Chapter 32: The Guide (Part Eight)

Siri had put the clock back on the wall.

She told herself it was because she wanted her pillow back, and the faint tick-tick-tick from the fresher room was more irritating than the louder one when it was in here. Truthfully, it was mostly to have something to do between Obi-Wan's visits. Watching minutes, and then hours disappear right infront of her was more engaging that staring at a wall all the time she supposed, despite the inner terror it churned up in her gut as the gaps in which she blanked out steadily grew longer. He came every day, for at least an hour, without breaks in days, even if they got particularly viscous the day before. It was a steady thing, as weeks turns into the first (second?) month. She wasn't certain how long she had been in here anymore, the only constant being Obi-Wan.

She appreciated his visits, even if she didn't say so.

But she wasn't blind either.

He was less pressing, not to say he didn't poke and inquire about her past, but he let her (there was always a knowing look in his eye) lead them offtopic when she decided enough was enough. She knew what he was doing, trying to build a rapport with her, make her more comfortable around him. She recognized it because she'd done it herself with more... delicate targets Sidious sent her after, where she couldn't just threaten or kill their objective. Building fake-trust to learn their secrets or influence their decision making, bonus points since she was female, that generally made it easier even if she wanted to kill people for stereotyping her like that. The problem was Obi-Wan was so easy to be comfortable around... when they weren't bickering like a married couple.

Force, another point in Obi-Wan's favor if he'd been a Sith. Loose lips were a dangerous thing, and it was so easy to forget to be onguard around him...

Especially when he was making her reliant on him for her sanity. She wasn't blind on that either, even if she didn't think he was intentionally doing so. He was a Jedi, they didn't have it in them to do something like that. He probably thought he was helping more than anything. Maybe he was, but...

She had no desire to turn away from the Dark Side. Did he think she didn't know her life was an awful cruel mess? She told him she was a monster, it wasn't something she was ignorant of. It still felt like more of a life than she could faintly remember having as a Jedi. When she had down time (more like when she created it for herself), she could go where she wanted, enjoy herself, partake in life's pleasures, rather than be bound to the temple when not on a mission. Honestly, get rid of Sidious and she would have been fine on her own. Galactic domination aside... living the high life with Alexi and Mighella wouldn't have been bad. Siri Tachi, Black Sun special operative, superior to a Vigo. She never would have been left for wanting...

Would it have been fulfilling in the long run?

Who knows.

"...iri?"

Siri blinked into focus. When had she lost focus? When had he entered the room? "Obi-Wan."

He stood a few feet from her bed, that ever-worried look his face plastered there. Worried, but doing nothing else but pestering her. "Do you often make a habit of zoning out like that? It's starting to become a frequent thing when I come to visit."

Oh, he had no idea. She warred with telling him what he's actually doing to her by keeping her in this cell VS letting him figure it out on his own. Blanking out and just... not coming back would eventually happen, she'd be gone, and wouldn't that be a vindictive thing to do to him? There is so much built up frustration and resentment that she's not completely against hurting him like that anymore. That devotion to him slowly ebbs day by day. And it's not like she's not dead anyway, if not to the Jedi, than to Sidious at some point. Going out in a way of her choosing was better than nothing, lashing out and harming those who led her to that end, even if the choices available were absolute shit.

She thinks what it would do to him. The crushing guilt, the grief, the sense of failure. She absently wonders if it would be enough to turn him Dark. She's grown resentful enough to not care that much about afflicting him with that life. But no, he didn't fall the first time she supposedly died, she doubted he would if she really did go. It's odd. He doesn't let go, he lingered for nearly eight years on a memory of a girl that's dead (She is Siri, but she knows she's not the Siri that he once knew, not anymore), but that attachment doesn't rule his actions. It may influence them, but it doesn't control him; her death would hurt him badly, but it wouldn't ruin him as the prospect of his death had once ruined her; and as much as she hates to admit it, that kind of strength to keep on going impresses her, even if she wished him to never let go of her. Though fading away wouldn't technically kill her, her body would still be there after all, they'd probably keep her in the Halls of Healing, comatose.

Except...

Sidious would eventually burn the temple to the ground, and Siri didn't put it past him to figure out a way to yank her back from mental oblivion just to make her suffer before he killed her. If she is to 'die', it has to be a permanent way. Because she knows there are many forms of torture Sidious hasn't graced her with yet. If she felt herself about to slip away for what she'd believe was the final time, she'd tear her wrists open with her teeth to make sure death stuck...

Obi-Wan decided he really didn't look the like on Siri's face. The blankness when he had walked in... and chilling acceptance that was on it now. He had seen that kind of thing before, just... not to that degree. It distinctly and disturbingly reminded him of Mandalore, of that year on the run with Satine. The Mandalorians that helped or fought them choosing how and where to die. Whatever she was thinking, she needed to stop thinking it.

Distraction and deflection then. "While I've 'enjoyed' our philosophical, cultural, and historical debates, if you're willing, could we continue where we left off on what happened to you specifically? If I remember, you said he had been teaching you how to meditate with the Dark Side?"

That chilling look on her face turned into a pout. "Do we have to, dearest?"

Obi-Wan raised an eyebrow. "Weren't you the one who threatened to, I quote, 'Kick me in the dick' if I flirted with you like you just flirted with me?"

She grinned. "Do as I say not as I do."

He rolled his eyes and drawled out, "Yes 'Master'."

