Chapter 30: The Guide (Part 6)
Siri watches Obi-Wan walk in a few days later. She wasn't sure she kept the relief off her face; of not having impassive Temple Guards leave trays for her, of not having a single person to talk to, of Obi-Wan not being there. It grates on her, that she's becoming so dependent on him to keep herself intact in this wretched room. Isolation plus Force Deprivation was not a good combination. She felt... unwell, a slight chill beneath her skin, like the beginnings of an illness, but not. She is not unaware of the dangers of this room, she just didn't think they would start so soon. Its been... what, a little over a week? Maybe more maybe less, there's no clock or calendar or window in here, the passage of time is impossible to tell. Well, not unless she starts counting seconds and marking them somehow, but she's not that desperate.
Not yet.
Still...
She eyes him, eyes that he brought something with him, a datapad. He slumps down against the wall opposite to her, offering a, "Hello Siri."
She takes a careful moment to control her voice, keeping it in line with her usual self. "Doing homework in a cell? Shouldn't you be out of classes by now?"
He smiles a little. "Research actually. You made me a challenge, I'm going to answer."
Oh goodie...
She rolled her eyes, briefly stretching her arms above her head. "So, Obi-Wan, what's it take to get a few minutes outside the cell?"
His eyes flickered to the door and to her. "I don't think the Council will allow anything unless you are willing to turn away from the Dark Side."
Karking hells.
"I have years of information, that's not tempting enough for even ten minutes?" she asked with disdain.
Even a minute outside, just to feel the Force again, could alleviate some of the potential damage this room could do.
"I can ask," he answered, "But I can't and won't make any promises, they'd probably see it as a potential escape attempt."
"Then have the entire council there to watch," she snarled, "Unlike you, I don't get to leave this cell at the end of the day, it grates."
That was the closest she was going to admit to how unsettling this place was to her.
"Sorry," he said sheepishly, "I can't really help that. But..."
He shook his head. "The point of this is to convince you to turn away, whats the point of it if you take that ten minutes to drown yourself in the Dark Side, suppress everything you feel and destroy any progress we make?"
Judging by the way he tenses, she definitely didn't manage to keep the rage off her face. She has the urge to take his head and slam it into the wall over and over again...
She took him to the ground, lips hungrily smashing against his. It was a clumsy, possessive tangle. She pulled back again, licking her lips, the taste... wasn't what she imagined it would be. There was a slightly foul sensation, something he had eaten recently made her wrinkle her nose. What's worse was the fear on Obi-Wan's face...
"Stop looking at me like that," she snarled, "Obi-Wan wouldn't be afraid of me."
"I'm not whoever the hell this Obi-Wan is you crazy freak!" cried out Obi-Wan in someone else voice.
Siri seethed, her fantasy fracturing. She grabbed his head and smashed it back against the wall again and again. "SHUT UP!"
Her breathing hitched, and her anger was gone at the memory, just horror and shame left in it's place. No, no no no no no, not that memory, not now, not in this place. She took to her feet and went for the fresher, ignoring Obi-Wan's call of "Siri?"
She pressed her forehead against the cold wall, taking ragged breaths, trying desperately to shove it back. Shove her shame, her guilt, her sin away.
Then there's a soft hand on her shoulder, and another rubbing her back gently. "Siri? What's wrong?"
"Out...," she whispers, she needs him away from her, away from her filthy and monstrous person.
"Please get out," she whispered again, briefly looking at him and then turning away from the deep concern crossing his face...
She went with what she knew, briefly pulling away to take off her lower clothes, doing the same for Obi-Wan. She stared down at the organ between his legs, she reached out and touched it, watching it twitch. Her own legs were twitching, there was a heat between them that had her in a confused flux. She pressed herself against him, kissing and tasting blood again, growling under her breath as she shifted back and forth ontop of him. She looked down when she felt something poking between her butt. His organ had grown in size. She grabbed and positioned it before shoving down on it.
