Chapter 29: The Guide (Part 5)

The veins on Master Windu's forehead are throbbing.

It's not what Obi-Wan should be focusing on as he stood in the middle of the council chamber, but he can't help stealing a glance and sending it down his still-active bond with Qui-Gon, earning a distracted but amused acknowledgement. Considering the circumstances, he shouldn't feel any amusement, Siri had confirmed the existence of a second Sith Lord that had been alive until recently after all, but he still does. Its rare that either he or Qui-Gon managed to get this much of a reaction out of Master Windu, mostly it's just scowls or mild irritation, maybe a change in tone. Perhaps its not fair to Mace Windu, he's the Master of the Order, head of the council if one doesn't consider Grandmaster Yoda, it's his job to take things seriously in order to serve and protect the Jedi Order. Master Windu takes that responsibility, well, seriously. He shouldn't be poked and prodded for it; shouldn't be a source of entertainment.

Obi-Wan just can't help himself; he blames Qui-Gon for it.

"Two Lords of the Sith," repeated Master Windu, his voice tight, "And multiple Sith Holocrons."

The man rubs his face tiredly. "Did she give any indication of where the Holocrons were or who they were of?"

"No," said Obi-Wan, "I kind of doubt she will give that away yet."

He wonders if the Holocrons are where she learned Soresu. He probes the Force, but just gets a murky shrug back. Useless as always, he missed the more clear times of his youth, he really does.

"Two lords, there were," pointed out Yaddle, "If believed, Tachi is to be."

"It would explain that massive explosion of Dark Side energy that the entire Order felt some time ago," said Plo Koon, "Two Sith Lords confronting one another, and one dying."

"Pray would I, that the truth, it is not," said Yoda, ears flickering, "Powerful, that energy was. Stand against that darkness, almost none in the Order could."

"While true, I'm more currently concerned," said Master Piell, "That we've had two Dark Lords of the Sith under our nose on Coruscant for who knows how long. That they've hidden from us for almost a thousand years undetected. It's unacceptable. We cannot fathom how much potential damage they've done lurking in the shadows. How did we miss this?"

"Clouded, the Force is...," began Yoda.

"For the entire last thousand years?" countered Master Piell.

Yoda didn't immediately respond, bringing his stick up to gnaw on in deep thought. "Mmm..."

"Well, we do have a Sith to ask," said Plo Koon pointedly, mask turning towards Obi-Wan.

"Slow steps Masters," said Obi-Wan respectfully, "Helping Siri, and getting her to help us in return, is going to be a very long process."

"Do you feel that you have made any progress thus far?" inquired Plo Koon.

Obi-Wan hesitated. "I won't say progress as much as I would say that I've attained an understanding that I frankly wish I never had to gain."

Ki-Adi-Mundi leaned forward. "And is this 'understanding' something you believe you can share?"

Obi-Wan nodded. "Suffering is a way of life for the Sith, not just for others, but for themselves, especially for themselves. They draw power from it, from their own pain. I don't know if that's common knowledge in the studies of the Sith, but... it was an unpleasant surprise for me. The more painful memories they have to induce emotions, the more power they gain. The more they can damn themselves, the better. At least... that's how I understand it."

"It's no way to life," he said quietly, "Not at all."

"Mmm," mused Yoda, "Worry not if same it is, from past Sith, to present Sith. Changes there may have been, important to see differences, hmm."

Obi-Wan swallowed, not... not sure if he really wanted to say this aloud, but..., "Siri knows what she's done is wrong, she's not blinded to it. She knows exactly where this path will lead her. She just... doesn't care. She'll damn herself as much as she has to if it allows her to kill Darth Sidious. She considers herself the 'lesser evil', and that's her own words."

"Does she not realize that she will simply end up becoming him in the end?" rumbled Plo Koon, "That every step she takes will create a beast as foul and vile as the man she hates?"

"I'm... not sure," said Obi-Wan quietly, "She said it would be worth it if she killed him, that she wouldn't know if she'd be worse than him or not. I'm not sure it's something she's given a lot of thought to. I could be wrong, but... most of her existence at this point seems to revolve around her Master: She does his missions. She fears his punishments. She grows stronger with the aim of killing him. She hates him with a passion a Jedi could never understand. Everything is about him."

Obi-Wan crossed his arms. "Perhaps its unbecoming of a Jedi to say, but if he were killed, at least by someone else, I think most of Siri's reasons to be dark would simply evaporate."

When no one spoke up to rebuke the words, he continued, "Then it would just be down to her unwillingness to try and change. Which I think is the more worrying issue at the moment since Sidious can't touch her here. She's called herself a monster. She's done so much that she doesn't think she can return. Siri simply doesn't want to try. I don't know what Master Ur Manka did to convince her to try before, I intend to find out."

