Having taken Josh to the closest sitting room and sat in silence for ten minutes, Hermione knew she couldn't do it anymore. She didn't know what to say to him and the way he looked up at her over the top of his paper was ratcheting up the tension and she couldn't bear it.
"I'm going to go and check on a few things." She said into the silence and got a long look then a nod from her silent brother.
"Thank you for coming to dinner." She spoke honestly and his face didn't change but the look in his eyes did.
Still he didn't speak and so she murmured her goodnight and ignored his look around the room. No doubt implying this wasn't her home and asking if she were staying there. She didn't know, didn't know anything except that she needed to be away from this.
So as she walked to the hallway immediately to her left, she didn't know where to go. She had a room. It was connected to the master suite from the far side and could be a room for a child after they left the nursery. The thought caused a pang and she pushed it away. Should she go there though, she hadn't slept here or even showered here. No doubt there were things here though and Zavi would supply whatever she needed without being asked.
At that thought she made a decision and her strides were more certain as she reached the hallway and passed the double doors into the master suite. It wasn't far and she took a breath before opening the next door.
This room was comfortable. Darker walls with white panelling and she ignored the tempting chaise under the window and the chairs she really was looking forward to trying. Didn't stop at the room of half empty book shelves or go and explore the bathroom Zavi had been hiding from her.
Instead she walked to the window and opened the long one closest to her. The charming latches were mostly for show since magic sealed them closed but the act of turning the handle and pushing it open was comforting. Immediately the breeze pulled at her curls and she rested her head against the half of the window still closed and let the cooling wind calm her. Felt her curls whip around her face and tilted her face upward to the night.
Then when she felt calmer, actually calmer and not forced she let herself feel the magics. The Rites hummed at the hook into her own magic but she didn't think he would feel it. The strain was so tiring and she didn't let herself tense up as her body wanted to.
Instead she kept her relaxed posture and let her increased certainty soothe the magics. It would happen, not this second but she knew it would sooner rather than later. The way he had reacted to things and accepted Sabrina's needs was settling. The magic didn't seem worried either and that was strangely comforting.
It wasn't sentient but it did have a goal and she didn't feel like either of them were attempting to thwart it. Really thinking about him, or anything to do with the bond wasn't wise and just her increased conviction had given her body ideas she knew she couldn't achieve. It had been ages since she had orgasmed with any feelings of completion. Before the first ritual at the Dale. There was pleasure but no satiation and she had given up trying at all when she started dueling weekly.
Draco sometimes shot her a look when she closed her eyes after the match was done. When they were alone she tried to let all of her pent up emotions roll away, after letting each spell cast take some of it and the minutes of the needed concentration took some of it away too. Adrenaline worked the best, pushed the magic and her thoughts further away.
For minutes she tried to be still and calm, exert no tug or pressure on the Rites. Thorfinn was talking to Sabrina and she didn't want to interrupt that.
Being here was somewhat comforting and hindering at the same time. She didn't have mapped out distractions or habits here. That meant she had to pay attention to now. It was also his home and she didn't know how she felt about that. She knew how she felt about this place, or what she could feel one day but she felt like she wanted too many things from him and that diminished some things.
Sabrina had caught her eye before she left the table and Hermione thought it meant good night. Good luck too maybe and a plea. The same one as her first request years ago, to be herself with Thorfinn too.
They had spent many quiet moments together this month. Been together almost completely the last week. People had come to them instead of the other way around and Sabrina had been coming home early from work. So they had talked some, sat together mostly though. Chatted with others and let themselves be together. Daphne had cried during their last visit, it was surprising but heartening and Sabrina's surprise had been amusing despite their friend's conflicting emotions.
He was moving toward her. There had been a slight pull a few minutes ago that she had tried to ignore and now she thought he had gone to talk to Josh. Now the magic pulled harder as it seemed to do when one of them was actually in motion, as if it wanted to make sure the person didn't stop first.
Keeping herself calm wasn't an option now. All she could was try and manage all the darting thoughts and ignore her physical reactions. Then she thought that the bed in here wasn't wise, the whole situation felt suggestive in that moment and she felt herself flush then got angry.
She hated being embarrassed when she shouldn't be. Her rioting emotions and thoughts were not distraction enough from the feeling of him stopping. He was at the door to the master suite or to this part of it.
For a second she froze then realised it wasn't fair to leave him to discover his way through. That felt cowardly and she took a deep breath of the cooler evening air and then made herself move toward the door from this room into the connecting one and then out the way she had come in. He wasn't at the door in front of her, not the right direction.
Knowing he could feel her movement, surely he had figured it out, she didn't stop moving at the door but opened it and looked up the hallway the way she had come. He stood against the closed double doors to the master suite and was watching when she poked her head around the door frame.
Having never looked at him with any ideas of even kissing him before being betrothed to him it was strange now. She took a step out of the doorway and leaned against the door frame. If she was going to look then he should be able to as well.
For the first time that day she let herself just look at him, how his hair fell to just touch his shoulders and the way the shirt fit him. That thought died at the crawl of his magic over hers though and she let herself meet his eyes.
