Chapter 11

"Don't be so sure of yourself Zechs, I may decide to kill you after all"
~Analicia Delizabane

He was talking in his sleep. Okami could hear him from across the room. Earlier that night he had come back to the pitch dark room with blood all over his left hand and she knew something had happened. Mikhail was invigorated with something when he arrived. It seemed he had forgotten about his captive because he just moved into the room, switched on a lamp, and flopped down on his bed, breathing hard and smiling. She didn't want him to remember her presence, and so she kept very still. But eventually his eyes fell on her and soon he was standing over her with his bloody hand.

With very little hesitation, he let her have it. And his violence against her went on for the better part of an hour. Okami took every blow without a cry, without analysis, and imagined herself somewhere else.

When he was finished with her, he simply sat back on his bed and fell asleep. Okami lay in the corner she was left in, feeling her face beginning to swell. Now he was asleep and muttering in his slumber. Okami couldn't make out any of his words amidst the hiss of breath.

Abruptly, the door opened and a woman who looked very much like Lady Une appeared on the threshold. She had a set of keys in her hand. The woman looked from Okami to Mikhail, who had woken and risen to his feet, nodding respectfully. The woman was not happy with what she found there.

"You were not given leave to brutalize the girl" she said in a low voice of authority. Mikhail did not answer her but looked down at the floor, chagrined. She entered the room and the light revealed her better. No, not Lady Une, but very like her. Okami soon found herself being lifted by the woman, and she needed it. Okami wasn't going to be walking by herself for a while.

"Aria wants to see you in thirty minutes. Be in her office. I am taking this girl. You seem to have a problem with breaking your toys"

Mikhail nodded his compliance and watched as Okami was taken away from her. Okami's heart lifted when she heard his door click behind them and the woman's voice saying "Don't be afraid. I serve Analicia Delizabane. Nothing further will be done to you."

Okami held her breath a little and attempted to walk along with the woman who aided her down the hall.

* * * * * * * * * *

I am sure Zechs would be appalled to know that Treize had used violence against me in order to get his way (Though not really surprising for a warmonger). Looking back on it, I am somewhat appalled too. But all that really matters is my reaction at the time, and my reaction was one of sudden attraction. Violence was something very familiar to me, and I understood it better than affection. A man with the will to command me and the practicality to use whatever means necessary to get what he wanted, including violence, was almost the definition of sensible and therefore, the closest thing to perfect I had yet seen in a man. I didn't enjoy having my head thrown against a cold stone bench, to be sure. My interest lay in the motives behind such an outburst and I delighted in the opportunity to respond in kind. And so I did.

I had noticed some weeks earlier that Treize was a notorious night owl. He was never abed before one in the morning and he kept these hours still during the festival. The same night he attacked me in the garden, he found my response, while passing through the upper hallway with a few companions, he found me waiting. My hair hid the minor violence he had done on me earlier, and there wasn't enough pain to affect any of my functions. So I stood, poised against the top railing, and smiled prettily at him as he passed me. He gave me an approving nod at my behavior and all his companions very politely greeted me. They were all too busy with their decorum to notice my strategically placed foot until Treize hit it and took a header down the grand stair case. I feigned a gasp of horror and retired to my room where I did not respond to a single knock.

The second night of the festival was even more intense than the first. Treize sported a deep gash on his left temple, but he was not openly hostile. He made me dance and sit with him through much of the early evening to which I complied to avoid causing a public scene. Most of the time he kept a bruising hold on my arm and hid any brutality behind elegant smiles. Aria was once again separated from me that evening. Treize did not like her distracting my attention from him. I soberly tolerated his aggressive attentions and awaited summons from my father.

The game was getting more interesting every hour that passed. I had little idea before the festival just how Treize was received by his contemporaries and colleagues. All of Romafellar revered Treize, and his new outlook on life, destiny, and the world, was already entrancing many. He had what one man referred as "Christ's Passion" for the future. Personally, I was still completely bored and disinterested in grand designs for the world and space. I had absolutely no interest in space or the colonies. My interests lay West in a land I had not yet set foot in. Treize droned on to his entranced entourage much of the night. Tonight, I was playing the part of his tamed Isle pet.

But I saw the young man in red again, moving through the crowd, the lightness of his hair and his melancholy gait was like a beacon to my attention. I again wondered who he was, but Treize wasn't going to allow me to move for a long while. Unless I chose to create a scene, I wasn't going anywhere. So for the time being, I sat still and watched while Treize networked and played the crowd like a violin. Later, when some other young lord turned the conversation away from Treize, he leaned in and whispered for me to go to the rose garden and wait for him. I made my politest excuses and left the group, heading in the direction of the garden. As soon as I was out of sight, I changed directions and went in search of Aria instead.

She was outside on the dance floor. I saw her right away, again wearing green and looking as pretty as she possibly could. Perhaps that was because of the euphoric look on her face. She was dancing and completely entranced with her partner. So busy was I with observing her enchantment that it took me several seconds to notice that she was dancing with my young man, my sad mysterious blond young man. He moved fluidly, and with definite skill. There was purpose and thought in all his movements, but I could still sense the gloom he emitted, as if it were a scent in the air. When the set was complete, I would have Aria introduce me to him. However, a hand clamped my shoulder hard and I groaned audibly, guessing that Treize had found me. I turned with an annoyed look and met the cool brown eyes of my father.

With back straightened, shoulders set, mouth clamped shut and face emotionless, I immediately fell into my disciplined old self. Merrick, with Bram on his left and a stranger on his right, surveyed me. He looked me over as if I were a fine horse, tipping my chin and turning my head this way and that. I felt his finger run over the small cut on my hairline from last night. There would be no more games with Treize now; it was time for duty.

"Good enough." he let his hand fall, his judgment on me passed. Merrick then signaled to Bram.

"Hello Leecy, you look lovely tonight, only a little pale, is all well?" he put his hand on my shoulder and I quickly reported my perfect health, almost a little too efficiently. I had dropped all pretense of lady-like behavior and stood rigid like a soldier in the ranks. Bram nodded and presented the other man with him.

"Leecy, this is General William Washington of New York" the General came forward and bowed formally. He was a man probably in his mid thirties with close cropped black hair and a rugged look. His clothes were Georgian like everyone else, but something set him apart from this Romafellar crowd. It may have been only in my eyes, because he was American.

"Your name is really Washington? How extraordinary" I commented. The General nodded with a small smile.

"I am honored to the name of such a noble man of my country."

"Leecy, General Washington is of the North Columbian Armed Forces. Officially, it is a local branch of the Alliance, unofficially, it is more friendly to our family and the Isle." Bram explained until Washington interrupted. The meaning of Bram's words, though downplayed, were clear; General Washington was under my father's command

"Unofficially we are under the command of the United States of America. Our forces work toward the rebuilding of our former nation. We assist the Isle to that end. Your country, Mr. Wickfield, serves as our benefactor." Bram assented courteously. My father wasn't so easy.

"Benefactor is just a polished way of saying ruler, General. Your American Legion still gives allegiance to the office of Eldest Child so long as we finance and support your military programs. We shield you from unfriendly Alliance eyes and provide you with Mobile Suits to train with. Don't bog the truth down in ideology before my heir."

General Washington nodded obediently, but it was clear that he didn't like this situation and he didn't like my father, which meant that I liked him. Hopefully Merrick would release us all and I would be able to pick the General's brain about the American Legion. But instead, he insisted that we move somewhere private but not too removed from the party. In his infinite wisdom, chose the rose garden.

The rose garden.

