Chapter 26: The Guide (Part 2)

Obi-Wan brought food back with him, so Siri figured she'd get fed whenever he came. She doubted anyone else would come in for fear of the dreaded, terrible, Sith cooties. She snickered a little, earning a raised eyebrow from Kenobi, but she waved it off. What was Siri, a Sith Holocron? She didn't naturally have that effect, but all the better anyway. Because frankly, she didn't want to have to deal with any other Jedi. She doubted she'd find them tolerable in the slightest. Obi-Wan was already going to be irritating enough, she wouldn't be able to stand anyone else preaching the light and bemoaning the Dark Side. She'd probably try to strangle them.

Hmm...

She hadn't strangled a Jedi to death with her bare hands yet.

Tempting...

"I'm not sure I like that smile on your face."

She glanced over at Obi-Wan eating off a tray on the floor. "Good intentions, I swear."

He gave her a dubious look. She merely snickered again and popped a piece of fruit into her mouth. She finished her tray and haphazardly tossed it towards the door, earning a reproachful look from Obi-Wan. She rolled her eyes and laid back down on her bed, hands under her head.

"Tell me about the Dark Side."

She was briefly, and uncomfortably, reminded of Master Ur Manka asking that question; she hid her unease with a snort. "Obi-Wan, you realize just what that question sounds like, right?"

He made a face. "I'm not interested in turning. I want to know what it does to a person, how it effects them. What is it like to you?"

Siri didn't answer, at least, not right away. She's learned so much more since Ur Manka, there is much she could tell him. Yet... she doesn't feel what she felt back on Naboo, the desire, the urge, the craving, to turn Obi-Wan. To mold him, shape him, make him belong more to her, make him like her. She supposes that's an active effect of the Dark Side, because right about now, she doesn't want Obi-Wan anywhere near, let alone using, the Dark Side. There's to much pain on that path, to much sacrifice and suffering. All in the name of...

"Power," she said, "It's power."

He rolled his eyes. "Isn't that what all darksiders say?"

She turned her head and snarled at him, "If you ask me a question, Obi-Wan, I expect you to listen to the damn answer, not brush it off!"

He tensed as she sat up and shifted, planting her feet off the bed and on the floor, staring coldly at him. "The Dark Side is power, at a price."

Obi-Wan's eyes furrowed. "And what is that price?"

She smiled. It wasn't a pleasant, happy, or silly smile. It was grim. "Everything. The more you give up to the Dark Side, the stronger you will be."

Obi-Wan was quiet for a minute, mulling over her answer. "If you give everything to the Dark Side, what does that leave you Siri?"

Her lips peeled back into a sneer. "I'm not stupid Obi-Wan. It leaves you with nothing."

"Then why would you want that?" he asked, incredulous.

"If the price be my soul, my reputation, my very life," she said, "Then I'd gladly pay it to kill Sidious. I made that bargain a long time ago, that I'd damn myself as deeply as I needed to in order to kill him."

"And whats the point if you just end up replacing him!" he countered.

"Aside from the fact he'd be dead?" she said, shrugging, "Would I have been as bad as he was? Who knows."

"It's not worth it," he said quietly, pleading, "It's not worth it Siri, you were gone for those few minutes on Naboo."

Gone is not quite how she would describe...what had happened there... but she merely shrugged. "No one would care."

"I would Siri," he said, and her stomach twisted, "I felt like I lost you all over again for those few minutes."

Her lips went tightly sealed, not trusting herself to say anything.

"Lets say you killed Sidious, and answer honestly, what then?" asked Obi-Wan.

She drawled out, "Taken over the Galaxy and forced it to get its shit together. It's a kriffing mess. I think I'd have made a great Empress, better than Sidious."

"Take over the galaxy," he said flatly.

"Ha, disbeliever," she teased, before her face turned hungry, "What do you think you do with power? With control? You gain it over yourself, then another, then a group, an order, a world, a species, a group of species, and then the galaxy itself."

Obi-Wan... looked a little ill. "Is that... that sounds like a reciting. Is that something the Sith teach you?"

Siri smiled sharply, sidestepping the question, her voice dangerous, "You look spooked Obi-Wan, you sure you want me to continue?"