Her breath briefly hitched as a sharp and quick pain hit her. It was nothing compared to taking Force Lightning, just... strange, deeper, a continual pain and a bit of pressure where he was. There was a brief groan from Obi-Wan, not... not how he sounded. So she reached over and wrapped her hands around his throat to shut him up as she brought herself up and down clumsily. Each was an uncomfortable spike of pain, and a sensation like she was rubbing skin against something to roughly and quickly, wasn't this supposed to feel good? She went a few more times before Obi-Wan half-cried-half-gurgled and shoved upward, and she felt a twinge of a warm, wet sensation in her. She frowned a little, and kept going for a little bit until he fell out, smaller now.
She stared down, incredulous, at the bloody looking thing (was that her blood?), a small trickle of white goop dripping down from her with the blood. Was that IT?! A surge of anger overtook her, and she lost control of her illusion, and then Obi-Wan was gone, and there was some sobbing half-dead redhead boy laying there in a daze. She absolutely lost it, she took him by his throat, squeezing with Force enhanced strength and smashed him against the wall behind him, pulling him back and smashing him again, over and over again, snarling in rage...
Until her fingers dug in and ripped out his throat, blood gushing out at her and to cover his chest. She sat there for a moment, and then let loose a scream of anger. She smashed his head into a blood pulp and then stood up, fuming. What a worthless waste of time. The boy broke the fantasy over and over again, it had hurt, hadn't felt good at all, she now needed to get a contrafertive... contraceptat, whatever the hell it was called to make sure she didn't get pregnant...
She broke away from him and made for the toilet, retching away the nausea.
Force... what had she done? Slapped Obi-Wan's face on a boy with an illusion and raped him...
"Siri?"
If he knew, she'd never see him again... even if it had been someone else, she had forced herself on him... would she have done the same to the real Obi-Wan?
"Siri what's wrong?"
She lost it.
"GET OUT!" she screamed at him, rising to her feet, grabbing him, and slamming him against the fresher wall, "GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!"
"Siri stop!" he yelled, grabbing her arms and struggling with her.
They toppled through the fresher doorway and hit the floor, rolling and grappling, a red haze coming over Siri as she tried to smash him into the floor again and again, trying to kill the pain tearing her apart. "I need a sedative in here!"
She had only half a minute more of screaming, struggling, and crying, before arms yanked her off Obi-Wan and pressed something sharp into the side of her neck. Her vision started blurring a moment later, and without the Force, she couldn't fight it, the last sight she saw through blurring vision was Obi-Wan's stricken face...
"M'sorry...," was the last thing she could slur out before darkness took her...
She woke up some time later, going rigid, before slowly relaxing her body and then opening her eyes...
And yelping when Master Dooku's face peered down at her with disapproval. She instinctively made to batter him away from her, but he swiftly moved away. "Hmm. I suppose my grandpadawan was right to warn me of such a reaction."
"Sneaking up on a Sith is a dangerous thing to do," she warned harshly.
"Ah, so she does speak," commented Dooku.
She scoffed. "I kept silent because all you'd have to do to identify me was take a memory of my voice and share it with Yoda. Qui-Gon figured it out the moment he heard me."
Dooku tilted his head in acknowledgement. "I suppose."
"What do you want you old coot?" she asked sourly.
"To give you a warning," said Dooku harshly, "Obi-Wan is a dear treasure to me, and the only reason you are both alive, and in relative comfort."
"Comfort," she echoed snidely.
"The Council hasn't brought you out to try to breech your shields or compel you to speak," said Dooku, "Your stay in the Temple could be far worse than it is. Harm Obi-Wan again, and I will add my voice to those who would take the path of common sense and reason when dealing with a Sith."
Her breath hitched, brief flashes of her battering Obi-Wan into a wall and the floor playing across her mind. "I... i-is he okay?"
Dooku looked... briefly thrown by her sudden shift, before his eyes narrowed at her. "Shaken more than anything. Keep your fits to yourself if you don't mind."