I said nothing, saying something would expose my recent association with Treize, and I knew how displeased Merrick would be with that. Even Bram was against me having anything to do with Treize. My only hope was that the he wasn't already there waiting for me. But someone was looking out for me, for the garden was empty when we entered. Once settled, my father began explaining to me my duty as it would relate to General Washington and the American military contingent he command. Merrick told me that events were starting to seriously take shape now, OZ was going to be pushed to the forefront of Alliance military functions; all they needed was the use of superior mobile suit technology. My father was specifically at this holiday celebration to hear the terms proposed by Duke Dermail and Jareth Khushrenada. The meeting had not taken place yet, but it would go one of two ways. If the terms were acceptable and Romafellar did not seek to appropriate more of my father's assets than he was willing to give, then I would be going New York to train with General Washington. If Romafellar's appropriations were more than my father was willing to allow, then I would be going to Berlin, to serve with my cousin Kateline in the Rhineland Army. In the case of the latter, Romafellar would likely respond to my father's refusal by setting the Alliance on us, in which case our territory would become part of that mass of other lands the Alliance controlled. The Alliance had been inching its way toward our territory in both Britain and the Rhineland for some time. Going to Berlin would mean going to war. It all rested on what Romafellar was going to ask for and whether my father was willing to give it.

That stated my father took his leave, Bram following after him, murmuring niceties as he went. General Washington was the last to leave, saying that he hoped that I would be returning with him to New York, that he had heard much of me, that I showed great potential, and that my being part of the American Legion would help to cement the relationship of the Isle and the former American states. He bowed and left. I sat on that notorious garden bench, hoping that events worked in my favor and that I would be able to go with General William Washington.

"What is on your mind, Mon Peu Insurgé?" Treize whispered from behind me. Damn it!

"I have no time for you now, Mr. Khushrenada." My hand waved him off as I made to get up. But his hands on my shoulders bore down with the weight of his body and I was held in place.

"Make time." His words secretly thrilled me; this war between us thrilled me. But even as the blood started pounding in my ears over the sheer excitement of our game, I knew the game couldn't go on. One way or another I was leaving. Still, I remained where I was on the bench while he sat down next to me.

"That's better. Now tell me, what is on my Lady Anne's mind?"

"Stop calling me that!" I barked and shrugged off the arm he was putting around my shoulder. How long had he been in the garden? There had been no one when I had entered with the others. Had he been hiding? Had he heard everything?

"I told you to meet me here some time ago. Where were you?"

"It takes more than a blasé command and a knock on the head to make me obey. Didn't you figure that out last night at the bottom of the stairs?" I couldn't help it. I had to play with him. This personal war with Treize was more exhilarating than anything I had experience with Taber in Ireland. I had never known toying with a man could be so fulfilling.

"My father has told me that he will be holding an important meeting with your father on New Years. I think you mean to leave me after that." He stated it so blandly that it didn't sound like a blow, but it felt like one. New York or Berlin, either place would mean one definite thing, I would be far away from Treize Khushrenada.

"You must remember, Treize, I have never really been with you. I am sure you won't miss what you never had." I tried to smile at him. He shrugged and looked at the ground.

"Touché, Mon Plus Cher"

We sat in silence for a time, each of us contemplating the loss of the other. He drew a slow breath, as if to say something profound but a voice interrupted his intention.

"So this is where you are hiding." He had a quiet voice.

We turned around simultaneously and my stomach flipped. It was him, the sad looking young man, standing at the entrance of the garden. Treize smiled and got up from the bench, pulling me up with him and walking toward our new arrival. They clasped arms like brothers.

"Zechs, old boy, when did you get here? I thought you were due earlier than this."

His name was Zechs.

"I was here on schedule, but you, my Lord, were nowhere to be found. Even your mother didn't know where to find you. Unfortunately, traveling takes much out of me, and I was asleep by the time you took that fall down the stairs. Is this the young lady you fell for?" Zechs indicated me and Treize presented me, using my real name and not the silly one he had invented for me. I said something small and appropriate, but I was too busy observing Zechs to be self-conscious or aware of what Treize was saying about me.

"They say she tripped you purposefully." Was that a smile Zechs Merquise was cracking? No, this young man didn't smile. Treize eyed the young man carefully and I got the feeling that these two were not just friendly acquaintances. Somehow, Zechs and Treize went beyond that, and so Zechs could be bold with his words. "That she did" was all Mr. Khushrenada said, but his hand was tighter on my arm now. Then he turned to me and told me to leave them alone for a while. He needed to speak with Zechs. I willingly complied, although I was still interested in Zechs. I found myself tired, and so, avoiding any more encounters with various people at the party, I retired to my room.

The next morning, Aria cornered me with her tale of the young Zechs Merquise, with whom she had danced with the night before. As foretold by her expression when I had seen her, Aria was besotted with the young man whose name she did not catch. In the spirit of helpfulness, I gave her the young man's identity and the reaction was not a happy one. Aria's eyes narrowed and she questioned me crisply on how I had managed to get Zechs Merquise's name when every one else didn't know it or was too intimidated to ask him. Already she had developed a jealous passion for him. I explained the circumstances and Aria seemed momentarily pacified, but it was immediately understood that remaining in Aria's good graces would mean staying away from Zechs Merquise. Any interest I had in Zechs was pushed away in favor of keeping the peace with my younger sister.

But now it was time to think about New York and Berlin and to which one I would go. My better judgment had already voted New York. Merrick wouldn't be so unreasonable as to provoke Romafellar and the Alliance. No matter how powerful my family was, we couldn't stand up to the rest of the world if they moved against us, and with only a few exceptions, the Alliance was the world.

This was going to be so excellence. New York was historically one of the greatest of the American cities. Historically, my family had come from Boston and the surrounding areas when they had lived in North Columbia (as the world had renamed it after its destruction). General Washington was a real American, and with a name like Washington! How lucky he was. It couldn't have been better if he was a Kennedy, Roosevelt, or a Lincoln. In New York, I would probably be trained in Mobile Suit Piloting. In Berlin, I would be trained in Mobile Suit Combat, via actual battles.

The rest of the festival was so boring I can't even remember most of it. There were only a few occasions of note. One were Gabriel was threatened with dismemberment by his brother if he even tried to talk to me. This did not go over well with Gabriel and Treize had already had too much to drink that night. So the two concluded the argument with fists, during which time I was able to sneak away while Zechs attempted to break it up. Another occasion involved my being heckled to death by a gaggle of pre-teens. They were fascinated that I was from the Isle and they poked at me as if I was some rare bird in a golden cage. This was irritating and I literally pushed them out of the way and ran to find some privacy. When I crossed through the parlor, I saw Treize and his father coming out of his office. They saw me and Treize signaled to his father, approaching me. I had the distinct suspicion they were discussing me.

On New Years Eve, Treize and I had the largest of our "Pre-OZ" fights. I had thought he had given up on his 'destiny' talk and about my role in creating the future with him, but I was mistaken. Though he no longer persisted with marriage proposals, he still insisted I not leave with my father, offering me positions in the Specials and any number of opportunities that would allow me to remain. Tensions were strained between us without all these proposals. Earlier that day, Leia Barton and her father Dekim had arrived and Treize was formally engaged to her at an elaborate luncheon. It did not bother me at the time and I was actually very civil to Leia when were introduced. But Leia was not deaf and people at the parties had been talking. No doubt word of my mysterious association with Treize had reached her. She was polite, but distant, as if threatened. I heard from others around that she and Treize had already met in Outer Space earlier in the year, under not very acceptable circumstances. None of us could be aware at that time that Leia was already pregnant with Mariemaia. But it later explained to me why Leia was in haste to marry Treize. I can never say for sure, but I believe Treize never knew about his daughter. They would be divorced less than two months after their marriage in early January (an offence for which Treize was excommunicated and renounced all faith in God). She could have easily hid her pregnancy from him in that time frame.

