Breaking the Broken
Eighteen
A Little Doubt Goes A Long Way
There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people. It is a poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relations. It is a thorn that irritates and hurts; it is a sword that kills.
Buddha
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There was a peculiar sort of tranquility, a delicate state suspended about them as if they were too charged to actually react to the situations. Surveying her kin over her teacup, Isabelle Merteuil had rarely been so proud.
"So," she said primly, a practiced composure about her though her thoughts were racing, as she gently placed the cup back on the saucer. "What you're saying is that you'd like to destroy this boy because he cuddled with your cousin?"
Cassidy frowned slightly, reflecting upon everything she had said thus far. While in her own mind, her vengeance was completely justified, it sounded slightly ridiculous aloud.
"Don't worry, darling. It's not imbecilic," the older woman said, a hint of a smile crossing her pretty features. These features, so reminiscent of Kathryn's, did nothing to calm the raging storm within Cassidy Merteuil. Taking in her grandmother's clear complexion, finely featured face, glossy dark hair, electric green eyes and unshakeable poise, she cursed the family yet again for skipping over her on a few of those traits. Somehow, it felt that if she had possessed them, none of this would be happening. "The very same thing happened to me once."
"Really?" Cassidy's face registered vague disbelief.
"No. They call that comfort," Isabelle snorted into her cup of tea. "What's this asshole's name?"
"Jason Argyle," Cassidy replied promptly, invoking images of her childhood in which she would chirp immediate responses to questions anyone would ask her. Age had taught her to be elusive, but she had once been so eager to please. In the moments where she spoke, the attention was on her, and it was a feeling she had truly relished. At Prestridge University, she had never had to vie for the attention on which she so thrived, yet in her own family, it was an uphill battle.
"Sounds poor," Isabelle turned up her nose. "Actually, he sounds like he's gorgeous in a tall, dark and handsome way, but he's nowhere near good enough to be near you. Or Kathryn." She cringed slightly.
Rolling her eyes slightly, Cassidy knew that somehow this would once again lead back to Kathryn. Malice shown in her large cold eyes as she took a swipe. Yes, yes, yes, she knew that it was wrong to bait your own grandmother, but Isabelle was nobody's gramma. "Sebastian quite agreed."
Choking slightly, Isabelle lowered her cup and her face registered an emotion that made Cassidy quite giddy. It was identical to one that Kathryn herself would make. She called it victory, but most people would decree it blind fear. It came and went in a flash, but it was there nonetheless.
"So, Sebastian knows about this… discretion?" the elder Merteuil chose her words carefully, a frown puckering her forehead. Truthfully, Cassidy had regretted coming to her grandmother with this in the first place. For so long, it had just been habitual to keep the matriarch informed of her activities, but it was different now. It was not just higher stakes, it was an entirely different game, and you could never been sure where Isabelle Merteuil's loyalties would lie.
"Indeed. He was quite displeased," Cassidy smiled faintly, recalling the last time she had taken tea in this room. Juliette's eyes, large and innocent and excited and worried at that moment, loomed large in her mind.
"How do you know?"
"He tried to leave her," she drawled, boredom evident in her voice though her eyes shown with a manic gleam of excitement. The gentle tinkling of expensive china crashing to its end was her reward, although it paled in comparison to the complete shock on its holder's face.
"Sebastian Valmont did what? Did she stop him?"
"Of course," Cassidy snorted. "She used the kid as collateral, I think."
Sneering at her grandchild's slight distain for her cousin, Isabelle scanned the room for a familiar face. Giving up her search for the two other granddaughters expected to meet them for brunch, she began to turn around to signal a waiter to clean up the mess resulting from her shock when she received a larger one.
The alcove was shadowy, but there was no mistaking it. As the proud matriarch of the Merteuil family, she prided herself on being able to recognize her relations anywhere, whether they had grown, changed their hair, or were in complete disguise (and considering her family, all were entirely probable.) It was this grandmotherly trait, however much she tried to deny that she was old enough to have grandchildren, which set off the flashing red lights in her mind. In that corner, she would recognize the golden curls anywhere, was Juliette Merteuil. However the usually relaxed child's entire body was contorted with anxiety, or perhaps rage. Her calm eyes were filled with fury, blue flames seeming to appear. Fire, so hot that it was cold, burned from deep within her. Standing opposite her, appeared to be her in the future. A tall lanky blonde with corkscrew curls and impossibly light gray eyes glared back at her. Isabelle was sure that she had never seen the older girl before, but there was something uncannily familiar about her…
"Good morning grandmere. Morning, Cassidy. Sorry I'm late. I couldn't reach the elevator button," Juliette laughed slightly, placing a kiss on each cheek of both women. She sat down opposite her grandmother, leaving a vacant place at the square table, but the tension still hadn't seeped from her shoulders and her eyes were not quite as happy as her voice.