"I warned him to get out," she snarled defensively, "He should have listened."
"I'll make sure he understands that then," said Dooku crisply, "And you should understand that he is your only true voice of support here that isn't basic sympathy or compassion. Burn him, and you will not like the consequences."
She pursed her lips. "You say he is the only reason I am alive, but consider this, Dooku. He wouldn't be alive right now if I hadn't refrained from killing him."
"I've watched the camera footage, I am aware," he said dryly, "It is the only reason why I have not voiced an opinion to the council as of the moment."
He turned and made for the door, pausing at the entrance. "Oh, and Padawan Tachi? Once their purpose was made clear to me, I don't particularly appreciate the little 'gifts' you and your master left to tempt me."
He turned his head to give her a nasty smile. "As a master with deep knowledge of our history, and what the Jedi know of the Sith, I intend to aid my Grandpadawan in the 'research' he has mentioned, as a 'response' to your efforts to turn me. Don't think you will have the advantage in dancing circles around a padawan anymore, a padawan whose only desire is to help you."
She glowered at him.
He shook his head. "I don't know why he bothers."
He walked to the first force field, pausing briefly when Siri muttered, "I don't either..."
It was another long period of time before Obi-Wan came back. It wasn't the same day, at least, she thought not, lost in her memories, guilt, and sleep. She recognized him by his footsteps, but didn't roll over to look at him, still curled on her bed. There is the sound of him assuming his usual spot, sliding down against the wall, sitting down. The tap-tap-tap of him using a datapad. She doesn't give any indication she's awake, she just... basks, she supposes. Enjoys having him there without having an argument. No stressful confrontations or memories dragged up. She cant help the soft, content sigh that escapes her lips.
And that ruins it.
"So, I was thinking about the Jedi turned Sith you named," said Obi-Wan.
Siri groans. "Do we have to do this?"
"Yeah."
She grumbled and rolled over, eying him sourly. His eyes crinkle a little bit. "Are you feeling ill? You're a little pale."
She scoffs, and doesn't answer that question. "What about them?"
He hesitates for a moment before glancing down at the datapad. "My Grandmaster told me what he knew about some of them. Does it really count if some of them were forcibly converted to the Dark Side?"
She raised an eyebrow. "Like whom?"
"Revan and Malak for example," said Obi-Wan, "It was eventually learned that the Sith Emperor at the time had warped their minds."
Siri stared at him for a moment before shaking her head, turning her body to stare up at the ceiling. "Oh really? You think it was Vitiate who drove them to the Dark Side? Truly?"
"Yes...?" posed Obi-Wan.
"I thought that to once," she admitted, "But that didn't last when I dug in and did my homework. Do you have access to the archives?"
Obi-Wan tapped his datapad. "I can access them, yes."
"Then look how Revan and Malek changed their tactics later on in the Mandalorian Wars," she said, "You'll find that they were starting down the dark path far before they foolishly confronted a Sith Emperor by themselves."
She remembered reading it, during her studies. Zannah had been grilling her about past Sith Lords and their descent into the Dark Side. Darth Bane had apparently an above average interest in Darth Revan, so that was passed down to Zannah, and loosely to Siri in turn (she didn't particularly care about him aside from lessons to be learned). The Revanchists under Revan and Malak began to change a few years into the war. Started to sacrifice populations and key planets to win victories elsewhere. They turned as brutal as the Mandalorians themselves. Turned to a 'Victory at all Costs' mentality.
"And remember, that Malachor V happened before they went after the Sith, they sacrificed anyone they didn't think would follow them to that madness," she added in cuttingly.
She closed her eyes as Obi-Wan continued to tap-tap on his datapad, pausing to read every so often. She enjoyed the relative silence, and his presence even if she couldn't feel him in the Force. Obi-Wan was silent for a long while during his readings, Siri assumed it was a few hours, before he finally spoke, "Maybe you're right on these two."
She turned her head and opened her eyes, raising an eyebrow. "Oh? Admitting defeat?"