"Mmm, I like the sound of you calling me that," she said, raising her eyes suggestively.

He gave her a disproving look, and she just sighed. "You're no fun."

"I'm not trying to be," he answered bluntly.

She crossed her arms and pouted at him...

...and Obi-Wan had to get over the mental whiplash, yet again, about how much of the old Siri he knew was gone or replaced. Where did that young, serious young woman go? "If you could continue...?"

She rolled her eyes. "Pushy aren't you?"

He gave her a flat look.

"You try so hard with that baby face of yours," she mused, "Its more adorable than condescending."

He flushed a bit, scowling. "Just for that, I'm growing a beard."

She made a face. "Bleh, facial hair."

"Anytime now Siri."

She closed her eyes for a moment, wrinkling her nose, before opening them and giving him a foul look. "Fine fine. After Sidious instructed me in meditation, he began explaining some of the finer aspects of the Dark Side, especially in types of anger."

"Types?"

"Like different wines, some better than others," she said, a bemused smile on her face, the sharpness of her eyes told a different story though, "Righteous anger is what I first tasted, but that's not particularly helpful for a Sith unless its accompanied by hate. Petty anger is tinder, little bursts that keep your power at a desired level, or at a starting point to burst higher."

Her smile faded. "There are two primary types of anger a Sith. Hot and cold, fire and ice. Explosive fury, or controlled and cultivated hate. You've seen me use both, on Naboo..."

Nothing short of sadism coated her face. "Do you remember, Jedi?"

Obi-Wan swallowed and took a reflexive step back.

"Your master backhanded me, insulted me," she purred, eyes flashing, "And I exploded in rage, threw him down that walkway with my lightning like the trash he is. That is an example of the first type, good for a quick burst, but if you let it rule you, it will impair your judgement."

"Tell me Obi-Wan, do you remember when I started using the other kind?" she whispered, eyes boring into his darkly, "In the ray shields, when I caught Qui-Gon alone? Do you recall the chill in the air? The veil of the Dark Side draping you in it's icy hold, ripping the guidance of the Force from you? Do you remember that moment I ascended? I became a true Sith? Do you, little Jedi? Do you remember the power I wielded?"

Obi-Wan turned and walked (ran) out of the cell, shivers rolling down his spine. He refused, refused, to be in the same room as her right now when... when the monster was well and truly out to see. When he saw nothing of the Siri he remembered in her...

Siri, in the interest of not having only five minutes of company two days in a row, reigned herself in when Obi-Wan walked in the next(?) day. She tilted her head to the side, eyes on him, waiting for him to speak. Considering he didn't even start with a 'good morning', he was still skittish over their last exchange. Honestly, he faced her down when she was well and truly a Sith, he ought to have more of a spine for regular moments, not just do-or-die ones. Ah well, he's a Jedi, beggars couldn't be choosers.

"I did not instruct you," she began in a neutral voice, "Of the types of anger just for you to walk out on me, Obi-Wan. I was stressing a point."

"And what point was that?" he bit out, "That the Dark Side turns you into an utter monster when you're wrapped in it?"

She sighed, irritation bleeding through her, "The point was to show you the strength of each kind of anger. Cold rage, icy hate, is the most long lasting and powerful type of emotion a Sith of my line uses. Sidious, is a master of that kind of hate, and a least ten times stronger than I am."

Obi-Wan hesitated. "Times...?"

"I saw him and Darth Plagueis fight, Obi-Wan," she murmured, "I'm the only living Force Sensitive that has any kind of clue just how powerful Sidious truly is. There isn't a single Jedi, save perhaps Yoda, that could survive him, let alone hope to fight him if he's not toying with you."

"So what, you're saying he's invincible?" said Obi-Wan flatly.

"He might as well be so long as he remains hidden in the shadows," she answered in equal flatness, "Getting him into the light, revealing and getting him into a confrontation would be hard enough on its own, but beating him? Unless you play heavily on the strength of the Light, you don't stand a chance."

He visibly perked up. "Well now, a Sith acknowledging the strength of the opposition?"

"Oh get off your high horse," she said with a scowl, "If you Jedi didn't have some kind of strength, the Sith would have wiped out your kind thousands of years ago."

Obi-Wan crossed his arms. "Alright, what exactly are you talking about then?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it obvious?"

He raised an eyebrow back. "I'm assuming your not referring to some kind of ability?"

Idiot. "I'm referring to your numbers. The fact that Jedi can and will work together without stabbing eachother in the back. That is the strength of the Light, in unity, the strength of many. The strength of the Dark Side is in solitude, the strength of self. A real Sith will almost always be stronger than any individual Jedi, baring some exceptional individuals or situations."

Obi-Wan slowly nodded. "I suppose. Though, I think a fair many individuals in our order would surprise you."

Her lips peeled back in amusement. "Can you name anyone who isn't a council member or a renowned master who would have been able to stand up to me on Naboo?"

He scowled at her, and she returned a smug smile.

She tilted her head back, memories going for the early days of her apprenticeship. She recalled how she was taught how to hide her presence, but decided to keep those details to herself if she ever got a chance to make a break for it. Then again... if she really stops to think of it, if she steps outside this temple, she's dead. Even if she's using Zannah's sorcery to hide herself, she can't trust that she could stay hidden from Sidious long enough to grow strong enough to challenge him. This prison is also her sanctuary, and oh doesn't she hate how that grates.

