Battlefield of Masks.
Authors: Evyl
Genre: Romance, Humour
Disclaimer: Right...don't own Gundam Wing...etc...
Pairings: Heero/Duo, Quatre/Trowa
Reaching for the Silence.
As I sat by Duo's bed in the hospital room I wondered why he had gone to such drastic measures. I mean Yuy didn't show up for some random meeting. He might have encountered numerous problems while attempting to reach the appointed location. Besides, was that really something to die over? He was not informed of the engagement between the Peacecraft girl and Yuy so that wouldn't be a factor.
I heard a muffled groan and so concluded that he was waking or already awake.
-Duo.
He sat up slightly, causing the snow white blankets around him to crumple. His eyes looked straight into mien but they were dull. Almost dead.
Memories flooded back.
Guns, bullets. Screams and death.
He attempted to speak but only a whisper came forth.
-Why…why didn't you just let me…die?
His state of mind was already on the depressing subject. Distraction from me was required and so I thought hard of possibilities. To ignore his question would be a start although it might arouse suspicion in him.
I decided to talk about Quatre to him.
-Lately Quatre has been acting strangely. He seems so distant, like he isn't even there. Empty, the room where he is feels like it is vacant. I'm experiencing an emotion I hardly ever feel, fear. I am afraid that he will…do something stupid.-I finished, regretting having ever started. What a great idea, talking to someone who had just attempted suicide about someone who will possibly commit suicide. Smart.
And although my expression probably remained the same all the way through, I tried, I really did try to make it emotional, soft.
-Listen Duo. I don't know the whole story behind you and your actions but from the information that I have I don't believe that suicide is the answer. What do you expect us to do? You are in pain from some kind of loss but lets assume that you had successfully killed yourself, then what? What about those who care about you? They would be hurt too, they would be experiencing loss too. Should they commit suicide too? Is that the answer?
He stared blankly at the wall. It seemed like he was in his own world but I understood that he had heard me, every single thing correctly and now was analysing the data, taking it in.
I waited.
-Tro?-he whispered.
-Yes?
-Do you think I am weak?
I was taken aback. How could I possibly find him weak? The man that had experienced such a painful childhood, much like me yet so different. Where I was trained to kill and such, he taught himself. He had succeeded in being so humane and piloting a machine of mass murder. Where other people hid their emotions, denied them, he faced them head on.
-No. I find you the strongest.
True. Stronger that Heero Yuy. Duo went through the war without becoming an emotionless killing machine. Yes, Yuy wasn't emotionless, even though he did a great job at hiding his feelings, he was too anti-social, too lost in his own mind.
Duo was stronger than Quatre. He didn't lose his stance, he didn't illusion himself with a world of strength and love.
Stronger than Wu Fei. He did not complain, did not give up when finding an obstacle which was too hard.
Stronger than me. He was himself. A real human, a real person.
He turned my way and just looked in my direction, his eyes out of focus. I grew uneasy under his gaze and tried to change the subject.
-You know, Hilde came round about an hour ago, and Noin wants to visit you too, I think she said tomorrow and…
But he had already lost interest. His eyes had closed and he had slowly slid down back into his first position. He was asleep.
I stayed silent for a while then stood up and proceeded to the door.
-Why are you…silent? Is that your mask Trowa…is it…
I stopped.
Mask…
Reaching for the Silence.
Do I have
What it takes
To face my faults
And mistakes?
Do I escape
Every time
To the silence
Of my mind?
Do I hide
Do I lie?
No,
I just don't
Want to die
Do I drown
In my tears
And wait
Till it clears?
Do I fear
The fight
And hide deep
In the night?
Do I run
Do I bail
Every time
That I fail?
Do I know
Who I blame
When I say
Just your name?
So I just reach
For my silence
It's my war
It's my violence
Stuck
TBC