"Perhaps, though, I question if the pair would have fallen if the Sith hadn't instigated the Mandalorian Wars," pointed out Obi-Wan.
Siri rolled her eyes. "Always have to have the last word, don't you Kenobi?"
"You're one to talk."
She snickered. "Maybe, but since you had your try, allow me mine. What do you know about Freedon Nadd?"
Tap-tap-tap-tap. "He... was a Sith whole conquered and enslaved Onderon over four thousand years ago."
She waited for him to continue, but when he didn't she openly scoffed. "That's ALL the Jedi have on him? Really? I thought you said Dooku told you about them?"
"He told me about some of them, said it wouldn't do me to good to delve to deep," he admitted, "Hold on, let me ask him and phrase this right..."
"Phrase?"
"I doubt he could stand you winning an argument, that might loosen his tongue."
Siri couldn't help the sharp laugh that escaped her lips. "No, the old stingy prideful coot probably couldn't."
Obi-Wan gave her an evil eye briefly before he returned to tapping his datapad, followed by waiting, followed by tapping again, before Obi-Wan responded, "He was a Jedi of the former Library world of Ossus. He was given a test to become a Jedi Knight, but failed it, murdering his Master and fleeing the planet in the aftermath and became a Sith Lord."
Freedon Nadd was one of the ancient Sith that Siri truly respected, who was in a large way responsible for most of the power Siri held in the Force through her sorcery. As such, she was more than pissed to hear that blatant description, sitting up on the bed and glaring at him. "Is that so? Nice of the Jedi to interpret it their own way to hide their failings."
Obi-Wan tensed a bit at her anger. "And how exactly did they fail?"
"I've learned much of Freedon Nadd during my time as an apprentice," she hissed, "Ancient Sith was a subject I found fascinating, and enlightening. Him in particular. His 'test' as you called it, was cruel and unwarranted. He was a gifted Jedi Padawan, of the likes few in their order had seen at the time. He studied under many masters during his apprenticeship, his own being one Matta Tremayne. I dare to say Freedon could have become one of the greatest Jedi that ever lived, if they hadn't bungled it."
"Their 'test' was to completely pass over him in the knighting of several padawans despite all of his studies, progress, and hard work. It left him bewildered, hurt, and despairing. So he went to his master, seeking out her wisdom, as ANY Jedi Padawan rightly would, and found her training. He wasn't arrogant, foolish, or angry at that point, he just wanted to seek out help as to what he could possibly have done wrong, or what he hadn't done yet to earn the rank of Knight. And do you know what his Master did? She ignored him, ignored her padawan seeking her aid."
Obi-Wan frowned a little, but didn't answer.
"So he waited, but she still ignored him, until he finally lost control of his frustration, and her response was to bring her lightsaber mere centimeters from his chest, leaving him stunned and feeling betrayed. Without any further acknowledgement, she returned to her training. He went to storm away, rightly perturbed, angry, and even afraid. Then, she chose to 'grace' him with her attention. He begged and pleaded, he wanted to be a Jedi, he asked what he needed to do, but she refused to answer."
"That sounds like a test of self-discovery," stated Obi-Wan.
Siri sneered. "It sounds like a test of Jedi stupidity. Literally all the Jedi had to do was properly guide Freedon Nadd, and he would have been one of them. Instead, they suddenly cut off support and left him floundering. He rightly turned to anger, and pronounced himself a Jedi without their say in the matter. But rather than let him go, his Master initiated the battle that ended her life by challenging him, HER, not him. In the middle of the battle, his Master turned her saber off, and didn't defend from an attack. Freedon realized this was some kind of test, but he was already mid-swing, he tried to but he couldn't stop himself in time. He did NOT want to kill his Master, he had not set out to murder her..."
"And how exactly do you know this?"