She diverts away from abilities of the Dark Side. "After, he instructed me on history, debating the code, stuff like that. We did that for a few days, and after that was when the killings began."

She frowned for a moment, watching him tense, and decided to throw him a bone. "It served little purpose, in just bringing random people in for me to kill. I think it could have been done over time, through missions, with real targets chosen for real purposes, but, Sidious wanted to deaden me to it as fast as possible I suppose."

"And... you felt nothing about it?" he asked quietly.

She made a face. "Monsters aren't made in a day Obi-Wan. Of course I felt guilty about it, at least, at first. Hells, he literally fried a pair of children in front of me with his lightning. Have you ever seen something like that? The body spasm, eyeballs burst, clothes caught of fire, skin melting and burning, there is smoke rising off the person. The stench of it is something you don't ever forget. It is one of the worst death's I've ever seen, even to this day, forced down my throat because of my stupidity."

The look of nausea on his face... oddly doesn't bring any comfort or elation to her. Frankly, she still finds what Sidious did back then repulsive. Obi-Wan asks, his voice unsteady. "Stupidity?"

She gave him a twisted smile. "If I had just killed the children when he ordered me to, their death's would have been quick. I disobeyed, so he made it brutal."

"What kind of hell did he crawl out of?" asked Obi-Wan, struggling to control his anger.

"I don't think hell is the correct description, he's worse than any fairy tale demon," she answered bluntly, "He did that lesson for a reason. The thing about killing so many people in such a short amount of time, Obi-Wan, is how it deadens you. The twisting, disgusting, filthy sensation that you feel as you stain your hands with blood only lasts as long as it takes you to numb yourself to it."

She looked away from him for a long moment. "It takes something... intense... or perhaps someone important to me, to make me feel anything really negative out of death anymore. I simply... can't. Any guilt I feel here in this room... is it for the people I've killed? Or the simple actions of what I've done?"

She shook her head. "It doesn't really matter anymore."

There was an air of... depression. She hated herself for being weak enough to feel it. "I don't know why you bother Obi-Wan. Even if by some miracle you convince me to turn away from the Dark Side, I will never be the Siri Tachi you used to know. Make me feel the light, dress me up in Jedi robes, it won't matter. She's gone, Obi-Wan. You don't come back from something like this anything like you were before. I'm just a monster wearing her skin. The only thing bringing me back will do is chain the beast and dropped a shattered husk at your feet that your forced to look after."

"Siri..."

She hates the compassion in his voice. He shouldn't feel anything like that for her.

"Just... go away Obi-Wan," she muttered, scooting to the edge of her bed against the wall and bringing her knees up to her chest, "I'm done talking for the day."

The patter of his feet on the ground went in the direction opposite of what she wanted. He sat down next to her, his shoulder gently bumping hers. He said nothing, and neither did she, as the tick tick tick of the clock passed them by...

"So, what happened after the killings?"

Siri sighed, these days were dragging when they were blanking by for her. "I bled my first kyber crystal."

There was a flinch from him at that, drawing a small amused smile from her. "There's nothing quite like hearing it scream."

There is a tightness from his lips, she recognizes it and dials back anything else she could say to egg him into leaving. "He had me bleed a crate of them. It was during that time he taught me one of the most valuable lessons he ever gave me."

"Dare I ask what kind of sickening thing he did this time?" drawled Obi-Wan.

She snorted. "Nothing aside from picking apart a Jedi saying. 'Your lightsaber is your life' is an absolutely stupid phrase to live by."

He gave her a blank look, and her lips peeled back, a harsh laugh escaping her mouth. "Not what you were expecting?"

"Well... no," he admitted, eyebrows furrowing, "Explain it to me."

"A lightsaber," she instructed, her voice serious, "Is a weapon. If it is destroyed or lost, do you simply give up and die?"

"Well, no," said Obi-Wan.

"Your body can be used as a weapon, objects around you can be used as a weapon. Beyond that, the Force itself is far more than a lightsaber will ever be. The saying, if one should even have one like that, is that 'The Force is your life'. Because honestly Obi-Wan, what does it say about the Jedi when supposed peacekeepers swear by a weapon as their life?"

A contemplative look crossed his face. "A lightsaber is more than a weapon, Siri, it is a tool, and a symbol. How a Jedi uses one reflects back upon them and the Order."

Her lips peeled back, sneering. "Then you might want to check on how people outside your order view it, Obi-Wan. Because to the average person, a lightsaber is a weapon. It represents death, not salvation, not heralding in a peacekeeper, but a killer, someone whose going to interfere with their lives, or be a snob and look down on them as lesser beings."

He gave her an incredulous look. "That's ridiculous, Siri."

She glared at him. "I've told you before Obi-Wan, if I speak and offer advice, you listen. Your precious Order, do you have any idea how failing your reputation is?"

He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off, "And I'm not talking about the Core worlds, which benefit more readily from your Order. But the Mid and especially the Outer Rim worlds. Places that the Jedi rarely go in comparison. You have no clue to how little they care for you. So listen, and listen well, Jedi: Your reputation, and how the public of the galaxy view you, is a weapon the Sith have been cultivating, and that your Order has been failing to reach out and maintain, since well before I was born."

"When Sidious moves to wipe out your Order, Obi-Wan," she said harshly, "The Galaxy will applaud him for it. Or they won't care enough to challenge him over their fear of what comes after. Tell that to your foolish Council, and watch them deny and do nothing."

