But anyway, I'm sorry I didn't update sooner. I hope you like this chapter. We're getting lots of people in the closet, and quite frankly, I'm running out of things for people to do! Maybe if you guys wrote something really funny in your review that makes me laugh, I could put it in the fic. That would help me update faster and then you guys could say that you helped me write this fic. Fun, eh?
Oh, and Estelle… You had a question about whether I meant 'declaim' or 'proclaim' in chapter three, I believe. Well, I did mean it when I wrote declaim, but it pretty much means the same thing as proclaim. If you check it in a thesaurus you'll get related words like hold forth, recite, pronounce, etc… All cool, then?
Oh, and the two songs in this chapter are by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggy… They rock! I don't own the Phantom… But I own the Closet! Muhahahaha!XxXxX
Sing-A-Longs With Squiffie
"Erik, you really must calm down," I said.
After threatening me within an inch of my life before I finally uncuffed him, Erik had spent the last half hour in front of the secret door, pounding his head against it.
It was starting to give me a headache!
"Erik, you're going to rupture something!" I said. "You're going to cause bleeding in your brain, you'll get a tumour, and you'll die!"
"Death sounds very tempting right now!" Erik said, accenting each syllable by slamming his head against the door again.
I gently took him by the arm. "Let's go back to the room and sit down and think of a way out of this…"
"Are you going to keep Rowena from glomping me?" he muttered.
"I won't make any promises…"
Back in the room, VagrantCandy and Padme approached us.
"Erik?" VagrantCandy said. "Padme and I have been talking, and we've decided that we've found you your soul-mate."
"Oh, brother," Erik rolled his eyes. "Not you too!"
"Hear us out," Padme insisted. "Meg Giry is perfect for you."
"Meg?" Erik repeated. "The ballet rat Meg?"
"Think about it," VagrantCandy continued. "You're very close to her mother, which means she probably knows a lot about you. And if she's anything like her mother, she'll accept you, face and all… She's not as shallow as Christine. She had no love interest in the movie, so it's not like some fop is going to swoop down and steal her away."
"One problem," Erik said. "Antoinette would bronze my boys if I even looked at her daughter… Also, Meg is a sucker for gossip, so right about now I assume she believes that I'm the son of some prince who ticked off an evil witch and have been doomed to an immortal life…"
Padme crossed her arms. "One day," she said, "you're going to wake up and realize that Meg is the woman of your dreams!"
Don Juanita skipped on over. "Erik?" she said sweetly. "How did you make the Chair of Impending Doom?"
"That's a secret!" Erik hissed.
Don Juanita poked him. "Tell me? Please?"
"No!"
She poked him again. "Pretty please?"
"Never!"
She poked him again. "Pretty please with Punjabbed Raoul on top?"
"Do you not understand what I'm saying?" Erik demanded. "I will never tell you about the Chair!"
Don Juanita went to poke him again, but Erik grabbed her finger. "Stop poking me!"
"Poor Erik," the girl called Jane said. "You're very stressed… I can tell…" She handed him a stress-ball. "Here. It will make you feel better."
"Thanks Jane," Erik said as he started squeezing the ball.
She wrinkled her nose. "Could you please stop calling me Jane? It's getting annoying. Call me Annie!"
"Sure, Jane," Erik muttered as he focussed his attention on the ball.
"We really need to figure out how to get out of here," I said as I sat on the couch. I stood up quickly, turned around, and brushed the popcorn kernels off of the cushions. "Erik, this is disgusting! Can't you clean up after yourself?"
"That's not my mess!" Erik protested. "Blueflamewolf did it!"
"Who?"
"She just came into the closet," Justin said.
Blue walked up to Erik, who was still playing with his stress-ball. "Say," she said. "Don't I know you from another life?"
Sighing, I sat back down. "Anyhoo, does anyone have a half-intelligent plan for getting out of here?"
"I know!" Lonemutant said. "Let's burn the whole closet down! Muhahahaha!"
Everyone blinked at the rabid phan.
"How'd I get stuck with a bunch of pyros?" Erik muttered.
"I know!" the Dancing Egg exclaimed. She picked up a big stick. "Let'sth knock the door down with my sthick! Like thisth!" The lisp was adorable… But then she started beating Erik over the head with her stick.
"Get it away!" Erik screamed. "Get it away!"
"I have an idea!" Don Juanita said. "Let's handcuff Erik and blindfold him and chase him around the room!"
The room grew silent, save for the Crickets of Impending Doom chirping in the background.
"How, pray tell, will that help us escape?" Alateriel asked.
Don Juanita shrugged. "It wouldn't… But it would be a lot of fun!"
"If my Sith buddies were here," Padme said, "we'd be out of here in a jiffy!"
"Speaking of which," Invaderoperaghost said, "why do you still go by Jedi Knight Padme if you're with the Sith now?"
"The username doesn't mean anything!" Padme declared. "I didn't want to go through the trouble of having to go through all the documentation stuff at the Jedi temple. Do you have any idea how slow Jocasta Nu is? She may have been a great librarian in her younger days, but now it takes her five parsecs to hobble across the room!"
"I'm bored!" Robika said. She pulled out a guitar. "This is my guitar, Squiffie! Who wants to sing?" She started strumming a tune. "Thought you would know how it feels to be alone, but it seems you only care for your own loneliness."
