Chapter 8: Numb

"Kill them."

Siri drove her master's lightsaber through the rib-cage of a young girl, right through the heart, and withdrew it, moving onto the next child quietly and doing the same. She did not wait for Sidious's empty praise, she simply moved onto the parents and killed them to. It was... better... this way, for them. A quick release, a quick death, rather than being fried to death by Force Lightning. She felt... nothing...

Nothing but the cold dark.

It had been weeks of this. Her hands, once innocent and free of sin, were stained with blood. At first, it had hurt and twisted inside of her, but... she had grown numb to it. She simply... did the deed... and didn't look back. It was just another step in her pathway to her goal, to kill her Master. Had she honestly thought that learning at his feet wouldn't entail something like this? That she wasn't going to truly damn herself in the process?

Ignorant.

Foolish.

Young.

Naive.

This was just a taste of the depravity and madness she was going to have to mire herself in before it was all said and done. This was Sith training after all. She only hoped and prayed by the end of it there would be something of herself left to walk away from it all. She had no desire to wipe out the Jedi Order, as much as she was infuriated with them and their failings. They had grown so complacent and ignorant the last thousand years without the Sith visibly active to combat and test themselves against. They were weak. But it was no excuse to kill them...

"Hmm," she heard her Master murmur, turning her head to watch him approach and begin to circle her.

He did that often, sizing her up, measuring her, and always finding her wanting.

She was rather surprised when he spoke, "Good, good. You've made progress, and progress should be rewarded, should it not?"

She silently stared at him.

He held out a hand, and she deactivated his lightsaber, handing it to him. He slipped it into his robes and moved to the door, the unspoken command 'come' echoing through the air. She followed behind him, as he led her down the hall and deeper into the facility, to a conference room. She froze in the doorway as she laid her eyes on an oh so familiar object on the table. A lightsaber.

Her lightsaber.

"I believe it's time you had a lightsaber of your own again," he said, levitating the lightsaber off the table and over to her.

She took it, holding it in her hands and glancing down at it. The lightsaber... didn't feel right in her hands anymore. The kyber crystal at it's core sluggishly identified her, but the connection she had to it was marred. Of course it would be, the lightsaber had belonged to a young girl filled with light, not this growing dark monster she was becoming. In order to use this lightsaber... she knew what Sidious wanted, he was going to teach her how to bleed a kyber crystal. But... somewhere deep inside of her, she couldn't bear the thought of it, of bleeding her old one.

"Yes," she said slowly, "But not this one."

He turned his dark calculating gaze on her. "And why not? Are you not familiar with this one?"

"This... lightsaber... belonged to a Jedi Padawan," she said slowly, not even acknowledging it as her own, "And I believe the last few weeks have made it abundantly clear that I am no Jedi, not anymore."

He smiled, a savagely cruel smile, "No, I suppose not. Come then, let us... dispose... of this old relic of your past, then I will guide you on how to bend a crystal to your will."

He led her down a chillingly familiar hallway, and into the prison area of the facility, straight to her old cell. He opened the door and motioned inside. She stood in the doorway, and took a single sniff, her nose wrinkling at the stench of the room. Force, she had ignored that particular problem to all nine Corellian hells and back during her time there. It hadn't been like she had been allowed to use a fresher chained to the floor as she had been. She was only slightly surprised to see her old worn Jedi robes carelessly cast down in the room like trash. The chains were still there, shattered on the ground. The room... had been left untouched otherwise. She had a feeling it was going to stay that way for a long time, as a reminder to her of where she had come from.

She flexed her grip on her old lightsaber for a moment before tossing it into the room, the hilt landing on her old robes. With that, she turned from the room, hit the button to close the door, and didn't look back. She could feel Sidious's dark approval permeating through the air. He strode to walk in-front of her, taking up the Master's position, and led her to their dark meditation room, the place he had first taken her after being released from her cells. Lit by shadowy candlelight, in the middle of the room was a simple box of kyber crystals, unbroken ones. He had planned this then, had expected her reaction to her old lightsaber.

"Sit," he ordered.

He began to circle her slowly as he spoke, "The process of bleeding a kyber crystal is simple. One must bend it to their will, pour their anger, their hate, their pain into the crystal, force it to align to them, and dominate it. But be warned, a crystal will resist your attempts, some better than others. Weak acolytes failing to break a crystal have experience pain, mental damage up to and including madness, and even one attempt I read that had resulted in their ability to use the Force being damage to the point it might as well have been stripped from them."