"Unsettled, not spooked," denied Obi-Wan, "I really don't think I'm going to like anything you tell me."

"You won't," she promised, "But I don't want to overwhelm your feeble little Jedi mind with to much in one day."

"Ass."

She barked a laugh. "I should get me, you, Alexi, and Mighella in one room with drinks. I think it would turn out marvelously."

She didn't know how she would possibly get it done, but she decided that was going to be a life goal for herself at the moment. A Sith, a criminal mastermind, a nightsister witch, and a Maverick Jedi walk into a bar...

"I don't know who they are, but I'm going to be safe and assume it would end in absolute disaster."

She snickered. "I'd record it to watch later for laughs."

"Jedi really shouldn't get drunk."

"Not a Jedi," she singsonged, forcibly ignoring the brief flash of grief across Obi-Wan's face, "Besides, you have the Force, you can purge the effects of alcohol pretty quick."

"That's really not an excuse to be irresponsible."

"Oh posh, live a little," she mocked, "Force knows you Jedi live to much for others and not yourselves."

"It's a hard life," said Obi-Wan quietly.

"And a Sith's isn't?" she scoffed, "I'd say its a hundred times more rough."

"That so?" The tone wasn't mocking. It was honestly curious, if but uneasy that the question was asked.

Her stomach grew so twisted at that simple question. It disgusted her. She had adjusted to Sith training ages ago. Just because she didn't have the Dark Side anymore, she shouldn't feel so... weak at the knees at the thought of it, should have been numbed to it. She was weirdly offbalanced by all of this... by his damnable pestering questions.

She wanted Obi-Wan here.

But at the same time she didn't.

Siri growled a little under her breath, growing agitated, deciding on wanting him gone.. "I killed over a hundred people in my first month when Sidious weaned me off Jedi mercy and taught me to murder, to be numb to it. Does that answer your question, Jedi?"

She spoke it with ice cold hardness; and judging by the utter horror on Obi-Wan's face, he didn't doubt her. Good, Sith training wasn't fairy tales, it was a horror story from start to finish. She wanted to scare him away, get him to leave her alone for the time being. She hadn't however expected the explosive and massive barrage of guilt that suddenly incapacitated her, robbing her of breath as she sat there. It was like a bottomless screaming chasm had opened up, threatening to swallow her whole, that she couldn't escape without the Dark Side to beat it back.

"I... I need to go," stammered Obi-Wan, face so pale he looked deathly ill as he rushed for the entrance to the room.

No...

No no no no...

Don't go...

Don't leave me...

She couldn't manage to speak, let alone breath, watching as Obi-Wan waited for the room's forcefields to cycle out, and fled. Siri shook, uncontrollable, her face slowly turning blue, until she pitched forward and smacked her forehead into the floor. The spike of pain snapped her body out of its lock, and she took in a rasping, agonizing breath...

And screamed.

Obi-Wan slumped on Qui-Gon's couch, aimlessly watching his Master teach Anakin Skywalker how to read and write basic. Anakin had briefly looked at him, a little worried, but Qui-Gon had redirected his focus. That was fine, Obi-Wan just... needed a minute. An hour. A lifetime.

Over a hundred people in a month, to break Siri into Sith Training... break her from the Jedi...

Dear Force...

Obi-Wan struggled not to lose his food, not to heave and heave and heave. Nausea didn't even begin to describe it. He was a Senior Padawan, had even been caught in a war or two. He hadn't killed a hundred people in his entire life, let alone the one month of soul-killing madness Darth Sidious had afflicted on Siri. Obi-Wan could barely release his emotions to the Force fast enough to not lose absolute control of them. He was faintly sure, by the discomfort radiating off of Anakin, and the hints of it from Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan's shields weren't doing so good.

Go back to her...

"Is something the matter Obi-Wan?" asked Qui-Gon without looking up.

"If I ever find Sidious, I'll kill him, Jedi mercy be damned," was all Obi-Wan could say, his voice shaking, not with anger or hate of Sidious, just pure raw grief and regret for Siri.

Qui-Gon's eyes briefly looked up with concern before refocusing on the lesson, "Ah. You learned something uncomfortable from her."

"That puts it far to mildly," said Obi-Wan.

Go back to her, quickly...

Obi-Wan silently cursed the Force. He needed space, he need a moment to breath.

