Sometimes We Lie
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
A/N: I am going through all my one-shots and editing.
Sometimes we lie to those we love the most. Alec knew he should've told her the truth when he first saw her. He knew he should've confessed to everything. But it was too hard. How do you tell someone you love who you truly are?
He remembered and part of him wanted to reject the reprogramming he had been given. He didn't want to be X5-494. No, he wanted to be given back his rightful name. He wanted hear someone say his rightful designation. He didn't want to be called "Alec." He wanted to hear her say his name and know who he truly was.
The question was what would happen if he told her. First he would have to confess that he made a grave miscalculation at age twelve. He had been on his own for two years. At first the foster parents were okay. But then he had been placed with those bastards the McDowells. He had taken their last name to remind himself never to trust anyone. And so far the reminder had served him well.
They had been an abusive bunch. He wouldn't fight back at first. If he did he would've created more problems for himself. He couldn't run then because if he did he would have social services tailing him again. He just put up with it.
Mrs. McDowell would wake him up before sunrise and have him do chores. She would beat on him if he made a mistake. He remembered the thrashing he got for forgetting to take out the trash. She stood over him barking at him like a slave driver. She was worse than any TAC officer at Manticore. At least those bastards weren't hopped up on coke.
Mr. McDowell too was a druggie. McDowell became violent whenever he was low on cash or needed a fix. McDowell would beat "Alec" to a bloody pump. He had scars and bruises marking his body from where McDowell had hit him. But McDowell was a saint compare to Travis.
Travis was the McDowells' only son. "Alec" had never hated anyone as much as he hated Travis. Travis loved to torture his foster brother. The time the X5 remembered most was when Travis decided to take the iron poker out of the fireplace. The ordinary boy had heated it until glowed red-hot. "Alec" felt his flesh burning but did not cry out. It would be the last thing that Travis ever did to him.
The McDowells woke up the next morning to find their only son dead. His neck had been broken. Their foster son was nowhere to be found.
"Alec" had hid. But he had made a mistake. While he was hiding out in New Mexico he had gone to the Church of the Blessed Lady. He went there several times in the next few months. He would sit in the pews and read the prayers addressed to the lady. He would stand in front of her statue and see the gifts left at her alter.
He didn't think his behavior was suspicious but apparently a few of the priests did. It was there at the church that Lydecker found him and proceeded to drag him back to Manticore.
Manticore reprogrammed him and turned him into X5-494. 'Deck didn't want anyone to know he had recaptured one of the rouges. For a while "Alec" was happy and believed he was 494. He forgot the past and if anyone asked him he would've told them he hated the '09ers. He climbed the ranks and proved to be one of Manticore's finest.
It was the incident with Rachel that caused him to break. The sharp pain of grief caused his memories to flood back. He now knew who the brown-eyed girl in his dreams was. He knew who he was. He hated what he saw in himself. He hated what he had become. He was unworthy of love and to have someone care. He was a failure, and a mistake. He remembered everything and he didn't want to go back to Manticore.
He went AWOL then and began hunting ordinaries. Many people died the same way that Travis had. He broke their necks but always signed his work. He signed with his original designation, 493.
He wanted Manticore to know he remembered. He longed for one of the other '09ers to find him. And he got his wish. But he hadn't wanted it to be her that found him. No, he had wanted Big Brother to end it for him.
He had loved her since they were children. He had known for a long time that he loved her but he believed her dead. When he saw again his heart beat frantically. His Maxie was alive.
She was beautiful. But he realized that she didn't know it. Nor did she know what she was. She was torn between trying to be an ordinary and following instinct. He had never had that problem. He understood her though. She was like him. They both were running from the demons of their past.
The fight that resulted was beautiful and deadly. He could've killed her but he never wanted to. He loved her. She was part of him. She broke his leg and held him there in the woods. He felt safe with her holding him.
He saw her anguish when she realized that Manticore was coming. He knew it was wrong but he didn't want to go back. He begged her to save him. She did the only thing she could. She broke his neck and left him there for dead.
Death would've brought peace to him. Manticore had other ideas. They would salvage this beautiful disaster. They would bring back one of the best soldiers they had ever created.
When he woke he was in psych-ops. It was the third time in his life that he had to endure that nightmare. When they released him they told that he was assigned to a breeding partner.
He had never expected it be her. He heard her utter his name and saw the pain on her face. He couldn't tell her. It would kill her to know what he had been through. So he lied and went back to pretending that he was 494. Even though he knew that that was just another lie Manticore had told him.
Since then countless things had happened. He had tried to kill Logan. He would be lying if he said that he still didn't want to. He hated that ordinary. The desire to have a hunting trip and perform amateur dental surgery on Logan was somewhat appealing.
He had watched her back. He had rescued her and she had rescued him. She still didn't know though. So far all she saw him as was Alec. He was Alec, the womanizer and the constant pain in her side. He was Alec, the man she pushed away because he reminded her of Ben. He should have found some type of irony in that. The pain he had tried to prevent her from feeling about him she still felt. He reminded her of himself.