In any case, it was the last night I would be in Lyon at Manoir Cristal. And so Treize was behaving desperately. Most often, his brain damage was hidden by a calm demeanor, a demeanor that was actually caused by the damage, but that was too mundane to cause anyone suspicion. The calmness was almost always unbroken, and that was where the signs of his damage lay. It was difficult to arouse Treize to any sort of outburst, and so he appeared to be calm and infinitely patient. In reality, the overdose had rendered him almost incapable of excitement. However, it was not impossible to get a violent or emotional reaction from him. That night in the rose garden where he hurt me had been the first. New Years Eve was the last.

My father was at that time in conference with Jareth and Dermail. I was in my room, packing for New York. Aria was doing the same down the hall. I locked Treize out earlier. His calmly delivered ravings were getting more irritating by the hour and after dinner I had had enough of him. Someone had obviously told him I was in my room packing and this may have been what set him off. My books had just been secured in one of my travel cases when several very loud bangs destroyed my door. He was steaming mad, and it was fascinating to see. When he was so agitated, he slurred and stuttered his words. Sometimes he got confused and start his speeches again from the beginning. Watching Treize loose his cool was like watching a train wreck, you couldn't tear your eyes away. We commenced arguing for the better part of an hour.

"You will s-stop packing!" he barked, tearing things out of my hands.

"I am leaving" I sang to him, picking up another bundle of clothes.

"Have you no sense of duty? I would expect someone who has such a c- commitment to knowledge and understanding to have more of a c-c-care for the future."
"What are you going to do Treize? Lock me in the basement? Give up this ridiculous plan of ruling the world and bringing about new eras. You are just one man and no matter how charismatic or influential you think you may be, you can't pull off what you plan! And if in some way you DID pull it off, I still wouldn't help you."

"Why not?"

"Because you are mad! You have bloody brain damage, and damaged people have no business ruling the world. Damaged people shouldn't have any power at all! That is just straight logic and even I know that. Do you have any idea how messed up you are now, Treize? Do you understand what that overdose did to your brain? Look at you, you can barely contain yourself and you can hardly put together coherent sentences. You need therapy, Treize. Therapy, not power. And I am the LAST person who should be helping you take over the world to achieve a new era you dreamed up during a drug induced coma! Can I be any clearer than this?" Hands moved in a flurry to accentuate my point. I was just about at the end of my rope with him. No one was going to take New York from me, and it was best that Treize realized how crazy he sounded now before he ruined himself before his peers later with this insanity.

He was hurt, very clearly and very keenly. Did he need me to believe in his dream so much? Who can say, but Treize nodded and gathered up the remains of his pride. It looked almost like an animal that recoils back on itself, twitching a few times, and growing still, dying. And it stung me with shame to see his pride so shattered. But truth before feelings had long been my policy. He needed to know these things and perhaps I was the only one who could really tell him. Still, I felt a pang of guilt at having been so harsh. Would I have tolerated anyone being so blatant about my own impending disorder? No, I would never hold myself as gracefully after such a barrage of words as Treize now did. He made to leave but I stopped him. Humility wasn't something I knew much about and I was awkward as I apologized. It didn't seem right to see such a dejected look on his face. In hindsight, it seems like sacrilege. Going on instinct, I put my hands on his shoulders.

"You have a very noble dream, but you have to be realistic about this world. It doesn't bend for us and we can't make it bend. We have to take things as they come and do our duty."

"That is how it is for you, Anne, but not for me. You let things happen to you. You let people direct you from one stage of life to another. Your duty is the chain that binds you from taking any responsibility for your own life; you hide behind it. Life for you is just a series of passive existences. If it weren't for your family duty, the life your family has planned for you, and what they have taught you to love and revere, you would probably stay with me. If it wasn't for your house, would you be capable of being the person I wish you could be? A woman of action and of true knowledge, who seeks the world instead of letting it seek her?" His gaze was once again calm, and steady. His eyes were blue, very blue and cool, gentle. His words were so true and so hurtful. But it must be truth before feelings, as always. We had delivered each other equal revelations and equal blows.

Treize had never been more right. He saw things quite clearly and I hadn't given him credit for it. His estimation of me, though I was reluctant to accept it, was dead on. We stood there while I struggled for an answer. If it weren't for all my other obligations, who would I be? Who would Leecy be if she was left to be herself? He spoke as if he had read my mind.

"That's why I call you Anne instead. It is the name I give to your true self, the one who doesn't mask herself with duty or family obligation. I have seen glimpses of you, Anne, peeking out when the shadow of your family isn't looming over you. So I am asking, if it were just you, Anne, would you stay?"

The thoughts and ideas that followed were like a foreign language. Was I so much a product of my household? How sad that I took no responsibility but the ones they gave me. How pathetic that I never stood up and made an attempt to stem the tide of my fate. If I was so dissatisfied with it, why didn't I ever rebel, as I had done at Lefrey's? I was the worst sort of coward and I had been using behind my family duty as a way deferring responsibility for my own weak acceptance of what life had thrown me.

"Yes" I answered automatically, and it was a true response, the kind I didn't have to think about, the kind that was instant because it was absolutely true.

"Stay." Maybe he wasn't crazy. Maybe he had just woken up to something that I was still sleeping through.

"Yes." Was it possible for me to believe in him as others did? He did indeed have that passion that drew believers to his vision and that same gravity was yanking on my spirit. It held tight, anchoring me to him with an unspoken promise.

"I only ever want you to be honest with yourself." He did want that. He must have wanted that.

"I . . . I need to talk to Aria first" Aria had to support me in this. She would affirm all.

"Then we will go find her" Treize took my arm and together we left the room. The whole time my mind repeated to me that I wanted to stay, that I could stay, that my name was Anne and I could stay. It was all completely possible and obvious. I could stay with him and I could go to New York whenever I wanted. It didn't have to be now or never. Yes! I could! I didn't have to wait on a choice of war in Berlin or training in New York. No ultimatums loomed over me if I didn't allow them to. I could do as I pleased. My family was counting on me, but . . . what had my family ever really done but jerk me from one stage of 'duty' to another. There was Aria, and she was someone I didn't want to give up. But even Aria argued for the destiny of my family duty. No one had ever offered me a choice. Never. No one. I held Treize's arm tighter, and he supported me as if I had trouble walking, holding my arm firmly. I reveled in the sudden romance of his touch.

We reached the main reception area which was choked with people preparing for the midnight hour. The hall was brightly lit and warmed by a great fireplace on one side. For the first time, the swirl of dresses and perfumes mingled in my senses and I soaked in the luxury and opulence of the place as if it were a finely poured bath. The sounds seemed clearer and the taste on the air more potent. All my senses attuned to the environment, and yet my mind was so far above it all. On my mouth hung a bewildered smile as I looked about, my eyes falling here and there, but not registering anything but the red hair that would signal my sister in the crowd. Slowly, I began to register the whispers of voices around us who spoke of Treize and me; so obviously in a romantic stance. What would Leia think? Did we have no shame? None of these words had an impact on me. My mind was on Treize and the idea of staying, and of going where I wished. Staying and going as I chose, as he was promising. Treize.