"Sorry, I just...," began Obi-Wan.

"Needed a familiar, comforting presence," finished Qui-Gon smoothly, "Its fine. I volunteered to have my doors open if you needed me."

"He just... he forced her to murder so many people," whispered Obi-Wan, "If that memory I saw on Naboo was any indication, innocents who couldn't even fight back."

"So... like a gladiator slave?" asked Anakin, looking up, face not surprised at all, more like thoughtfully curious.

Which was really... really offputting to Obi-Wan. The boy ought to be horrified, not looking like they were talking about the weather. "I wouldn't know."

"There were arenas on Tatooine," said Anakin, shrugging, "They'd pit anyone against anyone. So you killed them, or they killed you, or your Master did if you refused. Didn't matter if they were old folk or little kids."

Obi-Wan swallowed, a horrified look on his face. "And you watched this?"

"Watto bet on the fights," said Anakin, noncommittal, "Dragged me to a few of them with him and-hey!"

Qui-Gon finally lost his composure and swept Anakin into a tight hug. Wondered how long that would take with this kind of topic. That big old softie.

Obi-Wan ran a hand down his face and sighed heavily. Slavery was as much a madness as Sith Apprenticeship was, and Anakin seemed to draw enough parallels between it and slavery it could probably be taken as the same thing.

Go back to her, now...

Obi-Wan felt a chill of apprehension at the sharpness from the Force, and stood. "Sorry to bother you, I just needed a moment. I should get back to talking with her."

"You shouldn't force more than you can handle on yourself Obi-Wan," said Qui-Gon, a hand offered to allow Obi-Wan to join in and stay.

Go now.

"I... don't think its me I need to worry about," said Obi-Wan unsteadily, making for the door at a quick pace and all but running for the nearest elevator.

He heard the screams as soon as he entered the cell area and sprinted for her cell. Neither of the temple guards standing outside the cells showed any reaction to the wretched sobs, masked faces firmly forward, not caring about the Sith inside. Obi-Wan took one look in the cell and swore under his breath. Siri was a mess on the floor, arms bloody from clawing at them, her face tear stained and bloodied by its own share of scratch marks. Her eyes were unseeing and wild as she continued to draw blood on herself. She was completely lost in whatever was happening.

He rushed in, ignoring the uncomfortable spike of losing access to the Force, tackling her and pinning her arms down. "Siri STOP!"

She continued to writhe, losing her breath, screaming without air, silently in denial and horror. He forced her into a sitting position and tightened his arms around her. "Breathe Siri, breathe."

Her breathing was labored, as if on a ventilator. Obi-Wan just sat there, holding her firmly, until she finally went limp, her body shaking. "N...ne...need the Dark... need to not feel... I can't... I forgot it was... was like this..."

"Siri... what was that?" he whispered fearfully.

She was still shaking, and tried to pull away, but he merely yanked her back, not letting go. She didn't answer, just leaned back against him, her tremors slowly, very slowly, subsiding. When she finally went still, he gently lifted and laid her on her bed where she curled on herself. He went back to the entrance and called out, "Could one of you get a medical kit, quickly?"

"As you wish, Padawan Kenobi."

Obi-Wan hid a growl under his breath. One of them should have entered and stopped her from hurting herself during that... incident. He didn't say it aloud, but he would be making a note to talk to Master Koon to see if something could be done about that. Probably not though, Obi-Wan... was probably one of the few in the entire temple who would care about Siri. Jedi compassion his ass. When he got a kit, he moved to kneel in front of the bed, gently taking Siri's arms, cleaning them, and bandaging them.

Siri's eyes were still unfocused. "Forgot... I forgot..."

"You forgot what Siri?" he asked softly.

"That it was like this," she whispered, "Forgot what happened when Master Ur Manka had me touch the light. How much it hurt. It's worse now... its so much worse..."

He raised a wetcloth to her cheeks, dabbing and brushing the blood off. "What hurts exactly?"

She turned her head, buried her face in her pillow away from him, and muttered, "Guilt. Don't even have the light to try to release it this time..."

