always could. "I meant—"

"No matter," he waved his hand, waving away the statement and all of its implications. "Did you need something?"

"Yes. For you to get off my bed," she stated simply, a challenge in her eyes. She knew good and well that he wouldn't, and deep down, she didn't even want him too. But it was just typical of their behavior to challenge each other, even over the smallest of things. You can't mess with tradition.

"Why Kat, there's plenty of room here for both of us," suggested Sebastian with false cheer, patting the spot next to him. His tone reminded them both of Annette, and the atmosphere was instantly heavier. To his surprise, Kathryn crawled across the bed, but didn't stop until she was on top of him. She laid atop him, invoking memories of when she had been persuading him to speedup Cecile's "sexual awakening". The mere memory made him hard, and the brunette noticed.

"Mmmm… feels like somebody missed me," she purred, writhing about. He didn't respond, but placed his hands on her hips, caressing her gently. Her eyes locked with his over her shoulder. A few charged moments passed, before she rolled over. Both groaned at the friction, and they were now forehead to forehead. Sebastian noticed the look in Kathryn's eyes that told him she had something serious on her mind, and instantly sobered.

"Tell me everything," she whispered, her eyes darkening. And so he did. The whole sordid tale of everything that had unfolded in the time after he slammed her bedroom door. Kathryn gave little to no reaction during his story, and he could see her bright eyes turn to ice. Once he was done, she merely rolled off him, shut off the light and curled up into a ball on the other side of the large bed.

"Kat?" he called in a sing-song voice.

"My name is Kathryn," came her muffled reply.

"I know. But I happen to enjoy nicknaming, and I really enjoy the fact that I'm the only one that can get away with it with you."

"Or so you think."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You think you're special Sebastian. You aren't. Not to me," she said, still looking firmly the other way. Her bony back was to him, and he marveled that someone treated for bulimia (among other things…) could be so skinny. He wasn't going to pretend that her words didn't strike a nerve, but he now knew better than to believe her.

"Now, now, Kat. Let's not do this again. We both know where your phony sentiments of unfeeling got us last time."

"I can't believe you didn't come back for me," she whispered into the darkness, but he heard her anyway.

"Oh, come on, Kathryn! What was I supposed to do? I was "dead", I couldn't just stroll up and tell them to let you go!" he exclaimed, exasperated.

"You were supposed to send me some message! Some kind of sign! Something to make me feel less horrible, and hateful, and alone!" she burst, and Sebastian saw something rare indeed—the ice in her eyes had begun to melt into liquid, trembling on the lid of her eye.

This was a conversation of the night. Full of secrets, of confessions, of emotions too vulnerable for daylight. After, they were silent for a very long time. Sebastian didn't even think it was possible for Kathryn to keep her mouth shut for this long. That's when he began to hear a quiet sniffling from her side of the bed. Lifting up only his head, Valmont checked the time. The digital clock on the nightstand registered 3:40 A.M., the numbers casting a faint red glow into the darkness.

"Sebastian… no, Sebastian, please, I'm sorry…" a voice whispered hoarsely, thick with tears. He actually looked around, expecting to see another person in the room, because that definitely wasn't something Kathryn would say. Not his Kathryn. However, the voice was indeed coming from his stepsister.

"Umm… it's fine Kathryn," he said awkwardly, but she didn't seem to hear him. Every once in a while, her quiet pleas would become hysterical, and nothing he could say to her would calm her down. That's when he realized the blatant truth—Kathryn was sleeping.

"Kathryn… Kat… Kathryn… wake up, baby," he shook her gently by the shoulders until she stirred. Her moist green eyes opened wide and disbelieving.

"Sebastian!" she awed.

"Uh huh. Kathryn, I'm here. Everything's fine, it was just a dream. Okay?" But the brunette had been plagued by these nightmares for far too long for anything he would say to change that. He may be with her during the day, but at night, in her dreams, she was alone, him being torn from her again, and again, and again, with each passing night. Just like the last year and a half.

After forty-five minutes of whispering sweet nothings and consolations, he realized that there was nothing he could say or do to let her sleep. He contented himself to just hold her. Wrapping his toned arms around her tiny waist, he drew her close to him. She curled instinctively into him, and fell back into her sleep. He noted with satisfaction that it was a much more restful rest than the one she had just been having. That, and that their bodies fit together perfectly, just like he had always known they would.

Sebastian Valmont didn't sleep much that night. He reflected on his life, the past, and what had led them to where they were then. He kept watch over his wicked stepsister. Twisted, manipulative and downright evil during the day, she had always looked so much more innocent during her dreams. Kathryn Merteuil. How he adored her.

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Author's Note

The italicized quotes taken from the movie were the memories floating through Sebastian's mind, post-wake up. Just wanted to clarify lol.

Hey everybody. Thank you so much for all of your reviews. Seriously, it would be embarrassing to tell you how happy they make me. I'm not sure how this chapter came out. It may have been a little… sucky. Lol. But I tried to put in a lot of back-story, and establish a little more of the relationship between K/S, so hopefully you all didn't hate it too much. Please review, and thanks for reading!

Xo Sam