Chapter 3: Depravity
Warning: Psychological, Physical, and Force torture of an adolescent.
Siri awoke to utter darkness and let out a soft groan of pain. Force, she ached all over. She laid there, for a time, breathing in and out, an odd wheeze coming out of her broken nose, before slowly gathering her strength. She had to get out of here. Fallen or not, she was not a Sith, nor wanted to be one. Her loyalty was to the Jedi Order, and if they would not bear her anymore, then she at least wanted Obi-Wan to survive. The Sith wanted nothing but the destruction of the Jedi Order and to rule the galaxy. That included Obi-Wan, so she had to warn them, if only for his sake...
She frown briefly, at how so easily she dismissed the entire order for someone she favored. She shook her head and slowly stood up, grabbed the chain, fueled her muscles with the Force, trying to reach for the light instead of the dark, and yanked as hard as she could...
...and cried out in pain when the chain and the floor won and she dislocated her shoulder. "Kriffing hell!"
She bit her lip to stifle any further cries of pain. She began to reach out with her good arm in the darkness and scuffle around, searching for a wall hopefully in range of her chains. She found it and braced herself, feeling for the socket and the bone with the Force and positioning herself before ramming her shoulder into the wall to shove the bone back in place. She hissed in pain, tears streaming down her face, before sitting down on the floor.
"Well that was a piss ass attempt," she spat out at herself angrily.
She abruptly shook her head. "No, no anger! It's... it's what he wants, what the dark wants."
She took a deep breath, tried her best to calm herself, and attempted to meditate. Only... something was wrong. She couldn't find that inner peace she needed to begin. There were no threads of harmony and serenity she could draw upon to pull herself into the soothing embrace of the Force. Distress and alarm ran through her, making her lose any semblance of calm. Was she just not balanced enough with what was happening to her? Or was this what it meant to fall? To lose the ability to call on the Force as she used to?
She tried again, but could not empty her mind, and what came to her was nothing peaceful. Flashes of lightning, of the Sith's laughter. Her Master's death, burned into her memory in a way she'd never forget. The look on her face in the holorecording, that anger and hate tainting her features. Thoughts drifted to the Jedi Order, on how they would name her fallen, strike her out from the records as a Jedi Padawan. How the other Padawans and initiates would spit her name with distaste. How her friends would either have to distance themselves from her name, or suffer ridicule, if they didn't join in to begin with.
Dread roiled her stomach. Bant Eerin, Garen Muln, Quinlan Vos... would they abandon her? Curse her as some dark heathen?
Would Obi-Wan?
Her stomach knotted, and she cursed herself as tears started streaming down her face once more.
She sat there, in brooding misery for some time, until her stomach growled at her. She shook her head and glanced around, pressing her senses along the room she was in. No food or water had been left for her, and from what she could tell, the Sith wasn't nearby. She put her senses passed the room, until they abruptly came across a block. Her eyebrows furrowed as she poked and prodded it with the Force. It was some kind of Force Shielding, but... she had never felt anything like it before, not to mention...
She poked in every direction, and was astounded to find the shielding covered the entire building she was in. No one could sense in, no one could sense out. Nothing that happened in here would carry out in the Force. How in the world did the Sith create such a shield?
It left her a bit numb, to realize just how alone she truly was. No one was coming for her. Didn't know where she was, couldn't know where she was, and even if they did, they wouldn't care about some fallen padawan...
Depression kicked in, and she slowly curled up into a ball on the floor. She laid there for what felt like hours, until the inaction eventually took her to a fitful sleep...
Siri blinked a few times and sat up, a large growl emanating from her stomach, and a tightness to her dry throat. She licked her dry lips and took in a breath, slowly letting it out. As much as she hated to...
"Hello?" she called out.
There was no reply. If the Sith was there, he wasn't saying anything.
She sighed and pushed herself over to the wall, pressing her back up to it, bringing her knees up, and wrapping her arms around them. She sat there for what felt like hours, brooding, until sleep took her again...
