HELLOOOO-OOO-OOO-OO-OOOO!Julia is back with a new chapter, one that I was planning on posting last Sunday, but had to postpone thanks to a nasty Flu. EVIL FLU! Well, all these amazing people got cookies for their reviews:

The Fire Alchemist, Whispers of Darkness, Uber Spoonz, petey, Silver Ripper, Vslasher, Voldies-Socks, Deamon Fire, and Wyrvvn.

Whoa, 9 REVIEWS. More than I have ever gotten for any single chapter of any story of mine. You guys rock. I am sorry thischapter is so short! Maybe I'll re-write it later.

Oh yeah, a little shout out for Wyrvvn for guessing who Link's wife was. I don't know if listing every possible female character actually counts, though...

DISCLAIMER. Anyone who thinks I own anything besides this story is completely delusional.

StOrY tImE!

When Link woke up, he felt as if his head were full of water. What a weird dream he had. Wait- was it a dream? Or was it real? Something involving a cat and a crazy girl. But he couldn't think properly. Underneath him the bed was soft and bouncy. He slowly got up and looked around.

There wasn't anyone there besides him, but that was normal. His wife was probably outside feeding the Cuccos. And surely enough, when Link went outside, there she was.

The Cucco Lady.

Sure, there was an age difference, but that didn't matter. Not to Link, at least. The author had decided he should fall madly in love at the first sight and vow to marry her as soon as his adventure was over. And so it had happened. OOC, of course, but who cares? The author certainly doesn't.

Anyway, as soon as Link stepped out, the Cucco Lady - the author decided her name should be Nari - smiled broadly and ran up to him.

"Link! You're awake! You scared me, did you know that?"

"What happened?"

"Well, I was doing business at Lon Lon Ranch and I saw you unconscious by the road. I have no idea what happened to you, though..."

Link sighed. He remembered everything now. The cat, the blue-white mist, the crazy author, her plan to kill him 9 times for fun... Then he thought of something. From the path he had taken, Lon Lon Ranch would be between him and Kakariko Village. If Nari came from their house in Kakariko and headed for Lon Lon Ranch, she would not be able to come across him unless she decided to go around the ranch for some reason. But Nari was always head-on, she would not go out of her way to take the long path unless she were headed to Gerudo Valley or Lake Hylia. There was something she wasn't telling him. Link made a mental note to investigate further into this.

"But, it seems you're all good and dandy now, so can you help me with the Cuccos?"

"Sure." And they set off to do their daily Cucco-related chores. Some time later, Nari left for Hyrule Market in order to buy some food.

Even though Link was plagued by the knowledge that he would be dying very soon, he tried not to think about it very much. But he couldn't figure out why he was so darn clumsy today. No matter what he did, he always managed to trip and fall over a spastic Cucco, who would then proceed to peck him furiously. Not only that, but it was always the same Cucco, and that only made things worse, as the Cucco now held a grudge against the poor Hylian. After about 10 minutes of this rather screwed-up exercise, the Cucco decided enough was enough, and called its brethren for help.

Too many Cuccos, too many feathers, too many injuries. Link's first life fell apart. One down, eight more to go.

Link woke up, and saw that he was in the Author's Domain again.

"Welcome, Link, to the Author's Domain," the impassive automatic voice said. "Make yourself comfortable."

The author materialized out of nowhere again, and laughed evilly. "Hello, Link. We meet again." Nothing like evil clichེd lines to make a true villain. "I hope you enjoyed your first death."

"Not actually," replied Link bitterly.

"I know," said the author, smirking. "Well, you'll have to hang around here while I fix your body for the next chapter. Want some soda?"

"...What's a soda?"

"Hum-hum. Lon Lon Milk then. Oh wait. You don't have a body! How sad."

"..."

"Just do whatever you want to amuse yourself in the big empty void. Oh, this is going to be grand!" she said, excited, and went about fixing Link's body.

BEFORE ANYONE TRIES TO KILL ME FOR THE CHOICE OF LINK'S WIFE. This is actually a joke with a friend of mine. I'd explain it to you but I'm lazy. Lazy, lazy Julia.

Remember, send in your death suggestions! You get a cookie! Seriously! And a cool bike! ...Nah, just kidding. But you still get a cookie!

-Julia, over and out