Behind The Man, a west wing fanfic

BEHIND THE MAN

Helen Santos tries to understand her husband's campaign manager better.

I don't like Josh Lyman. He is the reason that my husband is never home, that my children speak to their father once a week if they're lucky because no one can remember the time difference between wherever they are and Huston, that my husband has started thinking that we're going to be living at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue come January. Not that I don't believe that Matt can win. I finally understand electoral math, thanks to Donna who has been a godsend, and I know that he has a legitimate chance at winning the election. But Josh has got Matt believing that he is going to win, that there's no other option, and I don't want to see this crush my husband's spirit if he does lose.

I don't like Josh Lyman, but at least now I understand him a little better.

One time, early in the campaign before the New Hampshire Primary, we were at the house in Huston for a blissfully free weekend—well, a blissfully free Saturday and a few hours early Sunday morning—and Matt decided he wanted to barbeque. That was fine. He's a good cook, though Lou did nix his favourite 'Kiss The Cook' apron because there were a few reporters there and she didn't want to appeal to what she called 'the kitschy base' when, apparently, we already had that demographic and needed to appeal to all the others ones.

Josh was passed out, exhausted, on the couch with the kids who were watching TV in the living room and Matt and I got a little distracted with each other in the kitchen and the steaks started to burn, setting off a smoke alarm started going off. Matt and I barely had time to realize what was happening when Josh had the kids outside and away from the house.

"Daddy, what's happening?" Miranda asked, her voice wavering the way it did after she had a nightmare. "Is the house on fire?"

"No, baby, but I ruined dinner," Matt said, crouching down in front of our little girl and hugging her in that tight-and-comforting way that seems to be a genetic automatic skill that appears in all good fathers. "Go get yourself strapped into the car. We'll go get some drive-thru burgers."

"Help your sister," I called to Peter as the kids ran over to our car. "You want to join us, Josh?" I asked. He hadn't been planning on staying for dinner, but Matt had put a steak on for him as well once he found his campaign manager fast asleep on the couch with one shoe on and his suit jacket draped over his torso.

Josh shook his head and quietly excused himself before leaving for the hotel he was staying in. As he walked in noticed that his whole body was shaking, like he was cold. It was in the triple digits, though, which left me confused and worried. Matt saw the same thing, parental eyesight zeroing in on Josh's problem, though we didn't know what that problem was.

The next time we saw Josh, though, he was fine, so neither one of us brought it up with him.

Now, I didn't understand his reaction, but I didn't really care because, if it had been a real fire he would have gotten Peter and Miranda to safety and I was so incredibly thankful for that that I didn't think about it until months later when Ronna mentioned that Josh had reamed out the manager at some dumpy motel that the interns were being put up in for not having more precautions in case of fire. Donna was with us, a bottle of white wine sitting on the table with our three glasses at different levels of fullness, and she tensed up, biting her lip nervously until Ronna and I pressed her for information that it was clear she had.

"Josh was five," she said, "and his sister, Joanie, was babysitting him while his parents were at a party that Noah Lyman's law firm, Debevoise and Plimpton, was having for the partners. There was a fire… I don't think Josh even remembers how it started, to be perfectly honest. Josh ran out of the house… but Joanie didn't make it out in time. His mother said that the investigators think that Joanie tripped on something and couldn't get back up. Ever since…" she trailed off, uncharacteristically unsure of how to put voice to her thoughts. "Josh has lost a lot of people that he cares about. He thinks he should have saved Joanie. He knows that he couldn't have done anything, that he was five and that running out of the house was what he was supposed to do, but… sometimes I think he's trying to save his sister retroactively."

I wanted to ask more, wanted to quench my perverse desire to know the gritty details of Josh Lyman's life, but Donna's clear blue eyes filled with tears and she excused herself and walked outside where the hotel had a beautiful rose garden that she had mentioned reminded her of the Rose Garden at the White House—a place she said always made her feel safe and happy.

I didn't know that Josh had even had a sister. He never talked about himself, or his family. I knew from Leo that Josh's father had died eight years earlier, a pulmonary embolism—I commented that at least it was quick, and Leo replied that Noah had been battling cancer for several years before something that no one was prepared for had killed him—and I knew that Josh's mother, Rachel, lived in Palm Beach, though when we swung through Florida he didn't even mention wanting to take some time to visit with her.

There was a day that Donna woke up and found that she had no voice, probably resulting from the tongue-lashing she had given to the press the night before, or possibly because she had finally caught the cold that had been going through each person on the campaign staff for the last month. The problem with her lack of voice was that she was due to meet with several people, including President Bartlet, and there was no one else that Josh and Lou, not to mention Matt, trusted to deal with everyone from Mary Marsh and the Christian Right to Mark Godfried on Capitol Beat to the many bands that wanted in on the playlist for Rock The Vote as well as some campaign stops. Donna insisted that she could make it, though she couldn't be very forceful while writing everything down on bright pink Post-It notes.