Again and again, she woke and fell asleep, nothing but isolation and utter darkness greeting her. It grated and unnerved her. How long was the Sith going to keep her down here? Force dammit she was hungry and thirsty! Not to mention kriffing bored out of her mind. Worse though... she hated being left down here with nothing but her fears and guilt to give her company. She dreaded thinking of the Jedi Order and her friends, what they must think of her...
She rubbed her throat and sighed.
"Are you thirsty, my little fallen Jedi?" came the raspy voice of the Sith.
Siri started a little, her heart kickstarting fearfully, before she forced as much of a calm over her as she could. "What's it to you?"
"It's a simple yes or no question," said the Sith, "Are you, or are you not, thirsty?"
When she gave no response, there was a very maliciously slow and cruel sound of a water bottle being unscrewed, the loud smacking of lips, followed by the gulping of water. "Ah... how refreshing. Tell me my little fallen Jedi, do you want this water?"
Siri ground her teeth, humiliation roaring in her head. She knew what kind of game he was playing. As a Jedi, they had been taught and prepared for situations where they may be taken captive. She was so thirsty though...
She beat down her pride. She needed to stay strong to find a way out. If she weakened to hunger and dehydration, that would never happen. "Yes."
"Then beg," mocked the Sith, "Prostrate yourself before me and beg for water."
Furious indignation ripped through her. "Like hell I will!"
"Pity," mused the Sith, "Fortunately for you, I am not without mercy. I will... give... you water."
Siri's eyebrows furrowed. "I thought you said you didn't believe in mercy."
There was a hoarse and gleeful laugh. "You are correct."
Siri yelped as water splashed her, followed by the water bottle conking her upside the head. She was about to yell at the Sith before the room lit up with blue electricity. She had a split second to realize, before it hit, that this was going to hurt so much more when she was wet. She screamed in agony as the lightning rolled over her and took her to the ground, writhing in pain.
The lightning faded, and the Sith's mocking voice sounded out, "This stops when you choose it to, my little fallen Jedi. All you have to do is pledge yourself to me and my teachings."
"Never," she managed to spit out between gasps of pain.
"Never is a very long time my little fallen Jedi," mused the Sith before his hands began to cackle with lightning and the torture began again...
When Siri awoke next, she felt so brittle. Moving even an inch sent spikes of pain lacing through her body. She couldn't help but flinch when the scraping of metal hit her ears. It took her a second to recognize the sound, of eating utensils hitting one another. She realized there was a faint light in the cell. On the other end, sitting at a table preparing to eat, was the Sith.
"Ah good, you're awake, you've been out for some time," said the Sith, "Tell me, are you hungry?"
She didn't get a chance to deny it before her loud stomach betrayed her.
"Do you want to eat?" asked the Sith.
"I will not beg," she spat out.
"Ah, but you won't have to," said the Sith, "I've decided we can start small. I will allow you one meal, for a price."
She ground her teeth. "What is it?"
"The Jedi may have cast you out, but I still feel your lingering loyalty for them," said the Sith with a sigh, as if she were an impudent foolish child, "Renounce them."
"No," said Siri, turning her head away from the food.
"Tsk, such defiance," mused the Sith before he began to eat, slowly, savoring each bite.
"Perhaps another price then," said the Sith, after finishing half his plate, "Every time you've tried to meditate, or use the Force, you try to shy away from the Dark Side. I will allow you half a meal, if you use it again."
"No," she said, "I'm not stupid. I know my lessons, it's like an addiction. The more you use it, the easier it gets, the more you want to use it."
She could practically feel him sneering at her. "Suit yourself then my little fallen Jedi."
For an agonizing hour, the Sith took his time eating, and her stomach spent the entire time protesting and screaming at her. To be so hungry though... when was the last time she ate? How long...
"How long have I been here?" she rasped out.
