Chapter 2: The Pain of Loss
Warning: Psychological, Physical, and Force torture of an adolescent.
Young Obi-Wan Kenobi viewed the devastation with a bleakness that he had not felt since Cerasi has been murdered on Melida/Daan. Three speeder parts were everywhere, blown to bits. There were large scorch marks from a ships lasercannons all across the area. Master Gallia... she... what was left of her was half melted into the ground, they couldn't tell if she had died before or after the ship had blasted her. There were few remaining pieces to her lightsaber sown around...
And of Siri...
There was nothing left...
He chocked a little bit, tears on his face, and fell to his knees.
"Oh Padawan mine," came Qui-Gon's tired voice, kneeling behind him and embracing him in a hug, "I'm sorry. I wish I had known how you felt and put a stop to it before this happened."
Obi-Wan bristled in anger. "Is... is that all?! You don't even care that she's... she's..."
He felt a brief flash of indignation and white hot anger down the bond before Qui-Gon smothered it and released it into the Force. "No, no my Padawan that's not it. I'm saddened by the loss of Master Gallia and her Padawan. What I meant was that I wanted you not to suffer as I have. To lose someone who meant so much to you, like... like myself and..."
Qui-Gon trailed off uncomfortably, but Obi-Wan finished quietly, "Tahl."
"Yes," Qui-Gon whispered out.
They were silent for a moment before Qui-Gon sighed. "The two of us are hopeless, aren't we? Doomed to love and lose it, ignorant of why the Code forbids it to begin with."
There was a sad, pained wistfulness that they shared down the bond before Obi-Wan spoke up, "Master... I... can we not tell the Council about what we sensed?"
Qui-Gon said nothing for a moment. "Padawan mine..."
"I don't want to disgrace her memory," said Obi-Wan sullenly, "I know how the temple rumor mill works, if anyone caught wind that Siri... that she..."
He couldn't finish it. Couldn't word the horror of what he felt. Through the Force, they had felt Master Gallia and Siri engage in battle, but they could not detect what they had fought again. There had been no sensation in the Force, so most likely droids. They had felt Master Gallia's surprise and pain, followed by Siri's collapsing emotional control. Then, after they felt her Master died, that...
"That she fell...," Obi-Wan whispered mournfully.
That darkness, that rage and hate that he had felt erupt at a distance from Siri. It was the most awful thing he had ever felt, at least until a massive burst of pain followed by Siri's presence being abruptly cut away hit him. It was a cruel thing, to lose her master, to lose herself, and then to lose her life. It wasn't fair... they hadn't had the chance to make a decision on what they felt for one another...
"They'd consider her a disgrace, they'd tarnish her name rather than mourn or remember her," he said with frustration.
Qui-Gon chuckled softly. "Lying to the council? What happened to the obedient Padawan who revered them?"
Obi-Wan didn't have it in him at the moment to share in the joke. "Please..."
Qui-Gon sighed and rose to his feet. "On one condition Padawan. Don't let yourself give into grief as I did, to rage and chase after her killers as I did with Tahl's."
Obi-Wan pursed his lips. "Hard to do when we don't know where that coward Magnus ran to."
Qui-Gon tugged with warning on Obi-Wan's braid. "Padawan, we don't even know if it was him."
"Who else would it be?!" exclaimed Obi-Wan, rising to his feet and turning towards his master, "They wanted Taly silenced, and probably wanted revenge for us stopping them!"
"I don't know," said Qui-Gon, eyebrows furrowed, "But my instincts tell me this was the work of someone else."
He leveled a stern, but sad gaze on him. "Promise me Padawan."
Obi-Wan took in a shaky breath before letting it out. "Alright... I won't. I will do my duty as a Jedi. It's..."
He trailed off for a moment before finishing, "It's what Siri would want me to do..."
Qui-Gon nodded solemnly. "I'll give you a few minutes to center yourself, then we need to contact the authorities, and then the Council."
Qui-Gon began to walk away, rubbing his eyes tiredly and muttering, "We lost the one we were to protect, lost a High Council Member and her promising Padawan, and that doesn't even begin to describe how the mission itself went. This... this was a complete and utter disaster."
Obi-Wan didn't have the strength to voice his agreement; He simply knelt down on the ground in a quiet, stressed attempt at meditation, his hands gripping the dirt, pulling it up, then letting it fall through his fingers. "I'm so sorry Siri..."
He glanced up into the sky and whispered mournfully, "I won't forget you, I promise..."
