"But why me!" screamed Web, as she was thrown into shackles next to Draco and Harry.

"Because I said so, that's why." Voldemort said, stalking up and down in front of them.

"Original." Muttered Draco mockingly.

"Well, isn't this nice." Said Voldemort, walking in front of Draco, "Little Blondie has something to say. Well, say it loud and say it proud boy!"

A glazed look came over Draco's eyes.

"Lalalalalalala I am a little silly poo head!" he announced, while doing cartwheels.

"HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" boomed Voldemort. He doubled over laughing, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes. "Ahhhhhh, I love this. Hee hee hee!"

"Umm, oh master of all things evil and bad and mischievous, perhaps you might like to kill the Boy now."

"Are you telling me what to do? Die!" yelled Voldemort, aiming a rifle at him and pressing the trigger.

Click. Click. Click. Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick!

"Damnation, why won't you die?"

"Perhaps using a spell master." Said Lucius feebly, bowing down.

"Why, yes. Good idea. Damnedgunworkosis!"

Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick!

Harry, now out of his shackles, calmly took the rifle from him and 'clicked' at him once.

"Hmm... you see Voldy, it's not loaded."

"Oh." Said Voldemort, "How do you load it?"

Lucius ran to him. "Master, oh master..." He kissed his "robes".

Harry hit him on the head with the rifle in a karate chop motion. He died.

Draco uttered a shocked gasp. "Harry how could you?"

"Men." Said Harry, handing the rifle back to Voldemort, then cuddling him around the waist. Voldemort hugged him back.

Web turned to Draco, one eyebrow raised. Draco was hissing and his blonde hair was over his eyes, which were turning green. (like Dragonball Z?)

"What?" yelled Voldemort, sending a murderous look Web's way.

Both eyebrows shut up into her hair somewhere.

"Uhhh… talk about peace-keeping…" She started gagging.

"I think she was asking WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING WITH MY MAN!" yelled Draco in Voldemort's general direction, pulling against his shackles.

"Your man? Huh? He ain't YOUR man boy!" Voldemort slurred, strutting past. "Harry? Why does the ferret believe you are his man?"

"Oh. Umm… you see Voldy, I…"

"YOU'VE BEEN MESSING AROUND?"

Draco made a sort of wild screaming noise. "HARRY? HOW COULD YOU?"

Both of them ignored him. "Well… I… just…"

"Actually, I already knew. You know, the whole 'I'm actually just Dumbledore and I'm a transvestite dominatrix homosexual Cyclops thing.'"

"Oh. Right." Harry looked at Draco. "Sorry mate."

Voldemort, while Harry was busy explaining to Draco that he actually did use the word mate on a frequent basis, took out the rifle and pulled the trigger at Harry's head. It made another clicking sound.

Harry spun around. "Oh, for god's sake! Give me it!" He exclaimed, grabbing the rifle, taking bullets out of thin air and loading it with expertise.

"Here!" he shouted, giving him the rifle. Then his eyes glazed over. "Oops."

Harry proceeded to run up the wall and hang off the ceiling like a bat. Then, he started yelling at Draco to save him.

Draco crossed his arms and stared at him defiantly. "No." he said stubbornly.

"Why not?"

Voldemort shot him. He dropped off the roof and crashed into the bottom of a bottomless pit, which appeared rather conveniently directly below him.

"And all this time I'd been trying to kill him with spells. Guess muggles aren't so bad after all."

Draco gagged. "Are you kidding?"

"Give me a reason why not."

Draco looked disdainful. "Well… they…" he paused. "Well… hey I think you're right!"

"Damn straight! Didn't live forever to be proven wrong by some… blonde guy!"

"My name's Draco." He muttered, "I served dinner last time you came around the Malfoy estate?"

"The what? Sorry dear, I forget little things like that… I'm getting old you know."

"You've come around to every birthday party I've had since I was 8!" Draco shouted indignantly, now out of his shackles and calmly pouring a margarita.

"Sorry dear. I do forget you know. I'm not as young as you are!"

"Why can EVERYONE get out of these shackles but me?" Web shouted indignantly.

"Who's that?" Voldemort asked

"Oh, that's just Web."

"Oh. Shall we?"

Voldemort offered the crook of his arm to Draco.

"Sure! You like Starbucks?"

"Of course, where else IS there, DARLING?"

Web shook the shackles to the rhythm of 'Wannabe' by the Spice Girls. She was bored, and for the life of her she could not work out how to get out of them. It must be a woman thing.

"STOP THAT AWFUL RACKET!" Narcissa's voice rang out from upstairs.

"HELP ME!" answered Web, "I'm stuck in these shackles and I CAN'T GET OUT!"

"SHACKLES you say?" asked Narcissa, swaggering down the stairs.

"Yes… uhhh… it was some guy called Voldemort with funny looking eyes, and Draco ran away and LOOK OUT FOR THE HOLE!"

Narcissa barely missed plummeting to the end of the universe as we know it and joined Web.

"So…." She looked Web up and down, "… you're into S&M?"