Chapter 49: Lingering
"There you are Grandmaster."
It had, surprisingly, taken Obi-Wan a long while to figure out where Yan Dooku was since he got back to the temple from his mission. For that matter, he hadn't immediately been able to detect Siri either, she was down here in the lower levels too, but her presence was vague. Not that seeing her again was going to be pleasant. He had taken a step back, gotten needed space to breath and some perspective, but he's not ignorant that Siri is going to probably be angry with him.
His Grandmaster turns briefly away from a set of screens that he, Master Tholme, Windu, and a number of other Jedi are viewing. Then, Dooku's eyes narrow. "Hmm, why and how are you down here?"
Obi-Wan blinked at the unusual sensation of being on the receiving end of his Grandmaster's irritation. "I came looking for you, and I was directed down here?"
A pinched look crossed Dooku's face, "And being who you are, assumptions were made that it was fine, I see."
"Is there a reason I shouldn't be?"
"Its not a big deal Dooku," murmured Tholme, eyes not leaving the monitors.
"As your old padawan pointed out to us, Sidious somehow learned of what Tachi had revealed to us within the same day," stressed Dooku, "I don't want him aware of what we are trying to learn here. Catching him offguard may be one of the only ways we emerge victorious. Keeping the knowledge tight knit is important."
"And I'm sure Padawan Kenobi can keep his mouth shut if instructed too."
"About what, exactly?" asked Obi-Wan, now more than a little curious.
"Sith hunting exercises," explained Dooku, "Tachi has cloaked her presence, and our... 'trainees' are attempting to find her."
Well now... "That sounds useful."
"If anyone could succeed," breathed Dooku irritably, "This is our fourth session, and even with her 'hints' we've had no progress."
"Hints?"
"She gave one each session after the first," Windu spoke crisply, "There are multiple ways to hide through the Force, some of them overlap and increase the difficulty of detection, was the first. Seeing what one naturally expects to see is part of many methods, was the second. The third was that she implied that if I or others used the Dark we might be able to see through several methods."
Windu shakes his head. "Using Vapaad is one thing, but actively reaching for the dark and not falling is not the same, not something I am capable of."
Obi-Wan folded his arms into his robes, voice dubious. "She's implying that by using the Dark Side, all on its own, would do the trick?"
"She stressed she wasn't actually trying to get anyone to fall," said Dooku flatly, "Her verbiage implied otherwise."
"How so?"
"You foolish little Jedi spend so much time staring into the light it blinds you to what exists in the dark, even putting your little toe into the dark pond could do wonders for messing with Sidious," echoed Dooku in a brief nasal tone.
It really wasn't hard to sound that out in Siri's voice. "I assume the suggestion was rightfully shot down then."
Tholme hummed. "Shadows and sentinels walk the line close enough without actually reaching over it."
Obi-Wan shifts his attention to the monitors, eyes flickering to various rooms and hallways, Jedi on the prowl looking for Siri. "How long does this usually last?"
"An hour or so before she grows bored," said Dooku with irritation.
Obi-Wan huffed a little, amused. "Sounds like her."
He shifts focus. "May I join?"
Dooku raises a single eyebrow. "Why?"
"Why not?" he asks back, "It could end up useful to be able to feel a Sith coming if Sidious has a target on my back."
"If nothing else, her potentially being surprised by your return might upset her technique and give us a chance to find her this time," muses Tholme, "Its not the Jedi way, but I do wish to wipe that smug arrogance off her face at least once."
"Trust me Master Tholme," said Windu dryly, "You're not the only one."
Obi-Wan eyes them briefly, a little taken aback by the public display of frustration. Or well, confined display he supposes considering the limited audience. Siri really must have been making a pest of herself this last month. Not that she generally didn't anyway even if she was trying to 'help' in her own way. He waits for Dooku to give him a nod of approval before he turns and walks out. He hums to himself as he starts down the hallway; he hopes Quinlan is down here searching so he can either: A) Give him a scare in good jest if they bump into one another, or B) Friendly rub his victory in Vos's face when he finds Siri first. A little friendly playing never hurt, kept things interesting.
He doesn't stretch out with the Force or anything like that when starting to look. Its actually kind of a little odd. He was aware of Siri's presence the moment he started descending into the lower levels. In fact, he's fairly certain he's heading right for her. Her presence is vague, but... he still gets a direction out of it. He enters what appears to be a dimly lit old meditation room, mats evenly placed together, a few pieces of furniture scattered around, empty plant vases near the doors out of the room. He strides right to the source of the vague he feels in the north-east corner of the room and stares down at absolutely nothing for a long moment.
"Siri?"
Obi-Wan is more than a little unsettled by how Siri slowly melts into existence, like the space she was occupying peels away to reveal her sitting there, her datapad on her lap watching a video of some sort. Siri stares up at him in complete silence for a very quiet minute, disbelief on her face, before she narrows her eyes, and unmasks her presence, indignation and an uncomfortable amount of fury rippling out of her.