Siri Tachi jolted awake at the sound of a pain filled scream of loss ripping through her mind, a nightmarish haze plaguing her. She blinked her eyes a few times, finding herself in utter darkness. She rose to a sitting position, reaching up to massage her aching head, when a certain noise caught her attention.
The rattling of chains.
She shook away her tiredness and felt along her wrists, to a tight bracelet attached to chains that she ran her fingers down until they hit the floor. She shifted her legs and felt the same from them. She could sit up, and maybe stand, but she couldn't go far.
She was a prisoner. Great...
Frustration and anger ripped through her. What the kriff was going on? She remembered the mission, remembered chasing down Taly's kidnapper, remembered...
A choked sob escaped her lips. She remembered her Master's death. Afterwords, the fight against that murdering beast was a red haze in her memories. But what happened afterwords? Her eyebrows furrowed in concentration.
She remembered... a man in a black cloak, sinister sickly yellow eyes... and that lightning. She remembered something else though, he had called her something...
She growled and yanked on the chains with irritation. She had been a prisoner before on other missions, but this... this ticked her off more than usual. Left her angry and unsettled. Force, she felt... felt so angry. Something... something felt off, but she couldn't place what it was. Something felt different inside of her...
She froze when suddenly light entered her prison. She winced briefly at the sudden glare before she focused, noting a holoscreen had just lit up on the far side of her cell. Strange... why would she be given access to a holoscreen if she was a prisoner and...
A strangled gasp escaped her lips as the holoscreen started playing a silent recording of the confrontation with the Dark Jedi. Her anger faded, and fear surfaced. She watched, fearfully mesmerized, as the encounter ticked by, and then...
It was like losing Master Gallia all over again as she watched her Master shove her aside and take the killing blow, take the lightsaber right through her chest. She sobbed and looked away, curling up into a ball, unable to stand watching anymore.
The recording continued until it finished and flickered off. For a moment, she was in darkness again, then, it started up again. Only this time, there was sound. Siri began to tremble as the sound of lightsabers clashing ripped through the cell, and flinched when she heard herself scream over her Master's death.
When it finished, it restarted again. Siri curled up tighter and placed her hands over her ears. "Stop..."
It didn't stop, it went through again, and not even covering her ears could shield them from the sound of that scream, from being forced to relive that memory. It kept on repeating, only the volume kept increasing.
"Stop it!" Siri cried out.
It didn't. It got even worse. The recording started getting shorter, cutting out the lead up to the fight. Instead of ten minutes between that scream, she had eight, then five, then three, then the scream was repeating once per minute.
Siri sobbed and shivered uncontrollably, "Stop it, stop it, stop it!"
"Only you can make it stop," came a cold voice.
Siri bolted upright and glanced around fearfully, trying, but failing, to lock onto the voice that sounded far to close for comfort.
"Look at yourself," murmured the voice, as the the recording started over again with the un-shortened version, "Look at that pitiful performance. It's no wonder your former Master died."
Siri suckered in a breath and looked away, new tears freshly falling.
"You don't deny it," mused the voice.
Siri felt like there was ash in her mouth. "No... I don't."
She flinched as once again the scream erupted from the holorecording.
"Now look," whispered the voice hungrily, "And watch, see the power that you wielded once you broke your chains."
Siri didn't look, electing a 'tsk' from the voice.
"Just make it stop," Siri couldn't help but beg, "Please."
"Please?" mocked the voice, "From what I've learned of you, browsing the Jedi's personnel files, recordings, and mission logs, I would have thought begging beneath you. Where is your pride? Where is your headstrong and confident attitude young one?"
She looked away, shaking as the recording started again. "I... don't care... just make it stop... I can't watch, can't hear her die anymore...
"You can't bear your weakness," mused the voice, "Unfortunately for you. I don't believe in mercy."
She shifted uneasily at the venom he spat out that last word with.
"If you want it to stop, make it stop," ordered the voice.
For a moment, her pain gave away to indignation and irritation as she flapped her arms and rattled the chains. "Kind of hard to do when I'm chained to the kriffing floor!"
"If you don't wish to be chained, then free yourself," said the voice, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.
Siri sucked in a breath, and slowly let it out, trying to calm herself. She ran a shaky hand along the bracelet, the chains, to the floor it was connected to. There was no weakness she could feel.
"Got a key lying around somewhere?" she deadpanned.
That elected an amused chuckle from the voice. "The only key is yourself young one."
