7. Wish.
T: Beware the continued psychobabble in this chapter, the semi OOC Seishiro and the slight increase in the angst factor…apart from this everything remains as it was including my non ownership of anything other than the plot!
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He contemplates the others words a great while and then he enquires,
"Why would you believe such a thing necessary? Why would you believe that Subaru would be happier without you there in his life?"
Seishiro regards him a moment with the unnerving red of his eyes and the he remarks,
"The truth is an easy thing to believe, Kamui and no matter what you think it is the truth."
"Why do you say such a thing with such powerful certainty?"
"We have, the both of us, been raised since infancy to be distrustful of the other…"
"I have no wish to listen to a false truth, Seishiro, especially one so cliché."
"Cliché or no it is the rout truth of this whole affair…mother taught me to be a killer, you see, to view all life as insignificant.
"Thus Hokuto was not the first 'innocent' that I had destroyed with my hands…thus I would have taken even Subaru's life had he not said what he did that day."
"Which was?"
"He asked if the bodies beneath the sakura were in pain and it was such an odd idea to me…such a foreign concept…that I wanted to learn a little more of the boy who had suggested it.
"Thus I burned my mark into his skin…spared his life…all that I could learn the workings of his mind and then destroy him completely." He stands then and, his face turning from Kamui, he remarks, "It was a grand psychological experiment and everything was going so very well until I took the blow meant of Subaru…before I began to understand that I had allowed my 'test subject' to become the entirety of my world.
"I continued onwards despite this revelation and it was only when he lay broken and impassive beneath my feet that my great plan began to unravel completely before me.
"For it was in that moment that I realised the perverted nature of my soul…realised that I loved Subaru and wished to kill him merely for the weakness that love represented.
"I hated myself for that selfishness, wished Subaru to hate me in return and yet I desired also Subaru's forgiveness…desired the chance to have him look at me again with kindness.
"These conflicting desires were not resolved in my heart when Hokuto came to me and I would have spared her if only she had given me chance…if only she had not pushed my hand.
"Her death lost me the hope of gaining Subaru's forgiveness and thus I turned my thoughts to earning his hate…to twisting the kindness in his heart until it blackened into the yearning for vengeance.
"When we met again I knew, simply for the fire in his eyes, that I had achieved at least this goal…knew that I could do nothing now other than to reinforce his hatred of me."
"Then why are you perusing still such a course when you have now a chance of gaining Subaru's forgiveness?"
"Such a hope is still empty for I have taken Hokuto from him and, sooner or later, he will be unable to push that fact from his mind…will turn his mind again towards my destruction."
Kamui gains his feet and, stepping in front of Seishiro, he informs the other,
"Subaru has no want to kill you, Seishiro."
"Can you also now see the wishes of others, Kamui?"
"Such a question is intended to turn me onto another path of discussion and thus I shall not answer it."
Seishiro raises a hand to ruffle at his hair and, an odd smile upon his lips, he remarks,
"You have grown up, Kamui."
He little likes the tone of the others voice and he almost thinks to back track upon his conviction in this matter.
Yet he knows that he had now Subaru's happiness in his hands and, stealing his nerve, he remarks,
"I have spent a great deal of time in Subaru's company, listening to the words he speaks and the words he chooses to keep silent.
"It is because of this contact that I have an idea of his wish…have an idea of how harmful your pursuit of death would be to him.
"Thus I ask you to talk to him, Seishiro, ask you to discuss this matter and allow him the chance to talk to you in return."
There is a moment of silence and then Seishiro informs him, "Keep yourself as free as possible today, Kamui, for Subaru may have a need for your company," before he smiles brightly and remarks, "I'd best be off."
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His head is aching, the muscles in his fingers are protesting from the shear amount of writing he has done and still he finds himself no closer to a solution.
"I've brought you coffee." The sound of Seishiro's voice is an unlooked for comfort and he turns with the thought of thanking Kamui for bringing the elder man to him, only to discover that Seishiro is alone.
The odd hue of Seishiro's 'new' eyes informs him quickly of where they have come and Subaru wonders of the price that the tree had demanded for the organs.
The thought is lost, however, as the aforementioned beverage is set into his hands and Seishiro comes to sit tight against him.
"Any luck?"
"I've been working back through the process of Imonoyama-san's logic and I can understand the basic structure of the spell.
"Breaking it without harming Imonoyama-san or directing that harm back to myself, however…"
"Perhaps you should take a break?"
"I know that I am close, Seishiro and I'm afraid that if I step away from it the answer is going to slip out of reach."
"Write down your current thought process, then and that way you can return to the problem right where you left it." There is an odd note present in the others voice and, doing as he had instructed, Subaru enquires,
"What is the matter?"
"I wished a moment of your time."
Since the desperate flurry that had consumed him upon Seishiro's 'confession' he had gone out of his way to avoid a discussion between them.
He knew that such avoidance was foolish, the man he loved was Sakurazukamori and this, along with the baggage it carried, was something he had chosen to accept.
'Acceptance' was not quite 'forgiveness', however, and it was this detail he was certain Seishiro would pick up on…this detail that the other would twist into something that would hurt the both of them.
"Can we not leave this for a later date…a time when everything is a little more certain?"
"The longer that we leave this the longer it shall fester, Subaru."
Pushing aside his notes he turns to again face the one he loved and enquired,
"What do you have want to say?"
"I talked today to Kamui, discussed with him the nature of his other self and the link that binds us.
"I had thought to push him to realise his true wish…thought to save him before it all became too late and yet…
"In the end I am the one who has learned the most from that discussion."
Seishiro traces his fingers across his brands and, as the things spark into life, he remarks,
"I wish you to belong to me Subaru, wish you to think only of me and to be tainted only by myself. This selfish want is one you comprehend already and that I have allowed you to believe my truest wish.
"This is not, however, the case."
"What then is your true wish?"
"To die, Subaru and to thus be purged of my sins."
"You mean to 'die' by my hand, do you not?"
"Indeed."
A cold fear settles then into his heart and, despite a wish to stop this conversation now, he enquires,
"What if I had refused to do as you wished?"
"I would have acted upon your sister's final spell."
"Final spell?"
"Should I try to kill you as I had killed her it would rebound back onto myself."
The words turn him completely numb and, aware that there is a gap still in this new information, he enquires,
"Why would she cast such a spell and why would you believe it necessary?"
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T: Again please forgive Sei-chan's slight OOC nature but it's necessary for the plot! Wish to note that this whole chapter began because my biggest niggle with X is the lack of communication between the Onmyoji…if only they'd actually talked to one another...next chapter Friday at the latest. Have given up on the review pledge so use your spare time to read something else of mine instead!