"Kenobi, how the kriff did you find me?" she demands, turning off her datapad, pocketing it, and standing up, a snarl on her face.
He takes a single step back. "Was that not the point of the exercise?"
"Yes," she gritted out, "But how did you find me?"
There was an... odd sensation of self-incrimination and self-directed-fury at her. She's more pissed at herself than she is him if he feels it correctly. "I felt you?"
"I was masking my presence."
"You did feel vague."
"You shouldn't have been able to feel me at all!"
He holds his hands up defensively. "And here I was thinking you'd be happy to see me."
"I was actually thinking about how I was going to break your nose again when I felt you enter the temple."
He gives her a flat look before pausing, a slow sinking feeling entering his stomach because THAT had implications he was uncomfortable with. "You felt me enter the temple?"
"Planet really, but I wasn't aware it was you into you got close enough," she said, shrugging.
Well, that explained how he found her then; he's going to be in so much trouble. When had this happened? How hadn't he noticed, how hadn't SHE noticed either? The only one he'd really had that kind of experience with before was his Master... so Obi-Wan carefully reaches for his bond with Qui-Gon, still uncut and going to stay that way because of how useful they found it, and then pokes around for another and finds a familiar feeling of vagueness...
"Siri?"
Her eyes widen briefly at the mental communication, something he can't quite figure out in her eyes, and then her presence completely withdraws and cuts off, and he's briefly thrown by the sudden absence and how uncomfortable he finds it despite that he shouldn't. She points a finger at him and hollers, "That's CHEATING Kenobi!"
He can't help the exasperated sigh that escapes him, because of course rather than be serious about it, she has to be a jolly-sociopathic-darksider. "Its hardly cheating if the bond was unintentional."
Her face closes off into a cold mask before she stalks past. "The exercise is over."
Obi-Wan has a moment to realize how that sounded to her, but doesn't comment on it. While he hadn't intended for his words to be hurtful, it was the truth, it was unintentional. He is curious about how and when, so he turns and opens his mouth to speak...
...and her fist smashes into his nose with a crack, making him stagger back and clutch at it. "Siwry!"
"THAT was for having a mental confrontation with Sidious inside of my head," she snarls, "Been holding THAT back for far to long. We're you trying to drive me insane?"
He glares at her, feeling blood running down his hand and arms before projecting down the bond. "I was trying to help!"
She flinches a little at the communication before scoffing. "I thought the Jedi were supposed to use their power to defend, not attack!"
He rolls his eyes at that. "You enjoy twisting anything to suit your own ends, don't you?"
She narrows her eyes. "A single mistake could have left me brain-dead or insane."
Obi-Wan hesitates at that. In all honestly, he had been freaking out while trying to keep calm, his only focus to get Sidious out of her head. He... had been afraid to have lost her to that beast again. "My apologies."
He sets his nose, wincing before pouring a little bit of healing energy down it, thankful Bant had taught him this, before wiping his face on his sleeve.
Siri huffs and turns around, making for the exit. "Also, Vos, you can come down now."
Obi-Wan startles when Quinlan fades into view, pinned to the ceiling, before he falls to the floor with an 'omph'. Obi-Wan gapes, because he hadn't even felt Vos nor her using the Force to restrain his friend, then he begins in a rising voice, "Siri...!"
"He tried to cheat and follow me before we started, so I put him in time-out," she says cheerfully, "He didn't really fight me on it, so he must have agreed with the punishment."
Obi-Wan just stares at her back in disbelief as she walks out of the room.
"Well, that was one of the more uncomfortable hours of my life," groans Quinlan, "Shoulda figured I wouldn't be able to sneak up on her a second time."
"There was a first?"
"Mhm," answered the Kiffar, picking himself up off the floor, "Though that was more on her than us."
Obi-Wan shakes his head and leaves his friend to re-orient himself, jogging briefly to catch up to Siri. "If I had to guess, the bond was probably formed on... on Naboo."
"Makes sense," she answers in a clipped tone, "Considering you barreled into my head and poured all that mush in."
"Coming from the one who was literally mind raping me at the time?"
That makes her shut up, tension rolling from her shoulders down to her toes. He feels a sense of dark satisfaction at that, but he lets it go, he shouldn't have attacked like that even if he had a right to. "Sorry, that was..."
"The truth," she cuts in, "I don't need your babying, Kenobi. I know full well what I was doing back then."
He waits for a moment. "And...?"
"And what?"
"Are you even going to apologize?"
"We were enemies at that moment, now we're not."
Sometimes he cannot believe what comes out of her mouth. "Really Siri?"
"Consider the fact that you walked away from that alive and sane as an apology when I could have very easily killed you or left you a vegetable, you should drop the subject."