He licked his lips. "In summary: I think its a mixture of so many things latching her to the Dark Side: Sidious being the biggest, followed by what she's done. She is of course addicted to its power and it's side effects. And... her guilt."

"Mmm? Guilty, she feels?" questioned Yoda, curious.

"In that cell, without the Dark Side, she can't suppress that emotion," Obi-Wan answered, "She can try to hide it, but she does regret what she's done, it eats away at her. She want's to feel the Dark Side again badly, just to give her a reprieve from it. I've started my attempts, but getting her to confront and accept what she's done with the aim to do better, rather than look on them as 'necessary sacrifices', is going to be a major hurdle."

"Necessary sacrifices," said Master Windu, disgust in his voice.

"As I said, she believes everything she does will be worth it if she kills Sidious," Obi-Wan said tiredly, "Getting her to realize otherwise is... well... like I said, a long process..."

The first thing Obi-Wan noticed when he walked into Siri's cell the next morning was... the vacancy of her eyes and the lines of stress across her face. He had wanted to make a point when he had left last time... yet somehow, he's not sure leaving her alone had been the right choice to make after that... well... that frankly well deserved rebuke. He doesn't regret that, no, but not at least offering a comfort and talking her through it might have been a mistake. Force, he doesn't knows how to act around Siri anymore, and aside from life or death situations, the Force hasn't given him much inclination on what to do about Siri when he's outside the cell. It's murky, its been murky, but its especially clouded about the Sith. It means he's on his own, and he'll be the first to admit, he hasn't really the faintest idea what he's doing. He's a twenty-five year old padawan-but-not with an attachment problem who was/is the apprentice to 'The Maverick'.

Going off the beaten path should be a simple thing for him.

This, is so far off the beaten path its in another galaxy at this point.

And Qui-Gon both can't and wont offer advice on this. Despite it having been decades, Xanatos still looms like a shadow over his Master, and the gentle giant refuses to influence the outcome. Obi-Wan believed the man could offer sound advice outside the norm that was desperately needed, but... he couldn't force it. And Qui-Gon needed to focus on Anakin Skywalker. And boy, was Obi-Wan glad that wasn't his responsibility, because that kid had baggage. Not that he was bemoaning the kid or anything, Qui-Gon being an idiot for dropping the 'I'll take him as my apprentice' mid council meeting or not. Then again... Obi-Wan does now have an infinite supply of tea from his old master as a token of apology, so perhaps that worked out.

Anyway, he was off track. "Siri?"

When she didn't respond, he went over and... nope, not getting hit again. He reached out with his foot and nudged her leg once, twice-and-spring back!

Siri's eyes focused and she was up and moving, body tensed, fists tightened, already shifting into a fighting stance before she paused and noticed him edging back. There is a brief moment of -something- intense in her eyes, a swallow going down her throat, before its gone and she's back to that jolly-sadistic attitude, an amused look crossing her face. "You're learning, I was certain you'd need a black eye, a busted lip, and a broken tooth first."

"Well, when you slugged me last time, it left an impression."

She squinted, eyeing his face. "Figurative or literal? It's hard to tell with a face like that."

He didn't allow her the satisfaction of even a glare, he just rolled his eyes. "You hit hard, but not that hard."

She looked positively indignant, huffing and crossing her arms. "Just be glad I didn't have the Force to back my blow, or you'd need a healer to fix your ugly mug, also, you forgot my food again, so turn right around and go get me some."

Obi-Wan groaned. "Right, sorry, I need a note to stick to my head."

"Get me a marker and I can do something similar," she said, snickering after.

Obi-Wan returned a bit later, a tray of food in his hands, stepping into the cell and finding Siri... oddly contemplative. Her eye weren't that terrible vacancy they were earlier, but... there's resignation and loss in them that he doesn't like. She doesn't acknowledge when he puts the tray on the bed next to her, but he can briefly feel her eyes on him when he turns around to walk to the wall, moving to sit down. He has a feeling she came to a conclusion last night, and it wasn't the one he wanted. He mentally kicked himself and settled in to see what kind of damage control he needed to do.

Best to test the waters. "So, what happened after you were abducted by Sidious after the mission with Tally?"

She briefly turned her focus to the tray of food, grabbing it, and began to pop food into her mouth, speaking between swallows. "He put me in an unlit cell, chained to the floor, and tortured me until I complied and became his apprentice."

His eyes are on her face as she recounts it... and he while he's glad she's not refusing to tell him... he doesn't see a fleck of emotion. "What kind of torture?"

She shrugged, apparently indifferent. "Starvation, dehydration. Force Lightning, minor physical damage; the asshole broke my nose the first day and left it broken till I got out of the cell. Isolation, left alone days on end between his visits. The bastard would eat and drink in front of me, tempt me with both if I'd do things," she sneered, "Never gave him that satisfaction. He kept going for awhile with that kind of crap."