The Sith paid her no heed as he began to clean up, wiping his face slowly with a napkin and collecting his plate and utensils. Siri grumbled under her breath and tried to think. She had no idea she had initially been out for before she was brought here. She had spent a lot of time alone or sleeping after the first 'session'. From his attempt to goad her with water to now with food, he had implied she had been out for awhile.
"A week?" she guessed, "Two?"
The Sith did not answer, instead, he merely stood, strode to the door, opened it, flicked off the light, and locked her into darkness again.
Siri sighed heavily and curled up on the floor, trying to stifle a groan of hunger, of pain. Force she wished she could meditate, or at least send herself into a healing trance.
She wasn't stupid. There was only so long a human body could live without food and water. Combined with his damned lightning, she was certain she'd already be dead if she wasn't a Jedi... or well... had Jedi training. The Force naturally strengthened her and helped her to survive such conditions, even in this odd state of fallen-but-denying-it that she was in that made it hard to draw properly on it.
She licked her lips as her stomach ached again, the lingering smell of food assaulting her nose. She took a shaking breath, tapping into the Force, and pushed it through her body to try and help actively sustain herself. It wasn't going to last for long, she knew that, and it was using strength she could be using to try to escape to instead try to survive...
Escape...
She scoffed. She hadn't gotten out of these chains, let alone out of the room. Who knows what else the Sith would have between her and freedom. She wasn't going to be able to escape and she knew it. A Jedi would have held onto hope, held onto iron determination and steadfast faith in the light, and if need be, face death head-on without fear.
But she wasn't a Jedi anymore. And that was in far more than just name. She remembered telling Obi-Wan, when they were on that crashing ship, that she wasn't afraid to die.
She was afraid now.
She could feel it, like a black ichor, infecting and spreading through her body. She feared the Sith's return, she feared his lightning, she feared being isolated like this for the rest of her life however short or long it may be, she feared starving to death. She feared that even if she somehow got out of here, all she found find outside was rejection or imprisonment.
Most of all...
She feared herself. She feared the choice she was going to have to make, no matter how long she stalled and delayed. It was a simple decision, with awful implications...
Convert or die.
It was becoming so easy for negative emotions and fears to leak through what little control she had left. She knew it, could recognize when she second guessed earlier bleak thoughts. But it didn't help to recognize the problem when it only kept getting worse...
Because the truth of the matter was...
She didn't want to die, and she didn't see any other way out of this but to sell her soul.
She buried her head into her stomach and sobbed quietly to herself until sleep took her again...
Siri woke up screaming as lightning washed over her. "My time is not dependent on your sleep schedule my little fallen Jedi."
Siri blearily focused on the Sith, her agonized and parch throat croaking out. "What... do you want..."
"To give you a drink of course," said the Sith, "After all, one will die of dehydration before starvation, and I'm not done with you yet."
Finally...
She looked away from the shadowy silhouette, not wanting to seem eager, but paused when she heard something being dragged across the floor, along with the sloshing of water. What was...
She barely had time to yelp before the Sith grabbed the back of her head and dunked it into a large bucket of water. "Drink up my little fallen Jedi."
Siri panicked as the Sith held her head underwater, struggling and trying to pry his hand off.
He pulled her head up and she gasped for breath. "Am I not merciful? Here, have another drink."
"N...," she began, but couldn't finish before he shoved her head underwater again. She began to flail. Clawing at the hand, clawing at his robe, clawing at the bucket to tip it over. Her lungs began to burn with the lack of air as water splashed from the bucket with her struggles.
"That's rather rude my little fallen Jedi, to waste the water I so graciously brought you," scolded the Sith, pulling her head back out once more.
Siri coughed and gasped for breath, and hoarsed out, "S-stop!"
"Tsk, you hardly sound like you drank anything, I must insist for your own sake," said the Sith before a dark chuckle escaped his lips, "Drink again."
She barely got out a panicked sob before he held her underwater again, this time pressing her face straight to the bottom and grinding it in. Siri bucked and kicked and scratched as hard as she could when her lungs once again began to burn. She started losing focus, and her struggles began to weaken. Thoughts began to slow and fade...
