Good News

A/N: Feel free to skip Gin's letter while Kira reads it.

"Oi, Kira, a letter for you."

"Ah, thank you," he replied, taking the letter. Soul Society had been left in rambles after the betrayal of three captains, and now they were even sending seated officers into the human world to defend from Arrancarrs? It seemed impossible for any good news to come to him. And anyways, who'd write him a letter? His family had all passed away a long time ago, and his friends were all shinigami as well.

To: Izuru-chan

...Izuru-chan?

Hm, a love letter or confession, maybe? Though he would've expected "Kira-senpai" or something like that then...

He flipped the envelope over, only to find a dundundun Gin-Smiley.

"AH!" he screamed, tossing the letter onto the floor of his bedroom as if it were lethal.

Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhaleinhaleexhaleinhaleexhaleinhale-

He calmed himself before timidly approaching the letter again. If he read it, would it be considered treason? Why wasn't the letter flagged down by the postage anyway?

He opened it and read.

Dear Izuru-chan,

(Isn' it cute? I call it th' Gin-Smiley)

Gin-Smiley...figures.

How are you today? Having fun in Soul Society? Hueco Mundo is so boring. You should come visit me! There's an Arrancar that's emo! Just like you! You guys could be friends. Hehehe that's pretty.

It...didn't look like Kira at all. And were those...bleeding hearts? Or confetti? Emo? What's emo? Why would he want to be friends with a hollow?

Ne, have I been replaced yet? Are you still the third division's vice captain? Does the third division have a new captain? Aw, it breaks my heart to think that you might be serving someone else now. How's Momo-chan? Did she die? That'd be sad, she'd my number one reviewer. Hmm. Who else did I leave behind? Eh, you should all come visit me! We could have a party! I'm still waitin' for that cable guy to come 'ere. I bet another hollow ate 'im again. This sucks. And I bet even after he installs all the crap (if he ever gets 'ere) the connection will suck. Ya know why? 'Cuz Sousuke-chan is stingy! Aw it's so cute I should patent it. 'Cept I doubt they'd give claims to someone dead. Prejudice! Discrimination! Sexism!

Yeah well, I'll kill them if they don't let me.

How d'ya patent something anyway?

Hey I think I hear screams, I bet it's the cable guy. Hm, wonder if I should save him or let him get ripped up for being so damn late? Eh, if I don't help him we'd probably not get internet for another few months...damn.

From Your Beloved Ex-Captain,
Ichimaru Gin-chan

And a friendly letter at that. If it had been a death threat he would've been fine, but noo. Oh, no. Ichimaru-Taichou just had to send the type of letter worthy of accusing him of treason as well. Great, just great.

His day was perfect.

Hinamori-kun is still in her coma, Soul Society is completely hectic, a good fourth of our captains are missing.

Great.

Now that his death was certain, he felt he might as well write back.

Dear Ichimaru Taichou,

He crossed out Taichou. Gin wasn't really a captain anymore. Gin? Would it be ok to refer to him as that?

Dear

Dear? Should he be using "Dear" to address a traitor?

Ah, screw this.

He crumpled up the piece of paper and got out a new one.

To: Ichimaru Gin.
Hueco Mundo.

Ugh, what was this, a business letter? Oh, well, not like he cared anymore.

I'm just fine. Perfectly fine. Soul Society is in shambles and the paperwork has quadrupled. Wishing you were here.

Sincerely, Kira Izuru.

He sighed, was that a little to distant? Well, he had a right to be distant, but still. It was lacking..

PS: What's emo?

He was curious.

He re-read the letter and decided to reiterate himself.

PPS: I was being sarcastic when I said I wished you were here.

PPPS: Momo's still in her coma, thanks to a certain someone.

PPPPS: And we all know who that is.

PPPPPS: No, I don't think we'll be going to your party, thanks for the invitation, anyway.

PPPPPPS: You might want to ask that Kurosaki kid though, he might.

PPPPPPPS: I like the Gin-Smiley.

He hurridly folded the letter and stuffed it in the envelope, scrawling the address.

Shitshitshit.

This was definitely treason.

He shouldn't send this, he'd die. Diediedie.

Dead as a...a... uh, dead...

Dead as a-

"Kira-Fukutaichou, is there anything you'd like to mail? We'll be collecting letters or packages now."

"Oh, yeah, sure, w-wait. Here you go, t-thanks," he sighed.

"WAIT NO, COME BACK! PLEASE!"

Dead as a dead shinigami, he decided.

A/N: And I'll be writing a letter to Byakuya later XD