It was then I heard Aria calling from the stairs. Of course! She had been upstairs packing just as I had. I waved to her and her look of puzzlement penetrated my entranced state. Aria was in a white silk dress with no shoes on. How tiny she was. She came to me and her puzzlement turned to disapproval. Immediately she chastised me about the scene I was making. Didn't I realize that Treize was parading me around, even in front of his newly declared fiancé? Had I no pride in myself that I would play the part of public whore to this uniformed jack rabbit? I looked around and in the slowly gathering crowd I could see Leia. Her face was tight with barely concealed humiliation. Treize wouldn't look at her, so instead he whispered in my ear that I didn't need to listen to Aria if I didn't want to. I had a choice in that too. Yes, his way offered me many choices that had never existed before. Choices were freedom; freedom was the blood of America. Treize was the equal to that distant shore. My thoughts were heady and aloft. Treize and Aria were exchanging heated words while I stood between them, eyes glazed and mouth open slightly, as if witnessing a miracle. I fixated on how small my sister was without her shoes.

"You really are a tiny thing, Aria" I murmured with a gentle smile laced in my voice.

"What?" Aria stopped in mid-argument with Treize.

"Without your shoes, I mean. Where did you put your shoes?"

Stay, I would stay, with him, with Treize. The past meant nothing. The past was whatever I chose to remember, whatever I needed to remember.

"Oh Hell, Leecy, snap out of it. Now is not the time for you to be phasing out like this" Aria was snapping her fingers before my eyes as of I were in a trance. Why was she doing that? Why was everyone staring like that? Treize held my arm and whispered that there was no need to be upset by my sister. If it made me feel better I could retire. Aria tried to talk over him, articulating my duties and responsibility toward the Isle.

The Isle? What a silly name for a place. Where was that exactly? I couldn't remember at that very moment. Within a few seconds I decided it would be best not to remember and to think of other things in its place. So I turned to Treize and looked into his eyes for something more pleasant to recall instead of what Aria was talking about. But a booming voice that came from the end of the hall drew me right back to earth from where ever I had been. The voice called my name, very harshly, very angrily. Reality exploded around me and I stared at Treize, simply listening to the anger that was at that very moment coursing across the grand hallway toward me. Treize, like everyone else, was looking in the direction of its source. I could hear the boots irately striking the fine wood floor, coming closer. I didn't want to look away from Treize. I didn't want to see how frightening my approaching father would be.

Jareth and Duke Dermail trailed him. It was soon evident that Merrick had become enraged during his meeting with them. Jareth was pleading with my father to not make a scene in his house. Dermail shouted coarsely about civility and proper manners, something I knew my father lacked any appreciation for. Neither man could hold back the storming man, who was calling for my sister and me. The meeting must have gone badly. But it was to be worse, for Merrick, in his tirade, had caught a glimpse of Treize and I holding onto each other like a pair of fledgling lovers amidst of crowd of spectators. With that, my father had promptly flew into an uncontrollable fury and approached us quickly.

There was not much time before Merrick would cover the distance of the hall and reach me. I heard the hard click of his boot heels and knew without looking that he was at a fast pace and from the swish of fabric. I knew that people were getting out of his way expediently. So my eyes stayed on Treize, willing him to look back at me. There was no time to speak, so please let my eyes make him understand. My fate resounded with the ever approaching footfall. There were no choices for me, not while Merrick lived. He wasn't going to let me stay. He had all the choices, all the control. Even at that moment I knew I wouldn't walk out of this house, I would be dragged and humiliated. There was going to be violence. I knew how things in my family worked. Only a few more seconds. Treize, look at me! I can't stay. I have no choices. I only have duty. But I love you for brief illusion. Please look at me so I can make you understand. Please.

I tell myself now that he did look back in time. But I don't remember; which is for the best. I have no wish to recall being physically parted from Treize. Because hindsight is twenty-twenty, I can now, in the present, understand what he made me want and feel in less than a month of knowing him. I tell myself that he tried to stop my father once he reached me. But I know Treize, and he was a man who knew his own limits. That seventeen year old boy was no match for the fury of the Count of Mortain. Since I have choices now, I chose not to remember what happened, only that I looked my last on Treize, and awoke in Berlin four and a half days later.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Zechs breathed in sharply as the hand poked at the small of his back. It was nudging him, making sure he was awake. Beneath him, Zechs felt the soft cotton sheets and pillow. They were cool and smooth and promised a peaceful slumber. He could feel the heaviness all over his body from being woken out of a sound sleep. Slowly, Zechs turned over onto his other side to face the owner of the nudging hand.

"What is it?"

"You were talking in your sleep again. You know I can't sleep when your voice in wringing in my head." She had the sheets wrapped around her body and she propped her head up on her arm. The room was very dark, but he could still make out how her eyes held affection for him. He smiled back dreamily.

"What was I saying?"

"I don't know. I don't listen to you when you are awake. Why would I listen when you are asleep?" She leaned forward, kissing his forehead lightly and then fell back against the pillows underneath her. Zechs laughed at her quip.

"Didn't you tell me that you had already slept enough for two lifetimes? Why so eager to sleep now?" he asked her. She chuckled and pushed back the sweep of her long hair.

"Yes, but there is a difference, with you I sleep well. Not like those other times where I slept for other reasons besides rest. That's the trouble! You make my dreams restful and pleasant, but now your blabbering won't let me sleep at all. I just can't win with you" She laughed and laid a hand on his bare chest. He pulled on her arm and brought her closer to him.

"I'm sorry I didn't disclose that I talked in my sleep when I applied for this job as your lover." She smacked his chest and he made a laughing wince.

"You make me sound so professional, like you are a copy boy and I am some kinky paper-pusher."

"Well, you are a paper-pusher. But I was hoping to work a little on the kinky part . . ." He loved joking with her. She huffed indignantly and started half-heartedly pulling away even as he laughed and held her down.

"Shut up you dog!"

"If I am a dog then that makes you my bitch"

"Then you are a boar, Zechs Merquise." She murmured in between a flurry of quick but meaningful kisses which were coated with their laughter.

His laughter was then muffled by the pillow as he awoke. Zechs opened his eyes and felt the humor and delight resounding through his body. But things quickly faded as his true surroundings asserted themselves and he understood it had been nothing more than a dream. Still, he couldn't help but quick glance to the space next to him in bed, which was empty, not even a phantom scent lingering there to mark her passing. He was alone, in Brussels, and she was still in Dover. Zechs felt all mirth evaporate and be replaced by familiar despondency. A great tired sigh emptied from his chest. Zechs laid his head back on the pillow, which he was startled to find wet. He ran his hand over it, feeling more than a mere night sweat. Hastily, he turned on the lamp on the nightstand. There was blood everywhere, all over the pillow and down the sheets. Zechs wiped his nose and confirmed the source of the blood. Just a run-of-the-mill night nose bleed? No, he could feel the last vestiges of blood dripping from his right ear. The despondency lifted as he grasped the situation. This was not a dream. It was another vision, a vision of the future. Zechs stared at the blood in disbelief for a long time until he found himself laughing again. Inside, the mirth had returned and with it a feeling that was practically foreign to him.

Hope.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

"Slow down . . ." Hildre blurted out, gripping the handle of the car door and wincing nervously. The car sped on, the driver either deaf or ignoring her. They rounded a particularly sharp corner and Hildre felt certain the car went up on two wheels.

"Please slow down" she was trying to be polite. Ten seemed like the kind of guy who would speed up if you demanded that he slow down. His hand jerk the gear shift, bringing the speed down slightly, but only for a few seconds, putting the car back into fifth as they reached another straight away. A rugged smile played on his face.

"What the matter?" he asked sarcastically.

