Note: Mr. Lucas' and Mr. Goodkind's stuff doesn't belong to me.

Author's Note: The first few chapters won't have much dialogue as I'm trying to set up the plot. So bear with me please and the action will begin soon!

Chapter 2: Remembering Them

End of Flashback

So that's what happened to me so long ago in a nutshell. My name is Padme Jinn former Confessor Guard of the Republic and I'm 23 years old. I was once a Commander of my battalion of Clone troopers in the Clone Wars fighting alongside with the Mother Confessor, my mentor. But that was almost a lifetime ago and long forgotten.

Now I live on the small forest moon of Endor in the Outer Rim as local seamstress in the small town of Endela. Living with me is my new apprentice, Lana Amnell who's 13. She's a tall girl with brown hair and brown eyes. You might be wondering how in the world she became my apprentice. It was in the strangest of circumstances because she already had a master, but sadly she was killed in the Clone Wars and was without one. I took it upon myself to train the young girl for she had a great gift. I knew that someday she would become a great Confessor and would save the galaxy from the evils plaguing it now. But I was a new Confessor Guard at that time and it had been only a few months since I graduated from my apprenticeship. The High Council and especially the Mother Confessor opposed my decision feeling that I wasn't ready. Wasn't ready? I couldn't believe the nerve they had, the nerve the Mother Confessor had and she was my mistress before. How could she not trust me and not have faith in me. It was absurd and I felt angry and betrayed by the woman who I was like the mother I never had.

How could she accuse me of doing things I had never done before? The Mother Confessor thought I wasn't ready for the trials either I mean I saved her life for crying out loud! If it hadn't been for me she wouldn't be alive now and the Confessor Order would need a new Mother Confessor. She was always criticizing me and pointing out my faults more then praising me. I never understood why she did that to me and why she couldn't just love me for who I was instead of what I was destined to do. The Mother Confessor felt as if we were breaking away and our master and apprentice bond had been cut off. Well, of course it had because I didn't want her babysitting me anymore; I could manage on my own. We got into an argument over this and Lana and it became a war in itself between us. I told her how I felt she had been holding me back for so long and that she feared my true potential. I was supposed to be powerful, but it was because of the Mother Confessor that I was so slow and that I had to wait until I was 21 to become a full fledged Confessor Guard when I should've been one at 18. She was jealous and didn't want me to be threat to her power so she held me back. I told her how I knew she blamed me for my parents' death and that she saw me as a burden. The next words that left my mouth would haunt me forever. I told her I hated her. The look on her face was of pure shock and then of hurt, hurt that the girl she raised hated her for holding her back, for protecting her. It looked like she was going to cry and for some reason I felt so stupid for saying that to her. I didn't hate her, but I said it anyways. That was probably the last time I ever saw and I never got a chance to say goodbye or that I'm sorry.

None of my friends even understood what I was going through and how I was slowly being torn apart from the inside out. I was never the great one in the Temple or the Palace. I was the oddball out of all my friends and the quiet one who wanted to be left alone to think things through. I never was really good at anything and I was well, destined to be mediocre compared to everyone else. It felt as if I was just wasting my time training because I wasn't getting anywhere. I found myself spending much of my time in the Confessors' Library or in the Jedi Archives looking up information on anything I could get my hands to pass the time. I always had a hard time trusting people because I had lost so much in my young life that I guess my greatest weakness was the fear of loss. Grand Master Yoda always told me that the fear of loss was a path to the Dark Side and that I must let go of my past. How could he say that? I couldn't let go of my past just like that because it was a part of me and believe me I tried hard to let it go, but it was futile. I would have nightmares of my parents and how I couldn't save them and how everyone looked down on me because they felt it was my fault that they died. I had started my training extremely late compared to the other Padawans and Caharins who began before the age of one, but I wasn't initiated into the Order until I was five. That was considered too old for I had formed attachments with my family and that was against the Code. But the High Council had accepted me because it was the last dying wish of my father and they couldn't disgrace his death like that. My father might have been unorthodox, but he demanded great respect from the Orders.