"BECAUSE I READ HIS WRITINGS!" she yelled out at him heatedly, "He might have fallen, might have become a Sith, but even then, he still touched on what had happened to him to send him down the path to the Dark Side. He grieved for her at first, you know? He was stricken by guilt, until the whole situation just overwhelmed him. Anger took over, furious over the tests which he felt were made to drive him from the Order. And he was right in a way about that, failing that so called test, with the accidental death of his Master, ended it."
"If he had learned from the lesson, its purpose and consequences," countered Obi-Wan, "And went, repentant, to the Masters of the temple and explained..."
"Explained what Obi-Wan?" she snarled at him, "That he failed a stupid test and killed his Master? If he wouldn't have been kicked out, I'd be shocked. He was lost and confused because of the situation the Jedi created. One way or another it was over. And because of the Jedi's stupidity, Freedon Nadd went on to become a Sith Lord, and influence events to come, leading Exar Kun and influencing Ulic-Quel Droma into the Dark Side, and as a result, the Great Sith War begun."
She leveled her gaze on him harshly. "All because of Jedi rigidity, pushing someone into a stupid situation, and refusal to help a struggling padawan in need."
"You feel strongly about this one, especially," commented Obi-Wan, eyes curious.
"And you're avoiding answering again," said Siri.
"You never asked a question."
She glared at him. "Kriff I forgot how irritating you Jedi are. What do you think my point to this was then, oh mighty and wise Jedi."
"I think you're trying to be well intentioned even if you're creating excuses for people who went on to become complete and utter unrepentant monsters," he said flatly.
"And what does that make me then?" she said with a sneer.
"You've never particularly made an excuse for yourself," he said, "You know full well what you do is wrong, is monstrous, and you justify it badly."
She rolled her eyes. "Yes yes, we've been over this already..."
"And you refuse to..."
"And YOU," she cut off, "Still haven't told me what you think of Freedon Nadd's story. I don't care for this sidestepping bullshit you keep trying to pull on me Obi-Wan. Do I look like some stupid git who will let you walk all over them with that smooth voice of yours?"
"You think I sound 'smooth'?" he asked, both eyebrows raised.
She gave an exasperated sigh. "I think you're destined to make people cry at the negotiating table."
"Already have actually," said Obi-Wan cheekily, "Qui-Gon says I'm a natural and I'll outdo him one day."
"Careful not to let that ego go to your head, Jedi," she drawled.
Obi-Wan chuckled. "I'm not trying to sidestep Siri, at least, not this time."
She squinted at him. "Buying time to figure out an answer?"
"Guilty as charged," said Obi-Wan with a self-depreciating smile.
She crossed her arms. "Then just say so Obi-Wan, shesh."
"Fine then, would you allow me a small recess to gather my thoughts, my dear?"
"Flirting with me like that will get you a swift kick in the dick."
He sputtered a little. "Siri!"
She flashed a charming smile. "See? I can negotiate to."
"That's not negotiating."
"Sure it is, do what I say or I kill you has worked perfectly fine for me in the past, what I said is in the same spirit," she rebutted cheerfully, "Just bodily harm instead of death."
He gave her a flat, unimpressed look. "When you do turn away from the Dark Side, and eventually go on missions again, I'm never letting you negotiate."
She snorted. "Whatever you say Obi-Wan."
He shook his head, and Siri wasn't sure if it was bemusement or chagrin on his face. Still, she gave him a few minutes to think, laying back down on her bunk.
Eventually, he sighed. "I'm not going to say the Jedi Order is blameless, Siri, nor however, am I going to say those who fell, Freedon Nadd or anyone else, are blameless either. I'm not his Jedi Master, I can't possibly know why he was given the test he was put through. On one hand, I think every initiate and padawan needs to be tested to see what they are made of and what kind of person they truly are, on the other hand, it should be custom tailored for the apprentice in question, not a one test fits all..."