In the end Donna met with Mary Marsh since she was the only person who didn't immediately get hostile around her. Josh went on Capitol Beat because he is the master at debating and Mark Godfried was a great supporter of Matt's campaign. Lou took the meeting with the President and she was, for the first time I could recall, nervous.

Donna's meeting went well, and Josh managed to pick up some points in California which left Vinick's staff spitting nails because we were gaining so much ground in his home state since San Andreo. Lou's meeting had been cut short when the President had been called into the Situation Room with news regarding Kazakhstan.

However, a message that Lou brought back with her was the big news that evening when everyone got back and we had drinks in the main suite.

"I have become a messenger, it seems," Lou declared as she passed identical packages to Donna, Josh, and Leo.

The three Bartlet Administration alumni opened their presents dubiously. Donna's eyes lit up and Josh groaned when they saw what they had received. Leo smirked, though I'm pretty sure that's his default expression and not an indicator of emotion.

"This won't be in stores for a few months. Last time I talked to him he was still battling it out with the editors," Donna said as she turned the thick book over in her hands, smiling at the picture on the back before opening it and reading the dust cover.

"What is it?" Bram asked.

"Sam Seaborn's book. Sort of a behind the scenes retrospective of the five years he worked for the President," Donna replied. She scanned the table of contents and let out a girly giggle of joy. "Josh, you've got your own section."

"What?" Josh exclaimed, hastily turning to the table of contents of his copy. "Liar. There's nothing about me here," he declared, triumphant.

"Chapter Six: The Senior Staff and Our Many Near Disasters," Donna read aloud. Leo laughed. Annabeth giggled, too, even though she and Sam Seaborn had never worked at the White House at the same time. I know this because I happen to have a huge crush on the former Deputy Communications Director. Matt thinks it's hilarious—except for when Sam was running for Congress and I got excited about being able to meet him. He didn't think that was so funny.

"Near disasters, huh? I hope the Secret Plan To Fight Inflation is in there," Leo said with a grin that was directed at his former deputy.

"Ooh, and the time Josh and Sam tried to burn down the White House and the President was outside for half an hour on the coldest night of the year," Donna added gleefully.

My interest was peaked, as was the attention of everyone else at the table. Josh was the only one who didn't seem to be having any fun, which made sense because our fun was being had at his expense. "Okay, when am I going to live those events down? They both happened years ago and I'm still getting shit from you two," Josh protested.

"I want details," Ronna said with a grin.

Josh groaned and headed for the far side of the room, clearly not wanting to hear a recitation of his greatest hits.

"Secret Plan To Fight Inflation?" Bram prodded.

Donna and Leo outlined the two events, probably embellishing a little along the way, but generally entertaining everyone and leaving most of the staff laughing so hard that their sides ached. Ronna had tears running down her cheeks and Josh was trying to burrow into the couch cushions to get away from us, but it was the first time in a long time that I had seen my husband actually laughing, not the polite and forced laugh he'd adapted since Josh pulled him into the life, but honest-to-god laughter.

Leo had just started going on to Josh's taste in women when Josh stood up and said, "Karen Cahill."

"That wasn't me, that was totally and completely Leo's fault," Donna protested, her eyes suddenly filled with embarrassment.

"My fault? I made you do what you did?" Leo choked.

"You said something stupid about her shoes! You insulted the fashion sense of a New York Times reporter! And then you asked Josh to apologize for you! Joshua Lyman! Who the hell asks Joshua Lyman to apologize for them?" Donna said, her voice rising in volume with each sentence.

"What did you do, Josh?" Matt asked, already positive that there was another great story heading our way.

"I passed it along to Sam 'cause I had better things to do," Josh said.

I frowned. This didn't add up. "If you passed it off to Sam how come Donna looks like she just walked into a press briefing naked?" I asked.

"Because Donna can relate to how you felt when those underwear pictures came out," Josh said with a smug grin on his face.

"How's that?" Matt asked. At the time he was furious but now it was something he found utterly hilarious.

Donna rolled her eyes. "Sam said something stupid when he went to apologize for Leo and then sent me to apologize for him."

"What exactly is it about this woman that turns people into gibbering idiots?" Lou muttered.

"A question many of us were asking at the time," Leo said dryly.

"Anyway, I took care of everything, without misspeaking, and the matter was wrapped up… or, it would have been if Joshua would have given me a raise," Donna said.

"How do you get from that to what happened?" Josh protested, his voice getting a strange squeaky tone as he spoke.

"If you had given me a raise—one I definitely deserved, by the way—I would have been able to afford to pay for my dry cleaning and I wouldn't have had to wear the same pair of pants two days in a row," Donna said. "So, really, this was all Josh's fault, not Leo's. If Josh had done the apology in the first place or if he had given me more than my rent cost in return for working twenty hour days seven days a week my underwear never would have been Fed-Ex'ed to my idiot boss who was then insensitive enough to twirl them around his finger in the middle of the Operations Bullpen."