Siri stared at the box of kyber crystals, a slight frown on her face. "I see."

"Let it never be said that the life of a Sith is safe," mused Sidious, "It is one of constant struggle and growth. To stagnate after all is to die. Now, watch and observe. I will do this once, and only once."

Sidious levitated a crystal out of the box and to his hand, gripping it tightly and-

The Force around and inside the crystal screamed

-and poured his hate into it, a tingling sensation running up Siri's spine as the dark side filled the air. A sickly and dark red glow emanated from within the crystal, like blood from an open wound, and spread. Within seconds, the entire crystal had turned red, sobbing and crying out into the Force around them. Siri felt momentarily sickened by the act, before she slowly shook her head and let it fade away. What was this compared to driving a lightsaber through an innocent?

Sidious fiddled with the crystal, twirling it between his fingers; she could feel him admiring his own handiwork, his own domination of the kyber. "I have explained and shown you, more than I ought to of. Now, you will bleed the rest."

Her eyebrows furrowed. "The rest? I only need one."

He gave her a look. "Do not question me my apprentice. You will bleed them all because I demand it of you."

She bowed her head and muttered a, "Yes Master."

"If you truly want a reason," he drawled, "It is because these are the only crystals I will ever give you for free. If you destroy them, or lose your lightsaber and have to replace it, these will be the only crystals I make available to you. If you run out, you will have to attain your own."

She made a face. "My lightsaber is my life, I know better than to lose it."

She had given up her old one simply because that life wasn't hers anymore.

Sidious paused briefly and then scowled at her. "Your life? Where did you get such a foolish notion?"

"It's not foolish, its what all initiates and padawans are taught," she said stubbornly.

Sidious threw back his head and laughed. "If that is a Jedi teaching, then I need to look into more of them for my own amusement."

The Sith pulled his lightsaber out of his robe. "This is a tool, my apprentice, a tool. If your lightsaber is lost or destroyed in battle, do you simply give up and die?"

"Well, no," she answered.

"Your body, your fists and feet, can be used as weapons," he instructed, "Objects around you can be used as weapons. And far more important, the Force itself is the greatest weapon of them all. My lightsaber is a tool I mock with, a secondary weapon, because it pales in consideration to the power of the Force."

Siri went silent, face turning a little red in embarrassment. When he put it like that...

"That teaching is as foolish as it is absurd," said Sidious with disdain, "Perhaps they meant it as a lesson in responsibility, but if Jedi take it seriously at face value then they failed remarkably on the delivery, as they do on a Great. Many. Things."

He shook his head and glanced at the box of kyber crystals. "Enough of Jedi failings, bleed your first crystal."

Siri held out a hand, and levitated a crystal to her, letting it land softly in the palm of her hand. She could feel it curiously probe her, seeking to see if she was the one it desired to bond with. She stared down at it silently for a moment before she closed her eyes.. She felt for her hatred of the beast that had killed her former master, and of Sidious himself. She let it whirl and churn within her. Almost as if the crystal could understand what was about to happen, its probe shrank back. Siri closed her fingers tightly around the crystal in a crushing grip...

And poured it all into the kyber.

The Force shrieked around her in outrage. The kyber pushed back against her, trying to stave off what was coming. But she didn't allow it, she revisited in her mind the moment her former master had died; the moment Maul had threatened to harm Obi-Wan. She fed off that pain and rage like a leech, and overwhelmed the crystal's defenses. She didn't need to see the red glow peaking under her eyelids, nor her Master's dark satisfaction and approval, to know she had succeeded. The way the Force cried around the crystal told her all she needed to know.

She opened her eyes and stared down at the red gleam spilling through her fingertips and slowly opened her hand. She didn't... feel the same way Sidious had when he had broken it in. There was no sense of triumph... just... nothing, at what she had done. She set the crystal down, and levitated the next one to her palm, and repeated the process. Each shriek, each cry from the kyber, affected her less and less, until she didn't even react to bleeding the last one. She piled them into the box and picked up, turning to stare look at Sidious.

His mouth twitched, either in amusement or irritation she didn't know. He simply strode past, and she followed. He led her deeper into the complex, farther than she had gone before, into a large room. It was a sort of workshop, tools and spare parts organized and stored. He walked around the room for a moment, taking his time, before motioning around him.

"Build your lightsaber from the parts around you, when you are finished, you will return to the training room," he said before pausing and then snidely adding, "Perhaps you can actually weather those simple training droids without having to drag yourself to the infirmary for once."

