XxXxX
The Phantom's Torture
"Is this really necessary?" Erik grumbled as we handcuffed him to the couch.
"Yes," I said. "You're going to sit through every second of this movie and like it!"
"Think of it as your own personal torture," Angel of Mystery said with a sly grin.
"Oh, I found some clodhoppers!" Padme said as she pulled a package of the chocolaty goodness from under the couch.
Erik glanced at her. "Do I get one?"
"Sorry, Erik," Padme shrugged. "It's part of the torture."
Erik growled. "I would like to hang you someday…"
Padme grinned. "Say, have you ever thought of joining the Dark Side? You'd make a great Sith Lord!"
The Dancing Egg leapt onto Erik's back with squeal. "Piggy-back ride, now!" she demanded, while beating him mercilessly with her fists.
"I'm handcuffed to a couch!" Erik cried. "Ow! Get off of me!"
"Don Juanita?" Alateriel said. "Can you pass some of those chocolate-covered cherries, please? I actually don't like cherries at all, but I don't mind licking the chocolate off of them!"
"Green olives, anyone?" Invaderoperaghost offered.
"Ew!" I said. "I hate olives!"
Invaderoperaghost shrugged. "More for me, then."
"I'm really curious, Erik…" Don Juanita said. "What does the Chair of Impending Doom do?"
"Don't ask me that!" Erik cried. "Anything but that!"
"Anything?" Don Juanita repeated. "OK… boxers or briefs?"
"Shh!" Mrs. Butler said. "The movie's about to start!"
Erik wrinkled his nose (well, he doesn't really have a nose, does he?). "I hate this movie! Gerry Butler has nothing on me!"
The slanderous statement made every single girl gasp and the room became as quiet as a graveyard.
"You dare to insult Mr. Butler?" KZ cried.
"Scandalous!" Mrs. Butler shrieked.
"We boycott this closet until Erik apologizes!" Angel of Mystery declared. She ran towards my PC and disappeared through the monitor, followed by KZ.
"I'd go with them!" Mrs. Butler said. "Except we're about to watch The Phantom, and not even potty-mouthed Erik could make me give that up!"
"Oh, brother," Erik groaned.
Then my PC did it's smoking/glowing thing again, and suddenly we were joined by Babygrl258, Mrs. Malfoy, Generals Smurfs & Fluffies, MimaEtcy, Tadriendra of Mirkwood, Marianne-Abe, Haley Macrae, Elly McGregory, VagrantCandy, Estelle Tiniwiel, and confused Michelle.
"I'm back!" Tad sang as she plopped down on the couch.
"Are you and Erik in love, yet?" Mrs. Malfoy asked me.
"Uh… no?"
"Sugar muffins!" she cursed as she sat down on the couch.
The General sat between me and Erik, though she is a split-personality, so she talked to herself as much as she did to us.
"Hiiiii, Erik!" she giggled… That was Fluffies talking. Then she turned to me. "Angel, I enjoy your work… I find it very interesting…" I assume that was Smurfs.
Suddenly, the General turned on herself. "Stop flirting with her! You only say 'enjoy' and 'interesting' in the same sentence when you're flirting!" Fluffies again. The General smacked herself. "At least I don't glomp my Erik plushie every single day!" Smurfs that time.
"Oh, God help us," Erik mumbled. "Her alter-ego is a man…"
"And he/she is flirting with me!"
"I heard we're watching the Phantom," Babe said (I am loath to call her Baby… it makes her sound like, well, a baby!).
"I brought pear drops and liquorice!" Estelle said as she started passing the goods around.
"I brought cans of soda for everyone!" Michelle said.
I blinked. "Soda? As in cream soda?"
Erik sighed. "Pop, dear. In America, it's called soda."
So we all sat down with our soda and the movie began to play.
"I'll sit by you, Erik dear," Sari said as she cuddled up next to Erik.
"There's old Raoul!" Darklady giggled.
"How come when he sings he still sounds like a Backstreet Boy wanna-be?" Alateriel asked.
"Yeah, shouldn't he be coughing and choking and hacking?" MJ asked. "He's gotta be a million years old!"
"Oh, look!" Invaderoperaghost cried. "It's going back in time! It looks pretty again! Say, why is the future in black-and-white and the past in colour?"
"Because, my dear," Erik said, "I totally blew their minds!"
Carlotta's screeching began.
"Ugh!" Erik grunted. "I'd cover my ears if my hands weren't cuffed to the couch!"
"Here, I'll cover them for you!" the Dancing Egg said as she placed her hands on either side of Erik's head.