He hesitated. "And a life or death duel where someone could die I really don't think is an appropriate test, on that I will agree. I also don't think suddenly cutting off support without any explanation was wise either. A simple prompting of 'what might be wrong and what do you think you need to do to fix this' followed by a few months to a year of observation to see if he had made those fixes would have been more fulfilling. But again, I wasn't there, I don't know what Freedon's particular strengths and weaknesses as a Jedi Padawan were. I can and will say however that exploding in frustration is unbecoming of a Jedi, as is getting so lost in a duel that he can't stop himself from delivering a killing blow, that is on him, even if he was egged on into the duel in question, which was, again, an unwise choice from his Master. It was also his choice to leave the Order and become a Sith Lord, even if he was pushed to it as you imply."
Siri studied Obi-Wan for a few minutes before slowly nodding. "That was... reasonable."
Obi-Wan ducked his head in a sheepish smile at the compliment. "You think so?"
"You acknowledged the situation from a neutral prospective, pointing out faults that both sides had," she said grudgingly, "Don't let it go to your head though."
He hummed to himself, tapping on his datapad again.
Obi-Wan was going to go places with that kind of perspective, ability to pick a situation apart, and deliver his thoughts or rebuttals in a well thought out explanation. Not to mention his wordplay. She could think of so many ways he could have been useful if he had fallen and joined her... even if she doesn't now want him to fall. That forked tongue of his... with a bit of Force Persuasion, receptive empathy, and light mind probing...
Obi-Wan could have been an absolutely terrifying Sith who could probably have convinced people to slit their own throats with a smile on their face with honeyed words and barely a touch of the Force. To the point where she wonders if he might have been considered a threat to Sidious, if not in power, than charisma and influence. She would have propped Obi-Wan up, let him become the face of their pair, and been his blade where his words didn't work, or to back them up. She lets herself linger briefly on the lost possibilities before dismissing them as impossible.
Obi-Wan was to good to fall.
At least... not without really, really, breaking him, tearing him apart and reducing him to nothing and then building him back up.
She'd kill anyone who tried to do that to him though.
"Do you mind if I write down what you told me about Freedon Nadd and submit it to the archives for review?" he prompted.
She pauses to consider it. She wonders if he'd do it anyway... yet... she doesn't think Obi-Wan is by nature a deceptive person. Sneaky wordplay aside... she does think he wont intentionally reveal what she says without permission. As for this specific topic... why not? It'll spread knowledge about an ancient Sith, not letting his memory fade away, and perhaps the Jedi could use the lesson to improve themselves.
Not that she expected them to last long enough to do so. "Go ahead."
They spent the next few hours discussing the other fallen Jedi turned Sith she mentioned, and she finds herself enjoying it. Obi-Wan dislikes the Dark Side and the Sith, of course, but he is not blind nor ignorant. If there is a lesson to be learned, he tries to do so. Neither of them can really force or convince the other to believe one way or the other on the topic they've chosen. Obi-Wan is under the impression that many of them wouldn't have turned without being forced to do so, having a natural tendency for the Dark, or at least not without outside (Sith) influence. Siri doesn't necessarily disagree, but believes that the Jedi Order had a hand in turning many of them from their original path, either through active ways or through negligence.
"...and how is that not being forced to the Dark Side?" pointed out Obi-Wan, "Freedon Nadd's spirit dropping a temple on Exar Kun and forcing him to either Turn and be healed or die is really..."
Siri flapped a dismissive hand. "Exar Kun was already well on his way, because his Master couldn't be bothered to have hidden his Holocron full of tempting knowledge of the Sith where an impressionable and prideful Padawan/Knight was able to delve into it. He was lured in through the knowledge, and then set out to Onderan to seek out more knowledge, not necessarily to fall, no, but that's where Freedon Nadd came in, and we've already hashed him out. Exar Kun wouldn't have been tempted if the Jedi hadn't laid the groundwork with his teacher hundreds of years ago."
Obi-Wan sighed. "I don't think we're going to agree on Exar Kun."
"Probably not."
Obi-Wan got up and stretched. "Okay, I think that's it for today. We've been at it for awhile."
Disappointment rushed through Siri like an ice bath, leaving her cold and yearning for more. "We can talk about something else."