Well... guess that confirmed his suspicions on the Dark Side suppressing guilt. He withheld a wince as he realized what happened. She had intentionally revealed something awful to get him to go away, and inadvertently got hit by the guilt of it without the Dark Side there to keep it at bay. The guilt of over a hundred lives, all killed by her hand, in so short a time, all at once. Obi-Wan didn't know what to do in the face of such a thing.

She deserved compassion.

She deserved condemnation.

More than anything, Obi-Wan wished Sidious were in this cell. Then he'd stab the Sith, a lot. Actually, no, he didn't want that monster's corruptive influence anywhere near Siri ever again. Obi-Wan placed a small patch on both of her cheeks and closed the medkit, tending done. He sat down, leaning back against the bed, a sigh escaping his lips. Force... Siri was completely messed up. Unstable, dangerous, lethal. To herself and to others. Capable of being completely sadistic and malicious one moment, joking and teasing another, then ripped raw by grief. He wasn't sure how to handle these swings.

And Obi-Wan knew this was only going to be the first such incident. She had eight years of service (slavery, a voice that sounded like Anakin's whispered) to the Sith. A hundred dead in a month was, sadly, probably only the first in a very long line of atrocities she had committed in Sidious's name. He turned his head to sneak a glance at her; her breathing had evened out, and she seemed to have worn herself down enough to doze off.

Good.

He... really needed time to think and plan what the hell he was supposed to do. On one hand, she was a ruthless Sith Apprentice, on the other, there was still enough of Siri left deep down to actually feel guilt and remorse. He silently cursed the Force for this mess, because no matter what happened in this cell, Siri was never going to be the same Jedi Padawan she had been eight years ago.

He was in way over his head...

Which was hammered in again when an hour later, he had to wake her up from a blood curling screaming nightmare and took a right hook to his face for his troubles, making him see stars and land on his back. "Owww, shesh Siri."

He looks up at her, the rigged, almost childlike fear on her face for a moment, so much sorrow and regret...

Then its instantly closed off, back to that weird teasing and friendly while ready to rip your throat out kind of personality. "Pff. You really shouldn't wake a sleeping Sith, that's all on you."

That vulnerability is still in her eyes though. But its backed by the ferocity of a cornered animal. If he presses now... he wont like the results. "Duly noted."

Siri gets up from the bed, her eyes briefly flickering down to her bandaged arms, there is a viscous self-loathing that shows by the disgusted snarl on her lips and the tightening of her eyes, but doesn't spare them a word. She makes for the fresher. "See yourself out Obi-Wan. Lady needs time to tidy up."

The words are cheerful.

The tone is not.

Its dangerous. The last time she had spoken in that manner...

"What she would have felt is irrelevant. She's dead. She died years ago to a tool that was far weaker than I am. You'll be as dead as she is in a minute, Jedi, and the rest of your kind will follow soon enough."

...had been shortly before she actually went through with trying to kill Qui-Gon.

She was at the edge of her limit, there had been enough said and done for one day. It was time to leave. He had gotten her out of that guilt-fit (is that what he should even call that?) that would have opened her veins and killed her; that was enough for the time being. He'd trust the Force to warn him when he was out of the cell if he needed to step in again. He'll be back tomorrow, when she's had a chance to calm herself. He was going to have to be mindful of how much he pushed her, when he needed to back off, when he needed to press. It was going to take a very careful balance.

"Good night Siri," he said, tipping his head.

She didn't respond.

He saw himself out.

Author's Notes:

As a heads up, The Guide is going to probably be the longest multi-part section in the book. We're in for the long haul here boyz n gals.

Review Responses:

1saaa: I have no life, and I'm burning through alot of my free time to write these. Mostly making it up as I go. :D. I'm curious to see what you/people would guess will happen.

Nerdman3000: Anakin's not going to end up in the cell. Her interactions with him will start afterwards. And daww, thanks. Anyway, Siri is going to have to confront pretty much everything she's done without the Force there to lesson the blow. It's gonna be, forgive the language, fucking rough as shit.

SwordOfTheMorning: May or may not be genuine. Lol. That's a pretty good description of it.

Shadow Walker of Fire: One, Obi-Wan probably wouldn't allow it at this point, and might react negatively. Two, Siri is going to have to many issues at the moment to even consider it.

JimmuHall24: Yeah... I was up to 12 writing that one, and 12 the night before for the previous ones. Haven't done that in ages.