He exhales in frustration. Not even ten minutes and already he wants to walk away again, or at least smash his own head into the wall repeatedly.
"I suppose I should have figured out the bond was there," she grumbles, diverting the topic away, "The first thing I noticed when I woke up after you ran away like a coward was that you were gone."
"Well excuse me when you blatantly rubbed everything I hoped for you in my face like that," he snapped.
"Careful Jedi, that sounds like anger."
"It IS anger," he said flatly, "Siri, do you have any idea how gutting that was to feel, see, and hear?"
Her head briefly turns to look at him, looking surprised at the admittance, he faintly senses a brief pass down the bond, trying to sample his emotions, which he response with a scathing amount of ire. She twitches and faces forward. "Toughen up Kenobi, the galaxy is a shitty place full of shitty people. If you let everything affect you, you wont go far."
"Do you even hold a single consideration for turning away from the Dark Side?" he asked, bluntly honest.
Then he found himself slammed into the hallway wall. "Lets be clear Obi-Wan: No, I don't. I've told you before and I'll say it again: This is the only way I stand a chance in all nine hells of killing Sidious. So its not on me to turn away, its on you to convince me too, and I can't think of a way you can that ends up with Sidious dead."
She could always leave it to the Chosen One.
He had apparently been thinking that too loud, because she snorts. "Supernova is a walking talking disaster Obi-Wan, and regardless of that I don't even believe in that prophecy nonsense."
He blinked. "...was that a nickname?"
She lets go of him and starts walking. "Ahuh, and until he can properly shield himself, its sticking. He always gives me that look when I call him that..."
"You talk with him?" he asked, incredulous.
What when where and how?
"During meals he deigns to make himself a nuisance to me, much to my own, his master, and everyone else's chagrin," she mused.
She actually sounded fond.
"Why is he a disaster?"
"Spend some time around him and it becomes apparent," she said, snicking, "I've already heard of a number of classroom mishaps in passing, and sometimes he sticks his foot in his mouth in the most adorable ways. He really needs to think before he speaks."
Well... he hadn't spent that much time around Anakin, but... he had heard firsthand a few instances of the latter, and he could imagine some of the trouble he could get in while he was learning to use his ridiculous power in the Force. Another reason to be glad that was Qui-Gon's problem to deal with. "I see."
He squints at her and lets an air of playfulness drip down the bond. "It sounds like you've made a friend, I think I'm rather proud of you Siri."
She stops, sputters a bit, and turns to glare at him.
"If you two are done," comes Dooku's voice from the doorway up ahead, "We have questions."
"We might have kinda formed a Force Bond on Naboo," says Siri nonchalantly.
"You WHAT?!"
Siri hums to herself, sitting on a chair in the Halls of Healing while Obi-Wan is fretted over because 'apparently' being bonded to a Sith means they have to check for 'Dark Side taint'. The notion of the bond still makes something in her stomach both flutter and churn, to have a bond with Obi-Wan. Its not particularly strong at the moment, there is a single, powerful strand yes, coupled with weaker ties around it, but, overall her bond with Gallia had been deeper, as had Sidious's. But the mere thought of it, the potential of it... it makes her head spin with want and desire...
Craving of how it could be more...
How they could be more...
The thoughts of them together, the outlines of small faceless children in her minds eye...
Its hard to push the thoughts away, it makes it difficult to feel and bathe in the Dark Side as she's used to. She could do so by turning her thoughts to her darker and more base desires for him, but she's not risking that leaking down the bond, especially when the Jedi are poking around the bond. Though if he got a hard on in the middle of his checkup from any fantasies leaking down that he saw it might be hilarious, or maybe just awkward. Best to not.
Her lips thin. In all honestly, the bond is probably going to be snipped, and something in her ROARS at that in absolute fury. She has the desire to slaughter anyone who'd dare lay a hand on the bond, to grab Obi-Wan and run, carting him off from the temple and locking him away somewhere to be forever hers, forever safe from Sidious, just them...
She twitches at the thought and closes it off as best she can, despite it bubbling under the lid of her mind.
Considering Dooku is glaring at her at the moment for the mere existence of the bond, its a solid idea to not let any such thoughts leak through her shields. "I already told you it wasn't intentionally, and was most likely formed because of him, not me. I let you feel for the truth once, so take your pissy mood elsewhere you old bat."
Dooku narrows his eyes, but does not respond, continuing to silently glare at her.
Honestly, the next time they spar, she is going to find a way to drive her boot up his ass.
Obi-Wan and Vokara Che appear a moment later, Windu and Fay slowly walking behind him, both looking surprisingly visibly displeased. Che clears her throat and speaks to Dooku, "There was no influence, no compulsions, no laced thoughts or planted suggestions or anything of the like."