Even if its more irritating trips through memory lane or 'this is why you should turn from the dark side' spiels. She just... didn't want him to go.
He shook his head. "I promised Grandmaster I'd spend a few hours training with him."
He gave her a self-depreciating smile. "Apparently he wasn't impressed with my performance on Naboo and wants to whip me into shape."
Siri snorted. "You and Jinn did better than most Jedi do against me."
Obi-Wan's smile turned a little cracked. "I'll choose to take that as a compliment."
Siri hesitated briefly before turning her head away. She made it awkward, now it was probably better for him to leave.
"Before I go though... do you have any quick tips on Soresu?" he asked, "I was kind of impressed by how well you could use it and wanted to try my hand at it."
Siri flushed a bit. Preening under his compliment and the knowledge that she had made him want to try a new form. "Well... economy of motion and energy efficiency are the two most important parts of Soresu, do you understand those concepts?"
"Mostly."
"There's no mostly about it Obi-Wan," she said, raising an unimpressed eyebrow at him, "Soresu is an art, little Jedi. One of which I'm still mastering."
"Still?" he asked, a slight tone of disbelief.
"Oh yes," she said, thinking of how to better weave Force powers into her style, "Even still. Especially for a Sith, stagnation is death."
Obi-Wan's eyebrows furrowed. "Death?"
"A Sith must always be improving, changing, evolving. Complacency and stagnation," she spat out, "Will kill a Sith more than anything else. You must always struggle to reach the top, and then keep improving."
Obi-Wan frowned a bit, glancing down at his datapad briefly. "Hold that thought, because I want to talk about that next time."
She crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. "Something wrong with what I said, Kenobi?"
"I don't know," he admitted, "But... constantly fighting and struggling all the time..."
He shook his head. "That's no way to live."
She scowled. "Go get kicked around by your grandmaster."
"I will," he admitted cheekily, turning to the door.
Siri sighed softly and began to lay back down for another isolated rest of the day...
"Siri...," began Obi-Wan.
"Are you going, or are you not?" she said flatly, laying down.
"The conversation about Jedi turned Sith... do you blame the Order for your fall?" he asked quietly.
Siri froze for a moment. Swallowing.
Did she blame them?
She frowned, letting the memory of her fall overtake her again...
She hissed in an odd mixture of rage and pain, vision briefly blurring at a throb in the back of her mind. It felt like she wanted to draw from it, was trying to, but came against a brick wall and slammed face first into it at breakneck speeds. She saw spots for a moment in her vision before closing her eyes at a painful backlash. She reached up a hand to brush her nose as she felt something trickle out, and kept the hand there, as if blocking him from seeing the reaction on her face, before she took a breath and let it out. "How exactly would I blame them for that?"
"You tell me," he asked, "Maybe I'm wrong, but... I kind of get the vibe that you do. Not that I can check with the Force in here."
Maul killed Master Gallia and threatened Obi-Wan... the Jedi Order had little to nothing to do with that. Save maybe not properly preparing their members to face the Dark Side. She couldn't blame them for that anymore than she did any other failing...
But...
She thinks of the emotional mess she was leading up to that fight...
Her struggle with the desire forbidden from Jedi, of love. Siri wasn't stupid, even back then. The chance of them being allowed to be together, or start a relationship, wouldn't have been tolerated. Even keeping it secret she doubted would have worked. The reason Qui-Gon and Tahl had managed to, if she recalled right, was because they hadn't acted on it nor admitted it for decades, where both she and Obi-Wan had, even if it was only a kiss. The Jedi wouldn't have changed their order for them. If either of their Jedi Masters had caught wind of it, or anyone else really... they would have been forced to make a choice, she knows that. Give it up, or leave the Order.
Always so rigid and uncompromising.
She dreaded giving up that love, burying what had suddenly came to life for the first time in her life. That fear of loss... that had been the first crack to destabilize her, and everything else went from there...