Was this... how she died...?
The Sith ripped her out of the bucket and threw her to the floor. "There, that should be enough."
Siri cried out when the Sith dumped the bucket on her, drenching her. "And a bath while you're at it."
"I'll leave you to swell on my generosity, and with the knowledge that it will only grow the longer you keep me waiting," warned the Sith.
With that, the Sith left, leaving Siri gasping for breath and shivering in her cold, drenched clothes. The warning had been heard, it was only going to get worse from here on in. She silently cursed herself when she realized, as awful as it was, that she hadn't bothered to really try and drink when she had been being drowned. Siri took in a raspy breath, sucked in her pride, buried her humiliation, and placed her lips against the floor, trying to suck up the water on it.
When she 'drank' enough, she curled up into a ball once more and shivered, the room had already been cold, drenched clothes was going to make this so much worse...
Day in, and day out, or as long as she could figure, the Sith kept up his cruel game. Flaunting water and food before her. Or torturing her with brief burst of lighting, or physical abuse. She bore it out as well as she could. It didn't help that she had the damn sniffles on top of it. Force, she hadn't been sick in years...
She laid there in darkness, in seething silence. Anger was getting harder and harder to suppress. Each time that Sith walked into the cell, it spiked, the beginnings of hatred burrowing deeper and deeper into her mind. It was hard to resist, she almost didn't want to anymore. She felt the desire each time he came for her, to unleash her rage on him. To kill him, rip out his throat...
This time was no different.
"Ah, you're awake, good," said the Sith as he walked in, "It's time we had a little chat."
The Force swirled and whispered warnings into her ear. Something was about to change...
Siri uncurled and sat up, glaring towards the Sith's voice.
"Tsk, and already I see your unwillingness to co-operate, how unfortunate," mused the Sith.
"What do you want from me?" she said bitterly.
"I've already told you," said the Sith, an annoyed sigh escaping his lips, "I want you to kneel before me and pledge yourself to my teachings. It's inevitable, the longer you pointlessly resist, the more you will suffer, and I am here to enlighten you on how."
"Do your worst," she spat.
"My worst?" mused the Sith, "If you've fooled yourself into believing that a little tap of lightning is the worst I can do, then you are mistaken, about a great, many, things."
She yelped when he grabbed her hair and roughly pulled her close, whispering into her ear. "Tomorrow, I will stop restraining the punishment for your defiance. You will be whipped, electrocuted, and beaten daily along with whatever creative punishments I come up with."
She gulped, but didn't respond, trying to steel herself.
The Sith continued, "The next day, along with the physical punishment, I will begin breaking your mental shields and assaulting your mind, leaving you raw, never allowed to recover."
Siri's eyes went wide.
A dark chuckle echoed through the room. "The following day, I will show you the effects of Sith Sorcery firsthand. You will see nightmarish mirages beyond your darkest fears. Your dreams will become hell rather than an escape from the torment your every waking moment will become."
Siri trembled as he continued. "Then, because you are so unfortunate as to have been born a female, " he spat with distaste, "I will start loaning you to a whorehouse."
Siri stared at the Sith's outline in shock. "Y-you wouldn't..."
"I'm a Sith," he replied, "Of course I would."
She went silent in mute horror.
"If all of that fails to change your mind, I will start tracking down your old friends within the Jedi order, abduct them, bring them before you, and make you watch me kill them," he threatened.
Siri froze up, her eyes going wide. "You..."
He'd kill Obi-Wan...
Rage and hate welled up in her, spiking uncontrollably as a cold darkness seeped out of her, challenging the oppressive presence of the Sith. "You wont touch them."
A small, pleasured gasp escaped the Sith's lips. "Ahhh... there it is, that darkness I so hunger for."
Siri thrust a hand at him with a furious cry, ripples of the Force burst from her hand. To no effect, the Sith merely waved his hand and banished the Force attack as if it were an unpleasant breeze.
"Good, good," said the Sith greedily, "Give into your anger my little fallen Jedi. But know this..."