Siri lets out a growl. She wouldn't do that to Obi-Wan. To orphanages full of children yeah, she had done that a few times for kicks and for practicing compulsions, but not to Obi-Wan. The Jedi don't even acknowledge her.
"I see, so it has been severed then?" asks Dooku crisply.
"No," said Obi-Wan, "So long as it is not abused, it will stay for the time being."
Siri goes completely, perfectly still, her face blank, her presence shrinking in the Force to cover the sheer shock that roils through her. He... he chose to keep it...?
"Of course it will," exhales Dooku, "We will be exchanging words later, Padawan Kenobi."
Dooku turns and leaves without further word, leaving Obi-Wan there with a pinched expression on his face.
Windu follows out shortly after, "I hope you know what you're doing, Obi-Wan."
Fay doesn't comment and merely goes.
Obi-Wan stands there for a long moment, eyes closed, lips closed tight with tension and frustration and -why don't they trust me on this?- leaking down the bond and around him in the air. There are ways she could pounce on that, but she hardly trusts herself to speak at the moment. He shakes his head and glances at her, motioning to the exit. She gets up and walks beside him silently, very carefully working to calm herself behind her shields without giving away anything.
They reach the hallway leading to her room before he speaks, "So, you said it was on me to convince you to leave the Dark Side."
Something in her darkens at that, worse than normal, a seed of doubt wondering if he had only kept the bond to use it against her on that matter. "What of it?"
"If you are up for it, perhaps we can continue our discussions."
This damn pestering was irritating. Always asking her something she doubted he would even consider doing himself...
Then her earlier thoughts and emotions roar at her with that thought, of him leaving the Jedi. The desire and want suddenly so overwhelming as that thought echoes, it churns and boils and explodes in her mind. She can't not voice it, it takes all she can to not sound desperate when she speaks.
"You want me to leave the Dark Side? Leave the Sith?" she asked, "Fine."
Obi-Wan looked shocked, stopping outside her door. "Fine?"
"On one condition," she said, stopping as well.
He looked at her with suspicion. "And what is that?
"That you leave the Jedi Order and run away with me," she answered, the thought becoming more and more consuming as she voice it, "We can go to some backwater Outer Rim, Wild Space, or Unknown Region world, and start a family. No Sith. No Jedi. Just us, and our children."
The idea is burning in her mind, all consuming, with enough power and desire that it shoves away any whisper about attaining power, about dominating and ruling, even overruling killing Sidious. None of that is as important as this desire. She would throw it all away to have this. To have things that neither a Jedi or a Sith would ever truly have or allow. And freedom... no more being bound by either sides rules and laws, no more Masters, no Light or Dark sides, just them. Its all consuming and obsessive... yet she embraces that desire in this moment. The mere notion of actually getting something she deeply and truly wanted over what others want of her...
She watches Obi-Wan's slight, thoughtful frown with near fanatical hope; she isn't blind enough in her desperation to not feel the swirl of the Force, of the importance of this moment...
And he shakes his head. "Siri, that's selfish. I'm a Jedi, I live for others, for the Republic, not myself."
Siri has enough training, as a Sith, to slam her shields up before the devastation of his words hit her; to try and hide the pain, not show weakness, to not reveal how much his words have blown through her. She closed her eyes and... shuts down in a sense. The shudder of anguish starting at the base of her spine is crushed. The absolute grief is swallowed by the Dark Side. The crushed hope is replaced by smoldering anger. The love... isn't gone, no, but its dimmed. There was the potential for him to say yes, the future is always in motion... but she was fooling herself to think it would realistically happen.
He had shown her, back on Naboo, how he felt for her. He loved her yes, but their love was different from one another. He imagined the kind of love Qui-Gon and Tahl had, platonic to the core, mostly shown in comradery, companionship or stolen moments of lingering gazes. Hell, Qui-Gon and Tahl hadn't apparently admitted they loved one another most of their lives; so she and Obi-Wan *might* get upgraded to the brush of limbs, or maybe the isolated kiss if she pushed for it...
That wasn't what she wanted.
What does Obi-Wan know of love? Of real love? That he'd call having a family selfish (Maybe the running away part, but they couldn't really, truly, be together and still be in either of their Orders without their Masters coming down on them). She wasn't so arrogant to think she understood love either, damaged by the Sith and brought up by the Jedi as she was. It something that regular people took for granted. She had seen it at a distance during her missions. The parent caring for an offspring. Gifts between lovers. Open displays of affection whether they be words or actions. She'd seen it from those she'd kill too. The lover trying to offer themselves in place of the other. The last moments of two people holding a gaze before they died. Parents dying for their children. The utter devotion to one another...
