I don't want to live like this. I may have a mind, a heart and a body yet I have no soul. That is why I need the stone, to become complete, to become and no longer live in this monstrous, unholy form. Living like this is my sin.
I have killed for the opportunity to become human but I know what I am doing is wrong, in order to get the stone, the sacrifice of that of what I am to become is needed, the life of a human. So many lives have been taken, many stones have been created yet I'm still hollow.
The others don't truly understand why we're doing this; we're not doing this for kicks or to become normal. We're doing this….. No. I'm doing this so I can truly live, to be happy, to love. To become human. After all these years, I have watched so much happen. Families reunited with loved ones, friends becoming companioning, humans overwhelmed with so many feelings. That's what I want. To no longer stand in the shadows and watch my dreams never come true.
The world doesn't even know we exist. Maybe we don't but what ever we truly are, we are not to live like this. We aren't to live at all. We are born from failed attempts at human transmutation, where foolish humans try to resurrect loved ones but they fail to realise that nothing can bring them back, neither mind nor soul. I have been told that most of us look like our creators passed ones, the old woman's lover became Greed as the Fullmetal pipsqueaks mother became Sloth. The one they call Scar seems to know me, or more like recognise my appearance. He claims that I was his brother love, his soul mate yet I have no memory of this. If this is true, does it mean I was human or is it a simple coincidence? But what if it is true? Was his brother deeply in love with her; me, enough to try resurrect what he had lost? Does that mean I was once lost. No use looking to the past, the future is where I want to live.
Before I was born; created, there was another before me, that she too was homunculi until she died. Are we that insignificant that if one of use vanishes we are easily replaced by another? I refuse to believe this and this is why our plan must be fulfilled.
The Fullmetal is all we have now; the boy has great skill in alchemy and I have personally watched him over these past years. Each time I see him his gift has always improved amazingly, as does his brothers. Too think, those boys gave up their bodies to resurrect their mother and in the end Sloth was born. What is worth a soul? Will we even become human if we get the stone?
Humans; Fragile lives that can easily be taken away as life can be born. I don't understand how we don't have souls. We were created with all the chemicals that a human has yet no soul were as a growing baby is made up with the exact same chemicals yet they are born with one.
If I am to become a true human, will I experience new feelings? Real feelings? Will I feel the guilt of my past killings or will I be reborn and gain a new life without memory of my past just like when I was created. No matter what the outcome, I will be human and that is all that matters.
Envy has organized for the Fullmetal pipsqueak to have another attempt to create the stone, but I fear that everything may go wrong again. We always come so close to our goal, it in our fist and the chance always slips through my fingers. I can't wait any longer. If I am to die in this form, what is to happen to me? Will I be cleansed of all sins and put to rest without a soul? Will I be reborn to become another homunculi; to live I this for all eternity? Or will I return to the darkness of the gate? Can we homunculi even die or do we even live?
What is too happen, I don't know but this I do know; I will become human.
No matter what.