Siri did her best to squash down the horrific guilt and pain she felt from the loss of her Master, summoning up her courage. "You won't be able to keep me here forever. The Jedi will find me."
There was an amused barking laughter. "Even if they knew where you were, why would they come for you, my little fallen Jedi? Unless you mean they'd come to kill you."
Siri froze for a moment, whispering, "Fallen?"
Her rage spiked, the chains binding her rattling as the Force swirled around her. "Excuse me?! I am not fallen! I'm not dark!"
She gasped as a cold hand grabbed the back of her head and twisted to force her head towards the holoscreen. "I beg to differ little one. Watch."
She didn't have a chance to begin to struggle or yell at whoever was manhandling her. Because she saw it. The moment the second half of the 'battle' began, after her Master died. A hiccup escaped her lips, sighting the rage and hate playing across her face in the recording. She thought back, to the fight, to the red haze of that memory...
Oh Force...
She...
"I... no, I didn't...," she whispered in horror.
A whisper, spoken from lips that hovered inches from her ear, sent shivers down her spine, "You did, and it was magnificent."
Siri tried to stop watching, tried to look away, but her head was held in an iron grip. "Watch. See the power you harnessed. You called for the Dark Side of the Force, and it answered readily with a strength rarely seen for those who first call upon it, let alone that most fallen Jedi ever get the chance to reach. That little amusing fool Xanatos perhaps held a lead over you before his death, but it wont last for long. You have a natural affinity for the darkness, your potential would have been wasted as a Jedi."
Her face paled, watching how easily she butchered the Dark Jedi, fear rocketing down her spine. "No. No no no, that... that was an accident! I didn't mean..."
"Accident or no," said the voice, letting go of her head, "You dove into the darkness, and while I kept myself and Maul's presences shielded from the other Jedi, I most certainly didn't do the same for yours."
Utter horror roiled through her. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon would have felt it... oh no... no no no! Obi-Wan might have kept it secret, for her, but Master Jinn? He would have reported what he had felt to the council.
Despair overwhelmed her, she knew full well the range of punishments for touching the Dark Side. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she could not deny it, she had deeply drawn on it. Given into her rage and hate. Not even Bruck had gone that deep from what she knew. And what the voice had said... she dearly hoped she hadn't gone as close to as deep as Xanatos. Even if she hadn't...
It left her feeling hollow. "They'll banish me from the order... or imprison me..."
The voice chuckled. "Fortunately for you, they believe you dead."
Siri bowed her head, her breathing growing shaky. It meant there was no hope of anyone coming for her. Even if she was somehow discovered alive... there was still no hope for her...
"Damn him," hissed Siri furiously, "Damn that beast. It stole my Master... it stole my future..."
"Good," whispered the voice, "Let your anger swell."
Before she could respond, she flinched as the recording reached the scream again. "Gah! Make it stop!"
"I told you, only you can make it stop," said the voice.
She faintly heard the click of a button, and the recording started shrinking in time again, speeding up each showing of her Master's death. Her anger spiked. He was doing this to her on purpose! That... that bastard...
Scream
She just...
Scream
Wanted it to stop...
Scream
Why was he doing this to her?
Scream
The Fore swirled and churned around Siri. "Stop it...
Scream
"I said stop it!" she yelled.
"Only you can make it stop," repeated the voice once more.
Scream
"AAAAAAHHHH!" yelled Siri, throwing a chained hand towards the holoprojector.
The holoprojector bent, cracked, and then exploded as the Force erupted from Siri and ripped it asunder. Siri watched the smoke rise out as light left what little of the screen remained with relief, and then a tint of dark satisfaction before it abruptly fled. It hit her suddenly, what she did, and as Siri stared at the remains she went limp, leaning forward and bowing her head to the ground, a wretched sob escaping her lips. She had done it again, used her anger, used the dark... she knew the lessons, that it only got easier and easier the more someone used the Dark Side... this was only the beginning of an awful path...
All of her dreams and hopes were crashing down around her as reality truly set in. Her Master was dead because of her weakness, she had then disgraced her Master and the entire Jedi Order and used the Dark Side to kill, had... had fallen..., everyone thought she was dead, and would condemn her if she wasn't. She knew better than to deny it, other Padawans and initiates still condemned Bruck. Even if she got out of here, she was never going to become a Jedi Master now... all of her life, wasted and lost and thrown away in an instant. It was all over...
She couldn't help it, she cried deeply and bitterly.
The voice spoke with a gentleness, "Ah, my lost little apprentice. Why is it that you weep?"