It's not what she feels towards Obi-Wan; not yet at least. She wants it to be, she so desperately wants for them to develop to that, because she does understand that true deep love isn't generally an instant miracle thing that just happens (maybe?). But it's not going to either way. It was never going to. She had known that, had voiced that to Dooku. Why she continued to subconsciously delude herself to think it would was beyond madness. Especially this sudden bout of it. Its mortifying and embarrassing to realize just how much influence this want, and him, has over her, especially to have it crash and burn now. Even if she wasn't a Sith, wasn't a monster, was still the Jedi he had known and originally fallen in love with, it never would have happened.
I should have killed him.
The thought hits her... and she toyed with it rather than venomously throwing it away or angrily agreeing with it. She sifts through the pros and cons, of whats happened since she was captured VS what might have happened had she killed him. She asks herself: was all this hell with the Jedi worth it, was giving up her ascension as a real Sith for the short moments she and Obi-Wan have actually had for one another, that weren't one of them digging at the other, or him trying to convert her back to the light? For the realization that her dreams and desires weren't ever going to happen?
She doesn't know.
The fact that it isn't an instant 'no it wasn't worth it' is rather surprising.
She lingers on the why of that, and its rather obvious: Even if its not the love she wants, its the only love she's really ever had, ever truly known. And it's better than nothing. Master Galia, Siolo Ur Manka, they had cared, but they had not loved. Sidious didn't know the meaning of the word aside from how to use it against people. This was the only love ever given to her. It was the only one she would ever get.
So that made it worth it, even if she never got what she wanted, even if it was going to all end in misery and suffering.
When she opened her eyes, Obi-Wan was staring at her with a mixture of deep worry, concern, and... hope?
"You're Force Signature changed," he said softly, a hint of confused wonder in his voice.
Her eyes furrow a bit. She doesn't particularly feel any different to herself, but she doesn't care enough to dig deep and check, doesn't care about anything at this point in time. Yet his reaction manages to disgust her though and truly ignite her fury; because he apparently thinks whatever change he feels is good even if he doesn't understand why it happened. "It's because I gave up, I let go of ever having the chance of you loving me as I need you to."
He recoils from her, face wounded, his mouth opening and closing a few times.
"I remember you saying something, in that cell Obi-Wan," she said softly, "About me marking your words that me staying in the Dark Side would leave me with nothing in the end, that I would realize it wasn't worth it. Maybe you should mind mine as well."
She stared him dead in the eye, and lets her grief and loss over a love she didn't deserve that never would be anyway show. "Because mark my words Obi-Wan. You'll look back on this day, years, maybe decades from now, and realize this was the only real chance you ever had to save either of us. You'll give up everything for the Jedi, and it'll leave you with as much as giving up everything for the Sith would leave me."
She turned away, walked into her room, and closed the door behind her, needing desperately to meditate and get a handle on her emotions.
Or at least she tried to.
He of course had to be an aggravation, not knowing when to back off, and catch the door. "Siri."
She wants to hit him again.
Break his nose.
Make him bleed.
Make him suffer and scream.
She wants to reach into his mind and rip it to shreds.
She sees his throat and wants to choke the life out of him.
It boils around her.
The Dark is howling and screaming within her with the continued exposure to him after what he said, and her control isn't stable enough at the moment to keep it all in AND not act on it at the same time, so she chooses not to act as the more important choice. Obi-Wan goes perfectly still, prey before predator. She turns to glower at him, and the moment her eyes meet his, he chokes, a spike of fear and panic and loss in his eyes. She doesn't particularly know why. She doesn't care.
He takes a breath and steels himself. "Why is this so important to you?"
Its so hard to speak, to think, to act, through the red furious haze in her mind, she snaps out, "Why is family, clan, unit, hive, flock, or tribe important to literally ninety-nine percent of the galaxy?"
He frowns. "I find it hard to understand where this comes from, such things aren't part of either the Jedi or the Sith."
That was the kriffing POINT!
Siri blinked at the thought, a little startled to realize that she actually hated BOTH the Jedi and the Sith for that. Well, guess she had something else she'd change about the Sith if she ever usurped Sidious. The thought is quickly swallowed by the red rage, and she knows she needs to get Obi-Wan out of here before she actually physically hurts him, badly. She's not sure she can stop herself if she gets started, and she doesn't want to kill him despite the desire to watch blood run down his neck ticks through her mind. She can see it, imagine the blood, imagine his neck slit open... such lovely red running downward... his presence in the Force fading fading fading...
"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised," she hissed out, trying to banish the image and sensation, "What would Jedi know of love, of family? Hell, you'd probably be a shitty father."
She loves the flinch from him as much as her own words make her cringe. Stop it stop it stop it this is to much over normal, what are you doing? You're going to ruin everything you currently have!
Which isn't a lot, but its better than nothing.
"So would most Jedi then," she muses, trying to divert her target from Obi-Wan to someone else, but failing to not make it painful regardless, "Its not like your own Jedi 'dad' didn't abandon you in the middle of a war zone when you were thirteen after all."