He gripped her head, hard. "You are no match for me. You are to weak and untrained. If I so chose to kill those who matter to you, you cannot stop me."
He threw her to the floor. "I'll give you one last night to think on it. If come morning, you do not pledge yourself to me, it will begin."
He left her there, shaking with rage. Slowly though, minute by minute, the rage gave into despair and fear. Physical and mental torture, being raped, her friends slaughtered... there wasn't a damn thing she could do about what was to come... he was right, she was to weak... she had never felt so furiously helpless in her life...
"I hate him," she hissed, "I hate him so much."
The other things, as much as she dreaded them, didn't matter to her as much as what would happen to those in the temple. If it came down to her soul or her friends, she knew which she would sacrifice. The Sith had won, and he knew it, the moment she had reacted, shown a weakness, he had found his victory. Damn him... damn him... he might have won this... but she'd have the last laugh in the end... she swore it...
Siri sat there silently as the Sith strode into the cell, a faint light from the hallway spilling around his dark form. "Well? What is your decision my little fallen Jedi?"
Siri wobbly rose to her feet, her weakened strength barely carrying her to the ends of her chains before she knelt before him, bowed her head, and gritted out through clenched teeth. "I pledge myself to your teachings."
Until I'm strong enough to kill you...
"Ah...," said the Sith, delight in his voice, "I knew you would see things my way, my young apprentice. Now come, it's time to begin your... conditioning. You will find the training of a Sith to be... more rigorous than that of a Jedi."
She stared at him as he turned to go. "I'm still chained."
"Then break them," answered the Sith, "You tried before, reaching for that pitiful light. Harness your rage and hate, and no chain will bind you."
She stared down at her hands silently, eyebrows furrowed.
"Think of your weakness, think of your former Masters' death, and yes," said the Sith with a chuckle, "Think of how much you hate me. Use it."
She flexed her hands, the last hints of uncertainty still going through her mind at her choice. If she did this and walked out that door with him, there was no going back...
"Do it," snapped the Sith.
Siri let the thought go and narrowed her eyes, raising her head to glare at him. She stopped trying to struggle against and repress her darker feelings. For the first time she unleashed them go, fed off them willingly, rather than as a response. She shivered and let out a soft moan as raw power funneled down her body. It was like she had never been starved or tortured to begin with. She felt strong, invincible...
With a roar she yanked as hard as she could, and snapped the chain like it was a twig. The other followed a moment later followed by her leg chains. She stared down at the broken chains with a hint of silent disbelief. It had been so easy...
"Glorious, isn't it?" said the Sith.
She couldn't help it, she answered, "Yes..."
"Yes what, my apprentice?" said the Sith in a warning tone.
She glared at him. "Yes..."
She ground her teeth. "...Master."
The Sith sneered at her defiant tone, but didn't address it otherwise. "Come."
Siri took a few steps to the doorway and placed a hand on it. She paused briefly, to look back into the cell, and then down at a curling hand. She could feel the Dark Side pulsing through her, but it wasn't as she thought it would be, taught it would be, to willingly call to it. There was nothing sickly or evil to her, no taint, no willingness to just go off and 'do evil' and start butchering innocents. It was just raw power, to do whatever she wanted however she wanted with no overbearing Jedi Master to harp about rules or regulations or emotions... maybe the Jedi were wrong... or intentionally holding them all back from this power...
The Sith said she had a lot of potential...
A wicked grin spread across her face. She'd achieve it She'd do whatever it took, delve down into darkness as deep as she had to, learn everything he had to offer, and when she was ready, she would kill the Sith. He'd regret the day he chose her.
She swore he would.
Author's Note:
The first willing steps have been taken, so she says 'just' to kill the Sith, but we know better, we really do. Now the fall truly begins...
Review Responses:
Random Mobile Suit Pilot: I plan to go step by step. It might have minor time skips, like the ones in this chapter, but nothing major like a year+.
Nerdman3000: Moar Siri, moar...