Her sneer turned into a dark curl of her lip. "Threatened me when he started losing his patience. Said he would inflict intense physical and mental torture, loan me to a whorehouse, inducing madness, tracking..."

She cut off and shook her head. "I took the offer when he came back after letting me stew on it."

Obi-Wan blanched at the threats, he had no doubt the Sith would actually do them, but... what had she not said. Tracking... what? He had enough sense even without the Force to know she was holding something, probably multiple things, back from her retelling. He wishes she would trust him with it, but he knows better. They may have feelings for one another, feelings that managed to survive through sheer stubborn (unhealthy) attachment, but neither of them trusted the other. He wanted to help her, he truly did, but even if she did agree to his help, did turn back to the light...

He could never take that she'd stay light for granted.

Yet... he remembered what he said to the Council. Siri needed trust to turn away from this, to trust in others and have them trust in her. Even if she turned back, helped them kill Sidious, and went on to be an exemplary Jedi... there would always be doubt, hidden away. If not in Obi-Wan, then in the Council, or anyone else that learned what Siri had been. He had the distinct hope that the most other Jedi would learn was that she had been a Dark Jedi, and not a Sith. If they learned otherwise... well... he didn't think it would go well for Siri's return in the long run. The temple rumor mill would tear her apart, she would always be treated with (righteous) suspicion, looked down upon, snide comments thrown her way by the younger Jedi, everything that Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon were currently treated to and more.

Anxious wasn't quite the word he'd consider using to describe what he felt about that.

"What came next? The murders?" he asked.

She scoffed. "Really Obi-Wan?"

"It's an honest question."

"It's a stupid one if you think I was ready for that right off," she retorted, "He started instructing me on the Dark Side next, began to compare and contrast the Sith and the Jedi. Left me with a book on Sith language and access to a training room while he went to go take care of something. When he came back, he instructed me on how to meditate with the Dark Side."

"It's different?"

"Of course it's different," she said, exasperated, "Meditating with the Dark Side requires a focal point, yourself. You wrap your emotions around you and let them fuel you."

"That sounds... selfish."

There was a hint of nostalgia on her face. "I think I said something like that when he first instructed me."

She slowly shook her head. "It's freeing is what it was. To actually be able to feel, to be a sentient lifeform rather than an emotionless drone of a Jedi."

Obi-Wan gave her a look that said what he felt at that comment. "Jedi are not emotionless..."

"There is no emotion, there is peace," she parroted back mockingly.

"Jedi are at peace, Siri, with themselves, with their emotions," he countered back.

"Maybe if you're Qui-Gon 'Maverick' Jinn or his apprentice," she said flatly, "Because that wasn't how it was with Master Galia, it was always beat down your emotions and release anything you feel to the Force; duty before self, especially before self, repress anything that makes you not a stoic, perfect Jedi."

He frowned at her. "Are you sure you're not remembering it wrong?"

"Why don't you go and find out?" she mocked, "Take a stroll around the temple and tell me if you see anyone who isn't a little youngling or a 'delinquent Jedi' show anything but stoicism. Realize just how rigid, uncompromising, and stagnant your order is, and how utterly they betray themselves."

Obi-Wan pursed his lips. "Betray ourselves?"

Her smile grew viscous. "I've been instructed on the matter, and done my studies over the last eight years. Perhaps you should consider, Obi-Wan, just how many ancient Sith Lords of the past were former Jedi: Freedon Nadd, Revan and Malak, Exar Kun, Ulic Quel-Droma, Darth Ruin, Karness Muur, XoXaan, Darth Treya, Darth Nihilus was born out of Malachor V so I assume he was a Jedi at some point, even Ajunta Pall himself way back when, the first Sith Lord, was a former Jedi."

Obi-Wan blinked a few times. He didn't know half of those names.

"And that, is only some of the major Sith, lets not even consider how many 'lesser' Sith came from the ranks of the Jedi, or how many Jedi simply turned Dark rather than Sith, or joined some other Dark Side faction," she added in, a self-pleased purred escaping her lips before raising her eyebrows suggestively, "Wonder what that says about the Jedi Order, what could possibly be wrong with it that so many splinter away to be free."

Her eyes turned predatory. "Or maybe they're driven away. Does the name Xanatos ring a bell Obi-Wan? I hear Qui-Gon killed his father."

He had been considering how to address and counter her question (or maybe look into it objectively), but immediately lost the line of thought, darkly scowling at her. "Xanatos made his choice, he had already sided with his father's madness by that point."

Siri held up a finger. "Ah, but one thing I do remember you telling me was that Xanatos fell after Qui-Gon killed his old man. Up until that point, perhaps Qui-gon could have salvaged the situation."

Obi-Wan closed his eyes for a moment, breathing in and letting it out. Xanatos was a rough subject for him, let alone Qui-Gon, to deal with or talk about. "Qui-Gon didn't mean to kill Crion..."