"I've lost everything," she whispered.
"Have you?" mused the voice, "From my point of view, you've lost nothing worthwhile. The Dark Side can help you gain everything you could ever possibly want."
"The Dark Side has nothing I want," she spat out.
"Doesn't it?" said the voice as a hand slowly raked through her hair.
Siri let out a small gasp as waves of pleasure rocketed down her spine at the touch. She shivered and moaned as her senses were overwhelmed, as a dark, seductive voice whispered into her mind sweet nothings. Power, pleasure, anything she could ever want, if only she gave in, if only she submitted. Then, as suddenly as it came, it withdrew, along with the hand raking possessively through her hair. She couldn't help but whimper and lean her head towards where the touch had fled.
"Good, good," whispered the voice, a chuckle escaping it, "You want it again, don't you?"
A 'yes' caught in her through, and Siri struggled to keep it down.
"All you have to do is kneel at my feet, pledge yourself to me, and call me...," said the voice as it drew closer to her ear, "Master."
A flash spiked through her mind, of Master Gallia sitting with her in their shared apartment, laughing at a joke, teaching her, meditating with her. "N... no..."
"You wanted to become a Jedi Master," said the voice, trying a different approach, "But only through me can you achieve a power even greater than any Jedi."
"I don't... want to be... a Dark Jedi," she managed to gasp out.
A hoarse laugh filled the air, and the temperature began to plummet as a dark chill took the air. "Oh my blind little apprentice, how little you see, how little you understand. I am no Dark Jedi."
She yelped as a hand roughly grabbed her head and pulled her up, and the voice whispered into her ear, "I am Sith."
Shock hit her, killing off the lingering sensation's the touch had left on her, and then unbridled fear ripped through her. "N...no, the Sith have been extinct for almost a thousand years!"
The chill in the room deepened and began to seep into her skin, her bones. "Have we? Or have we merely changed? Become subtle, influencing and controlling events right under the nose of the Jedi. Preparing ourselves for our return."
"You're lying!" she yelled.
The voice... the Sith... lifted her fully up and turned her around, in the dark, she could see deep malevolent glowing yellow eyes, all consuming, staring into her eyes, into her soul. "No, little fallen Jedi, I am not."
She tried to deny the awful truth she could feel in the Force, the howl of the Dark Side ringing through the Force around them. But she couldn't, those sickly yellow eyes, that cackling laughter, that presence so dark and so foul...
She was in the grasp of pure evil itself.
And it wanted her.
"I... I will never turn to the Dark Side!" she tried to say bravely, but only managed to squeak out, growing more and more terrified by the second. Force it was so cold...
"You forget, you already have," mocked the Sith, "As Master Yoda says, 'once you start down the dark path, forever will it dominate your destiny'. The only path left for you now is down into darkness. The only question is will you walk it willingly, or shall I have to drag you along?"
"I... won't become a Sith...," she said far to weakly and fearfully to sound convincing.
"It is inevitable," said the Sith with a conviction that scared Siri to the depths of her soul, "It is your destiny."
She tried to deny it, but nothing came out of her mouth.
"Now, will you kneel? Will you pledge yourself to me and my teachings?" questioned the Sith.
She shook uncontrollably as darkness began to overwhelm every sense she had. The blackness of the unlit room turned into an even darker void, consuming everything as it crawled to her. It latched onto her body, her mind, her soul, and began to invade...
And then, in the back of her mind, flashed a light, and a voice from a boy she loved, carried along a whisper of the Force. "I won't forget you, I promise..."
Siri suckered in a breath, latched onto that light, drew all of the strength she could from it and her inner will, and beat back the darkness. "I will never join you!"
There was silence for a moment, before an indifferent, "Pity," sounded out, "I suppose we'll have to do this the hard way."
She was yanked upwards, and then slammed face first into the hard floor, breaking her nose and gushing blood out of it. She yelped in pain, and then began screaming as the room lit up with blue electricity and mad laughter. Just before she could pass out to the pain, it stopped. She was left there gasping in agony for a moment. She cried out when a boot embedded itself into her stomach, kicking her backwards as far as the chains would let her.
"I suppose I'll give you time to think on it," mused the Sith, "Resist as long as you are able, but in the end, for all your struggles, you will be mine."
With that, the Sith left, the slamming of a door echoing through the room.
Siri laid there on the floor, curled into a ball, and wept. "Obi-Wan... please... help me..."
But in the dark, alone in that cell, there was no answer...