A/N: This came to me suddenly, on the one day that my computer decided to DIE on me. (New hardrive - $130, Service fees - $260, Having your fanfiction backed up - priceless) Therefore, this is the ficlet with which I rediscovered the joys of long hand. Gah.

Disclaimer: I may not own Sirius, but I do own his moans of pleasure. (Ooh, dirty!)

Warning: It's SLASH. Shocking, I know. If it makes you feel any better, Lily was pretty shocked too.

Rating: T – for major innuendo.

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Part One: "It's Always the Pretty Ones"

Lily Evans sighed as she patrolled the first floor corridors. Normally, she didn't mind patrol, but at this time of day nearly all of the first floor classes were in session, making it entirely possible that she could go through her complete rounds without once meeting another student. Though she would never actually admit it, in truth she was so thoroughly bored at the moment that she found herself wishing she could remember one of James Potter's spur of the moment brilliant excuses to take to Prof. McGonagall and get herself out of this boredom.

Instead, she just kept on down the corridor, still always the perfect head girl. As she turned the corner, however, she heard a sound coming from the girls' toilets. When she got closer she decided it sounding like someone moaning. Typically, she would have stopped to check it out, but it was common knowledge that that particular bathroom was haunted by a ghost not-so-affectionately referred to as 'Moaning Myrtle', so she wasn't particularly concerned.

As she was about to continue on, however, she heard the noise again, a bit louder, and realized that the voice was distinctly male. She couldn't help but wonder what on earth a boy would be doing in Moaning Myrtle's toilets, so she decided to investigate.

She opened the door cautiously, hoping to find out what was going on before revealing herself. As soon as the sound came again, she felt a blush rise to her cheeks almost immediately. She was no longer confused as to what this boy was doing or why he was doing it here. She was about to slip back out to the corridor, to avoid the awkwardness of a confrontation, when the boy moaned again – the distinct and final moan of ecstasy and release. Only this time the moan came out as a name, and all at once Lily recognized the voice. She clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from gasping just as Sirius Black exited the stall and walked out toward the taps, still unaware of her presence.

She knew she should leave right now, before he turned around, but she was temporarily paralyzed by the weight of her new knowledge. Any way she looked at it, the facts were undeniable: she had just caught the ultimate playboy of Hogwarts wanking in the loo – while moaning another boy's name.

& & &

Sirius turned towards the door, wiping his newly washed hands on his trousers, when he finally noticed Lily. They stood staring at one another for what seemed like hours, neither knowing exactly what to say.

"Erm… shouldn't you be in class, Black?" Lily ventured finally, trying to regain a semblance of her normal haughty head girl self.

"I'm protesting history of magic for being ridiculously boring." Sirius quipped half-heartedly, obviously uncomfortable and unsure of how much Lily knew or had heard.

Suddenly, Lily seemed to realize the amazing power she now held over Sirius Black. Sirius, who had (along with James Potter) done just about everything in his power to make her life difficult for the past seven years, was now completely at her mercy. This revelation brightened her mood considerably and she shot Sirius a big smile, causing him to flinch noticeably.

"You know, if you want my advice – if you're going to skip class in order to… well…" She left the action unsaid, knowing from Sirius' blush that he got her meaning. "Well, you might want to at least charm the door to lock. Especially given whose name you were moaning."

Sirius's composure was quickly crumbling at Lily's words. At first she enjoyed the feeling of being the tormentor for once instead of the tormented, but the feeling faded fast as she watched the mixture of fear and shame and desperation grow in Sirius's eyes. All at once she felt utterly awful for teasing him and wished she had left when she had the chance.

"Listen, Lily," he said urgently, using her proper name for effect, "I know we've never exactly been the greatest friends, but please, please, don't tell anyone about this. I can't lose him – not over this. I just can't. Please."

Lily felt a hundred times worse as she watched Sirius's eyes start to well up with frustrated tears.

"I won't say a word." She assured him instantly. "Honestly, Sirius, I was just messing around. I could never do that to you. I promise."

"Besides, I can hardly even believe it's the truth." She added as an afterthought.

At this, Sirius laughed, though it sounded to Lily somewhat bitter.

"Of course not. Sirius Black, gay? That's just insane." He replied ironically.

"Well, shagging half the girls in school usually does tend to indicate that one is straight." Lily shot back, matching his tone.

"People exaggerate." Sirius offered noncommittally.

"Look, why don't you go to class, and I'll go back to my rounds, and we'll just pretend this little incident never happened." She suggested finally after a few more moments of awkward silence.

Sirius didn't have to be told twice.

"Believe me Evans, I'd take Binns's droning over this conversation any day." He agreed, moving past her towards the door.

He shot one last searching look at her over his shoulder, and whatever he saw on her face must have been sufficient reassurance, because seconds later he was gone. Lily stayed in the loo for a few more minutes, still trying to process what had just happened.

"It's always the pretty ones." Myrtle offered helpfully, floating over from her stall.

Lily didn't hear her however, she was too busy searching her memories for all the telltale signs she must have missed. Suddenly, a half smile began to spread across her features.

It couldn't be. Could it?

She almost laughed aloud.

This was just too perfect.

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Don't worry, that's not the end! The conclusion is coming next week (hopefully).

Review! It'll make me happy. Come on, I'm depressed and computerless and I typed this up at the public library, just for you guys!