"Oh yes," mocked Siri, "He didn't mean to kill Xanatos's father right in front of him. Intention doesn't matter in the face of what was done. But lets not stop there..."

She glared at him. "Let's ask a simple, very important question: Why the hell did the Jedi Council pit Xanatos against his family to begin with? Didn't he... remember his family? Knew them? Wasn't he... older than a normal youngling when he was taken in? I can't really remember."

Obi-Wan frowned a little. "A little bit. It was one of his issues, Qui-Gon said he tried to impress upon other Jedi his so called 'powerful background'."

She sneered. "Is it so wrong to be proud of one's family? Oh right, Jedi don't have those."

"Well, you're feeling nasty today," said Obi-Wan mildly.

"I'm just using the only in-my-lifetime example that I can somewhat remember," she said with false-charm, "For everything Xanatos did wrong, how much did the Jedi do wrong in turn to build upon them, or fail to do to correct the issues? Honestly, you didn't acknowledge what I said. What the hell were they thinking to send Xanatos against his family? That's such a massive conflict of interest, and whats worst, its outright cruel."

"Cruel? Coming from a Sith?" he shot back.

"Stop sidestepping the question," she growled out, "Yes, I'm dark, yes, I'm a Sith, and as a Sith, I ADMIRE what the Jedi did there. Stop and think about that. They couldn't have engineered a more perfect situation for a conflicted Jedi to fall to the Dark Side. The Jedi are so rigid, so absolute in their demand of loyalty, that they would force a son to turn on his father as proof of his devotion to the Order."

Obi-Wan held back his initial outburst of a response, keeping his lips firmly tight. She made it sound so damn awful. "Crion was no saint."

"No," agreed Siri, "He probably wasn't."

She rolled her eyes, exasperated. "And that's still sidestepping Obi-Wan. Whether his father was a saint or not, villain or not, Xanatos should never had been put into that situation to begin with. I'm not absolving him of anything he did anymore than I am for myself, but the Council was practically asking for Xanatos to turn on the Jedi. It's like they set him up to fall."

"Considering all of Xanatos's other issues, are you really going to say he wouldn't have fallen at some point anyway?"

"Who knows," mused Siri, "Maybe without that final push he would have stayed a Jedi, went on to become a knight, and an exemplary Master, he was considered a prodigy, right?"

She didn't give him a chance to answer, "Or maybe it would have still ended in him falling. I can't say."

She laid down on the bed, draping one leg over the other, giving him a sly look. "My point is, the Jedi are absolutely amazing at creating their own enemies and sending anyone who doesn't fit into their strict mold off into the Dark Side. Perhaps, Obi-Wan, before you consider trying to convince me the failings of the Sith, you consider the failings of the Jedi first. I know my order's failings, do you know yours?"

Obi-Wan... for lack of a retort, walked away and made for the entrance of the cell. He let her have that round (considering he didn't have any rebuttal ready). He had the oddest sensation, trying to wrap his head around how she had so smoothly entered into that 'discussion'. She had turned it from him inquiring about her past into an argument against the Jedi. Not only that, she made it personal by choosing to use Xanatos as a topic point, to get under his skin and unbalance him. She did that with almost practiced ease. He wondered, was this something Sidious had done to her, and she picked up on it? Adapted it into her repertoire? A repertoire that was steadily growing in size. Her skills with a lightsaber and the Force were not her only weapons, her tongue was showing to be just as sharp, and he had no doubt her words could be dangerous when she wanted them to be. Who knows what else she had up her sleeves.

There was also the point of Siri not absolving herself of anything she. Those words taken in abstract could have been taken as an admission of guilt and wrongdoing to be acknowledged and not looked over. But the way she said them... it was like her knowing what she would become, she just didn't care. She admitted the Sith Order had failings, but didn't care. He gritted his teeth; it was that lack of care in her choice that he needed to address.

He gnawed on his lips as he entered the elevator to leave the area. Perhaps it was time to do some research. As much as he could find on the Sith... and yes, he'd play her game, he'd look at the faults of the Jedi. As Qui-Gon's apprentice, he already had inklings (to use a simple terms) to use as a starting point. It wasn't like he was expecting to find nothing. Nobody and no organization was perfect, everyone had faults and weaknesses. If she thought that would be a great shocking surprise to him, then she was sorely mistaken...

Author's Notes: Disagree or agree at your own leisure about the Jedi/Xanatos.

Review Responses:

EclipseTobias: Mmm... maybe I am a bit free with my spoilers. I like keeping people interested. I can try to refrain, or keep the spoilers at the bottom of the review response section with warnings before hand.

Nerdman3000: The first line of this chapter *might* have been for you good sir. Siri is quite stubborn and unwilling to change.