I glared at Josh, feeling even more solidarity to what Donna called 'the Sisterhood' after hearing that story.

I'm not sure I ever really appreciated how far back Josh and Leo went until the first time I met Mallory O'Brien, Leo's daughter and arguably one of the strongest women I've had the pleasure of meeting.

Josh greeted Mallory with a hug and a kiss on the cheek and she smiled at him the way little sisters tend to smile at their older brothers. "How's the kid?" Josh asked.

"Good. Staying with my mom while I'm out here with you guys," Mallory replied. "How's your mom? She mentioned that Mrs. Brandon was sick the last time we talked."

"Honestly, Mal, I think you talk to my mother more than I do," Josh said with more than a little regret in his voice. "Who the hell is Mrs. Brandon?" Mallory rolled her eyes and explained, with a patience born of someone who had spent an inordinate amount of time around Joshua Lyman, that Mrs. Brandon was his mother's next-door neighbour and part of her regular Thursday night poker game.

They chatted for a few more minutes before the topic of conversation turned to politics and an education bill that Matt wanted a teacher's opinion on. As they left the room Josh put his hand on the middle of her back to lead her around the interns and volunteers that crowded the halls. I'd seen him do this with other people before, though the way he did it was different depending on the person. With Donna it was a little possessive, his hand lower on her back, and the way he does it is just sexual in some way that I can't quite name. With CJ Cregg its brief, a guiding hand that's there one moment and gone the next because he knows that she needs to know that he's still there, that he's still fighting alongside her in the good fight. With everyone else it's just an instinct, I think, for him, and it's not clear if anyone, even Josh himself, realizes that he does it. But with Mallory everything about the way he is around her, including his hand on her back, screams 'do not mess with my family' in a way that doesn't appear to make Mallory feel smothered by her surrogate big brother.

Leo was the one to explain their relationship to me. He had been doing a speech in North Carolina and I was supposed to join Matt in South Carolina so I'd caught up with Leo's bus and we'd spent the ride from campaign stop to campaign stop talking and getting to know each other, something I wasn't sure Matt and Leo had done at that point.

"How long have you known Josh?"

"Forever. Noah and I grew worked for the same law firm when we were just starting out after law school. I was best man at his wedding to Rachel and I was there when Josh and Joanie were born. After Joanie died Josh stayed with Jenny and me for a few months. It was all just too much for Noah and Rachel. They almost split up. Josh doesn't know about this, of course. No one wanted to tell him. They worked it out, for Josh's sake, but I don't think things were good between them until Noah got sick."

This shocked me. From everything I'd heard Noah and Rachel Lyman were the most together couple in the world. "Josh never knew?" I asked, amazed. I couldn't see anyone keeping a secret from Josh Lyman, especially something as big as a marriage falling apart.

"He threw himself into school after the fire. Not an easy task considering he was in kindergarten when it happened," Leo said with a smile of paternal pride. "After Mal was born… Josh would have been about ten at the time… he was constantly coming over to our house for the weekends. Rachel and Noah encouraged it because it gave them time that they didn't have to pretend and Jenny and I enjoyed it because Josh was so good with Mallory. She was a fussy baby, but then Josh would come by and he'd play music and pretend to conduct with a pencil or knitting needle or whatever was handy and Mal would just watch him for hours."

"Conducting?"

"Joanie's influence," Leo explained. "She wanted to be an orchestra conductor. She would have been great at it, too. Timing like a metronome, that one. Couldn't sing worth a darn but that never stopped her from doing it anyway," he said with a smile. "Rachel couldn't stand to hear Joanie's songs after the fire… classical music of any kind made her remember the night she lost her baby girl. Josh didn't understand why he got in trouble for playing Ava Maria, but eventually he stopped listening to music unless he was with Mallory."

"Did you ever wonder if he was transferring his feelings of guilt to Mallory?"

"I knew it for a fact, but Rachel and Noah sent him to a shrink and other than some understandable confusion on why his sister had to die Josh was a healthy kid. I know it worried Jenny a bit, but I like it. Knowing that Josh would be there to protect Mal when I couldn't, that she would have a big brother to turn to for the things that you just don't tell your parents… it was a comfort."

"I can imagine," I nodded.

Leo went on to tell me how they had lost touch with Josh when he went away to school; it wasn't that he was far from home, just that he didn't come home often and when he did he spent time with his parents and, occasionally, Mallory, though Leo said that he suspected that was because her friends thought he was dreamy or whatever kids say and Josh enjoyed the adoration. That made sense to me after seeing him interacting with his fan club.

I don't like Josh Lyman, but at least now I understand him a little better.

End.