"The people of the Galaxy know we care for them," countered Obi-Wan, "Our mandate is compassion, to help the Republic, follow the will of the senate..."

She shook her head in disgust. "You've hardly been here for five minutes and I'm already sick of you. Get out, Jedi. Perhaps when you come back you'll have pulled your head out of your ass and realize that the Sith own the Senate."

His eyebrows furrow, unease on his face. "What do you mean by own?"

"Out."

"Siri..."

"GET OUT!"

Siri blinked into focus at the sound of tap-tap-taping. She glanced over from her bed to see Obi-Wan sitting down in his usually spot against the far wall working on a datapad. "How long have you been there?"

He looks up with an almost snap like swiftness, a touch of relief on his face. "An hour, you didn't... really respond to anything I did."

She frowned intently, looking away.

"Siri, that wasn't ignoring me, you were just... not there if I had to guess," said Obi-Wan uneasily, "Siri, whats wrong with you? Whats going on? This has been happening to often. Is it something Sidious did? Something..."

"Unless you want me to throw you out of my cell," she snapped, "Drop it. Its not my problem you're too ignorant to understand the dangers of Force Suppression."

He gave her a bewildered look.

She sighed and shook her head. "Where were we? Bleeding Kyber crystals, right? Right. After that he took me for a 'field trip'."

Her lips curled. "Into the lower levels of Coruscant."

Her head tilted towards him, eyes piercing. "Have you ever gone down there?"

"I go to Dex's often enough," he answered.

She snorted. "Dex's, if I remember correctly, is hardly lower level. I'm talking about going down deep and dirty, into the bowls of filth staining this world. Where trash and scrap are littered everywhere. Where drug addicts walk around in a daze or are hitting themselves up in broad daylight. There are corpses sometimes left around on the side streets or gutters. People are mugged or stolen from in the blink of an eye. I remember a public beating for someone not paying their 'protection money'."

She glowered at first, and then grinned. "I interrupted a rape and slaughtered the rapist that trip too. I took my time with that disgusting pig, you have no idea how much I enjoyed it."

There was a narrowing of Obi-Wan eyes. "Funny that Siri, because I seem to recall you calling yourself a rapist."

Siri froze for a moment, and then swallowed. "I... I only... only did that once."

"Only once?" he said sharply, "I think once is one time to many for something so foul."

Then his sharpness faded into curiosity. "Though, considering what else you said when you were freaking out... why did you even comment on it, if it was 'only' one time?"

Wide open panic spread across her face. "Out. G...get out."

"Tell me Siri, is this something miss 'it's all a necessary sacrifice' regrets?" he asked pointedly.

She looked away, her breathing quickening, reflexively trying to draw on her anger and hate to smother what she felt, and feeling the sharp sting of backlash when she couldn't. "I... yes. Alright? I kriffing regret it! Are you happy? Want a pat on the head? A good job Obi-Wan for making me admit it? That of all the things I've done, that one is the one thing that was completely unnecessary?"

There was no triumph on his face, just sadness. "Then why did you do it?"

She wants to punch him, beat that compassion out of his face, so she goes for the most cutting thing she can say, even if in the back of her mind she's screaming 'DON'T' at herself. "It was a task given to me to get over my infatuation with a certain Jedi Padawan."

He looked like he had been sucker punched, color draining out of his face, before fury and disgust took over. "Is there nothing the Sith won't corrupt or pervert? That... that Sidious had you rape someone to get over me? To destroy love? That's... I..."

He shook his head, got up, and left, unable to handle what she said. Funny enough, that hadn't been Sidious, that had been all Zannah. She watched him leave, saying nothing to draw him back in. He hardly knew the worst of it, that she had slapped an illusion of him onto her victim, that she had murdered the boy after. That even if she had been ordered to do it, she had still gone through with it, still tried to enjoy the fantasy. That was a secret she would take to her grave. She curled in on herself, feeling like she was covered in slime and filth, shaking.

She looked up at the clock, and wished she'd just fade away and never come back...

Siri yelped when something pin-pricked her neck, and something icy seemed to surge through her. She blinked rapidly and stared up at Obi-Wan, she faintly recognized Healer Che behind him. "Obi-Wan...?"

She blinked, her voice sounded hoarse, like she hadn't drank anything in a long while. There was relief on his face, he briefly moved to get a tray of food before bringing it to her. "Sit up."

He set it on her lap after she did so and took a few steps back, the worry on his face more interesting than the sudden churning of her stomach and aching of her throat. She glanced over at the healer, watching her fiddling with a scanner before raising an eyebrow at Siri. "Go ahead."

The red light briefly passed over her, and the Jedi nodded once before picking up a toolkit off the floor. Siri briefly caught sight of a vial of blood (her own?), and another jar of hair and maybe skin samples, before the Jedi closed it and left. "So... whats that about?"

"Siri, please eat," said Obi-Wan, avoiding the question.

She scowled a little bit, but complied. She tore into it voraciously. Couldn't even help raising the tray to lick off the crumbs.

"Gross Siri."

She lowered the tray and wiped off her mouth. "Survival one o one. Waste not want not."

He gave a strained smile. "Do you want seconds?"

She frowned at him, ignoring the 'yes' that wanted to escape her lips. "What is it Obi-Wan?"

He hesitated briefly. "You... weren't reacting to anything for days Siri. If the stim didn't work Master Che was going to hook you up to an IV."