"Say," Phantasy spoke up. "Does anyone know Don't Go Into Politics by Three Dead Trolls in a Baggy?"
"I do!" Robika said. She started playing the tune on her guitar. "George Washington was the president, but now he's dead."
Sari joined in. "Mackenzie King was Prime Minister, but now he's dead."
Then Mrs. Malfoy started the chorus. "So don't go into politics. You'll end up dead. Don't go into politics. You'll end up dead."
Elly started the next verse. "Oppenheimer built the bomb, but now he's dead."
Darklady piped up. "Einstein was very, very smart, but not enough not to be dead."
Mima fell over in fits of giggles while she sang the chorus. "So don't go into science. You'll end up dead. Don't go into science. You'll end up dead."
"And don't go into politics," GerrysISUChick added. "You'll end up dead. Don't go into politics. You'll end up dead."
Rowena took a deep breath and spouted off the next verse. "Jimi Hendrix, Janice Joplin, Brian Jones, Keith Moon, Jim Morrison, Roy Orbison, John Lennon, Bob Marley, Leonard Bernstein, Elvis Presley–"
Shadow held up a hand, stopping her. "Well, we're not too sure about Elvis… But I think we get the point…"
Aden shrugged and picked up the chorus. "Don't go into music. You'll end up dead. Don't go into music. You'll end up dead."
"And don't go into science," Spinner sang. "You'll end up dead. Don't go into politics. You'll end up dead."
Mrs. Butler swayed around as she stood up on the couch. "Break it down, you'll be burned, you'll be fried, you'll be buried alive!"
Estelle sang the next part… the disturbing part… "And there's no hope thinking that you're gonna survive, 'cause there's the drowning and choking and cancer from smoking and smothered while sleeping and blood will start seeping!" Very disturbing…
Tad did a little dance while she sang. "So I have found, you'll end up in the ground and you'll be dead! So I have found, you'll end up in the ground, I wish there was an option instead, but you'll be dead! Dead!"
Mariannie started drumming on the back of the couch while she did the big ending. "Maybe with a bullet in your head, but you'll be dead! Dead! Very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very dead!"
Every girl in the closet burst into giggles.
Erik looked a little stressed. He squeezed on his ball a bit tighter. However, I noticed that his eye had started twitching.
"That… was… the most… annoying… thing… I've ever… heard…" he said through gritted teeth.
"Let's sing another one!" Robika squealed. "History is Made by Stupid People!" She started playing. "Scott became famous for freezing to death in Antarctica. Columbus made history thinking some island was India. General Custer's a national hero for not knowing when to run. All of these men are famous, and they're also very dumb."
Haley squealed. "History is made by stupid people! Clever people wouldn't even try. If you want a place in the history books, then do something dumb before you die!"
KZ was back it seemed… And she was singing at the top of her lungs. "Nobility are famous for no reason. Mary Antoinette enjoyed her cake. She caused a revolution when she would not share, and her husband lost his head for that mistake!"
Phantasy spun around in the middle of the room. "The Hindenburg was a giant zeppelin. Its makers made a minor oversight. Before they filled it up with explosive gas, they should have fixed the no-smoking light!" She grabbed Erik's arms and started spinning around with him. "This is fun! Whee! Sing with me Erik! It's so much fun!"
"I'm getting some homicidal urges," Erik muttered.
Katelyn started singing the chorus again. "History is made by stupid people! Clever people wouldn't even try. If you want a place in the history books, then do something dumb before you die!"
Michelle tried to join in the dance with Erik and Phantasy, but Erik managed to escape the girls and squatted down behind the couch, rocking himself back and forth. So the two girls linked arms and spun around.
"Tally-ho! Tally-ho!" Michelle sang. "Our king and country's honour we will save! Tally-ho! Tally-ho! We're marching into history and the grave!"
DarkSilverMaiden started bouncing on the couch with Mrs. Butler. "So if your son and daughter seem too lazy," she sang, "sitting there watching bad TV, just remember you should be quite grateful… At least they are not making history!"
MasqueradingThroughLife joined the three rabid phans on the couch. "History is made by stupid people! Clever people wouldn't even try. If you want a place in the history books, then do something dumb before you die! Do something dumb before you die! Do something dumb before you die!" With the conclusion of the song, all three girls fell back down onto the couch.
"That wasth thso much fun!" the Dancing Egg clapped her hands gleefully.
Justin rolled his eyes. "So this is what girls do at slumber parties…"
It took a moment for what Justin had said to register with the girls. Then they all screamed out in unison.
"Slumber party! Yeah! Sleepover! Sleepover!"
"I want to sleep with Erik!" Mrs. Butler shrieked.
"Nuh-uh!" Tad cried. "He's mine!"
I don't quite remember what happened after that. One second, everything was peaceful. The next, all of the rabid phans were jumping on Erik, becoming increasingly rabid, arguing over who got to sleep with him… except for Justin, of course. While the girls were fighting, he snuck off to the pantry to swipe some popcorn. In an attempt to bring order to the closet, I accidentally got kicked in the side of the head. The next thing I remember, I was waking up to the sound of Star Wars theme music…