"Who's your friend?" Cassidy asked, peering distastefully at the gorgeous blonde who had taken a seat next to a man Cassidy recognized only from Wimbledon.
"No friend of mine," Juliette snarled, but caught herself. "I'm not sure who she is, but she's quite rude. Thought I looked familiar. She seemed to think I was someone else."
The blatant lie hung awkwardly over the table. Isabelle's perfected arched eyebrow shot up in Juliette's direction, and Cassidy peered intently at her cousin. Juliette stared blankly ahead, eyes wide with kept secrets that neither could hope to crack out of her.
"Where's Kathryn?" Isabelle asked, peering around and realizing, it seemed for the first time, that Kathryn hadn't accompanied Juliette downstairs.
"She couldn't make it," the tiny blonde smiled mischievously, her cherubic face lit up in sheer delight.
"You didn't give her the message, did you, Juliette?" Isabelle's eyes narrowed slightly at her granddaughter, her face impassive as always.
"No," Juliette nodded solemnly. Isabelle's face broke out into a smile.
"That a girl."
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The silence that hung here was far emptier. There was no lazy chatter, no chiming of fine china, no servants all too eager to cater to their rich customers. Instead, the television played quietly in the background, and a curly haired blonde sat at a desk, chain-smoking and staring out the window.
"Anybody home?" Kathryn called, and there was a smile in her voice. Sebastian smiled a little at hearing this. It had been there more than usual, the underlying note of happiness that seemed too shocked at its own existence to manifest itself openly.
"I'm in the bedroom," Sebastian called back.
"Your natural habitat?" Kathryn jested, walking into the bedroom with her arms full of shopping bags. They hadn't been staying there long, but they were considering buying a whole new set of furniture for the room. With Kathryn's purchases alone, they would need at least two more chests of drawers. Sebastian had enough trouble wrapping his head around the bags that resided in his bedroom, the clothes taking over his closet. He didn't even attempt to amass Juliette's purchases.
"Somebody's in a good mood," he remarked sardonically, stamping out the cigarette and turning to face her. To his surprise, she was smiling as she attempted to shove more items into the closet.
"Yeah. Have you ever just woken up and felt like it was a good day?" she turned to him, a puzzled expression on her pretty face.
"Not really," he admitted honestly, shrugging his broad shoulders.
"Me neither. But this one hasn't been so bad."
"Good," he turned back to the window, surveying his surroundings. If he squinted, he could see the campus of Prestridge University. This prestigious school represented so much to him at the moment. It was the home of Cassidy, of that scum Jason. His fists clenched tightly just thinking about him. It was the reason they were there in the first place, he supposed.
"Hey Kat, how much longer are we going to be here?"
"I'm not sure. Why?" Kathryn peered curiously out from behind the closet door.
"No reason. I was just thinking maybe we'd get an apartment or something if we're going to be here a lot longer."
"You don't like the hotel?"
"I don't really care," Sebastian shrugged. "But Juliette mentioned this morning at breakfast that she hates it here."
"Is it here or hotels in general?" Kathryn asked, frowning deeply.
"I'm not sure."
"Well, we need to figure it out."
"Why?"
"Because, this is a really nice hotel. What could be bothering her about it?"
"No bed?" Sebastian shrugged, a slight smile curling his pouty lips.
"No, she likes that. Besides, she knows that she could have her own room if she wanted. Has she met anyone here? If someone's bothering her, Sebastian, we need to handle it."
"Look at you, all concerned," Sebastian leaned back in his chair, loosening his tie and undoing the top few buttons. It seemed that whenever Kathryn was in the room, his body temperature went up a few degrees. A smirk flitted across his handsome face as conflicting emotions crossed her eyes, an internal struggle to contain the emotions. He could almost see the thoughts crossing her face, and they were both thinking it at the same moment: since when did she care?
"Please, like you wouldn't go and beat the shit out of anybody who looks at her in the wrong way," Kathryn scoffed, giving up her fight to discern her thoughts and swiftly redirecting the subject. "Speaking of, where is Juliette?"
"She said she was going downstairs," Sebastian drawled, searching his pockets for another cigarette.
"You just let her? Who is going to watch her?"
"Oh, just about anybody with eyes. Please Kat, the girl is like mini-you. If she walks into a room, people will pay attention."
At her withering gaze, he continued with a sigh. "Okay, fine, I tried to follow her. She instructed me to stay right here."