He looked at Max lying pale on the hospital bed. The fight with White had damaged her. It had just been a shoulder wound but he knew she hadn't been taking care of herself. She hadn't been eating much lately and her sleeping pattern was more erratic than usual.
Right now she was unconscious. She had his tight hold on his hand even in that state. She had hung into him while they operated on her.
She mumbled in her sleep. He heard his name. She spoke it softly with a broken heart.
When they were kids she would say his name in her sleep too. It had always annoyed Zack. Big brother had been hard on him because of Max. It didn't bother him though. Zack was jealous, plain and simple.
He remembered her begging him for shadow puppets. He only made them for her. She wanted a story so he told it. "Tell me about the good place," she would say. And he would comply, happy to give her what she wanted.
She would lie awake in the middle of the night because of her shark DNA. Sometimes she would wake him up. They would talk. He told her everything. He told her his fears of being taken away from them. She told him that she was scared of what was going to happen.
Then there were the nights when she would have nightmares. He had them too but they didn't make him scream like they did her. She would wake up cold, shaking and sobbing. It was on those nights that she would crawl into bed with him.
"How come you're always warm? When I share with Zack I freeze," she would ask.
"I don't know Maxie. Just go to sleep," he always answered.
He stared at her still form. He had known he loved her then as a child. He had known and he had kept it to himself. When he saw her as an adult he wasn't prepared for the onslaught of emotion. Even now with her unconscious and in the TC hospital he felt the same desire for her that he had then.
He wanted her. Not just because she was beautiful but because he loved her. He loved her more than he had ever loved anyone. He wanted to be her mate, her lover, her husband, and the father of her children. He worshipped her and she didn't even know it.
The creak of the door shook him from his thoughts. Logan entered the room. His eyes met the ordinary's cold ones.
"What is going on here Alec?" Logan demanded.
"We had a fight with White. She was hurt but the medics sewed her up. She took a bullet in the shoulder. She'll be fine once she wakes up."
Logan looked at Max's hands which were clutching onto the male transgenic.
"I'll stay with her. You can go back to your apartment," Logan said his voice becoming icy.
"No, she'd want me to stay," the answer was.
Nothing more was said between them. Hours passed and finally Max's eyes fluttered. She sat straight up before realizing whose hand she was holding. Both of the men were awake.
"How are you feeling?" Logan asked her as he stroked her face with a gloved hand.
"Like someone ran over me," she said truthfully. She found herself recoiling from Logan's touch and clutching tighter to Alec. What was wrong with her? She had never responded to Logan like that before.
Logan nodded. "Makes sense since you were up against White. What were you thinking taking White on?"
Before she could answer the male transgenic holding her hand did. "Max isn't weak Logan. She's far from that. Back at Manticore she could pin both Seth and Zack in a split second. They were twice her size. She doesn't need to babied over. She hates that. She wouldn't let her own unit do that when she was having seizures."
Max stared at him her eyes widening as a sudden realization hit her. She didn't dare voice it. She needed to know. There had to be a way for her to know without asking the question outright.
Slowly she found her voice. "How come you're always warm? When I sleep with Zack I freeze," she said so softly.
His breathing slowed. He knew why she had asked. He braced himself before answering.
"I don't know Maxie. Just go to sleep," he answered.
Silence entered the room. Logan stared at the two transgenics.
"Logan you should go home," Max said breaking the silence.
Logan looked horrified. "Max I'll take you with me."
"No, Alec and I have some things we need to discuss."
"Max, you can talk later when you're feeling better. Let me take you home."
Max turned towards Logan. "Go home now," she ordered.
Logan looked at her. He had never seen her eyes flash with so much anger. He nodded dumbly and left the room.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Max asked quietly once Logan was gone.
"I was trying to keep you safe. If you knew the truth then you would torture yourself. You would blame yourself for me being back at Manticore," he answered softly.
"Was it better for me to think that I had killed you?"
"I didn't want to hurt you, Maxie. I thought that you would forget about me."
"How could I forget you? You were my brother."
He said nothing.
"Do you hate me?" she asked tears streaming down her face.
"How could I hate you?" he asked dumbfounded.
Gently she took her hand from his. She ran her fingers over his face. How could she not have noticed before? She remembered the woods so clearly. He had been beautiful to her then. He had been beautiful, dangerous, and out of his mind. She loved him though because he was her Ben.
"Ben," she finally said.
He breathed a sigh of relief at hearing his own name. He nodded slowly.
"Can I ask you something?" she asked quietly.
Ben looked at her his hazel eyes reading her brown ones. "Anything," he answered.
"Do you love me more than sister?" she asked.
He hadn't expected that question. He tried to prepare himself to lie but he couldn't.
"I always have," he answered.
Max pulled him closer and kissed him on the lips. She deepened the kiss pulling him closer to her. Her tongue darting into his mouth and she moaned when he responded.
"I love you too," she said after the kiss had ended.
The End