Siri didn't visibly react, just pondered the words. There appeared to be a different in unwittingly blanking out, and wanting to. "I see."

She held the tray out for him to take, disinterest on her face. She got up and stretched, briefly enjoying the sensation before she paced the cell, getting her legs moving and blood flowing. She sat back down on the bed after, and simply stared at him. "Shall we continue where we left off?"

"No, that's... alright," he said quietly, "Just relax for today."

She snorted. "Relax is all I do every day since I was imprisoned here."

"I'm not sure you understand the difference between brooding and relaxing," he said mildly.

She glowered at him. "I'm trapped in a Force Suppression cell, in the middle of the Jedi Temple, in a convert-or-die or at least stay in a cell for the rest of my life situation with you breathing down my neck every day, with Sidious out there probably trying to figure out how to kill me, with nothing to distract me from this. Do you really think I can relax?"

He was surprised. "You think he'd kill you?"

"You have no idea how badly I messed up on Naboo Obi-Wan," she said tiredly, "I was a true Sith for so short a moment, and then I lost it. I failed him completely and utterly. He will kill me if he gets his hands on me again, the only question is how long will it take and how long will I suffer."

She laid down, staring up at the ceiling, her voice bleak, "Damned if I do damned if I don't, Obi-Wan. There is no real future for me anymore. Naboo cost me everything, you, cost me everything."

"You have a future here Siri, if you'd be willing to come back to the Jedi," he began, "We could keep you safe, protect you..."

She barked out a laugh. "You Jedi can't even save yourselves Obi-Wan, let alone me."

"I'm a dead woman Obi-Wan," she muttered, "One way or another."

"Is it so hard to have hope, Siri?" he asked softly.

"Hope?" she bit out, "I haven't had anything more than a fool's hope in eight years. If I want something, I don't hope for it, I go out and take it. Hoping for something is a pointless thing."

He gives her a sad look, and the red haze rises over her eyes. "I don't want your pity, Jedi."

He just shakes his head and moves to sit in his usual spot. He doesn't say anything, just stares at her with an air of grief and helplessness and care than makes her skin crawl. She doesn't want it (doesn't deserve it). He stays far longer than usual, even after she rolled over away from him, staring at the wall to not have to see his eyes anymore. When he does finally leave, she lets herself shake, lets our her ragged breathing she held in..

"I got off track last time," said Siri as Obi-Wan walked in.

"Last time?" he asked.

"We were talking about the lower levels of Coruscant, right?" she said, cleanly overlooking her last few days apparently spent out of it, "Right, so, certainly you can't deny the state they're in."

Obi-Wan frowned first in recollection, then tilting his head to study her, perplexed. "I wouldn't think a Sith would care about the impoverished."

"It's not my job to care," she said pointedly, "Unlike the Jedi, unlike the Republic."

"Passing blame around?" he asked, sitting down against the far wall, crossing his arms, looking quite unimpressed with her.

"Assigning it properly," she answered smoothly, "Between the Jedi who do nothing while preaching compassion, and the Senate that is to corrupt to do their job. If I was in charge of the Galaxy, I'd force this shit to be cleaned up since none of you can be bothered to."

"What would you have us do Siri?" asked Obi-Wan, "Jedi are limited in number. We have to go where we make the most impact..."

"And you trust the Senate to properly assign you?" she asked, snickering at his naivety, "A madhouse of corrupt politicians, where credits and backroom deals have more weight than the plight of those in need. Do you truly, and honestly, understand how corrupt and ineffective the Senate is?"

"By all means," he said dryly, "Enlighten me."

She gave him a predatory smile; right where she wanted him. "Sidious owns over half of them, directly or indirectly. I myself had a rather large collection of dirt I dug up on many members, some because Sidious ordered me to, others so I could use myself at some point."

Obi-Wan stares at her, his eyes a little wide, searching, hoping for a lie. He finds none. "You're not joking."

"Extortion, black mail, bribery, unknowing gifts, owning stocks in their various companies, the capacity to threaten their families if they actually aren't corrupt, the list goes on and on Obi-Wan," she said, "And that's not even considering Senators that are like minded, who would follow Sidious willingly, or simply fall in line without much effort. The rest of the lot he probably wouldn't bother with because of their selfishness, to busy chasing their own aims and goals to get in his way."

She sees the horror in his eyes, and takes pity on him, she made her voice as gentle as she could manage. "Your Republic is already lost, Obi-Wan. It has been for awhile now. The best chance of the Jedi surviving is to erase all information on your members and scattering, now, while they still have a chance, before Sidious can close the noose around your necks."

He gives her an incredulous look.

She doesn't twitch a muscle, just keeping her gaze level on him. "Its literally the only thing I can think of that would ensure a huge chunk of your order survived."

"Aside from stopping Sidious?" he said dryly.

She sighed and looked away. "You won't win Obi-Wan. The Sith have been playing this game for a thousand years, while the Jedi are only just now realizing it's been going on."

"Then help us fight him," he pleaded, "You have knowledge of..."

She wrinkled her nose and interrupted, "When you Jedi won't even give me a minute outside this room? Fat kriffing chance. I'm taking what I know to the grave out of pure spite. I 'hope' you manage to survive, I truly do, but the rest of your Order I really don't give a damn about."

He pursed his lips. "What would you do with that minute, honestly?"