Kathryn laughing internally at the vision of the frail six year old bossing around the muscular young man. "Why?" she asked curiously, knowing full well that Juliette would glue herself to Sebastian if it was an option.
"I don't know," he said, immersing himself in a large novel on the table. Typical of Sebastian, he couldn't even hold a conversation without multiple diversions at his fingertips. "She probably thinks that if we're alone, we'll fuck, or get married, or whatever six year old girls think."
Kathryn's eyebrows rose silently, casting an appreciate gaze over the distracted Sebastian. Just a hint of the golden perfection of his chest was visible, and his curls were adorably rumpled as if he had run his hand through it nervously. Blasé as he opted to be, she knew that he was going insane staying in the room by himself. There were just too many things to worry about outside of it. "Weddings, usually."
"Good to know," he mumbled, eyes narrowing adorably in concentration.
A moment of hesitation on her part, before crossing the room and taking the book out of his hands. Snapping it shut resolutely, she met his eyes as she lowered herself onto his lap.
"We should talk," Kathryn said, a slight smile curling her lips.
"That would be nice," Sebastian whispered, long fingers wandering idly up her thighs.
"So, what have you been up to lately?" she asked conversationally, wondering exactly how one began a conversation with Sebastian Valmont. She had never really had to try before. The conversations between them had always started of their own accord, it seemed, as if the entire time they knew each other had been one long conversation, and the times when they were apart were just silence. Lately, they just hadn't been communicating in the same way. It was as if they felt closer to each other than ever, but the gap between them was growing simultaneously. She had renounced her pride enough to admit that she needed him to stay with her; she figured it wouldn't hurt to make an attempt to converse. Yet with his fingertips brushing slightly against the lace of her panties, it was kind of difficult.
"Oh, nothing really. Same old, same old," he replied with a charming smile, an irritatingly knowing grin.
"Any new conquests?" her eyes slid closed briefly, reopening with a determined intensity as her irises bored into his and she moved closer to him.
"No, I haven't been nearly as busy as you, it seems," his smile took on a distinctly colder quality.
"You're just a bundle of laughs, aren't you?"
"Yep, just full of them."
"You're full of something…" Kathryn trailed off, a smirk lighting up her face. This was a step towards it, she could feel it. The banter she had been sorely missing.
"You're… just… precious," Sebastian ground out, but with no real malice evident. "I would've come back, you know that, right?"
"I know," Kathryn answered confidently, but genuine emotion shown through, insecurity seeping through her pores. However, she was grateful. He had given her what she needed. Stability. Something sure to cling onto. She needed to know that he hadn't come back because she pleaded, but because he wanted to. He wanted her.
"You want me?" Kathryn's head snapped back, her eyes wide open. She had known it all along, he had made that quite apparently on the day of their parents wedding, and before that even. But somehow, she had to realize it herself. She didn't realize she said it aloud, though.
"Obviously," Sebastian grumbled, casting a pointedly look downward at the growing bulge in his pants.
Something flickered in her eyes then. "I didn't fuck Jason."
"Poor him, missing out on what most of New York has experienced. Tell me, Kathryn, when do you plan on making your services national?"
"Probably sooner than you if this is what all your suavity has been reduced to," Kathryn smirked playfully.
"Touché," Sebastian laughed appreciatively.
"But nothing's going to happen between Jason and myself. He actually has a challenge lined up that he mentioned in passing," she said smoothly, leaning into the crook of his neck. Her breath was hot against his skin, and he succumbed to the desire to close his eyes and just be with her for only a moment.
"Looking for your approval?" Sebastian questioned sardonically.
"Maybe. Although he and his roommate are actually looking for your approval, it seems."
"Well, fucking my stepsister isn't the usual way to go about it," he sneered.
"They've read the journal, Sebastian," Kathryn persisted, a flare up of anger present in her eyes as she painfully squeezed his fingers. He winced, at both her words and actions. It had been a long time ago, of course, that Kathryn had first been exposed in Manhattan society. With time, the scandal had blown over somewhat, and it stopped being such a sensitized issue. However, the scar left behind by this particular old wound was deep, dark, and jagged, and one best left unexamined.
"That's funny. Did Jason need somebody to help him out with the big words?"
"Fuck you."
"One day," he nodded solemnly.
"Anyway, they're both trying to fuck Annette Hargrove," she changed tacks, returning to her previous point and weighing his reaction carefully. His entire body froze, which irritated her quite thoroughly as she was on the verge of the orgasm she had been so brutally denied by her previous night's bedmate. "What the fuck?"
"What do you mean, they're trying to get Annette?"