"I am uncomfortable with driving this fast" she cleared her throat before answering.

"You can pilot Mobile Suits. Yet a little speed makes you uncomfortable?"

"It's different. Besides, we could be pulled over." Hildre tightened her seatbelt. Ten laughed at her naivety, pulling a cigarette out of his breast pocket and pushing in the lighter on the dashboard.

"Preventers don't get 'pulled over' sweetheart. Not in this town" The lighter clicked and the cigarette was soon lit. Ten took a deep drag, tapping his free hand against the steering wheel to the beat of the song on the radio.

"You've never driven with Zechs, I guess. Guy drives like a bat out of hell. Funny, I thought you two were friends." Ten exhaled. Hildre looked out the window as Ten down-shifted and came to a safer speed.

"Preventer Wind isn't as law-abiding as he should be. But Commander Une always emphasized respecting the laws of the land" Hildre couldn't keep a little self-righteousness out of her voice. Ten didn't seem impressed as he shrugged and inhaled again.

"I don't know shit about your 'Commander'. Never served her, never knew her and never cared to. Zechs is more my cup of tea. We do what we want."

"Zechs doesn't do what he wants, he does what he must. There is a big difference." They turned another corner and Ten sped up again. She was right. He was the kind of guy who would make you uncomfortable if he didn't like what you said.

"If he is that kind of guy, then how come we haven't blown the Isle off the face of the earth?" Ten held the cigarette in the air as he took his eyes off the road to look at her. "Something holding Zechs back? As I remember of it, the Lightning Count was never a man for delay."

"Zechs is older now, not the man you remember from the Eve Wars. He is much more a man of restraint."

"If you say so, darlin'. Just think it's not quite on target"

Ten hit the back road hard. They were making their way to the base in Degunther-Mailse where the Scorpio reserve was located. Some of the collected scientists had some leads on the problem of the Calypso Cloak. It resisted Electro Magnetic Pulses, Radar detection, Heat Sensor and a handful of other less likely avenues. The remains of a few ruined suits gave the researches a tool in discovering what kind of technology had gone into making the suit's systems. Once they arrived, Ten lead Hildre down into the bowels of the base where a gaggle of sleep-deprived men and women clad in lab coats tinkered with metal and typed on their databases.

"It's important to know your enemy. Before they were taken over by the Alliance, The Isle was one of the main manufactures of Mobile Suit technology. Even after their brief resistance, their technology was still used to outfit the Specials of OZ, which is the chief reason they had such superior suits. Before the Gundams, Britain was the Mecca of Mobile Suit Production. I myself am inclined to think the Gundam Scientists were either borrowing some of The Isle's concepts or they were in collaboration with them in the sharing of technologies" Ten presented his insights to Hildre as she walked with him through the lab.

This really wasn't her forte at all. Hildre was a pilot and salvager, not a scientist and certainly not a military historian. She felt certain that Ten was aware of this and that perhaps he was trying to show off. Ten broke his one-sided conversation with Hildre in order to speak with one of the scientists. Behind her, a ragged looking man poured over the five open books that lay before him, underneath the books lay unrolled diagrams and sheets of loose paper with formulas written on them. The man was older with graying hair that hung down to his shoulders. His glasses were askew on his head and the five o'clock shadow confirmed that he had been working for a long time.

"High altitude explosions produce EMPs that are dramatically more destructive. About 3x10^-5 of the bomb's total energy goes into EMP in this case" the man whispered at her. Hildre turned in full to engage him.

"An EMP is formed in high altitude explosions when the downwardly directed gamma rays encounter denser layers of air below"

Hildre just blinked.

"That is what they used five centuries ago, you know. The high altitude EMP. They detonated a warhead in the upper atmosphere. Knocked the ISS right down in the middle of West Virginia." The scientist explained.

"The ISS?" Hildre asked. The scientists rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"The International Space Station! They knocked it right out of orbit. They were able to pull it down actually. See normally it would just hang there uselessly in orbit. But high altitude EMP from nuclear reactions have a pull effect. It came down right out the Geosynchronous orbit, pulled north by the EMP and Magnetic North, and landed smack in the middle of the USA."

This man clearly needed to sleep.

"I often wonder where we would be, how far we might have come if that hadn't happened. It's like when Rome fell. The world became dark. We didn't understand how much we needed Rome. Just like America. Everyone was so busy hating it that nobody realized how much it was needed. But I don't think Europe minded much, they got fat on America's carcass. But still, I wonder where we would be if those Arab nations hadn't brought down the ISS? Where would we be today if not for that second dark age?" The man pondered for a few seconds more and then went back to his research. Hildre moved away from him politely but quickly and went over to where Ten was in conference with what seemed to be the head of the crew.

"Precision frequency only." The crew head was finishing off a report to Ten, who was chewing on his bottom lip while reading through a mess of papers handed to him.

"How many plausible frequencies are there?"

"Innumerable amounts. The frequencies can fall between 3000 hertz and 300,000,000,000 hertz. But this is the best we have. It works for 7/100 of a second and then a fail-safe is triggered in the system. It has to be a very exact frequency to short out the fail-safe along with the primary cloak and only if the samples we recovered are representative of the initial design and not corrupted. It is possible that these samples, having been damaged, are giving us different results than an undamaged Calypso would give."

"We would have to take that risk. Commander Zechs has a deadline and we have hostages to consider. Are we aiming for High or Low Frequency?"

"Our estimate right now is High. But until we have an exact frequency tested and certified, you have no weapon. There is no point in attacking enemy at their source if you have no weapon." The lab head asserted as Ten began waving him off.

"Well, that's your job, not mine. Find the right frequency and we will have a defense. You said yourself that this was the only thing we've got. So make it work." Ten nodded to Hildre, cranking his head toward the door, indicating that she was to follow. Hildre fell into step beside him. Ten still fiddled with the lengthy report in his hands.

"What frequency were you talking about?" she asked.

"High Energy Radio Frequency. The technology is similar to that of the Electro Magnetic Pulse. But it requires more precision."

"Not following you."

Ten sighed, obviously irritated that Hildre didn't have a Ph D. in Physics. "It's causes massive disruption in any system that requires electricity. A form of EMP's created without the use of a nuclear reaction and much more concentrated. The Calypso suits are somehow resistant to our convention EMP weapons. It seems they upgraded their system with fail-safes after the first encounter at Preventer Headquarters. Our scientists have been testing the samples systems we took from the battle field. The Calypso cloak hides and absorbs all signals, or reflects a different signal back. Either way we can't target them. It's called ECM, Electronic Counter Measures. All pretty standard stuff only their fail-safe system resists the EMP. Now the good doctor back there has had a 7/100 of a second success with the High Energy Radio Frequency in disabling the cloak without the fail-safe coming online. But he believes that we need a very high and precise frequency, or at least a starting point frequency to use against the suit and the test could be corrupted. It's all we have to go on there. The solution is to test until we find the frequency that kicks that fail-safe in the can. That is a shit load of frequencies to work through and we are working on a deadline here."

"Heh, I knew we wouldn't get a plan on his desk by morning. That was wishful thinking on Zechs' part, even if he is a psychic." Hildre pulled out a cell phone, getting ready call Sally who was taking a break from the project.

"Psychic? Commander Zechs is a Psychic?" Ten asked skeptically and Hildre decided against explaining.

"It's .just an office joke."

Sally picked up the phone after several rings and Hildre could tell she had been asleep. The woman was doing the work of three people in addition to being driven crazy by Zechs' ever increasing eccentricity. Last she had heard, Zechs had asked Sally to check out Treize Alexander's fever after she was finished with work; to which Sally replied rather testily that she was never finished with work and it was his bloody fault. After being scolded yet again by Preventer Water Zechs had proclaimed all women insane and sent Sally home for some rest.