Siri let the insult wash over her and didn't reply. She kept her senses on him until he left the room, then, and only then, did she relax and start shifting through the various supplies. It had been a long time since she built a lightsaber, unlike many others, she didn't make a habit of losing her saber. She doubted she'd be needing anywhere close to even half the kyber her Master had given her. Still... having backups didn't hurt. As she gathered her parts, she contemplated how she was going to build her saber. Her thoughts briefly turned to Master Dooku, he used a curved hilt for Makashi, didn't he? Though, she wasn't anywhere near skilled as he was, so she probably couldn't even properly use that kind of hilt yet. A thought to hold onto for another time then.

Rather than carry them around physically, she levitated the bits and pieces around behind her. It was... kind of satisfying to do, to preform such a 'trivial' use of the Force as the Jedi would say and bemoan against. The Force was theirs by birthright, why not use it? Not to mention, practice made perfect, the more she used the Force, the more easier it would be to do so. Sidious could do things with the Force without having to even try, not having to focus his attention and reach for the Force, he simply just did it. Learning and training to be able to use the Force like that was something she'd need to do before she could even think of killing him.

When she finished she found herself circling and eying the parts as they levitated in the center of the room, much like Sidious would circle her. She made motions with her hand, using the Force to begin to fit the pieces together around the kyber, encasing it in a prison of metal, where the only things that would hear it scream was the uncaring casing, and the one who wielded it. She made a beckoning motion with her hand, and the lightsaber obeyed, floating over. She flexed her grip on it tightly, eyeing the completed piece. It's metals were of a dark gray make, not the shiny silver often seen on the belts of a Jedi. Coupled with her black clothing, it certainly wouldn't give a friendly vibe, especially...

snap-hiss

...with the bloody glow now illuminating the room. She stared down at the red blade, a sight of nightmares for young initiates, and a sure sign of a darksider to a Jedi. She slowly shook her head, deactivated and attached it to her belt, and grabbed the box of kyber, making for her room to drop it off. Such a small thing like the color of one's lightsaber hardly mattered, it was just one more thing, one more step, down this path. It didn't matter, it didn't... didn't make her feel. She glanced down at the bled kybers again. Aside from their initial screams, from the shock of experiencing it for the first time... she felt nothing by being near their whimpering.

She didn't know what to make of that.

What she did feel as she approached the training room once more was growing irritation and frustration. She hated those damn droids. Makashi wasn't good against multiple opponents at once, it could be adapted sure, but it was made for dueling, not a melee. A real lightsaber instead of a training one wasn't going to make that much of a difference if she couldn't get a chance to get a hit in. It was... it was just a tool, not her life, not her only weapon.

She paused by the entrance to the room and leaned against the nearby wall to actually stop and think rather than simply walk in and face the music. Not her only weapon huh? Maybe that was her failing. Only relying on her lightsaber until she was so beaten she had to tap into the Force to survive and destroy her opponents. She nodded slowly to herself and felt into the room for her senses, pinpointing the small blips of energy that she took for the droids power cords. She identified their positions, two deeper into the room, and one...

It was hanging above the door again, ready to get the drop on her. She scowled and pushed off the wall, moving to the door and flinging it open. She reached out with the Force as she moved, gripping the training droid hanging above her tightly in her grasp, raising it into the air and then slamming it into the ground with a crunch in front of her. She activated and swung her lightsaber at the downed droid, severing it in half. One down, two to go, and she hadn't even taken a hit.

Her lips peeled back in a savage grin. "I'm going to enjoy this."

When the droids rushed her, she curled a hand into a fist and thrust it out, slamming one of the droids with the Force and sending it flying, impacting on the far wall and clattering to the ground. She engaged the single remaining droid with her lightsaber, finding it much more simple to fight one on one rather than three on one. She severed it's sparking staff in half before impaling it through the chest, withdrawing her saber with extreme satisfaction. She decapitated and kicked its head across the room for good measure.

"So you finally learned," came her Master's musing voice.

She turned her head to see him standing in the doorway. "More like I unlearned."

He tilted his head in acknowledgement. "Ah yes, your 'lightsaber'. You put to much emphasis on it over the Force, one of the Jedi's failings."

She could feel he was rather pleased at that. It was something she noted, anytime she turned away from something she had learned as a Jedi, or spoke ill of them, or anything like that. It let loose such dark satisfaction and possessiveness from him, it was honestly scary when he looked at her in such a mood. Not to mention when he... oh boy... not this again...

