I would like first to note that the following fanfic was started a few hours after the final episode of season four of Red vs. Blue was released to the public. This is my version of what comes next, and it's kind of dependent on the readers already having watched it. I would second like to note that I don't own Halo (I think that's the boys down at Microsoft), Red vs. Blue (I know this one belongs to Rooster Teeth), or any of the characters therein. I would third like to note (last one, I promise) that RvB (Red vs. Blue for all you hopelessly naive noobs out there) is the most kick ass thing on the Internet (or any other media outlet, for that matter) and everyone should go watch it. Well, enough of that, let's get this party started.
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Church burst into the Blue base, and stopped short. Something with a very high pitched voice was shouting in the background. "What the fuck is that?" he asked slowly.
"Like I told you, Tucker had his gross baby. It's a alium!" Caboose shouted.
After staring at Caboose for a moment, he pushed his way over to Doc and Tucker, hunched over a slimier, smaller version of the disgusting alien they had gotten killed earlier that day. He turned to Doc. "Seriously dude, what the fuck?"
Doc looked at him. "It's like I keep saying. He was pregnant. This is the baby."
He sighed. "I'm gonna kill Andy. I just am."
"You're too late, Church," Caboose said, holding up the skull.
"For the last fucking time, that's not Andy, now put it down," he shouted. He turned to Tucker and Doc. "Andy said the alien's race transfer parasitic embryos into a host."
"What? I never touched that nasty shit-pile!" Tucker shouted in defense.
"Maybe it happened when he was beating the hell out of you at the other base," Church said with a grin.
"So, where is Andy?" Tucker asked.
Church paused, then hit himself in the forehead. "Dammit!"
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The drop ship landed square on Donut.
"Sarge, ship's here!" Simmons called to their superior.
"Shot gun!" Grif shouted.
"I'll kill you!" Simmons said in an uncharacteristically deep, maniacal voice. "Muahahahahahaha!"
"Uh…hey Sarge?" Grif called back.
"What do you what, dirt bag?" Sarge shouted.
"Um, I think Donut's dead and Simmons is really creeping me out…"
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Church was running across the gulch muttering to himself about how stupid it had been to leave without Andy. "Wait," he said aloud, "why do we need Andy?" He came up over the ridge and saw the ship. "Oh, fuck." He ran up to Sheila. "Where did that thing come from?"
"It dropped on Donut just after you left."
"What do you mean 'dropped on Donut'?"
"I believe Donut is under the ship."
"Kick ass! One down, three to go!" The ship's door opened, and a plank that extended out. The remaining reds ran up to enter.
"Son of a bitch!" Church shouted. The Reds had reinforcements.
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Meanwhile, elsewhere…
Tex had chased Wyoming into a small canyon when all hell broke loose. A tank was firing right and left, a ship had fallen on a pink soldier (Donut?), and she could see someone who looked an awful lot like Church running every which way. In all the confusion, Wyoming had escaped into the caves. "Damn," she muttered. She had hoped chasing Wyoming would keep her out of Blood Gulch just a little longer. She decided to head back to base, which was where she was approaching now. There were shouts of honks and blargs in the background, and a lot of shouting going on. "God damn, they would kill each other without me to stop them." She considered high jacking the new ship and leaving them all to die, but they had promised a big payoff when all this was over, and with Tex, money always won. She cocked her rifle and stepped into the base.
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Well, there's chapter one. The rest will come, I guess, later. Sooner if I get any good, nice, please don't kill me-type reviews. If you like it, I'd love to hear that, otherwise, uh…I'm gonna stick with please don't kill me. Yep.