"We have a working theory. But it's over my head so I'll let Ten explain" Hildre spoke into the receiver, ready to turn the phone over to Ten, but Sally's hurried voice stopped her.

"No no no no no! I want a break from that ASS. I tell you Hildre . . . between Tenacious and Zechs. ugh. I'm going to be clinically insane by the end of this. So you give me the rundown." Hildre looked over at Ten, who could plainly hear what was being said about him. He winked at her and gave another bad boy smile. She quickly put her back to him, trying to explain as best she could the theory of the HERF. Sally cut her off halfway through and said she would get in touch with Wufei and Trowa about it. She felt that Trowa would do best at understanding all the jargon. Hildre said she was going to have Ten drop her off at the Khushrenada estate to confer with Zechs. She wanted to see if Zechs had had any visions. They tended to come at night. With a click the phone was flipped back into its compact form and replaced in her pocket. Ten and Hildre got back into his car just as the first light of day shown on the eastern horizon.

"So, . . . are you and Zechs . . ." Ten started, plainly trying to make small talk. "Are you and Zechs . . . an item?"

The hilarity of such an idea made Hildre's jaw drop. The very thought of being romantically attached to Zechs Merquise made Hildre want to bang her head into the dashboard or put out one of Ten's cigarettes in her eye.

"Nooooo. Zechs is just a friend. That man is too complicated for almost any woman to handle." She laughed off the idea. Sure, Zechs was cute as hell, but too much of a head case. Although the fact that he could kick her ass in a mobile suit made him very sexy at times. Nope, Zechs wasn't right for her at all. Too brooding and far too unavailable.

"Oh, so, you are unattached?"

"You could sort of say that" an image of Duo entered her mind and she winced a little, turning her face to the window so Ten wouldn't see.

"In that case, how does dinner sound?"

Hildre was floored that she had so blatantly walked into it. She turned back to the young man whose hair hung around his face in much the same fashion as that of Heero Yuy. He also had that smug expression on again. Was he so confident that she would say yes? Well, if he thought she was so simply defeated, he had another thing coming.

"I have a boyfriend" she said stiffly.

"Yet you say you are unattached."

"He is in a coma."

Ten made a hissing noise. "Then I am sure he won't mind where you eat your dinner."

"My boyfriend is a Gundam Pilot!" Hildre added with her own brand of smugness. Duo's fighting prowess had always made her proud to be attached to him.

"And I suppose you think I can't compete with that, eh? Gundam Pilots don't impress me all that much. Everyone else may oh and ah over them. But the truth is that most pilots with a modicum of skill could have done equally well in a Gundam. The difference lies in the suit, not the pilot. Put a Gundam Pilot in a Leo and he is just as good as any other pilot. That's why Zechs and Khushrenada are so revered, not because of their skills, but because of the balls they had to pilot those suits." Ten reached into his breast pocket for another cigarette. Hildre just stared at him for a while before asking "You think you could do better?"

Ten stuck the butt in the corner of his mouth and leaned in toward Hildre. One eyebrow lifted and his smile was wolfish. "I know I could. Give me a chance and I will." Ten lit the cigarette as Hildre watched with her lips parted and her eyes narrowed in abrupt curiosity. The car turned out onto the main stretch of highway and Ten shifted, working his way up to fifth gear. The car picked up velocity immediately and Hildre grabbed the sides of her seat.

"Slow down!!!"

* * * * * * * * * * *

It was still an hour before dawn and Relena was holding on by a thread. Over and over again she told herself to be calm and struggled to keep the terrible fear that rose in her throat whenever Heero's breath seemed to skip a beat. She had long ago pulled free a pillow case and kept it pressed hard against his abdomen. The bleeding had abated within fifteen minutes. But Relena remembered her courses at St. Gabriel, in particular her Human Anatomy class, and she was sure Heero would have internal injuries. He hadn't spoken a single word to her since he had been flung into the room by Gabriel hours earlier. Everyone once and a while he made a grunting noise that signaled his pain. Some times his breathing picked up, other times it slowed down to a drowsy beat. That was when she would shake him and force him awake as best she could. Fear and initial shock had prevented her from looking at the wound for at least forty five minutes. When she finally pulled away the wadded up and bloodied pillow case, she was able to clearly see the mangled wound. Frantically she had asked Heero what she could do. But the young man wouldn't answer her. He just kept staring up into the ceiling or about the room, gritting his teeth and maintaining his breath. How would she keep him alive? She would try again.

"Heero, what should I do?"

"Pilot error . . ."

"Heero?"

"Pilot error . . .Pilot error" Heero closed his eyes and moved his head to the side. Relena felt the side of his face and it was cold. She thought about that day in the rain when she had foolishly almost gone off the bridge. He had been there. Now she was here for him. He had to live. She had to keep him alive. Heero was actually chuckling and Relena pressed the soiled cloth against his mid section a little tighter.

"What is it?"

"She'll get them back." He opened his eyes and looked at her and his hand fell over his.

"It will be okay, Relena." And only when he promised such did she believe it would be so.

The door opened and Relena stood in an offensive position over Heero. Immediately a young woman holding another young woman entered. She placed her charge down easily on the ground. Relena recognized her as the woman who had come to Anne before they had been captured.

"I am saving her life" she stated plainly as she walked out and shut the door. The lock resumed. The girl lifted her head. It was Sudara Okami, or what was left of her. The whole of her face was swollen and bruised. One eye was swelled shut. The other stained red and bleeding. Okami lifted her head up and saw Relena, who had saved her tears all this time. This was too far away from Relena's understanding. She couldn't stop the tears that began to fall as she looked upon the beaten woman.

"She said that if I stayed with him, he would end up killing me." She pulled herself into a sitting position and Heero turned his head. Upon seeing her, he smiled and lifted himself up with Relena's help. She held him in her arms as he struggled to breathe and speak

"Been waiting for you to come. He didn't take it from you did he?" Heero asked but gave her no time to answer. "Of course he didn't."

Okami, her face impassive because of the swelling, just stared at Heero. Her body was stalk still as if she was realizing something he had always known. Relena watched the two and with the mounting tension gripping her, she held tighter to Heero, waiting for Okami's next action to affirm some revelation. Finally, Okami, rose shakily, wiped her nose on her sleeve, and stood proudly, beaten but not defeated.

She put her hand in her pocket and Relena watched as she slowly pulled out the com device. It was the size of a half dollar and fit right in the palm of her hand. Heero smiled and coughed, reaching up his hand for it.

"I had forgotten it. I thought sure he was going to take everything I had. Everything. But he didn't get it all. He missed this" She stared down at the device as if it were now everything. Relena heard Okami's one tear splatter on the device.

"That was why you came. This is what you are here to do. This . . . is your . . . revenge" Heero's eyes were closed again and he held out his hand even as his body slumped. Okami came forward after hearing his words and dropped the device in his hand. After, Relena reached for Okami's hand and grasped it tightly.

"What did he do to you?" she murmured as Heero felt the device with his fingers instead of his eyes. Okami didn't look at either of them, but focused on the wall opposite them.

"Everything" she muttered lowly.

* * * * * * * * * * *

"We are locking down in ten hours. If you have any calls to make on the unsecured channels make them now. After that all signals will be negated by the Cloak." Aria informed her family lieutenants. All of them were present, Kateline, Mathius, Shireen. Gabriel, Bram, and Mikhail sat back behind them. Every few moments the sound of a crack could be heard as Gabriel broke into some nuts that were on the table.