He beckoned her over, and when she obeyed, he raked a hand through her hair, tendrils of the Dark Side raking across her shields and demanding access. She lowered them, and allowed him to express his approval through the Force, pouring pleasure down her mind. She stifled the moan before it escaped her lips. She hated it as much as she enjoyed it; having had time to think on why the hell he did it, she figured it was a kind of system to induce obedience. Do things he approved of, get rewarded, do something he didn't like, get punished. When she made that discover, it had grated. She was NOT a animal to be trained! Not a pet aching for it's master's touch; she didn't give him that kind of satisfaction by voicing her reactions. Trying to stifle it through her mind and the Force was another matter unfortunately... a work in progress.

"Hmm... I do believe you've earned a bit of freedom," he mused.

A sharp breath escaped her lips. Freedom...?

"Shall we go for a walk my apprentice? It has been some time since you've been out," he 'asked'.

The analogy of a pet being walked by it's master flashed through her mind, sparking a whirlwind of contempt before she crushed it. She DID want to get out of this blasted place for awhile. "I would appreciate it, Master."

His lips peeled into a cold smile. "Good."

He turned and left, Siri walking quickly to fall in behind him as he spoke, "This will also be a test of your ability to hide your presence. For every person that truly sees you, you will be punished upon our return. If you are detected even somewhat through the Force should be draw near a Jedi, well, the Jedi will die, and your punishment will be most severe. Are we clear?"

"Yes Master," she answered, already moving to lock down her shields tightly and prepare herself to incorporate his teachings for a 'field test'.

"Good, good," he said, "I wish to take you through the lower levels of Coruscant, have you ever ventured there before?"

"No Master," she answered.

"Excellent," he said, dark satisfaction permeating the air, "Then you will have no Jedi Dogma or false explanation to justify what you see."

She frowned, what did he mean?

He didn't elaborate, and she didn't ask aloud. She followed him out of the building, which she saw was disguised a old decrepit warehouse on the outside. However, instead of breathing in fresh air and letting the sun touch her skin for the first time far to long, all she got was the stench and sight of gray smog. Her nose wrinkled in distaste, shaking her head slowly. This certainly wasn't going to be a trip she enjoyed, that much she already figured. She preferred being back inside with the filtered air. She knew better than to voice such whining though, and simply went silently.

They left the area, and descended into Coruscant's lower levels, into what Siri quickly noticed was a place of utter despair and depravity. Trash and scrap everywhere. Drug addicts walking around in a daze or hitting themselves up in broad daylight (or smoglight if she wanted to sound clever about it). Sidious stepped over a corpse on a side-street without even looking at it. People being mugged or stolen from. There was a public beating for someone not paying their 'protection money', and no one did a damn thing to stop it. Siri's temper and irritation steadily rose as they walked lower and lower into the depths...

"What the hell is this," she muttered angrily.

"Jedi neglect," answered Sidious without hesitation, "So close to their own temple, a few hours at most on foot, far less by speeder. And they don't care to solve any of this themselves."

Siri scowled and turned the topic back on him. "And you would? You don't give a damn about any of these people."

Sidious scoffed. "Nor do I pretend to. Are the Jedi not the defenders of life? Guardians of peace and justice?"

He waved back the way they came. "If so, then what is this?"

She was about to respond before a heart wrenching scream sounded further down, coming from an alleyway off in the distance, "NO! PLEASE STOP!"

Siri hesitated for a moment, an old desire, and old drive, to serve and protect struggling to rise through the dark mire she was walking in. She glanced back at Sidious, and he slowly cocked his head. "You have the power to do as you wish my apprentice. Simply remember my earlier warnings."

She didn't wait for any further words, taking off to the direction of the scream, sidestepping bottom dwellers who didn't appear to give a damn about someone screaming their head off. By the time she arrived, it had quieted to sobs and cries and an odd smacking sound. Siri rounded alleyway entrance and froze up for a moment. Pinned to the ground was a thin Twi'lek woman, cloths ripped off, black and blues across her bloody face and arms. Behind her was a masked assailant, lower clothes off, hips smacking against his victim.

Siri's vision turned red with rage and disgust. She reached out on dark instinct, clenching her fist. The rapist stopped briefly before his hands left the woman's hips, going up to claw at his throat. Siri lifted him up with the Force and slammed him face first into the alleyway wall, grinding it in and bloody him. She ripped him back and slammed him into the ground before stalking over. She waved a hand at the terrified and confused woman who was staring at her attacker and sent a sleep suggestion into her mind. She was out like a light.