As soon as she did, it was clear that was as dangerous as she had thought it was. She felt her magic whisper against his and wanted to pant or groan. The flare of lust was palpable and she wrenched her eyes away from his blue grey ones and took two deep breaths. He was watching her still and she could feel it. That didn't help. It was like all the attention she hadn't wanted in three years had been stored and reversed into this. The crawling feelings of unease and the sharp jerks to her magic when it was more than that, her instinctive avoidance of scrutiny was also absent.
"How are you dealing with this?" Allowing herself the quickest of glances to show she wasn't avoiding him, other than the magics, she answered his question as evenly as she could. It took real effort.
"Practice and determination." He laughed lowly and she wanted to curse. Her whole body reacted to the tone. She was also less than impressed. She assumed his body had worked as usual in there and hers had not. Hermione had tried making sure it was him she was thinking about, his body and his face but to no avail. It had worked better for a while but that felt like ages ago.
Her mind was constructing ways to ask what he wanted to do, to have happen right now. Did he even want to stay here? He could or they all could. She could and he could go somewhere else. Anything was fine but the tense feelings of the magic and her uncertainty were pulling at her and it was exhausting. The whole day felt like a balancing act taking place behind the actual interactions.
"Do we have to talk about bonds first?" His question brought her eyes up and she wished she could meet his eyes like before. The press of the magics when she did now made thinking clearly apparently impossible.
"No. Not if you don't want to. It could be done that way but it doesn't hold any real benefit to either reason I mentioned it." Her mind was engaged by this and she tried to ignore the physical sensations and that they were in the hallway.
"Do you want to come in? Or go somewhere else? You've got rooms too, on the other side." She asked, gesturing to the door on the opposite side of the suite he was standing in front of the doors to.
Is it finished?" He asked her and she knew he meant the master suite.
"No. Well yes, in that it is furnished and usable." Was her answer and she wanted to run again. Closer or further and neither seemed an option. She couldn't close the door in his face or force her presence on him.
"Can we go in?" Thorfinn asked and she met his eyes again. They were darker in this light and he looked huge against the door. She knew he was tall and wide from today and seeing him for visits but with his magic back it was more evident. Standing here in his home while he asked her this felt unreal and she wished he had said he wanted to rather than asked her if they could. Even in her mind she could feel her flip flopping mood and opinions.
"Yes." It wasn't a whisper but she couldn't make it louder and she took a few steps toward him when he reached for the door handle beside him and turned it. She felt the magic sealing the suite and knew it recognized him as the other magic tied to it. Their eyes caught then and she felt her cheeks flush at the look in his, the way his body went nearly rigid against the door behind him.
When his magic pushed against her more deliberately she dropped her eyes. He didn't move and she had to pass him. A last look to make sure she wouldn't miss the door and she closed her eyes. The pull felt like she shouldn't be able to keep walking but she took the step past him and then another. Three more and she could open her eyes because he was following her.
The magic loosened some and she stopped. The room was too light. Not brightly lit but the walls were white and there wasn't anything on them other than the moulding details.
When she felt his eyes leave her to look around she turned halfway toward him and stared at the set of low caramel leather couches. They seemed huge and dark amongst the empty light space but she liked them and they would fit his size.
The muggle furniture salesman had been thrilled to get rid of the oversized and overpriced set. They didn't even have to deliver it and he really had been bemused by their decisions. She smiled a bit as she thought of that day, the look on Blaise's face when Pansy asked where it was for. Her smile fell at the silence now and the damned tension that wouldn't let go of her.
"Is the whole place like this? I like these." She watched him run a hand over the back of the smaller of the sofas and privately admitted his colouring would be gorgeous on them.
"Yes." It felt relieving that she got that single word out, she made herself ignore everything and speak more than that.
"Your rooms are based on before. All of your things are there from before. I assume the things we got you are in a closet somewhere." She stopped speaking when his eyes met hers again.
"Can we talk about normal things like that after? Will it help to sit down?" Hermione could hear the real question in his tone. She nodded then moved to the corner of the bigger couch and sat back into it. He watched her and she tried to relax. It was a comfortable piece of furniture and she pulled her legs up under her then opened her hands so they weren't clenched in fists as they had been without her notice.
"It wasn't this bad was it, before today?" She looked up from the grain of the leather at his words and wanted to laugh.
"No, this is way different. It's usually just a continual pull unless something is affecting it. That was enough." Her flat tone in her last words told the story and he looked away this time.
"Is it messing with your magic?" Hermione asked him a real question she had and hoped it was alright.
Watching him flop onto the smaller couch was enjoyable and she made her fingers release from the cushion she had picked up to clutch onto.
"It helped earlier. Now I don't know. My magic is moving quicker than I'd like and the pull is crazy." Her mind relaxed at his seemingly honest answer.
"I'm sorry." She said and meant it. This was a big transition and she felt like this was too much pressure, would have enough without the Rites.
"Are you actually sorry? Do you regret it? Not Sabrina, I know you don't regret that." Her mind stuttered at his question, she looked down at the lighter wood flooring she had picked and tried to think about the answer.