"Wow. Okay, Einstein, just in case you missed it, I'll lay it out for you. Annette proclaimed her virginity to the entire country in a teen magazine. You snatched said virginity for one of our more infamous bets. You wrote about it in your journal, which she published… after removing the pages describing her first time," Kathryn said slowly, and she could see the pieces all snapping together in his eyes, but continued nonetheless. "They want her for the same reason you did. They think she's chaste, so they're both going to try and fuck her. Their game is to see who could do it first. Personally, my money's on Patrick. Jason's better looking, but Patrick's already her boyfriend. She gave it up after a few days of knowing you, so God knows he isn't far off."
Instead of the amusement flickering across his face, the evil smirk she had expected to greet her, it seemed as if rage had sprung a leak somewhere within him and now he was bursting at the seams with it. In a storm of absolute fury, he tore about the room collecting his jacket and keys. Somehow he had placed Kathryn onto the bed, where she lay accompanied by her confusion.
"What the fuck are you doing?"
He halted. His motions ceased, and it seemed like time slowed down for only a moment as he reflected. What the fuck was he doing? There were a million and one questions that Sebastian wanted to ask Kathryn at that moment, but he couldn't. All he knew was that the hotel room suddenly seemed much too small, too stifling, and if he had to stay there for another moment, it would suffocate him completely. "I just… I think I need to go for a drive."
Staring incredulously at him, Kathryn fastened the buttons on her shirt that she couldn't quite remember being undone during their encounter.
"You're going for a drive?"
"Yeah, I think so."
The plates seemed to diverge then, a clashing of then and now, the past and the present, that sent her head reeling.
"Why does that upset you?" her eyes searched for the truth within his own, demanding it. Kathryn searched not for meaning but for honesty within the light blue orbs of his eyes, refusing to befall the trap that had ensnared so many before her.
"I don't know. I guess I just don't want either of them getting credit for my accomplishment, you know? People think I died for her, what kind of fucking pussy would I look like if I got myself killed for a girl who didn't even put out?"
"Hello, asshole, in case you missed it, YOU'RE. NOT. DEAD," Kathryn spat. "Are you seriously leaving me for her again?"
"I'm not leaving you, Kat."
"If you walk out that door right now, you've left."
A stalemate occurred between them, eyes locked with a fearful intensity. Neither would give up their position, and neither trusted the other's intentions. Stressed, tense moments passed, the keys imprinting themselves upon his tightly clenched hand. Even when the keys hit the glossy wooden desktop, and he lie beside her on the bed, a gape remained between them, an unbridgeable gap which contained their past, their future, and the threats facing them now. Neither felt as if they'd won. In a way, they'd both lost so much more.
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Hey guys. I'm not going to rant on about how I don't like this chapter, because apparently that irritates all of you. But just know that I'm saying it internally. The end.
Oh, how I love this part… I thrive on your reviews like Cassidy does on attention lol.
I did read y-x's newest chapter, and I must say that this chapter was probably vaguely influence by it. Namely, because I was affected by it. I feel my K/S-ness slipping away. When I get a spare moment, I think I'm going to have to re-watch the movie before I do something moronic. This is a sad day for K/S lol.
Anonymous- Um, yes, my self-esteem is pretty low. Thanks for asking?
Maggie- I'm glad you love Juliette. Moi aussi! She's probably my favorite character in the universe at the moment lol. I promise that I'll update At the Heart of It All. I swear, I'll get around to it. It's just so hard to go from so dark to so light, you know? K/S and Brucas are very different.
Leigh- Lol whether that freak out is warranted or not… my lips are sealed.
Katie- don't you just love Jules more and more with each chapter? I do. I feel like I should give her her own like novel. Hahah. Wait… do you smell a sequel? We'll discuss that later lol. She keeps coming out so much better than even I planned lol.
Keri- lol, I just realized now that I probably scared the shit out of you by e-mailing. Don't fear the e-mail. It's not a flag. I'm glad that you liked that chapter, and I must say I was kind of happy that I managed to shock even you. But definitely go and read that e-mail. There's some important stuff in there lol…
WashedOut- Why, thank you.
Luvs-bitch01- Lol and when is CI not disturbing?
Ocfan108- Hehe, I like live for your reviews. Okay, that was dramatic. Never mind. I'm really glad that I managed to floor you last time lol. This chapter wasn't nearly as revealing, but it was important nonetheless. Don't worry, I did trace the bloodlines before I put that twist in—Belinda is not blood related to Sebastian in any way. I do find it astounding that you always seem to manage what I'm trying to convey with my stories. So cool. Lol.
Lol wow, I just came up with something completely insane for the coming chapters. I can't wait to write it hahah...