Siri stood over the rapist and made to grab her lightsaber before pausing. No, that weapon left distinct markings, and was far to quick a kill if she aimed wrong. This bastard had to suffer. The man groaned and started to rise to his feet. "The hell...?"

Siri kicked him to the ground and then crushed his genitals under her boot with one savage motion, electing a agonizing scream from the man. "If you can't use them properly, you shouldn't use them at all."

She wiped the blood on her boot off on his shirt, grinding them painfully into his ribs until she heard a crack and another cry. She stomped on him, again and again, crushing his limbs, breaking bones, and inflicting as much pain as she could. There was satisfaction, extreme satisfaction, and an outlet on someone who actually deserved cruelty and pain for once, rather than an innocent. Oh... it was so therapeutic. Blessed, blessed, relief.

"I don't have all day apprentice," came her Master's irritated voice.

Siri scowled, leave it to Sidious to ruin her fun. She moved her boot to the man's head, applied as much pressure as she could naturally and then a bit with the Force, and crushed it like a fruit. She fed willingly off the death, letting it fill her with an oh so satisfying buzz. She wiped off her boots once more and then moved to join Sidious at the entrance of the alleyway.

He didn't spare the victim a second glance let alone a first, but his mouth twitch in amusement at the corpse of the rapist. "My, you are a viscous little thing aren't you, my young apprentice? It's a shame you don't show that side of yourself more often. Perhaps I should allow you more ventures down here. A thought for later I suppose. Come."

He wasn't silent this time as they walked. "I would not care about these people, in that you are correct. But I never offered to be their protector, as the Jedi did. As the Republic did."

Siri's eyes narrowed slightly. The Republic? That was the first time he had ever bothered mentioning the government to her.

"Do you deny that both swore responsibility? To guide and protect the citizens that live within this republic?" he asked.

"No," she answered, "No, I don't. This... this is purely disgusting. Would it honestly take that much effort to do something about this? A team of Jedi a day, some volunteers from the public, a speech from the senate... they could fix this. It might take a bit of effort and time, but this suffering... is needless, its pointless, there's no purpose to it."

"There is no order," agreed Sidious, "While I wont deny something like this would most likely still exist, many of these worthless maggots could at least be put to work in basic jobs to fuel an Empire, or enlisted into an army."

"And Empire?" she asked, confused.

"A dream of the Sith," he whispered, hungrily, "A Sith Empire that spans the galaxy."

And in order for a Sith Empire to rise, the Republic and the Jedi would have to fall. She saw the purpose to this 'walk' now, to warm her up to the idea. Yet... she couldn't help but admit he had some points, this all was just... it was to much, to just walk down the streets and see so much needless suffering happening in broad daylight with no one caring...

They should care...

They should be MADE to care...

With a firm hand to direct them on how to act, how they should live, since they obviously couldn't do it for themselves...

Can't forget punishment though, there were already laws in place against so much that she saw here, if they stepped out of line, they had to be put back into their place...

Sidious said nothing more that trip, that night. He slowly led her back to their complex, allowing her to take in the sight of all the depravity once more, before leaving her. She did not get to sleep anytime quickly that night, laying awake, troubled thoughts struggling to decide what would be worse, something like a Sith Empire, or allowing the Republic and the Jedi to continue such neglect... but perhaps instead of either... how about something of her own designs...

Author's Notes:

Deeper into the rabbit hole she goes, where she stops? No one knows...

Review Responses:

IamOneWithTheForce: We're going to keep on sticking with Siri and watch her hit rock bottom. Obi-Wan may come up now and then, but this is primarily a Siri story. They will meet again, that's assured, and on Naboo is the most likely spot. Also, Sidious and the word 'Helping', don't really mix. Twisting would be the more correct word. I mean unless you see things from the POV of the Sith of course.

Nerdman3000: Anakin... is most likely not going to end up with Obi-Wan in this story. Not going to spoil why, but there will be a reason. You could say that Obi-Wan will have another priority, someone to look after and help...

I wonder who?

Make what you will out of that teaser/spoiler.

Shadow Walker of Fire: I'm... not really sure how many. I think there's like 10 years or so between the Mission at the start of this story and the Phantom Menace. There will of course be time skips (had a few small ones already between some chapters). And then of course there is ANOTHER 10 year gap between PM and the AOTC. This is going to be a very long story, especially when aiming for Expanded Universe content. This will easily break 50-100+ chapters I'd think, depending on when/how long I do time skips.

This is going to be a VERY long project/fanfic.