Obi-Wan's face closes off immediately, and from what she feels down the bond, she struck deep.
Good.
Let him feel the pain.
Stop it!
"Hells, its honestly kriffing stupid," she drawled, "You Jedi are literally breeding Force Sensitivity out of the Galaxy by ripping the best and the brightest away and disavowing a legacy. But what do I know? I'm just a loveless selfish Sith bitch. Isn't that right Kenobi?"
"Siri, stop," he says firmly, an air of fear in his voice, "You need to calm down before you destroy yourself."
"Then get OUT!" she snarls, "If you want to survive the next minute, GET THE KRIFF OUT!"
The intent to kill bleeds out through the air, and he's gone in a split second in the moment she chokes on realizing that the sensation actually escaped her. That he had felt her literally want to kill him. She closes the door with the Force, shrouds the room and herself from sound and sensation and Force to the outside world, and screams in a rage, a storm of energy flooding the room and throwing everything in it about...
Her eyes had been bleeding sulpher yellow.
Streaks of it tainting her blue, reminding him of that awful few minutes on Naboo, and Obi-Wan hasn't felt as terrified of losing her to the Dark Side as he had since then. He lays on his bed, swallowing repeatedly, trying to get a handle on his fear and let it go. What and where had that gone so wrong? Why was that selfish desire so important to her over anything else? Enough for the loss of it to... to bring flickers of that monster, of Darth Tyrosus, back to life?
He takes a breath in and lets it out, skittering away from her rage, of the monster in her briefly animated. He instead tries to make sense of it, focusing on her words.
One thing she said maybe makes him think that not all of that was just lashing out like a wounded creature, or at least, there had potentially been some truth in it. Because, if he's honest: Siri is deceptive and deceitful when it suits her, but, she prefers brutal cruel honesty, and when it comes to pointing out what she considers to be flaws... oh, she is very free in handing out criticism of the Jedi Order. The problem was... she had been right in a... few things thus far, perhaps even more than he'd like to admit. It was an uncomfortable thing, because the Sith existed to destroy the Jedi, they made it their mission to spot out flaws and weaknesses in the Order to exploit. Siri was... a weird Sith all things considered, but she had that same predatory attention to weakness. So, he gave her words the attention they were due.
Her words on children were what he focused on.
Obi-Wan had no interest in having children, had never thought about it. The concept was jarring to him, even with his more openness about attachment, even taken to the limits by having feelings for a Sith, having children was an incredible extreme. Master Mundi, with his wives and children was an uncomfortable topic for anyone to even speak of in quiet tones, let alone directly to him, even though they understood it was a literal matter of life or death for his species. Obi-Wan was loosely aware that Master Mundi wasn't the only one, that there were others of his species in the temple, and perhaps a few other extreme exceptions, but he hadn't looked into it. That she wanted children with him was... a squirming feeling, not to mention, from what little he knew of relationships, very premature.
Anyway, Siri believed that the Jedi were effectively culling Force Sensitivity out of the Galaxy by taking Force Sensitives and not allowing them to have children. His first reaction, when not considering it a selfish thing from Siri, is still disagreement. His second reaction, thinking it over, is that he can't agree or disagree. He's done basically no research on the subject, his own knowledge comes from Temple classes, which boils down to in rough terms 'The Force will Provide'; if there needs to be more Force Sensitives, there will be.
But, having spent far to much time with Siri, he also recognizes that as a complacent thought.
He turns to lay on his side, frowning thoughtfully. If the Force were truly a mainly hereditary gift, wouldn't this have been an absolutely major problem by now? He doesn't dismiss the topic because of that thought, but instead shifts focus to think of reasons it wouldn't have. For one, he is loosely aware that the current Code wasn't always there, that things used to be... looser, thousands of years ago, even a thousand years ago before the Ruusan Reformation. Lingering genetics passed down could easily explain unexplained Force Sensitivity in a family that wasn't know for it. He knows by default that while the Sith (as a whole) wouldn't care about love or family, they would have been far less controlled than the Jedi were in such matters. He also knows better than to condemn someone for their blood or their ancestors, so the thought that some of the Order might have had Sith somewhere distant in their bloodline isn't one that heavily roils him.
Just makes him a tad uncomfortable.
He also knows that Jedi Padawans or initiates leave the Order from time to time, its likely to assume some of them start families. There are also most likely plenty of children who are missed on the Search and don't become Jedi, thus they grow up and have families in a normal life. His thoughts squirm a little despite the years that have passed, but... what about the Service Corps? He lingers on it, but draws a complete blank. He doesn't actually know if they are held to the same exact rules as the Jedi Order or not, if he's honest he has to admit he doesn't like thinking about them after his own near miss with washing out of the Order. He is aware as well that there are many other Force Sects in the Galaxy, Qui-Gon never let him be ignorant of that. The Jedi Order is the largest, most well known, and recognized, but there are many others, and he has not a single clue to whether or not any of them allow attachments or children. Maybe some do, maybe some don't.