"This action is being taken because of the two intruders we had today. Now both intruders have been dealt with, but these are precarious times and it is clear that security is not what it should be. I realize that Heero Yuy is not your average trespasser and that he has a track record of breaking into the most secure places, but the girl is inexcusable. I want this place tight and if it means Cloaking us, then so be it."

"This is a bit premature, don't you think? I thought we were waiting on the graces of your sister to start any defense operation. If Zechs were to attack he would be destroyed by the armada of Calypsos we have here." Kateline offered.

"Zechs will come, and soon. He will not be simply swatted out of the sky." Gabriel spoke from behind them, popping a nut in his mouth.

"And The Eldest Child? Surely you must abandon the plan of placing her at the front. She is a vegetable and even if she does convalesce, there is little chance that she will accept your terms."

"Anne will be waking up in the next 10 hours." Gabriel prophesized with ease, washing down the nuts with a glass of water he had poured. Mathius seethed beside his cousin Kateline and glared back at Gabriel. With Gabriel in the house, Kateline had all but forgotten Mathius. Aria spoke up again in defense of her plan.

"It is essential that Leecy be at the front when the time comes. Only she can call up the power we need. The American Legion does not acknowledge me. But they will respond to her. If we have the American Legion at our disposal, then we will drive the Preventers into the ground. America will destroy this hypocrisy called the ESUN and we will fulfill the dream of my father and the dream of his fathers all the way back to the ones who watched our country fall."

Aria's eyes shined with her dream and with what she considered to be the only good destiny left for her kind. They could all die after this so long as she could have her dream. Zechs was beyond her reach, and even Leecy wasn't what she remembered. There was nothing worth living for but this dream. She knew that she had become a generic character of a history that was full of martyrs. This was not unlike Khushrenada's chosen fate and not far away from the idealist vigor that she so despised in Relena Darlian. But perhaps there was something secretly noble about them and their visions. What she was doing was for everyone else but herself. When that Eagle rose again, she would not be alive to see it, nor would Leecy or any other member of her family. But it would be worth it. When the American Legion came and wiped out the Preventers at Analicia's command. The world would know and understand the price of complacency and stagnation.

Aria looked at Gabriel. He would be there ace in the hole. What intelligence was needed now that she had a prophet in her grasp? He was the ultimate security system. But there were still holes. As he explained, the Zero system was constantly speaking to him. Sometimes Zero's voice did not whisper loudly enough for him to hear. This newtype was almost one with the machine he had been forced to use after his breaking. There was a danger in that. Gabriel took more and more liberty to do as he wished. Aria could see that the things he did were not because of his loyalty or because his desires, but simply because of what Zero told him. He would do things not because he wanted to, but because that was what he was supposed to do. The sensitive side of Aria found that sad, to slowly loose all your passion and even all your free will and to subject your life to the callings of an inner voice, even if that inner voice was never wrong. But it still seemed tragic. Eventually, he might lose everything that made him human and just be a machine carrying out his part in the present to achieve the future he saw. It was a strange fate and she wondered if perhaps Gabriel had a choice of futures to make. Maybe if he didn't act when Zero told him to, then that future wouldn't take place. But the question lay more in if Gabriel would resist the call of Zero. Aria had watched him and seen him slowly slipping away. The conditioning had been responsible for rebuilding his perception of reality according to her needs. But now he didn't even recall his own niece. Soon he probably wouldn't even know anything beyond the machine. But by that time her need of him would be gone. When Zechs came and when the Legion arrived, nothing Gabriel could do would matter.

It was only a matter of time now. Nothing mattered past that.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Berlin was already mobilized by the time Aria and I reached it a week after New Years. My father had not been mistaken about the intentions of the Romafellar foundation. With our exile came the stretching arm of the Alliance. We had been lucky thus far. Our previous compliance with Romafellar coupled with the fact that the Alliance had been much engaged in the conquest of Outer Space had left us free of Alliance rule despite that we were a militarily powerful nation. Now they had come for our lands and for our resources. One way or another, Romafellar would get our Mobile Suits. When we first arrived, I was still mourning for what I had lost with Treize and for what had taken place in Lyon that last night. My father hadn't struck me hard when he reached us that last night. But because of that blow to the head I had taken against the bench earlier, his knock was just enough to subdue me completely. And so I was taken forcefully away from Lyon and from Treize, whom I was just beginning to believe in.

I will spare many details about my time in the Rhineland. It is the one portion of my life that I have no wish to revisit but will do so in brief for the purpose of mental posterity. I only intend to recall bar facts and the points that are of use to me. War is best dealt with on a practical basis: take with you what you can use and leave the rest behind to rot. I know Zechs would be angry with me if I tried to explain to him that he had never really seen war, nor had Noin, Sally, the Gundam Pilots. None of them had really seen war in its basic form.

War on the Rhineland was conducted as it used to be in the old centuries, without Suits, for the most part because we controlled the flow and the concentration of such weapons. The Alliance realized they had to be sparing with their Suits and since so much of their Mobile Suit resources were being used in Space, they did not expend them on our insurrection. On my father's orders, we did not use Mobile Suits in our battles in the effort to conserve them for a later use. Though I still believe that if we had expended a little resource at the beginning and wiped out the Alliance presence with our newly created line of Aries, we might have changed our destiny in the end. It wouldn't take long for the Alliance to cut off our supply of raw materials that went into making the Mobile Suits, and so all such weapons had been kept in reserve. So we were trained in old fashion warfare with guns and other munitions. War was conducted on the back of trucks, through air strikes, and on foot. It was actually very effective for the first few quarters. The Alliance had grown so used to fighting with Mobile Suits that they had lost touch with this more simplistic and antiquated approach.

But with this approach came the most direct experience war can offer. Unlike the Mobile Suit combat of today where you press a button and a metal Mech disintegrates, the kind of battle we saw in Germany and other regions was the kind where you watched men ripped apart by bullets, where we could actually witness people dying stead of just hearing a yelp before static over a com link. Men lying in the dirt without legs. Boys crying for their mothers as their intestines lay sprawled over the grass beside them. The place and time where you see and feel your enemy dying as potently as that of the man who stood beside you until a piece of shrapnel landed between his eyes. It was utter chaos and no training can surmount such a surreal reality. You either made it out alive or you didn't. Either you killed or you were killed, and most of the time it was both. Yet it was this reality that my cousin Kateline thrived on.

My cousin, Kateline Delizabane, was the daughter of Merrick's younger brother, whose name I never knew because he died early on and it was deemed unimportant. Kateline, whom I heard of before from Bram in conjunction with Mentescadare, had suffered from the disease longer than I had. She was five years my senior, and was outrageous in every way imaginable. No one had ever attempted to tame the girl and she had grown into an uncontrollable woman who had a lust for controlling others. As a testament to the disorder of the Rhineland Army and perhaps everyone's innate fear of her, Kateline had been made the Standing Commander of one of the largest compliment of forces in the Rhineland. It was absolutely ridiculous that she should be given command of anything. I couldn't account for why she of all people would be given such a position of power, but I learned in the time to come that my cousin would do anything to get what she wanted and because of the status of her family, and because she was inherently cunning, she usually got it. Thus, when I arrived, it became a great problem to her. With the presence of Aria and especially me, Kateline was very much outranked.