"Meditate as quickly and deeply as I could before you lot toss me back in here," she said flatly, "Either that, or rupture my brain with the Force. Might be more preferable to being in here."

He gave her a deeply unimpressed look. "So you'd touch the Dark Side, or commit suicide, that's not really pleading your case."

She put on a charming smile. "Isn't it?"

He sighed and waved a hand. "Just... what happened next? After, what did you call it? Your 'field trip'?"

She can't help the snicker that escapes her at his tone. "But I was enjoying our conversation, and now you want to change the subject?"

"Yes."

She rolled her eyes. "He had me go practice not using my lightsaber or killing people with the Force to solve all my problems."

"I haven't really heard of you doing much else," said Obi-Wan.

"Because you know of everything I've done in the last eight years?" she said, eyebrow raised.

He didn't answer.

"The Sith are more than just martial power Obi-Wan," she murmured, "For all Sidious has in strength with the Force or his skills with a Lightsaber, they're not his primary focus. He is a manipulator, a schemer. What little he tells me of his actual doings or has me do for missions involves reaching out across the Galaxy and binding people to his will without them even realizing it. He has so much influence, in places you can't even fathom."

"Example being my time with the B... with a... he loaned me to a criminal organization for a year," she said, not desiring to put the Black Sun, put Alexi and Mighella, under Jedi spotlight, "Working my way into their ranks, gaining influence, becoming trusted, putting them in the pocket of the Sith."

Well, her pocket, not Sidious's.

"And what did you do in this...," he began.

Beep beep beep.

Obi-Wan held up a finger. "Hold that thought."

He pulled a comlink off his belt. "Obi-Wan here... hello Grandmaster."

She rolled her eyes. "How nice for the old fart to call and check in."

Obi-Wan eyed her briefly before he paused. "The Senate did what?"

Siri watched with amusement the mass of emotions playing across his face. Without the Force to help him in his control, it was interesting to see that all so unguarded.

"Alright Grandmaster," murmured Obi-Wan, "I'll go get ready for a session with the Council."

He clicked off the comlink and stared down at it solemnly. "The Senate just petitioned the Jedi Council to put you on trial."

Her amusement was gone in an instant. "They did what now?"

Obi-Wan frowned intently, rising to his feet. "They want to put you on trial."

A dark scowl played across her face. "The nerve, when many of them should be the ones on trial. Honestly, putting me on trial for what little involvement I had in the Blockade? What are they hoping to get out of..."

She trailed off, her breath hitching. "Sidious..."

Obi-Wan paused at the entrance, glancing back. "What?"

She swallowed. "Dealing with Force Sensitives is generally under the Order's prerogative. Pulling them out and putting them on trial isn't something done often, or lightly. This... this had Sidious written all over it."

"That's jumping to conclusions..."

"It's really not," she said, voice rising a bit in panic, "Getting me out of the Temple is the first step, killing or capturing me comes next."

Obi-Wan looked away for a moment. "Is that a real concern for you? Or are you just wanting to avoid facing judgement of some kind?"

Siri glared at him. "Obi-Wan, I'd personally love to tear the Senate a new one. Put me on trial without the danger of Sidious, and I'd have the time of my life."

She glowered. "But this? This is a trap, the only question is the manner in which Sidious springs it."

He shook his head. "The Council will, for one, argue against this. And for two, even if you are taken to trial, you will be under heavy guard, you will be safe."

She pursed her lips, but didn't answer aloud. Nowhere was safe from Sidious. She watched him go, her mind whirling, fear, so much fear, tingling down her spine. They were going to cart her over to the Senate probably in Force Binders, so sure and arrogant of themselves, get her captured and sent to the most painful death imaginable. She slowly rose to her feet and held out her arms to her chest, tilting her wrists upright and staring at them silently, contemplating her only way out and away from Sidious.

Kriff it.

It would hurt Obi-Wan, but...

She brought a wrist up to her mouth, bared her teeth...

Tick tick tick...

Ah, actually, scratch that. That would just be messy and painful. Now, that clock on the other hand...

She grabbed it off the wall, lifted it, and smashed it into the ground, again and again, shutting up that infernal ticking. She smiled at it, picking apart the pieces for the sharpest thing she could find. She walked over to her bed and sat down, sighing.

"Now quite how I ever imagined my life to go," she murmured, "Or end."

She didn't hesitate. One sharp slice across one wrist, and then the other.

"Siri, I forgot to ask, is there anything you can offer about the Trade Federation occupation?" came Obi-Wans voice from the entry way as the shields cycled, "Being complaint with the Senate and helpful with the investigation will..."

Ah hells...

"Siri?" came Obi-Wan's questioning voice, first looking down at the shattered clock, and then her, and then her bleeding wrists in wide open panic, "SIRI! I need a medkit in here!"

She made to go for her neck, only to get full force tackled by Obi-Wan, pinning her down. She struggling to throw him off as he pinned her to the bed. She slammed her head back with an audible crack and a cry of pain from Obi-Wan. Then, there were four temple guards rushing into the room. The last thought she had before they pinned her down and jabbed something into her neck...

...was that she should have gone for her throat first instead, wrists took to long.

When Siri came to, she had the displeasure of finding herself strapped down to her bed, bandages visible around her writs under the restraints. She growled under her breath, yanking at them to test, but getting nothing. She closed her eyes for a long moment, breathing in, exhaling out, and trying to release the now useless rage. She paused when someone cleared their throat. She, on principle, didn't look over, wouldn't give them the pleasure of commanding her attention after denying her this. Kriffing Jedi and their stupid compassion.