"However," Erik said, "Christine is looking mighty fine in that slave's costume… Mm-mm-mmm… Mighty fine…"
A few minutes later, Mrs. Butler started shrieking. "OH MAH GAWD! IT'S HIM! IT'S GERIK! I LOOOOOOVE YOU, GERIK!"
"I must commend you on dropping that scenery on her head, Erik," Justin said. "Man, that singing was horrible!"
"Now Christine is going to sing!" Don Juanita said. "Look Erik! It's you! Five floors underground!"
"Oh, wow," Erik said dryly. "Somebody pinch me."
So someone pinched his bottom. Ironically though, it wasn't Mrs. Butler.
"Was that really necessary?" Erik demanded. "Hey, look! Now the Fop recognizes her! What a jerk!"
"Enough of that!" Sari said as she picked up the remote. "This is all boring! Let's skip ahead to my favourite part… Erik!"
"OH MAH GAWD!" Babe shrieked. "IT'S HIM! IT'S HIS HAND!"
"Oh, he's locking her in her room," Darklady said. "Scandalous!"
"How'd you make all those candles go out?" Michelle asked.
"Where'd all that smoke come from?" Mima asked.
Tad giggled. "Christine looks stoned."
"Maybe that's where all the smoke came from!" Marianne-Abe laughed.
"Hey!" Haley cried. "Look at those candlestick holders! They're real arms!"
"Say, Erik," Elly said. "Do you, like, cut off the arms of people who trespass in your lair and make candlestick holders out of them?"
"Look, it's Caesar!" VagrantCandy cried. "Wait a minute… Leroux said he was white! Why is he black?"
"VagrantCandy!" Estelle gasped. "You can't just ask people why they're black!"
"Look!" Padme. "It's Erik's house! Cool! The candelabras light up when they come out of the water!"
"Now Erik's gonna get all grabby with Christine!" Justin said. He looked over at Erik. "Can you, like… teach me some of your methods? This is good!" He stared at the screen. "Wow… Emmy sure is hot!"
Alateriel threw some popcorn at him. "Ew! You can't say that about Emmy! You're only allowed to say those kinds of things about Erik!"
Justin looked incredulous. "But I'm a guy!"
"Oh, nuts!" MJ muttered. "The stupid girl fainted!"
"Wow, Erik!" Invaderoperaghost said. "You have a dummy, a doll house, and pictures centred around Christine, and you've made a room for her, too? I think this is bordering on obsession."
"You think?" The Dancing Egg asked.
"Hey! There's Buquet!" Darklady said.
"The scoundrel!" Don Juanita spat.
"Erik's gonna do him, good!" Sari said.
"Look, there's Christine again!" Phantasy cried.
"No! Don't take off his mask!" Babe shrieked. "Don't take it off!"
"No!" Mrs. Malfoy cried. "She took it off!"
"Ooh, Erik," the General said. "You are ugly when you're angry!"
Erik scowled. "I'm also ugly when I'm happy… and sad… and drunk… and depressed…"
"No!" Mima cried. "The stupid managers are disobeying Erik's orders! Bad managers!"
"Now they're kissing Carlotta's butt!" Tad said. "Ew!"
Marianne-Abe laughed. "Ha! Erik is switching Carlotta's throat spray! So that's how he did it!"
"Ew!" Haley said. "Christine's feeling up Carlotta!"
Erik grimaced. "I can never kiss Christine again, now."
"Ha!" Elly laughed. "Listen to her croak!"
"Stupid, Buquet!" VagrantCandy said. "Only a moron would chase the Phantom! He deserved to get hung! I'd hate to see him procreate…"
"You know," Estelle said. "Everyone is entitled to be stupid. Some people just abuse the privilege."
"Now the fop is running off with her?" Mrs. Butler said incredulously. "The jerk."
"Ew! He's kissing her!" Michelle said.
"I think I'm going to vomit," Erik said.
"Oh, poor Erik," the Dancing egg said. "His wittle heart is bweaking…"
"I think someone needs a hug," Phantasy said as she threw her arms around Erik.
"That's it, Erik!" Padme cried as Gerard Butler stood atop Apollo, declaiming his fury. "Vengeance is the only way! You kill that little fop-sucker!"
"Uh oh," I said as I glanced at the clock. "It's eleven PM. Erik had better go to bed now or he'll be grumpy tomorrow… Well… grumpier."
"But… the movie!" Don Juanita cried.
"Don't worry," I said as I clicked off the light. "We'll pick it up again tomorrow. Good night!"