Maybe there is some point in her words, maybe the Jedi prevent a fraction of Force Sensitives from being born, but whose to say a Jedi Dynasty couldn't go wrong? That a family of powerful Force Sensitives couldn't abuse their power? That the Sith might have plucked a powerful child from said family like Siri had been taken and twisted? He's sure it must have happened in the past. He's not going to research it as a point to argue with Siri though, this topic is never coming up between them again as far as he's concerned.
He never wants to see her true depths as a Sith ever again.
Yet... it was so strange. When her Force Signature had changed, some of the dark storm that she was had settled, flattened into a dark pond rather than a hurricane. He had thought it had been good that it was gone. But... maybe he had looked at it wrong. Maybe that storm wasn't darkness, maybe it had been conflict, and... maybe he had killed some of that conflict with his words, killed the wrong parts of the conflict, because that had tipped her back even further towards the Dark. He kicks himself for that. He in part wishes he hadn't given an absolute no, that he had said he'd think on it or something like that. Except... that wouldn't be true, and he didn't have the cruelty in him to lead her on like that.
The only reason he would have considered a taboo like starting a family was to help save her from the Dark Side, but NOT at the expense of the Jedi Order, at abandoning his duties. Though perhaps its for the best that it doesn't happen. Its a setback for her going deeper into the Dark, yes, but... Siri would NEVER, EVER, considered giving up a child to the creche. That could have potentially been a deadly, explosive incident if pressed that could have had even worse results than what just happened. Not to mention the hassle with the Council, if he had actually gone to the point of having a child with her... the Council would have come down hard on him and probably removed him from his duty of helping her, not to mention imposing the longest censure of his life into possible expulsion.. There was also the possibility of Sidious stealing the child if he got the chance, and that makes his heart clench at the thought of that monster corrupting an innocent child from the group up. There's also the issue with her technically being a prisoner, there might be legal issues that come up if a 'jailer' and a 'prisoner' all the sudden had a child, issues he sorely would not want to bring upon the Order. Finally...
Something in him withers, at her remarks of him being a terrible father. She's probably right. He doesn't... he doesn't know if he could have given a child what they truly needed. On the flip side, he heavily doubts Siri could either. And the instability of being raised by a Dark mother and a Light father could have destroyed the child too. Because he's not foolish enough to believe Siri can just snap her fingers and turn away from the Dark even if she wanted to. It would be a very long struggle.
He sighs and pushes the thought away, he's lingered enough on it. Instead... he turns to the surprising spike of pain he'd felt when Siri had... well... called out Qui-Gon for what he had done. He was caught offguard that had still hurt years later. Both he and Qui-Gon had grown much closer in the last eight, nine years, putting the past behind them and moving on. Or so he had thought. Perhaps... the issue was they had buried it rather than deal with it. Swept it under the rug rather than talk through it. They both made mistakes back then, perhaps even to this day, though it was more co-conspirator since Siri's supposed death on the Tally mission...
The...
The Tally mission.
Talesan Fry.
What the kriff had happened to Talesan Fry!?
All thoughts are swept aside in that surprising question, bolting upright. What in the world had happened to Tally? If Siri had been abducted... had Tally been as well? Or had he been killed? Why in the world had he not thought to ask that question? He hesitates for a moment before taking a deep breath, getting up, leaving his room, his apartment, and knocking on Siri's door.
There is dead silence for a long few minutes before the door opens. He winces at the static of the Dark Side oozing from the room. Its a complete mess, she... really hadn't taken his words well. She glares at him in a furious outrage.
"You never know when to quit, do you Kenobi?" she snarls.
There is sulfur in her eyes again.
He swallows and steels himself. "Siri... what happened to Tally?"
She blinked, caught offguard, the sulfur bleeding out of her eyes into a confused blue. "...Tally?"
"The mission where you were abducted by Sidious, we were sent to guard Talesan Fry, he was a boy genius."
She frowned, a bewildered look crossing her face. "I... don't remember a Talesan Fry, or a Tally."
He makes a pass for the truth, and she narrows her eyes at him, snarling, "I DON'T KRIFFING REMEMBER HIM! I'm not lying! You are really pressing your luck today Obi-Wan."
He lets that sink in, that she doesn't remember Tally. Even almost a decade later Obi-Wan still remembered the boy, if only because of that mission. "You remember your fall right?"
"Yes," she grits out.
"But you don't remember the mission it was during?"
She grinds her teeth, eyes flickering. "Gallia and I were sent with you and Qui-Gon to... to..."
She blanks out. "We were sent on a mission together, but I don't remember the purpose of it. I remember that bounty hunter scum Magus, how we nearly died and... started feeling for one another, we... got back, met in a large room while... I don't remember. I know we split to look for..."