"Are you that much of a coward that you cannot face your sins?" came a crisp voice.

Not Obi-Wan then.

Her lips peeled back as she sneered up at the ceiling. "I've been forced to face them every waking moment in this cell, Dooku."

The aged Jedi master walked over and peered down at her. "What was it then? To much to handle?"

She glowered up at him. "It had nothing to do with my so called sins, and everything to do with Sidious. Allowing me to go to trial is giving him a sure fire way to either capture or kill me."

"Is that so?" mused Dooku, looking thoughtful, "Now there is an idea."

She had a brief moment of confusion before groaning. "Bait? Really? He wont be stupid enough to come himself, and if he cant find a way to capture me, a rocket into my transportation or a bomb planted somewhere works just as fine, or a good old fashion sniper rifle can do the trick."

Dooku made a non-committal hum. "You don't fear death, that much is obvious. So what is it, Sith, that you do fear about Sidious 'capturing' you?"

"Failure is intolerable to a Sith," she warned, "Especially the degree of failure I displayed at Naboo. He will invent ways to make me suffer before he kills me. If you Jedi have any sort of real compassion, you'll put a lightsaber through me right now."

Dooku had the audacity to smile. "I thought the Sith didn't believe in compassion? It would be a shame to tread upon your beliefs."

"You're an asshole, has anyone ever told you that?" she asked bluntly.

"Generally not to my face, no," he answered.

"Well you are," she said flatly.

"Noted," he said, not phased in a slightest, before his eyes turned sharp, "I warned you not to harm Obi-Wan again. It would appear you didn't listen. As such, I will be throwing my support into encouraging the Council to have you face the Republic's justice."

She snorted. "If the Republic had any idea of what justice actually was, half the Senate would be in a cell a lot like this one."

"Hmm," murmured Dooku, "It would appear we agree on that. Pity you are a Sith, I may have enjoyed arguing the particulars with you otherwise."

"I doubt it, I hate politics," she answered, "My idea of politics would be to line the Senate up and shoot them."

He gave a dismissive snort and turned away. "A brutish way to deal with the issue."

"Not hearing you say no," she called after him.

He either didn't dignify that a response, or secretly agreed. She put credits on the latter, Sidious had him pegged for his views after all. She sighed after he had left. Now she couldn't even move anymore. She weighed her options, which were unsurprisingly little.

Option One: If the Jedi failed to dissuade the Senate, then she'd go to trial. In which she'd either be captured or killed by Sidious... or actually be put on trial, and wouldn't that be fun?

Option Two: Blank out and don't come back.

She hummed to herself. "Option two it is."

She tilted her head when she heard the shields cycle, watching Obi-Wan walk in, his face carefully blank, except for the bruising on his nose. "Did I break your nose this time? That'd make me two for two."

He gave her an unimpressed look and so rudely didn't answer her curiosity. "Since you can't be trusted with your own safety. I'm here to ask which you would prefer: Being fed by someone, or an IV and a feeding tube."

"Option two," she found herself echoing before going for a cutting remark, "The less I have to interact with you the better."

He narrowed his eyes. "I'm not going to apologize for saving your life."

"The only thing you've done is doom me to a more agonizing death, so pat yourself on the back for that," she rebuked.

"You're so sure he'd kill you," said Obi-Wan mildly, "As much as I'd be horrified to have you end up back with him, why would he waste years of training and not simply take you back?"

She has the urge to outright dismiss what he said before she briefly considers it for a moment, and finds that prospect terrifies her even more than Sidious inventing ways to torture and kill her.

"Obi-Wan," she says quietly, and is rather surprised with herself to admit, "Ending up back with Sidious would be far worse than him killing me."

Obi-Wan's eyebrows lift. "Truly?"

She sneers at him. "Silly Jedi, you really don't get it, do you? You told me once that I'm not the kind of Sith you expected, there is a reason for that."

She looks away, wishing her arms were unbound so she could wrap them around herself despite how weak the action is. "It's because he never broke me, never really tried."

Obi-Wan frowned. "What... exactly do you mean by 'broke'?"

"To destroy your chosen apprentice, to reduce them to nothing, and rebuild them in your image," she whispered, watching the disgust on his face grow, "Sidious tortured me yes, manipulated me in that cell mentally and physically, but he never destroyed me. I may have fallen, but I still chose the Dark Side in that cell, chose to welcome it rather than resist it, if only to grow strong enough to kill him. He may have forced my hand, threatened me in many ways, but he never broke me. Ultimately, I accepted my apprenticeship, that was my choice, I could have chosen death after all."

She gave him a grim smile. "If Sidious did take me back, you'd never see me again as you knew me."

She looked away. "Anything left of Siri Tachi in the monstrous shell I am... would be gone, scoured away. You've heard of Revan's Cure, right?"

Obi-Wan tensed. "I have."

She studied his reaction, grinning. "Oh? That look... did the Council want to do that? Turn me into their next Revan?"

Obi-Wan shook his head. "They implied no, but, Qui-Gon and I took the initiative on saying we'd leave the Order if they considered it."