Sometimes I close my eyes and I see them, all of my friends, the Mother Confessor, Grand Master Yoda and my parents looking at me in shame. What would my parents think of me now, seeing their daughter reduced to a seamstress? They had great hopes for me and believed that one day I would help to rid the evil of the galaxy and that someday we would all live in peace. It feels that their deaths now have been in vain and I had vowed to myself that wouldn't be the case. I had hoped and prayed that someday I would live in that perfect galaxy where there were no wars, no politics or plotting just eternal peace. I wanted nothing more then to be loved and try to forget all the horrible things that had happened to me so long ago. All I ever wanted was Anakin's love, but in the end he didn't find me worthy of it and just left me to live with a broken heart for the rest of my days. I still to this day don't know what had happened between us and he never cared to explain except that it was over. He promised me that he would love me forever and that he would never ever break my heart, but in the end that's what he did. I hate him for that, for betraying me like this and I will never forgive him, never. For my whole life my heart was made of ice and I never let myself get close to people for I feared that they might leave me just like my parents did. But Anakin was different, he made me feel special, made feel that my life was worth living for and that I could forget about everything but him. He was the only one who was able to melt that ice around my heart that was cold as Hoth and make me feel normal. How could he lie to me like and expect me to accept that it was all over? Did he think that our love was game and that he was in control of me and saw me as some lowly, orphan girl who wasn't worthy of his time? Now I must live with a broken heart and hope that someday it will mend, but I doubt that because Anakin was my first and last love and I don't think I could forget him even if I tried.

I've been searching for some peace, but I can't find it. I feel lost more then ever before and I don't know where to go. Lana keeps me in line and comforts when I feel the pain of loss coming through. My only companions are Lana, solitude and my despair. Funny how my life was destroyed in such a short time due to the circumstances by finding out that Palapatine was the Darth Sidious. I still couldn't believe how we didn't see that one coming, it was so obvious now that I think about it and it was pathetic that neither the Jedi nor the Confessors could see that the Chancellor was the menace. But then again I was blind to not see that he had a new apprentice after Darth Tyranus was killed. Probably the ultimate betrayal I felt was at the hands of my dear good friend Saba Salem a fellow Confessor Guard. She was like my sister and why didn't I see the dark whispers she was listening to. I remember she asked me to join the Dark Side with her and I felt at one moment that perhaps I should. I couldn't believe it, but she promised me that she could save the Mother Confessor from certain death because I had been nightmares of her dying. I couldn't lose the Mother Confessor no matter how much I hated her because she was only person who ever took care of me. She was truly the mother I had never had and she took it upon herself to train her dead friends' daughter. Saba offered to help me save the Mother Confessor and could only do it if I joined the Dark Side. I was tempted because I wanted to save her so bad and I feared to lose her, I really did. But at the same time I felt hatred towards the Jedi and the Confessors for not trusting and it was confirmed when Saba told me that they didn't. Why would they trust me when I was dangerous and couldn't control my emotions? My emotions were my greatest weakness and I always let them get in the way of my duty. That wasn't the Confessor way, we were supposed to be emotionless, "A Jedi/Confessor shall not know anger, nor hatred, nor love". That was the mantra I would always chant to myself along with "there is no emotion only peace" and "there is no passion only serenity" as quoted from the Jedi/Confessor Code. Saba led me down a path that no one could follow me to and I almost couldn't turn back. I can't believe that I almost turned to the Dark Side, and it was through the grace of hearing my parents' spirits did I stop and rethink my decision. Saba died that day and was reborn as Darth Xena because I had to fight her. I had to stop her from destroying herself, but she didn't listen to me and we ended up dueling in the Senate Chamber where I was defeated. She not only betrayed me but the entire Confessor Order too by slaughtering them all in the Confessors' Palace. She destroyed my home and my fellow sisters.

In the end Lana and I fled and I found out that the Mother Confessor and my good friend and roommate Katara Jensen managed to survive. It was only us four that did survive and they and the Jedi thought that Lana and I had died in the Great Confessor Purge. That's fine by me because I failed in everything I tried to do. I failed my parents, the Confessors, the Jedi, my friends and mostly myself. I don't deserve to live for my failure, but for some reason I just can't die. I've been wishing for death for a long time now, but I know I can't die because something is supposed to happen. My mother used to always tell me that when it seems that everything seems dark and bleak and that you've lost everything there will always be hope. Hope is something I don't have and can't wait for because I know that for some reason I will live the rest of my life here on Endor with Lana and will die alone and heart broken. I am ready for death and I will face it with what strength I have left because I'm a broken woman now and I have nothing left. Only then will I find peace and I'll be reunited with my parents whom I've missed terribly. Yes, I can't wait until that day comes. But before that happens I intend to remember my life and what went wrong and what went right. This brings me back to the day when I was still a Caharin and the Mother Confessor was coming back from a key battle on Malastre more then two years ago…

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