She growls. "For something, its why Galia and I chased Maul. Kriff. Kriffing hells when I focus in depth its obvious details are missing. Lost underneath the memory of my Fall. I don't remember a damn thing about this 'Talesan Fry'."
"...could that be what Sidious targeted? Or is this an earlier tampering?"
Siri gnawed on her lips in thought. "I don't know Obi-Wan, I don't know..."
"...and we believe that Padawan Kenobi might be correct, Chancellor," explained Master Windu, sitting across from him in the Chancellor's office, "In that this was the memory targeted in Sidious's attack on his apprentice. Or at least it bears deeper investigation."
"Of course Master Jedi," said Sidious calmly, hiding his inner fury, and a flicker of fear he will never admit, "I will have the SBI look into the matter. However, it is likely that if the boy, this 'Talesan Fry', is even alive, it would be foolish for the Sith to not have put him under a psuedo-name."
Yes, that had been foolish, careless, and now Sidious is going to have to scramble to cover this. Damn that brat, Kenobi is potentially far more trouble than he's worth. How did this even come up? Were the reminiscing about the mission where Tachi was taken as his apprentice? Sidious did that sometimes when he wondered how this mess has all started. Tachi had such potential, but could be such a chore...
"Likely," agreed Windu, sighing briefly, "Still, it is a potentially lead in the mystery of the Sith, and yet... why? Why would this boy be so important that Sidious would go after his apprentice to wipe out the memory?"
Careful careful careful... give useful information, but redirect it from the truth with another potential one.
"Tachi implied that Sidious owns a portion of the senate, has she not?" asked Sidious.
Windu nods.
"The amount of money needed for that kind of extortion would be... extreme," said Sidious slowly, "I've read Tachi's file that was published by the Order, and our own records, I can vaguely recall... wasn't Talesan Fry a rather intelligent child?" and a complete utter petulant nuisance unless constantly threatened, "Developed a security system at the age of eight?"
Windu nods slowly, following the line of through. "Nurture such talent in the wrong way, and the boy could become a master slicer, could potentially steal an extraordinary amount of money without anyone being the wiser. Not to mention empty bank accounts and threaten an individual's or corporations entire livelihood."
It would have been something he could have used, if he didn't already have his fingers deep in the Banking Clans. But the Jedi didn't need to know that.
"Perhaps a joint task force?" suggested Sidious, wanting one of his own mole's to keep a eye on the Jedi and misdirect them, "Together with the SBI, your shadows maybe be able to delve into the banks and search for signs of slicing. There is the chance the banks may even support our efforts, if only to keep grubby hands on their money."
Windu gives a nod before pausing, then speaking in a careful tone. "And how... deeply into things should be pressed? Even perhaps against the wishes of the banks?"
That was almost amusing, so frightened of breaking the laws. "Master Jedi, I am more than aware that laws maybe have to be bent or broken in order to find and best this Sith Lord."
Neither quite permission or quite refusal. Allowing deniability, but judging by the nod he gets from Windu, understood. Good good, misdirection and manipulation, the Jedi's resources wasted by aiming them the wrong way. Perhaps he might even create subtle 'proof' for them to find to support the deception, to make them chase even deeper into a false end. It will buy him time to properly bury any evidence of Talesan Fry's very existence. All of the man's non-critical non-owned acquaintances are to be either mind-wiped, enslaved, or killed. Something he can finally task Vosa on that she couldn't possibly screw up.
Then again, best not to jinx himself, he'll watch her first few attempts to make sure she doesn't bumble it, then turn her loose.
"Well then, thank you for keeping me updated Master Jedi," said Sidious, giving a grandfatherly smile, "I'm glad to see things smoothing out since our... initial disagreement during Tachi's first questioning session. I am hoping a firm link of trust and cooperation can be built between the current administration and the Jedi Order in these trying times."
"We do as well Chancellor," answered Windu.
Yes, he was sure they did, and he would do nothing too overt to dissuade them from betraying their secrets and maneuverings to their sworn enemy...
Review Responses:
Dolansosar: IDK. Basing things in my fanfic off of other fanfics isn't something I do aside from little playful references or subtle shout-outs.
Nerdman3000: Bail will shine, don't you worry, particularly just after we enter the Empire Era. After all, if Bail doesn't have to keep his head down watching Leia, well... that gives him a lot more leeway, doesn't it? :D. Also, Siri is extremely biased and unreliable about a lot of shit, lol. Doesn't mean she's not oh so fun to read and write tho.
RedShirt1453: Eventually, but like Aqua Heart of Pain, Wound in Time has really run out of steam for me all of the sudden. Its not abandoned, but it IS on the backburner for the moment.
Gendie01: Timeskip, I *think* after next chapter, or the one after. Not a big one, (maybe a year), but its coming.
Everyone else, thanks for the responses!