Siri went silent for a moment, surprised, and secretly pleased to hear that. Despite how terrifying the prospect was, she almost wished the Jedi had done it, if only to free Obi-Wan from the chains of the Jedi. "Revan's Cure is only a nickname for it, for the far extreme the Council back then went to. The technical term is Memory Rub, it is generally a Dark Side technique, the fact that the Jedi went so far as to use it back then is... surprising, especially when crafting a fake persona to go with it. Its different than simple affecting the mind to forget a few key memories or plant ones. A Memory Rub is used to wipe out large portions of a persons memory, or for a specific important event, when done in full it destroys a person, Obi-Wan..."

She gave him a strained smile. "And the Sith have their own variations of Revan's Cure. They are truly, horrifying things, beyond anything you know and understand. There are ways to rip a person's mind apart and insert your will into the cracks, binding them to you. If... if he for some reason doesn't kill me and takes me back, it will be to fulfill a purpose, because he still sees a use in me before he throws me away. If he ever gets me Obi-Wan, and I some day return spouting nonsense about seeing the error of my ways and seeking redemption, put a lightsaber through me, don't even hesitate, because it'll be a trap, and he'd have me kill you whispering devotion to him and the Dark Side the moment your certain you've 'redeemed me', just to make you suffer all the worse."

The look of pure sickness on his face brings an odd sense of calm to her. That perhaps he's only now finally understand the true depths of what he's up against, the true power and dangers of the Dark Side when wielded by something like Sidious. "And that's only one potential thing he could do. His mind is a dark, sick and twisted thing, Obi-Wan. He won't leave me unbroken a second time."

Her eyebrows furrowed. "That, or he'd leave me unbroken only so much as to kill you in front of me as a lesson."

"Have I ever told you I find his lessons in poor taste?"

She sighed and looked away. "How long is it going to take to go to trial?"

"The Order is going to fight it," said Obi-Wan, "Which, normally, could make things take months, but... the Senate is rather insistent, and has the backing of both the new Supreme Chancellor, and the courts in their demand. With that in mind... a few weeks to a month."

Siri blinked. "New Supreme Chancellor?"

"Chancellor Valorum was ousted in a vote of no confidence by Queen Amidala," answered Obi-Wan.

Siri laughed borderline hysterically. "Even when Sidious loses, he still wins."

"How is that a win for Sidious?" asked Obi-Wan.

"Valorum was a Jedi sympathizer," she answered bluntly, "And he's now out of the picture."

Obi-Wan frowned. "I don't believe our current chancellor has any anti-jedi views to my knowledge."

She sighed. "Its about getting the chancellor out of the Jedi's pocket. If the current one is neutral, that works to, and who is the new chancellor?"

"Chancellor Palpatine of Naboo," answered Obi-Wan.

Siri frowned for a moment before scoffing, "Well, abusing your homeworld's suffering to get yourself elected takes a certain kind of scumbag."

"He wanted to become chancellor to help deal with the crisis," countered Obi-Wan disapprovingly, "Or so I heard."

"Yes, because as chancellor you can just snap your fingers and get it done in an instant," she said dryly, "It would have taken months of a continuous occupation before the senate could do anything."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a pessimist?" he asked.

"Why Obi-Wan, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me," she answered with mock sweetness.

He sighed. "I suppose I'll leave you to it. I have to give your answer to Master Che, and then meet with the Council, apparently my involvement in Naboo makes me someone the Senate wants to hear from preliminarily."

She hesitated for a moment. "Mind yourself out there, Obi-Wan. You're a target to Sidious now for what happened on Naboo. Don't ever leave the Temple alone."

He gave her a tight smile. "You're concern is appreciated. I'll be mindful."

She watched him go before sighing. "And of course, I smashed the clock. Great."

She didn't think she specifically needed it, but it would make fading away easier. Obi-Wan said she had a few weeks to a month, she had that long to effectively destroy herself. Best to start by bringing out her 'inner Jedi' and practice voiding herself of anything that made her sentient. Clear the mind. Clear her thoughts. Clear her emotions. Let herself go.

Because that was better than going back to him, whether he tortured and killed her, or decided to reclaim her...

Authors Notes: Guide section is done.

Review Responses:

SwordoftheMorning: Snark, back and forth, cutting remarks, and arguments are going to be a large part of their 'relationship'.

Nerdman3000: I have... a collection of sequel ideas already thought up for this story if I don't go for a tragic end. All of them involve time travel. The where and when of it would depend on 'Same Body' or 'Back in My Younger Body', and what time period exactly. Old Siri appearing when Maul was about to kill Master Gallia would be therapeutic bliss for her, and cause so much hilarity to ensue as both the Jedi, the Sith, and the Republic try to deal with her. Being sent back to her younger body though... would depend on when exactly, I'd almost say go back to her youngest years, if only to engineer events to have Xanatos as a permanent character in the story. I could of course do what you said and dump her into Cannon!Clone Wars and have fun there. Or, since the time travel I'm thinking of would involve a certain Human Disaster Anakin Skywalker, he could mishoot and send her waaaaaay back in time, thousands of years, into one of the various wars. Or I could just do multiple time travel stories and keep pumping out Unite Descent shenanigans for years. *shrugs*

Shadow Walker of Fire: There will be time to have fun with those quotes/fears later. Can't do everything in one section, now can I? :D

JimmyHall24: Bitch, she's adorable.

Anagennisi: Sadly, no. There will be tragedy. I'm not going to spoil how it *might end* though, way to far off. If I did time travel, that's where a happy ending might occur. Or Siri could suffer another lifetime of hell again. Who knows.