The first words I associate with Berlin when I arrived are those of Kateline saying: "You are going to die out there!" as she pointed to the distance through the window. Kateline was absolutely frightening the first time I saw her and she already hated me. It was by virtue that someday I would come to command her that she so resented me. Later it would be because I had lost my fear of her and didn't take any guff. But at the time, I felt as good as dead under her hateful gaze. My father has simply dropped us off in Berlin and from the moment we arrived we were under Kateline's care. She had been told to give us positions befitting our ranks. Such subjective language gave Kateline leave to place us where ever she liked. And for her agenda, the best place was the most dangerous. When the first fighting took place, Aria and I were part of a platoon that saw 60% casualties in 48 hours.

But more practical things did arise from this position of platoon obscurity. I was allowed to enroll in a medical training program, and in the Rhineland, it was learn by doing. Within two weeks of the program I was sewing up men's torsos and cauterizing bullet wounds. On not infrequent occasions, I gave men just enough Morphine to keep them numb until they finally bled to death. By my sixth month, emergency surgery was a constant and the amputations were a daily event. I had wanted to learn medicine and I surely did.

Aria and I became something of silent strangers. Both of us were heavily affected by the experience of battle and constant death. In all that time we had little to say to each other. What was there to say? What could be said that would make the day any easier to live through? We only knew one thing for sure and that is the lesson I have carried every since. The truth I live by and the only thing of real value I take from that war:

When you are trying to survive, everything is fair. There is no right or wrong, honor or dishonor, there is only life and the fight to keep it. You do whatever is necessary to live, even if they tell you your only job is to die. You have to win at all costs when life is on the line.

I became very good at winning. We all were good at it and even learned to enjoy our work. One of my comrades in the platoon had remarked that the best way to get through the day was to find something you enjoyed in the job. Learn to like killing and you'll be the one who survives every encounter. His lesson was well learned. By May I felt agitated if a day went by that I didn't have a kill. There was a great art to it. The element of surprise was the best method for getting at least one or two kills in an attack. Staying close to the ground and only moving when they move so they can't hear you over their own footsteps. Aim for the head or at least the chest. If not, then aim for the limbs and make sure they can't shoot back. Disarmed and deceased was our policy. That's how I have always fought.

During all that time in the field I never once thought of Treize, never a thought to his grand design or his rhetoric on the human will to battle or his thoughts on the perfect soldier. A blank but sharp mind was the most prudent course; it knew how to act when the bullets suddenly began to blow your company away. We sometimes toasted to the country across the sea we were serving. But mostly we were there to keep our independence from the Alliance. The change war wrought in us was as stark as the happiness that Ireland had brought me. When I wasn't out in the field with the platoon, I sometimes thought of my years in Hirumatsu's Dojo, and how I grew up there, and of more formative years at Madame Lefrey's. But now, as an experienced woman, I feel I did my real growing up in the Rhineland. My experience there, though it was easily the hardest of my life, was what helped me to survive the coming era that has led me to this bed.

My time as a field medic ended in my sixth month in the war when during a routine patrol of a controlled zone we were hit by snipers and I was shot through the right shoulder. Having been shot once more since then, I can say with ease that the first time is always the worst. The officer beside me was hit in the head, and I was lucky to be saved. They brought me back to the infirmary and though I was healed quickly, I suffered a terrible fever that left me weak for several weeks. My skin took on a yellowish pallor and my once curly hair became stick straight from fever. I was thin when I went back into service and found myself reassigned to Alex Jetsie's air squadron. Alex is another man whom I don't wish to think on long, save that he was my friend and the first I ever lost. He had taken me under his wing and taught me how to survive mentally as well as physically. It was he who introduced me to all those wonderful American bands and television shows that I now prize so highly. After his death I was made captain of the squadron and by the close of the year, my services were highly recognized by the army. It was also about that time that my father ordered Kateline to give Aria and I a more appropriate rank. By that time, Kateline seemed like a walk in the park compared to active duty on the field. I wasn't afraid of her. In truth I wasn't afraid of anything and wouldn't be for a long time to come.

In two year's time, I was eighteen and the second to the Commander General of all the Rhineland forces, a native German named Gundervint. He was an ex- Alliance general who had left their forces to preserve the independence of his homeland, a rather good man but a little too distant from the reality of fighting. It was with his help that I learned the German language fluently, which was necessary for any who would lead the entire armed force.

The longer we fought, the more the Alliance came to understand that this was not an insurrection that could be swept away as easily as the colonies. In April, when by virtue of my honors and of my family name, I was named the Rhineland Army's First Lady of War (Zuerst Dame Von Krieges), the Alliance began implementing Mobile Suits in their attacks. We responded in kind and as head of the Army (though still under my father's direct orders) we were effective in wiping the Alliance out in almost every battle with minimal losses in our own superior suits. It wasn't so much due to my leadership as it was that we had the better weaponry. Being a High Commander in the Army was not something I enjoyed. My first year had given me a feeling of constant danger and the only ease I felt was when I destroyed an enemy. Not being on the field meant that I only ordered killing, but did not personally partake in fighting. It was difficult for the first months not to kill someone whenever I was frustrated or scared. It was what I had been taught to do, and I was good at it. Besides that, I felt it was ridiculous to place a woman of only eighteen in charge of an entire army. But the fashion of the world was becoming one of young leadership, and the army had such faith in me that I could never refuse them.

Aria was given a title as well, via her own promotion. They called her "Expedition Storm" for her talent at carrying out efficient secondary missions that lead to successful attacks. Kateline had long held the title of "Huntress" for her brutal if not effective tactics. Though by the time I became the First Lady I had no trouble in dealing with Kateline's raving behavior, I still had to pacify her every now and then. When we had prisoners who were to be executed upon arrival, I allowed Kateline to perform the execution right there on the battlefield. She would have the enemies dragged out of their destroyed or disabled suits, and shot before her eyes. As much as I disapproved of the malice, I understood her need for it. Everyday I felt the need to see my enemy destroyed in front of me so that I would know he couldn't shoot me when I turned my back.

In AC 192, the Alliance took a new strategy against our rebellion. At this point we held all the Eastern side of the Rhineland and portions of Northern France. The West was secure with the Military prowess of the Isle holding off all attacks against the Islands of Britain. The Former United States, or the North Columbian/American Continent, as the Alliance had long ago dubbed it, was still not under our control. But we had to worry about holding our current lands before ever freeing North America from the Alliance strangle hold. If matters became critical, it was in my power and my responsibility to call in the American Legion. Supposedly the American Legion would be able to surmount any enemy, even one that controlled almost the whole of the planet and space. I had my doubts, but I did keep in regular contact with William Washington, who never advised me either way about calling in him as a reserve. But he advised me on other issues and strategies. In this unsure time I needed objective opinions from someone who wasn't afraid of contradicting my father and who understood that I was not the great general everyone wished me to be.

"Take your father's orders, but be sure that they coincide with your own instincts" he would advise me. My father did not often interject with his orders, as long as we were winning. This was good for us because my father was rather inept at military strategy. Merrick had a talent for commanding men on an individual basis, but not on a massive scale. That was my job. However, Merrick was the one who informed me that the Alliance was changing strategy. I was just eighteen when the intelligence was delivered that the Alliance was done expending resources on this war. They were sending in a different branch to 'handle' the British insurgence.

In December AC 192, the Alliance ordered the Specials Forces to take over operations in the Rhineland. Nearly two years after I had left Lyon, I would meet Treize Khushrenada again. This time on the battlefield.

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AN: A lot of Tencho-babble in this chapter. Forgive me. I tried to make the science as plausible as possible, since I don't want to invent my own science in order to explain everything away. I think there is enough that goes unexplained in this story already. Just bear with it and suspend your disbelief where necessary. Thanks ^_~