She opened her eyes and stared at Obi-Wan. "Perhaps I do, but I doubt its the way you think I'd blame them."
Obi-Wan gave her a puzzled look, but she made a shooing motion with her other hand, and he obliged. Only after he left, did she bring her hand away from her face, and saw the splotch of blood on it. She stared at it silently, eyes furrowed, before she moved to the fresher to clean it off. She needed to stay away from that memory, away from any of her most intense memories, ones that instinctively gave her immense strength through the Dark Side. Trying to do that while in this room... obviously wasn't a good idea.
That backlash hurt.
There we more dangers to Force Suppression than she thought...
Author's Notes:
There are some universal constants that should always be followed in Star Wars, beyond Anakin Skywalker being an utter human disaster.
Obi-Wan Kenobi using Soresu is one of them IMO, and if Qui-Gon dying isn't the reason this time, getting his and Qui-Gon's asses handed to them will be. Oh, and him being the Negotiator :P.
Review Responses:
Guest: Nah, Siri's not going to kill Alexi/Mighella, she has a possessive attachment problem. They 'belong' to her in her mind. She wont kill them unless they betray her. She'll still have uses for them later on. Regardless of what path she takes.
SwordoftheMorning: Siri's manipulation is showing, :D. Obi-Wan is catching up, to a degree, he is only starting to make use of Dooku since he came back, and get himself in organized enough to actually challenge Siri (his negotiator is showing, tee hee). Funny thing though, is Siri doesn't ignore what she's done, she just doesn't care. Or well, she tries not to care, a bit difficult to do without the Dark Side.
Mmm...
The Jedi Order isn't evil, on that I will agree (though they do absolutely stupid shit sometimes), and the Sith arn't any better. Siri is slightly-maybe-definitely Sith indoctrinated, but not to the point of stupidity, and not to the point where she can't recognize it especially without the Dark Side droning in her ears. Getting her to admit that though... *shrug* good luck Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan might have better luck helping Luke this time rather than as a nudge towards unknowing patricide. Not going to spoil more at this point.
As for duration of this section, I can, at any point, go 'The two of them argued back and forth for over a month(s)...' and then skip to the trial interrupting the whole thing. But I like doing the play by play, if it weren't for my lack of knowledge in the whole Jedi Apprentice timeline era, I might have liked to do more of that when Siri was an active Sith Apprentice. There is no story word/chapter limit, so if this went on for many more chapters, it wouldn't really phase me (maybe annoy you guys, IDK).
I can, alternatively, increase the chapter length, put together sections between line breaks rather than break them into chapters. I probably could have combined what I've had currently for 'The Guide' to 2-3 chapters if I really wanted to...
1saaa: Mwhahaha. Manipulative and ebiiill! Though, the best lies and manipulations are those with a grain of truth in them...
Don't worry about Sidious, at least half of the Trial chapters will be from his PoV being gobsmacked by Siri's pure audacity (insolence) in the senate chambers. :D
Nerdman3000: Yeah, I went back to my other stories for a bit, and Kingdom Hearts III arrived in the mail, so I might be lax for awhile.
Qui-Gon/Dooku might secretly agree, but disagree aloud simply on principle of Siri being a Sith, which is something that is going to REALLY backfire on when the clone wars begins. Siri isn't stupid and is very exposed to Sidious, a custom made army just coming out of nowhere will have Sidious written all over it for her.
Obi-Wan doesn't really understand the importance of being a Rule of Two member at the moment.
AACM25: I actually thank you for this comment, that allowed me to turn out a nice little topic to use for this chapter. I didn't acknowledge your second point though because are we sure about that? Is there a list anywhere of how many people fell then VS before? Obviously without the Sith activly trying to turn Jedi in bulk it would be less, but, by how much?
EclipseTobias: Nah, Jedi Order isn't evil, just fooking stoopid sometimes, and has certain traditions/rules I, and many people, should never agree with. Bullying... is mostly by the younger Jedi, Jedi Master's and older Knights know better (though I might not have made that clear enough).